Into the Blackness (Blackness Series Book 4) (9 page)

“No,” I scoff at the idea. I could never be with a pussy.

“Would he be at your back in a crisis or standing in front of you, shielding you as best he could?”

“My front.”

“Would be weak and let people walk all over him?”

“No.”

“Would he speak his mind and be honest at every turn?”

“Yes.”

“Would he make decisions, difficult or not, with his family’s best interest in mind?”

“Yes.”

“Would he allow his family to act in any way that would endanger them?”

“No.”

“Would he love and cherish them even in the moments where tough decisions were made and crises were dealt with?”

“Yes.”

“Would you call this man controlling?”

“No.”

“I’m not controlling, Sunshine. I’m a man doin’ all the things I just said and more. Get that.”

“Nick—”

He cuts me off with a finger.

“Controlling men tell their women what to wear, what to eat, where to be, how to live, how to breathe, and how to serve their men. I’m not that. I will never be that. I
detest
men like that. I am a man though, Kat. I’m the head of this family and comfortable with what that role requires. You’ve spent your adult life without the ability to count on someone offering you that support. I’m here to do that so allow yourself that comfort if just for a while. You deserve that man you created. You deserve to be a mother if that’s what you want. Don’t buy into the company line that you only get to choose one spot. You’re a field agent now, but that can change to grow with your life. You’re permitted a life beyond the DCA,” he finishes softly.

“You’re a complete and total mindfuck,” I huff flopping back in my chair.

“Sorry?”

“Every time I think I’ve got you pegged you flip the script. I have no clue what to make of you. You can be a monumental ass that’s infuriating and exhausting to live with. You can also be the kindest gentlest person to share a space with. What the fuck is up with that?”

He offers me a sly smile and a wink, no response though.

“What do you want in a woman?” I turn the tables on him.

“I want a woman that can take care of herself with ease and allows me to take care of the rest. A woman that needs for nothing and wants for the things that only I can give her. A woman that’s happy in sweats and no make-up because that’s how she looks the best in my eyes. I want soft and gentle to even out my rough and harsh. I want as many kids as she’ll allow herself to give me. Proud, confident, high self-esteem, a friend, an equal and above all…mine.”

“I hope you find her someday. She’s sounds like a good woman,” I say softly.

“I already found her but it wasn’t meant to be,” he responds staring into his empty mug.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” I reach my hand out and wrap my fingers around his trying to convey I’m truly sorry because his face looks wounded at the mention.

“I never had a shot because someone like me doesn’t deserve someone like her. I’m tryin’ to shed the skin of the monster I was, but that shit’ll always follow me. She deserves a world untouched by that because she’s had her own brand of awful enough in life. She also found a man that’s capable of loving her in a way I’m not certain I possess. She’s better off without me and that fuckin’ sucks. She’s still my best friend in this world and I would do anything for her…she’d do the same for me,” he whispers looking up into my face with sad eyes that I know aren’t his natural color.

I noticed the other night that he wears colored contacts, but I haven’t mentioned it and I don’t plan to. If there’s a reason he has to hide his eyes, he can tell me when and if he’s ready. But the deep dark brown color looks horribly gloomy right now and all I want to do is make that go away for him.

“Even DCA agents are deserving of what they want in life. This smart guy I know just told me all about it,” I tease a little, hoping to lighten the mood.

The sadness vanishes from his face to be replaced by a small smirk.

“I’ve gotta head out. I’ll be home this afternoon. Have a good day tryin’ to figure out what to do with yourself.”

He stands from his chair and presses his lips to my hair before rinsing his mug and leaving the house. Home alone with money to spend and nothing to buy. This op will surely turn me into a hoarder.

I didn’t buy anything, but I did spend the day meeting shopkeepers and a few people that were kind enough to introduce themselves to me. It was a good day even if a bit lonely. I spent a week with Nick and Jake with me at all stages of my day. That was definitely a nice departure from my norm on an op and better than spending the day walking around Maybelle.

I look out the passenger side window to see Jake approaching with three boys that look like carbon copies of him save for variations in hair color following at his heels. I roll the window down to see what I’m in for.

“Hey, Aunt Kay,” Jake calls with a broad smile and a huge wave. He’s so damn cute.

“Did you have a good day?” I yell out the window forgetting that’s probably not what the other moms are doing. Oh well.

Jake arrives at the window and leans his folded arms on the edge.

“Is it okay if some guys come back to the house to shoot hoops for a while? They said they’d get rides home later.” He looks nervous, like he’ll get in trouble for asking a normal question. I swear I’m going to find out what happened to him someday and then I’m going to tell Nick and let him go all caveman alpha male and avenge Jake right along with me.

“Of course, honey,” I coo.

“All good,” he calls over his shoulder pulling the door open.

The back door opens and the first boy gets in wearing the apparent teenage boy uniform of polo shirt, khaki shorts and flip flops, topped with shaggy hair.

“Thanks, Missus Johnson. I’m Cole,” he says climbing all the way through before sitting behind me. Cole has blond hair and soft blue eyes. I’m going to have to use these small traits to keep the boys straight.

“No problem. It’s nice to meet you, Cole.”

“Hey, I’m Sawyer,” the next kid says. Sawyer has black as night hair and big brown eyes.

“It’s nice to meet you, Sawyer.”

The last boy with dirty blond hair and honey eyes climbs in and shuts the door.

“Thanks for the lift, Missus Johnson. I’m Dane.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Dane. You boys can call me Kat.”

Every time they say Mrs. Johnson, I feel old and out of the loop, even knowing they’re just being polite and well mannered. They all nod in agreement before I turn my eyes to Jake and offer him a loving smile before pulling out of my parking space.

“How was the first day?”

“Sucked balls,” Dane huffs.

“Dude!” Jake warns.

“Oh God, I’m so sorry, Missus…uh…I mean Kat. Sorry,” he stutters his cheeks flaming red as I eye him in the rearview mirror.

“It’s fine. My day kinda sucked balls too,” I say through a smile and a chuckle. Maybe I have more in common with teenagers than I thought.

The three in the back chuckle at me while Jake shakes his head, a smirk on his lips.

“Why was your day bad?”

“Will Burke,” Cole huffs.

“Who’s Will Burke?”

“It’s nothing, Aunt Kay,” Jake cuts in quickly.

Oh, now I want to know for sure.

“Jake,” I prompt.

“He’s a dick,” Sawyer says and turns bright red from his language slip.

“Who was he a dick to?” I ask, ignoring Sawyer’s embarrassment. I’m not a mother. I’m sure I should scold these boys and their language, but I don’t give a shit. Have you heard my mouth?

“Jake,” they respond in unison.

I pull up to a stop sign at this announcement and turn my gaze to Jake with a deep scowl on my face. Yeah I may not be a mother, but I’ll be damned if anyone mistreats Jake…ever.

“Aunt Kay, it’s not a big deal,” Jake says softly.

“Jake, you better start talkin’ and I mean now,” I growl.

I drive through the stop sign and wait in a silent car. Either he talks or I’ll find out on my own and he knows that’s what I’ll do.

“He’s a senior and his ex-girlfriend mentioned she thought I was hot or some shit. He didn’t like it and got in my face,” Jake mumbles.

“Got in your face how?”

Again, silence.

“Jake!” I bark.

He closes his eyes and drops his head. My blood is boiling.

“One of you tell me what happened…now,” I command.

“Will slammed him into a locker and then choked him with his forearm in his throat while he said nasty shit like he always does. He let Jake go before any teachers or staff saw anything,” Cole explains.

I grab Jake’s chin and rip it toward me at the next stop sign looking at his throat where there’s a small bruise. I’m going home and getting my gun!

“I’m okay,” he whispers squeezing my wrist trying to soothe me. “Just let it go.”

“He touches you again and I’m gonna rip his fuckin’ balls off and feed ’em to him. You think about lyin’ to me about it or not tellin’ me, you and I will have problems,” I say pointedly holding his chocolate eyes long enough for my words to soak in.

He nods and I let go of his chin, continuing the drive home in tense silence.

When we pull into the garage, the boys pile out quickly, moving into the house, no doubt in search of sustenance.

“I’ve got chicken nachos in the warming drawer and caramel pecan popcorn. You boys grab some seats at the table,” I instruct.

I wasn’t expecting a house full of teenagers so I hope this is enough food to satisfy them. They look like they could eat me out of house and home. They all bolt for the table and dig in the moment the plates hit the table. It’s like they’ve never seen food.

“Did you not eat lunch?” I ask appalled at how ravenous they seem.

“Fight happened at lunch,” Cole says through a full mouth of…too much food.

So not only did Will Burke bruise Jake he also ruined his lunch. My blood is back to boiling, but I play it off and move into the kitchen.

“I’ve got a pot roast in the oven. You’re all welcome to stay for dinner if your parents don’t mind.” I know they won’t go home hungry that way.

Dane snorts around a mouth of popcorn.

“Our parents don’t give a shit.”

“Maybe you should call or text to be sure,” I suggest not wanting to step on unknown parents’ toes day one of school.

“Our parents aren’t like you, Kat. We eat alone most nights while our parents go out or aren’t even in town. They don’t care if we aren’t home,” Sawyer explains blankly and my stomach drops.

I had a vision of wealthy attentive parents fawning over their children. Why wouldn’t you when you make enough money to not have the stressors of the typical middle class family? I’m out of my depth here and yet again getting pissed the fuck off.

“Then you boys will come here after school every day and eat a good dinner and then you can do your homework or hang out or whatever it is you boys like to do,” I command a little harsher than intended.

“Your aunt’s the shit, Jake,” Dane says through a smirk.

“I know,” Jake says tenderly, holding my gaze with an adoring look.

They go about eating while I fix a salad and wash some dishes, listening to the conversation between the boys.

“Regan’s hot, Jake,” Dane spouts when the conversation turns to the ladies.

“She comes with too much baggage,” Jake dismisses.

“It’s not her fault. Her parents and Will’s parents put them together from the time they were babies. She never had a choice. The only reason she got to break up with him was because her parents were out of town when shit went down between them. By the time they got back, Will was already bangin’ half the cheerleading team. Regan’s parents were pissed at
her
for not doin’ more to get Will back,” Sawyer huffs.

“That’s fucked up,” Jake scoffs shoving a handful of popcorn in his mouth. “Still not sure I wanna weigh into that scene.”

“She’s a nice girl. Not like most of the chicks at Maybelle. Just talk to her. You’ll see,” Cole encourages.

These boys are pretty sweet for a bunch of fifteen-year-olds.

“How’d your parents die?” Dane asks Jake in a kind manner.

“In a car accident just over a year ago. The car in front of them lost control of their car on the highway and my parents over corrected tryin’ to miss the car. They flipped into on-coming traffic. Died on impact,” Jake explains quietly sounding as sad as he should.

“Fuck, man. I’m sorry. Were you close?” Sawyer asks genuinely.

“Yeah,” Jake doesn’t elaborate.

“Must’ve been nice,” Cole says.

“What’s that?” Jake asks confused, a slight beam of irritation coming from his eyes.

“Bein’ tight with your parents. Ours could give a shit most days,” Cole huffs.

“I’m sure you’re good with that. Nice not to have ’em up in your shit all the time.”

“I used to think that. We’d take advantage and fuck around all night, skip class, party,” Sawyer whispers the last part trying to hide that piece of information from me.

“What changed?” Jake prompts.

“Just got old. Cole and I got in trouble last year for too many absences. With our parents and with the school. My dad told me I had one fuckin’ job to do and that was to go to school and follow his legacy to Yale. If I didn’t do that he’d cut me off financially. Cole got a similar threat. Fucked up thing is they do nothing to ensure we’re gettin’ good grades. They just expect that we’ll do it. We’ve been told, so we better follow through,” Dane finishes and chugs his Gatorade.