Into the Deep 01 (8 page)

Claudia led me into Milk and at first, we were really confused. The packed room was tiny and closed in with its dull lights, brick walls, and large bar area taking up most of the space. A leather bench ran the length of the opposing wall, tables and chairs pushed up against them.

“Are you sure this is the right place?” I asked, not able to see Jake or Beck or anyone recognizable.

Frowning, Claudia pulled out her cell and flicked through her messages. Her brow cleared and she grabbed my wrist, pulling me through the crowded bar with a polite
excuse-me
here and there. At the end of the room, hidden by the bar, an arched wall led into another larger room. Tables and chairs took up most of the floor and at the opposite end of the room was a small stage where Matt fiddled with a drum kit and Lowe with his guitar and amp.

The place was crowded.

“Claudia!”

We looked over at a table near the stage to see Beck standing, waving us over with a grin. Cutting through the tables, my legs started to tremble as I caught sight of Jake and Melissa sitting in the seats closest to the stage. My eyes quickly jumped from them to Rowena sitting next to Jake and Denver. There were a couple of empty seats at the end of the table and I was relieved that I’d get to sit far enough away from the happy couple to breathe.

I was surprised by the way Beck greeted Claudia. It wasn’t the kiss to her cheek—Claudia returned that comfortably and the whole thing suggested they were as platonic as they claimed. However, my eyes drifted down as Claudia stood on tiptoe so Beck didn’t have to bend so far, and I watched with confusion as Beck’s hand gripped Claudia’s hip and then caressed it as he reluctantly let her go.

Claudia didn’t seem to notice, but I knew her well enough to know that she was pretending. There was a slight flush on the crests of her cheeks. Still, Beck had said he wouldn’t sleep with her, so Claudia told me she had shoved her attraction to him to the back of her mind and was enjoying his friendship.

Only problem was I wasn’t so sure Beck wasn’t having a hard time with his decision to not sleep with her. This was only the second time I’d seen them hang out and even as he greeted me, his eyes flickered quickly back to Claudia as she greeted everyone.

“Love the shirt,” Denver commented as I took a seat next to him. Claudia sat on my left and Beck sat down next to her.

Claudia laughed because she knew all about my magic shirt. I grinned at Denver. “Thanks.”

I couldn’t help it. My gaze moved to Jake and Melissa at the end of the table. He was staring at my shirt, a little crease between his brow, and I shifted uncomfortably, my eyes moving to Melissa. Her chair was tucked into Jake’s and they sat intimately close so no one could mistake they weren’t together. Our eyes met and I gave her a small smile, one she returned a little tremulously.

She was probably wondering why Jake was glaring at my T-shirt. I could explain it to her, but that would be awkward. Jake introduced me to Pearl Jam and was delighted when I fell in love with Eddie Vedder’s voice, their sound, and their stories. The T-shirt was a reminder that, if even only in the smallest way, he’d had an effect on the person I’d become.

“She’s back and she’s wearing the T-shirt.” Lowe’s voice brought my head up as he strolled over to us. He squeezed Claudia’s shoulder as he passed. “I owe you.”

I knew what he meant and only managed to stop myself from scowling. When he drew to a halt by my chair and held his arms out to me, silently asking for a hug, his bad-boy charm worked and I felt the urge to scowl disappear. I stood up and laughed Lowe off like his flirting was no big deal. We hugged and my skin flushed for a different reason as I felt the hard muscle of his back under his light T-shirt. Grinning, I looked up into his blue eyes and decided Claudia was right: Lowe was hot and he thought I was hot. That was flattering and distracting and just what I needed.

“Denver, take a shot of me and Charley together,” Lowe nodded at his friend and pulled me into his side, his arm tight around my shoulders.

Denver frowned. “Why?”

“Because my brother gave me shit about spending money on this study abroad. I want to post this picture on his Facebook page to make a point that I made the right choice.”

“Oh, God,” I groaned. “I hope your lyrics are better than that line.”

When the group chuckled, I grinned over at them, the smile faltering on my lips when I saw Jake staring off to the other side of the room, his eyes dark. The moment between Lowe and me rewound in my head and I felt my heart stutter in realization.

It was exactly the kind of thing Jake would’ve said to me back in the day and exactly the kind of cheeky response I’d have given him.

I was about to pull away from Lowe, not wanting this distraction to turn into another Jake situation, but Denver had his camera phone out and Lowe was pulling me back into his side. His fingertips were calloused from playing the guitar and as they coasted around to cup my hip, he brushed under my T-shirt, eliciting a shiver I knew he felt and enjoyed because his grin widened. I made a face at him and he laughed so boyishly, I couldn’t help but laugh back. Later, I’d discover that was the shot Denver took, because Lowe
did
put it on Facebook and tagged it after friending me. It was a great photograph, us laughing into each other’s faces, holding onto one another like we’d known each other our whole lives. As soon as I saw it, it made me uncomfortable and flustered.

Lowe disappeared to the bar to get Claudia and me a drink. When he returned, Claud moved down a chair so Lowe could sit with me. Matt eventually came over to the table and sat down by Jake, and Beck announced that the band was supposed to be on soon.

Once conversation had started up, Lowe put his arm behind my chair and leaned into me. My gaze automatically dipped to his lip ring and a curious thought flashed in my eyes before I could stop it. I knew Lowe caught it because his teeth grazed the ring a second before he smiled.

“Was that a naughty thought, Charlotte?” he murmured, eyes twinkling.

I shook my head casually to cover my embarrassment. “Just wondering if it was painful?”

“Not as painful as the tat on my ribs.”

Knowing exactly what he wanted my response to be, my lips twitched. “I’m not asking you to take your shirt off.”

“Damn. I’ve got a live one.” He smiled and then dipped his head closer to mine. “Is it weird? Seeing Jake again?”

I arched an eyebrow at him, not particularly happy to learn they’d obviously been talking about me.

Lowe just shrugged. “We’ve been friends since freshman year. I knew something was up so he told me about you guys. It’s a shit situation.”

“It was a long time ago.”

“So you’re a free agent, then?”

I wondered for a second if there was a code amongst guy friends about pursuing ex-girlfriends. Clearly not, according to Lowe. I sighed. “I’m not his, if that’s what you mean.” Funny, but that was the first time I’d said it aloud since we broke up. I was no longer surprised by how much it hurt.

“Are you anybody’s?”

“I don’t think we’re ever anybody’s, and to believe otherwise will get you hurt.”

Lowe tipped his head in thought, his eyes strangely serious. “I think you’ll like my lyrics.”

“I can’t wait to hear you guys.”

“I warn you once you do, you’ll become a groupie.”

Laughing, I shook my head. “Sorry, I’ve never been a follower.”

“I think that’s a challenge.”

“No, it’s a fact. Take it as a challenge if you like, but you’ll find it a Sisyphean task.”

Lowe laughed so hard he drew everyone’s eyes. His were glittering. “Classics major?”

My lips twitched. “Psychology.”

That made him laugh even harder. “Really?”

“Nah. Criminal law.”

“You’re shitting me?”

“Nope.” I smiled around my beer, glad for Lowe and his distraction from Jake. My smile almost faltered when I caught Jake’s eyes, but he just gave me a tight smile and leaned his head to the side to listen to whatever Melissa was saying. Ignoring the sudden churning in my gut, I glanced over at Claudia to find her grinning happily at me, her gaze darting to Lowe pointedly. She gave me a wink, which I ignored, and laughed, turning back to Beck.

“Why are you studying law?”

“She wants to be a cop.”

This came from Jake and my head jerked to him in surprise. He was staring at me with that frown line between his eyebrows again. I hated that his answer was like a free kick to my heart. Claudia, sensing I was lost as to how to respond, answered for me. “Actually, Charley’s parents hated the idea of her being a cop so much that she compromised with a pre-law degree so she can apply to law school.”

Something sharpened in Jake’s expression as he returned his attention to me. Although I doubted anyone else understood it, I certainly did. Back when we were “us”, I’d discussed my parents’ unease at my career choice with Jake. Every time I found myself caving to them, Jake was there to bolster my resolve. In actuality I hadn’t given up on being a cop. I was compromising until I could convince my parents it was what I really wanted to do with my life. It had always been important to me to have their full support in everything I did, and I was growing more worried every day that I might not be able to persuade them to see things my way. I didn’t know how the story of my career was going to end if they didn’t jump on board soon.

To Jake it would seem like I’d given in to them completely, and that my change of heart was another thing that could be traced to his lack of presence in my life. I didn’t know how that made him feel, but I could tell it made him feel
something
.

“Claudia is pre-law too,” I turned to Lowe. That’s how we’d met.

“Why law school?” Beck asked her, grinning like he didn’t quite understand her.

“Because when I closed my eyes and ran my finger down the undergrad programs, it stopped on criminal law.”

And she wasn’t joking.

Beck almost choked on his beer, shaking his head at her like she was crazy.

This started off the rounds of “what’s your major?” I think every group of new college friends got this off their chests quickly so they never had to utter those banal words ever again. Jake, Beck, and Lowe were industrial engineering undergrads, Denver was doing applied mathematics, Rowena was studying English, and Melissa and Matt were history undergrads.

The guys were teasing Rowena about her major and she was taking it all in good spirit when a bearded guy came up to the band and told them it was time for their set.

Lowe winked at me as he got up. I wished him good luck. He nodded and walked off confidently, the short chain on his jeans swinging as he hopped onto the stage. Claudia shimmied closer to me with an excited smile as the guys readied themselves. The entire time I diligently ignored Jake and Melissa.

Almost simultaneously, Lowe and Beck lifted their guitar straps over their heads, followed by Denver who was their bassist, and Matt seated himself behind the drums. Only Denver and Lowe stood near mics, and Lowe’s was center stage.

I glanced around at the crowded bar and noted a lot of people about our age. Nearly half were girls who looked like cartoon lionesses, staring at Beck and Lowe like they were juicy, talking zebra steaks.

I smirked and turned back to them as the first guitar riff pulsed through the room. As Lowe began singing in a smooth, deep voice—so sexy, I’d happily replace my vibrator with it—I fell into the band’s sound. Lowe was right. I loved his lyrics. They were real, no fairy-tale bullshit, but they were also a contradiction, like he knew what he’d experienced but he couldn’t help still feel maybe there was the possibility of more out there. I’d always thought it was brave of musicians to put their souls on a track. That was even clearer to me now that I actually knew the band, and I had to admit, I was impressed.

A couple of songs into their set, Lowe sang about “being lost in the shallows” and as soon as the lyrics were out of his mouth, my gaze instantly flicked to Jake.

My breath got caught in a painful ball in my throat as my eyes met his.

He wasn’t watching the band. He was watching me.

I shuttered my gaze, ignoring the rushing of blood in my ears, and turned back to concentrate on the band. I couldn’t, though. Not even Lowe’s hot voice could distract me from Jake and the memory of us.

I squirmed uncomfortably for the rest of the set, almost grateful when Lowe murmured into the mic, “You’ve been listening to The Stolen. Thanks, and have a good night.” He smiled over at me as the crowd erupted into applause and whistles, and I smiled back, almost begging him with that look to come over and once again take my mind off Jake Caplin.

“So,” Mrs. Tate, our English teacher, switched off the television. “Now that you’ve all supposedly read the book and we’ve watched the film, I can ask what you think. We’ve not got a lot of time left, so just briefly. First thoughts?”

I looked around, waiting for a classmate to let their opinion be known. Most of the guys appeared to have fallen asleep watching the movie. Except Jake. I caught his eye as I turned my head to the right. He’d asked Nikki Wells to move from the seat across from me in the next aisle and of course she’d said yes, grinning up at him like he was the Second Coming.