Into the Garden (18 page)

She nodded, but offered no words of encouragement. Then she left and I turned back to my room.
What sort of rage, what sort of madness drove him to do this? I wondered.
And when would he be back?

Star let Jade and Misty in and they rushed through the house to look at the back door. Then they came pounding up the stairs to my room. I had most of it put back together and I was working on the bed.

"What went on in here?" Jade asked. "Why did he tear the room apart?"
I looked at Star and then explained about the pictures. "They're down the toilet now," I concluded.
"Good, but why would he break in?"
"He could have been watching the house and could have seen me leave with Star," I conjectured. "We shouldn't have left it all dark. When no one answered the doorbell and he saw no lights were on inside, he decided to break in, probably to get his hands on the money."
"Star says he took the safe?"
"It gone," I said. "He probably took it because he couldn't get it open."
"Either that or it walked out," Star added.
"Lucky we took the money and jewels out of it. You still have them, don't you?" Jade asked me quickly.
"Yes. I took them with me when I went to Star's house for dinner and they're still all in my purse."
Misty was the first to realize we had returned from Star's house early.
"I thought you were sleeping over. What brought you back here?" she asked.
"My mother," Star replied, and described her mother's dramatic sudden entrance and return to their lives. "I guess it's more like I'm running away than just coming back here," she told us.
"Wow," Jade said, and plopped on my yet-to-be straightened bed. "All this just when everything was going good."
"What will we do? Her father has seen everything:' Misty moaned.
"Not everything," Jade reminded her.
"How can you be sure?"
"If he knew anything, he would have called the police by now, wouldn't he?"
"But the house, what we've done," Misty said. "He could tell someone."
"He just can't go complaining about what we've done in the house. He wasn't supposed to be here and he broke in and he stole the safe," Jade said. She looked at me. "Right?"
"Yes," I said. "That was a major part of the agreement: he wasn't supposed to come here ever again."
"But he did and he might come back," Star reminded us. "Or call and ask for Geraldine," Misty suggested. "He's got to wonder what's going on:'
"So? We'll just have Cat tell him that redoing the room was Geraldine's idea, if he asks"
"Redoing it black?" Star pointed out with a skeptical grimace.
"Geraldine's weird, isn't she?" Jade said.
"Was weird," Misty corrected.
"Was. He'll believe it. He has no choice," Jade insisted.
"And if he demands to speak to her?" Star wondered.
"To do what? Confess about the break-in? Stealing her safe? No, I think he's going to keep his distance and maybe just give up," Jade said. Her voice had a ring of hope, even prayer in it.
We were all silent. I glanced at Star who sat on my desk chair and stared down at the floor now. I had been so preoccupied with my problems, I had forgotten about hers.
"What are you going to do about your mother returning?" I asked her.
"What can I do? I'll go back in the morning and see what she's up to. She's not going to want to take responsibility for her children, if she can help it. That's my bet and my hope. I would rather Rodney and I went on the road,"
"Your granny wouldn't agree to your mother moving in with her now anyway, right?" Jade asked
"What choice does she have?" Star asked with a shrug. "Rodney and me, for that matter, are still her legal children. You're always playing the lawyer, Jade. You know all about that stuff."
"Let's just wait and see," Misty offered. "Everything has a way of working out in the end."
Star shook her head and looked at her.
"You sure you haven't got a head full of bubbles instead of brains, Misty?"
"I'm just trying not to be depressed," Misty cried defensively.
"Yeah, well, that's easy for you Beverlies at the moment:'
"It is not. You don't know anything about anything:' Misty accused.
"I know you have a comfortable, warm place to sleep tonight," Star muttered, "and you can get your parents to give you practically anything. Just like Princess Jade who's getting a new car from Daddy."
"And I told you where he can put that car," Jade said. "Yeah, but you'll take it anyway," Star said dryly. Jade didn't deny it.
"You just don't know everything, Star. You just don't know all about us just because you heard stuff in the therapy session," Misty insisted, her eyes glossing over with hot tears.
"I know enough:' Star insisted.
"No, you don't!" Misty screamed. Her hands were clenched into little fists that she pounded against her thighs. "My daddy is marrying his girlfriend Ariel Air- head this Saturday and he wants me at the wedding. My mother is very upset about it and doesn't want me to go. I feel like tearing myself in half and sending one half to the wedding and another to ...to hell!"
We all just stared at her, too shocked to say anything. She wiped the tears from her cheeks with quick flicks of her hands.
"You know that this month was supposed to be their twentieth anniversary. They were going to redo their vows. We were all going to be a happy little family forever and ever. Well, Daddy's going to take vows all right, only with a new bride."
"I'm sorry," Star said softly.
"Damn, damn, damn," Jade chanted. She looked up at the ceiling. "One thing after another! When does it stop?"
"It doesn't." Star said. "Don't you get it? It doesn't stop until we turn our backs on them and walk away. ...completely."
Misty sniffled and nodded.
"Let's make some coffee and think," Jade declared. "We've got to find ways to help each other otherwise..."
"Otherwise what?" Star asked.
"Otherwise," she said looking at me, "there was no point in burying Geraldine."
With our heads bowed, we paraded silently down the stairs to the kitchen, me holding up the rear with my hobble. When I started to make the coffee, Star interceded.
"Sit down, Cat. I'll do it. The Beverlies expect to be waited on," she added. We couldn't tell if she was being serious or trying to lighten the mood.
"You know, I'm sorry your mother came bursting in on you, Star, but taking it out on us isn't going to help," Jade said.
"Yes, thank you for your advice, Doctor Marlowe," Star replied with a smile, letting us know she wasn't mad.
I looked across the table at Misty whose eyes were bloodshot. She stared at the wall as if she didn't see or hear anything. Look at us, I thought, we're crumbling. Whatever made us think we could help each other? Geraldine was right. Sick people can't help sick people.
For a while, no one spoke. The silence was heavy. Then Misty snapped out of her daze and looked at me sharply.
"When we were up in your room, I didn't notice your letters," she said. "I remember you had them on the dresser."
Star and Jade fixed their eyes on me as I thought and then shook my head.
"Me neither. He must've taken them."
"Why would he take them?" Jade asked, her mouth turned down with disgust. "How sick is he?"
"Sick enough," Star said. "I'll go hack up and look." "I'll help," Misty said, rising.
The two left and Jade fetched the coffee cups and took out the milk She tried to keep my mind off things by describing some of the new clothing her mother had bought in anticipation of her big
celebration. She was talking with nervous energy, reminding me of how she was at our group therapy sessions, especially toward the end when she described her attempted suicide with sleeping pills. Then she poured us both some coffee. We heard Misty and Star come down the stairs. One look at them told me they hadn't found the letters.
"Maybe he gets off on reading other people's private stuff," Star said.
"Maybe he didn't know all of it himself," Misty suggested. She looked to me.
"I don't know what he knew. He never mentioned anything to me."
"Well, we can't do anything about it now. Let's concentrate on what we can do," Jade said finally. She poured Star and Misty their coffee and sat.
"So? What can we do?" Misty asked.
"Move on with our plans. In the morning I'm picking up some things for our private room. If you want, I'll pick you up first," she said to Misty.
"Okay."
"We still have a lot of fixing up to do around here. I'll sleep over tomorrow night," she told me. She looked at Misty. "When did you say your father was remarrying?"
"This Saturday and it's a church wedding, too, with lots of guests!"
"We'll all go with you," Jade said.
"You will?"
"Why not? Star?"
"Fine with me, but I don't have anything fancy to wear."
"I have just the dress for you," Jade said. "I'll bring it here. Cat needs something nice, too. Tomorrow afternoon, I'll have the limousine take us to Camelot's on Sunset and we'll get her something outstanding."
"That's nice, thanks," Misty said, her face filling with her characteristic cheer and vivacity.
"I'd better do some more work on Geraldine's grave," Star said. "It's lucky he came around here at night. We might get other visitors. It still looks too much like what it is. I'll do it in the morning before I go home." She sipped some coffee. "If I don't get back here later in the day, don't wait around for me," she added.
"Is there anything we can do for you? Maybe we should all come to your house," Jade wondered.
"No, it would just make Granny nervous and all. She'd be afraid my mother would do or say something embarrassing. We'll see," she said.
The silences were long and deep between us. When we sipped our coffee, we peered over the cups at each other, all of us sensing the tension in the room. How fragile our confidence really was, I thought. For me the doubt worked like a doorway to the darkness from which Geraldine could emerge, her face twisted in a smile of derision, her eyes like two candle flames. Her hatred and anger shot up from the ends of her dead fingers, twirling and streaking through the earth and into the house to crackle and spark in the rooms and hallways and to remind me that she wasn't far away. She was never far away.
"Are you all right?" Jade asked me. "Cat?"
"What? Oh, yes," I said.
"Let's finish straightening up," she said. "What do we do about the back door?" she asked, nodding at it.
Star inspected it and then went out to the garage to get some tools. We all watched her work.
"One of Ma'ama's boyfriends once broke in our door like this," she said. She fixed the lock so it worked at least well enough to get the door closed.
"That doesn't look very secure," Jade said.
"Let's face it," Star told her, "if someone wants to get in, they'll get in no matter what."
"You don't have an alarm system?" Jade asked me. "No. Geraldine never wanted one, I guess."
"Maybe she was too mean to be afraid," Jade muttered. "Or too stupid," Star said.
Jade and Misty stayed for another hour or so, talking about our future plans, fantasizing trips and big parties, working their imaginations hard to drive back the fear and anxiety we all still felt. When they left, Star and I finished fixing up my bedroom and the bed, and then decided we would go to sleep and not even bother watching any television. The thing about emotional exhaustion is you don't realize how heavy it is until you stop moving and lower your head to the pillow, I realized. Then, you feel like you'll never get up.
"You don't think he'll come back tonight, do you, Star?" I whispered when we were both in the bed.
"Naw. He's got to be one confused man I bet his jaw just about dropped to the floor when he saw all the furniture in the hall and then looked in on Geraldine's room and saw what we did. That Jade, she's a piece of work. Who knows what she's planning to do in there tomorrow, but one thing's for sure, it won't be any new Beverly Hills fancy decor. Jade and her private places."
"We all need them," I said.
Star was quiet a moment.
"Yeah, I guess," she said. "Trouble is, someone's always busting in and ruining it"
"Maybe that won't happen this time," I said.
"Maybe," she said, but not with any confidence. "Night," I said.
"Sorry I couldn't have you over, Cat. Maybe some other time," she said.
"Sure. There'll be other times."
She didn't say yes.
The future was more of a mystery than ever, despite our optimistic dreams.
In the morning Star went out to rake the grave some more and make the area look less and less like a cemetery plot. We called her a cab and I gave her the money to go home. I gave her enough for her to also get a cab in the afternoon.
"I'll try to be back," she promised.
Now that my father had returned and done what he had done, taken what he had taken, I was more afraid of being alone than ever, but I tried not to show it. Nevertheless, I was at the front window watching and waiting for Jade and Misty most of the time. It was a partly cloudy day. Every time the sunlight tried to warm and brighten things, a cloud seemed to rush in and shut it off. The dreariness made me feel even more alone. When that big limousine finally appeared, I breathed a sigh of deep relief and quickly went to let Jade and Misty in. Their arms were filled with packages. The chauffeur followed carrying a fairly large oval mirror.
"You can leave that right here, thanks," Jade told him. He placed it just inside the door. As soon as he returned to the vehicle, Jade turned to me.
"Everything all right?" she asked me. "No more visitors?"
"No one. It's been quiet. Star said she'll try to return late this afternoon."
"Good."
Jade's chauffeur returned with a rolled up rug and left that beside the mirror.
"Let's get to work," Jade told Misty as soon as he left. They began carrying things up the stairs to our private place. I followed.
"What did you two buy?"
"You'll see," Misty said, smiling
They went down to bring up the rug and then the mirror. First, they rolled out the rug and placed it in the center of the floor. It was a tightly woven wool rug with red and black stripes. Jade placed the mirror low on the wall to the right so that when we were sitting on the rug, we could see ourselves. After that she unwrapped two pairs of brass candelabra, placing them at opposite ends of the room. Misty filled them with tall, black candles.
Jade had also bought what she called New Age meditation music CD's. They played one while they worked. There were posters and pictures of strange, ethereal scenes, some with clouds and water, some with stars and streaks of light. There was incense to burn and chimes Jade hung just over the doorway, and Misty put in the new doorknob and gave me a key.
"We'll get more decorations," Jade said after hanging the pictures on the walls. "I didn't want to take too long.
Well?" she said, gazing at everything, "what do you think so far?"
"It's different," I said, looking at the rug and the candles in the naked, black room. They had even painted the windows.
"Wait until Star sees it all," Misty said. "It gives me an eerie feeling, but I like it."