Into the Storm (52 page)

I groaned at my carelessness and pulled her close. “Rabbit, I’m so sorry. God, I’m such an asshole at times. I have no idea how you put up with me.” I sat back and lifted her chin. “I didn’t think before talking this morning.”

Her brow furrowed. I gently pressed my thumb to the ‘V’ between her eyes. “We’ve never talked about this, Rabbit. I’ve never asked you how you feel about getting married again. If that is something you want to do.”

She shrugged, her eyes still wary. “I think marriage is a wonderful thing for people who are in love.”

I smiled gently. There was no doubt we had that going for us.

I took in a deep breath. “I’ve never asked you if you want to marry me as much as I want to marry you.”

Tears filled her eyes. “You
want
to marry me?”

I smiled at her, nodding my head. “So much, Rabbit.” My hand moved to her stomach. “And if there was no BG, I’d still want to marry you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Do you really doubt that?”

I could see her struggling with her answer. I hated seeing her unsure, even though I understood where her insecurities stemmed from. “
Rabbit.
I love you. You have brought so much to my life and I don’t even want to think of trying to be without you. I want to be by your side and experience every joy this life has to offer
with
you.” I gathered her hands in mine and kissed them, holding her gaze. I also now understood why she had left the room, saying she needed some fresh air, when I had started to talk to Adam. I had planned on telling her everything once Trina left and we had relaxed for a while, but I had no idea she had been thinking anything like this. If I had, I would have addressed it sooner.

“
The things I was discussing with Adam? It was just regarding things I want setup for you; bank accounts and extra health care coverage for you and the baby. And how soon I
could
marry you after the divorce. I would never ask you to sign some sort of agreement about our child, Rabbit. I don’t want to control you. Those days are over for you. Please believe that.” My hands gripped hers tightly between us. “Life with me will be different, Rabbit. It will be good. I swear.”

I watched as a tear slid down her cheek. “Do you … do
you
want to marry
me
, Rabbit?” I asked warily.

Her eyes glimmered with tears. “Yes, I do, Joshua. So much.”

I pulled her to me and kissed her intensely. I pulled back, breathing deeply. “Let me do this right then. I love you. More than I can even express ... and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?”

“
Yes,” she whispered and leaned forward, pressing her lips to mine.

“
Together, Rabbit. We’ll make our decisions together. You are my partner. I love you,” I murmured. “We’ll figure out the future together.”

She smiled warmly. “Together.”

I hesitated. “Rabbit, I want you to do whatever makes you happy, but I really don’t want you worrying or looking for a job. You don’t have to, financially. I know it sounds old fashioned but I want to look after you. I want to look after our child. You have been through so much and I want you here, safe, with me. I like being able to take care of you.”

She regarded me for a moment. “But, if I wanted to?”

I smiled and cupped her face. “Then I would support you. But right now, is that something you want?”

“
No, not really. I like being here with you. I like helping you with your work,” she admitted softly, and then sighed. “I get so tired I’m not sure I could work right now. Although the library is looking for volunteers. Maybe I could help out there a little?”

My hand ghosted over her stomach lightly. “Perfect. I know how much you love working with books. But nothing too much, okay? I don’t want you overdoing it.”

She nodded, smiling widely.

I shook my head in wonder. It was so easy to please her. “Good. It’s settled. Just a few hours at the library and the rest here with me.” I stroked her cheek. “I like you home. I love having you help me. You have such a good eye and I work well with you. Even my editor noticed how little there was to be worked on in the last few chapters.”

“
I enjoy it as well. I just, well, I just felt I needed to contribute to things here, Joshua. That I should find a job and at least bring some sort of offering to this relationship.”

I stared at her, aghast. I gathered her hands up, clasping them to my chest. “Rabbit. Look at me.” I waited until her eyes were focused on mine. “I don’t ever want to hear you say that again. You
contribute
more than I can possibly express. You have given me my life back. You are carrying my
child;
something I didn’t think was possible. You have enveloped my entire life with love and hope.” I shook my head. “I don’t care if you ever hand me a pay stub at the end of the week, because what you
contribute
to us is invaluable. It is worth more than money.” I pressed on her hands. “Tell me you understand that. Please.”

I watched as her eyes softened and she nodded. “Thank you,” she whispered.

I shook my head and leaned forward, resting my forehead against hers. “No. Thank you. For being you. For loving me. For agreeing to marry me.” Once again, my hand strayed to her stomach. “For our child.” I captured her lips softly. “I love you, Rabbit.”

Her arms wrapped around my neck. “I love you, Joshua. So much.”

I pulled her close and kissed her, and her response had my body humming with desire. I needed to be closer to her. I needed her.

Tenderly, I ran my hands over her curves, loving the shiver I felt run through her. I pulled her closer, running my lips up her neck to her ear. “I’m
aching
again, Rabbit. Do you think you can help me with that?” I whispered as I arched up into her warmth. Her answering whimper made me smile. I looked into her eyes. “I want you, pretty girl. But not in the tub. I’m taking you upstairs with me and I’m going to love you. Until you cry out my name and feel how much love I have for you.”

“
Yes, show me. Please, Joshua,” she whispered. “
Now,
please.”

I pulled her close. I needed to take her upstairs.

“
Arms, Rabbit.”

The day of our next appointment, we left early for the hospital. Each step was slow and, at times, painful, but together we did it. I had to pull over a few times to catch my breath, but throughout the entire trip, Rabbit held my hand firmly over her stomach, and encouraged me. She talked about the baby, what she had planned for the nursery, and all the things we were going to do as a family, sometimes even getting me to laugh at her outlandish ideas. By the time we arrived at the hospital, I was relaxed enough for the next step: entering the building. I was grateful to see Trina at the entrance and it made it easier to leave the truck and take Rabbit into her appointment. I was excited to see the ultrasound of BG myself this time. From what I read in the books I had had purchased, we might be able to hear the heartbeat. Concentrating on the goal at hand helped me make it through the busy hallways to the maternity wing, which was quieter and had less people around.

While we were in the waiting room, Daniel came by to say hello and see how Rabbit was doing. He seemed pleased at her appearance and told us he would be in his office if we wanted to drop by afterward with the latest pictures.

Inside the room, I waited in the office until Rabbit was examined and it was time for the ultrasound. I stood beside her, feeling excited, and watched the screen as the wand slowly rolled over her stomach. The sound of blood flow was coming from the monitor, but so far, I couldn’t hear a heartbeat. Our baby doctor, Dr. Sue, as she insisted on being called, was doing the ultrasound herself. She was a warm, pleasant person who seemed to connect well with Lizzy and had answered my entire list of questions patiently. She reached up and tapped the monitor.

“
There’s your little one,” she said, smiling. I looked at the small odd-shaped blip on the screen, smiling along with her. But then I saw her pause and frown briefly before pulling the wand back and forth over Rabbit’s stomach. I heard her mutter ‘oh my’ quietly and look at Rabbit, who was staring at the screen, her eyes wide. I looked at the monitor again, not sure what I was seeing. “Is something wrong?” I asked tensely, my hand automatically reaching for Rabbit’s.

“
No, Joshua. Everything looks fine,” Dr. Sue assured me with a smile.

Something was off. I could tell by her voice and the way Rabbit was reacting. I began to panic. “What? What is it?”

It was as if I hadn’t spoken. Like I wasn’t even in the room. Dr. Sue looked at Rabbit. Rabbit’s voice was full of tears when she spoke. “Really?” Dr. Sue smiled and nodded at her, and then put a finger to her lips. “Listen,” she said.

A different noise filled the room and I realized I could hear the soft thump of my child’s heartbeat. I listened to the strange rhythm. Should it be beating so quickly? I knew the heartbeat would be fast, I'd read about that, but was it supposed to be
this
fast? There was barely a break between beats.

“
Why does it sound so fast?” I asked loudly, now in a full blown panic. Something was wrong that I wasn’t seeing and nobody was telling me anything. “What’s happening?”

Rabbit squeezed my hand and pointed to the screen. “Nothing’s wrong. Look, Joshua. Look closely.”

I stared at the screen through the tears that had sprung up in my eyes. I couldn’t see anything that made any sense. Intently, I listened to the heartbeat that seemed to fill the room. My head snapped up and I met Rabbit’s eyes. There was more than one. What I thought was a rapid sound was two separate beats.

My eyes widened. I stepped forward, closer to the monitor, and traced the blip. There were
two
tiny blips, moulded closely together. Turning back to Rabbit, I saw she was crying too. Dr. Sue stood up as I wordlessly stared at Rabbit. The room seemed to start pulsating around me and I struggled to focus on Rabbit’s face. I could feel my body beginning to sway and I felt very strange, as if I was losing control of my limbs. I heard Dr. Sue talking, but her voice seemed distant and fuzzy.

“
Congratulations. It’s twins.” Her voice became louder and I heard her say my name, but I wasn’t able to respond.

Those were the last words I heard before everything went dark.