Authors: Melanie Moreland
“
I did. I am hoping Elizabeth won’t press charges. I’m leaving the country. I wanted to apologize to her before I do.”
I stared at him. “Fucking what? Pardon me?”
“
Elizabeth. Please. Let me say what I need to say. And I’ll leave. I’ll never come near you again.” He held up an envelope in his hand. “I have my copies of the divorce papers here. I signed them this morning. You’re free of me.”
“
Thanks for the news-flash,” I spat out. “Now leave.”
“
Why, Brian? Why did you do what you did?” Rabbit surprised me by stepping out from behind me and I wrapped my arm around her, pulling her close.
Brian shook his head. “I can’t possibly explain it well enough in a short time.”
“
Try,” she insisted.
I started to dial 9-1-1, but Rabbit lifted her hand towards me. “Stop, Joshua. I have a few things I want to say.”
“
Rabbit,” I warned, surprised.
“
I’m fine, Joshua. You’re right here. I’m safe.
Please.
”
Reluctantly, I put the cell phone down. If Rabbit wanted to talk, I would let her. I knew she still wanted answers that I couldn’t give her. But I kept the phone in my hand, ready to start dialing.
“
You didn’t love me.”
“
No,” he said honestly. “I didn’t.”
“
Why did you marry me?”
“
I needed to get married. You were a good candidate. You seemed … controllable. And yet you had this ... warmth about you. People looked at me differently when you were beside me. It was a good image for me.” He drew in a deep breath. “I married you because I wanted my father off my back. He kept threatening to take the company away unless I settled down.”
For a minute, there was silence. Rabbit waited.
“
I wasn’t happy, Elizabeth. I was miserable. I was caught in between a rock and a hard place. And I took it out on you. It wasn’t my intention to do so … it just happened. I was just so angry all the time. And it escalated. Every time my father criticised me, I berated you. He belittled me, I belittled you. Every time he told me how far from perfect I was and reminded me what an utter failure I was as his son … I hurt you. You never did anything but try and please me. I know that.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I know none of this means much to you. I imagine my apology is meaningless, given what I put you through. But I wanted you to try and understand my side of things, even if it doesn’t excuse what I did.”
Beside me, Rabbit was still.
I rolled my eyes. “That was the worst excuse for an apology I’ve ever heard. You said your piece, James. Now keep your promise and leave,” I demanded.
He turned to the car. But Rabbit spoke up again, her voice firm. “No. Why, Brian. I want to know. What happened that day? What did I do that day that was so unforgiveable you had to hurt me like that?”
Brian turned back and stared at her. We all knew what day she was referring to.
His hands were clasping and unclasping at his sides. He shifted his weight from foot to foot. My eyes widened in instant understanding when I saw the man beside him slip his hand into Brian’s and squeeze it. “Tell her. She deserves to know the truth.”
“
My father had been at me for weeks. He wanted a grandchild. He was threatening to sell the company if I didn’t get you pregnant. I never let him know we weren’t … intimate. I had managed to keep that hidden as well. He honestly thought I was trying; that we were trying. He was pushing me to get tested for infertility, to have you tested. I knew it was just a matter of time before he found out that we didn’t even share a room. That
everything
I had been struggling to keep hidden would come out. But I couldn’t, Elizabeth. I couldn’t touch you. I was … in love with someone else.”
“
Randy,” Rabbit said, sounding surprised. “You’re gay,” she gasped, in sudden understanding.
Brian nodded and sighed deeply. “That morning, Randy and I had a huge argument.” He looked over at the man beside him and grimaced. “He was tired of living in secrecy. Of my father threatening me all the time. Of only being a small part of my life. He said I had to choose between him and the company. I was deranged with anger and bitterness. I was frustrated and beyond caring about anything anymore. I was so tired of living a lie, of pretending to be something, someone, I was not. If Randy was gone, nothing much really mattered. Then I saw you. So pretty and so highly thought of by so many people. Adored by all the kids in the room. All the parents beaming at you. The perfect spouse. My father stood there,” he snorted, “my
father,
who never had anything good to say about you, or anyone else for that matter, looked at me and told me you were a better representative of the James family than I ever would be.” His eyes looked straight at Rabbit. “I snapped.”
I watched Rabbit’s posture change. She stiffened and her shoulders drew back. When she spoke, her voice was almost strangled.
“
You were
angry
because I was doing
exactly
what you wanted. What you
demanded
of me all the time.”
He shrugged self-consciously. “I don’t imagine that makes much sense to you.”
“
Because
you
were tired of hiding.”
He nodded.
“
You
were tired of being something you weren’t.”
“
Yes. It was so hard, Elizabeth. You have no idea.”
She stared at him. Her voice shook with anger when she spoke. “
No idea
? Didn’t you realize, Brian, that I was hiding? That I was being forced to be something I wasn’t? That I was alone and confused? I didn’t have the
luxury
of knowing why. I didn’t have
someone
to turn to. You made me a prisoner and then punished me for being exactly what you wanted me to be. You took away my worth. You made me doubt myself. You
hurt
me time and time again. Did you ever think of any of that?”
He regarded her in shock. “No.”
She looked at Randy. “Did you know what he did to me?”
Randy shifted uncomfortably. “Not to the extent of what I know now. I knew he was … strict with you.”
“
Strict
?” Rabbit hissed. “He beat me, repeatedly; he isolated me and broke me.” She shook her head. “You’re no better than he is. The two of you deserve each other.”
She stepped back into my embrace. I wrapped my arm around her, holding her shaking form.
Rabbit’s head tilted as she regarded him. Her head nodded slowly as a thought occurred to her. “Your father is dead. You don’t have to hide anymore. Why are you leaving?”
“
I sold the company. We’re going to do some traveling and then we are moving somewhere new so we can start fresh.”
Rabbit pushed my arm away and took another step forward, her stance now obviously livid. I laid my hands on her shoulders, offering silent support. Bear moved and stood beside her, his growls getting louder. “You
sold
the company? The same company you were so desperate to keep that you abused me again and again for months because you were pretending to be something you weren’t?” Her voice was loud and heated now.
He nodded. “I finally realized it didn’t make me happy. Randy did. I want to be happy. My father and I argued the night he died, Elizabeth. I told him the truth. He was so livid he threw me out of his house and I never got a chance to talk to him again. It made me realize how short life is. And that I needed to start living it. Not hiding from it.”
Randy suddenly spoke up. “Brian is a good man, Elizabeth. He’s trying to move forward …”
Rabbit held up her hand, her voice tight with disbelief. “Brian is a good man? A
good
man, Randy?” She laughed bitterly. Her hand came up and squeezed mine. “Last night I knocked over my coffee and
this
man teased me about being a klutz, wiped up the mess, brought me another coffee and kissed me.” Her hand moved and pointed in Brian’s direction. “One evening at a dinner, I knocked over a glass of water and that
good
man dislocated my shoulder pulling me up the stairs when we got home.” She stepped forward, her body visibly trembling. “Last week, I wore a shirt that was so bright it made your eyes hurt and Joshua told me I was beautiful.” Her voice dropped. “One day, I wore a blouse that was not to his liking and that
good
man of yours beat me so badly I thought I was going to die. Do you want me to continue?”
Randy’s voice was shaking as he tried to defend Brian. “He regrets his actions. He does. He’s done so well with his counseling…” his voice trailed off as I snorted.
“
His counseling?” I laughed. “He’s barely even scratched the surface regarding the amount of counseling he needs. Any doctor with any sense would …” I stopped short.
Doctor.
My eyes narrowed. “You son of a bitch. You’re not leaving the country for a fresh start. You’re running. You know that doctor you had hiding all Lizzy’s injuries is being indicted. You’re leaving before your name gets brought up. You
fucking
coward.”
Brian averted his eyes, but didn’t say anything.
Rabbit looked at me then stared at him for a minute. “Why did you look for me when I left?”
“
My father made me. He said we had to find you. To protect our name. The reputation he had built up. He made up the cover story and bought people off. He said …”
Rabbit shook her head as she held up her hand. “I don’t understand. What if I hadn’t lost my memory? What then?”
He shrugged. “He had a plan for that as well. He had all your records altered to show a trail of mental instability. It was his idea to drug you and keep your head fuzzy so you would act strangely and make people think it was true. He thought …”
Rabbit suddenly snapped. “I’m tired of hearing about what your father thought. You’re a grown man, Brian. You just don’t act like it.” She shook her head, sighing wearily. “In fact, I don’t want to know anymore. I was nothing to you. You hurt me because I was nothing to you but a means to an end. You had no problem destroying me or my life as long as
you
were protected. No problem drugging me to make you look like the better man for putting up with a slightly crazy wife. Because it was always about the image for you. Wasn’t it?”
Brian remained quiet although he was shifting uncomfortably under Rabbit’s anger.
“
Wasn’t it
?” she demanded.
He looked up. “Yes.”
“
You want my forgiveness so you can go and be happy, is that it? You can move on?”
Brian nodded. “I did everything you asked. You have your divorce. I even donated more money than you asked. I’ve gone for counseling. I’m trying, Elizabeth.”
Rabbit’s head bowed for a minute. I began to move forward. I was done with this farce. She’d listened to enough of his bullshit excuse for an apology. But then she spoke. “Do you remember, Brian, that day when I told you I wasn’t happy and that I thought we should get a divorce? If you had just been honest with me and told me what was happening, I think … no, I
know
I would have helped you.” Rabbit sighed, sounding frustrated, before continuing.