Intoxicated (32 page)

“Right.” She breathed a deep sigh – of relief or sadness – he couldn’t tell which. Her hand drifted to the door handle and his heart skipped a beat. “Well…thanks again. I really appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome,” he said and gave her a wink.
 

She opened the door. Cool, damp air swept into the cab and swirled around him. The door slammed shut behind her and he was left alone…again.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

A week went by and then two without any word from Ally. It took every ounce of self-control Jack possessed to keep from stalking her like a desperate loser. He went through the days like a sleepwalker, going through the motions of life without really seeing or hearing anyone. It would have been easy to fall into his old self-destructive habits, drinking and sleeping with random women to chase away the pain, but something inside him had changed. He wanted more. He needed more. Nothing would quench his pain but Ally.

To keep himself busy, he cleaned out the loft apartment on the fourth floor of the Jameson’s building and moved in. David had lived there years ago but had eventually moved on to greener pastures and turned the apartment into storage. It was an interesting space filled with exposed brick and piping, floor-to-ceiling windows that looked out over the city, and weathered hardwood floors. With a few minor renovations and a liberal application of elbow grease, the place became habitable. As he worked, he couldn’t help but wonder what Ally would think of his efforts. Would she like curtains or blinds on the windows? Where would she place the sofa? Where would she put the baby’s crib?

Strange that he always pictured the baby in Ally’s arms and not Chelsea’s. Chelsea didn’t have a maternal bone in her body. Ally claimed that she didn’t like or want children, but he’d felt the softness in her touch and knew otherwise.
 

A rap at the front door tore him from the work of replacing a thermostat, a knocking so soft that he thought he had imagined it at first. Another knock, louder and more insistent, made him put down his screwdriver and wipe his dirty hands on his jeans. It was probably Randy; he’d offered to help change out light fixtures in all the rooms, having some electrical wiring experience from a brief stint as a construction worker, and being a victim of his own brand of heartache since Tasha had quit. Jack knew that Randy had had feelings for the girl, even though he’d tried to play the tough guy.

When Jack pulled open the door, he found Ally standing in the hallway with a furrow between her brows and her lower lip tucked tight between her teeth. The unexpected sight of her nearly tore the breath from his lungs. He blinked twice to make sure he hadn’t imagined her, but she was still there.

“Hey,” she said, in a soft voice. The furrow between her brows lessened. A shy smile curved her lips and the green gaze warmed his skin like a ray of sunshine.

“Hey yourself,” he replied and stood there like an idiot with his palms sweating and his heart thudding against his chest.

“Can I come in for a minute?” She waited for him to take a step back then followed him into the apartment. “I ran into Randy at the convenience store and he said I could find you up here.” She stopped just inside the door and swept a curious gaze over the stacks of boxes and hodgepodge of furniture. “Wow. This is going to look great.”

Her praise felt good, even better than he’d imagined. “Thanks. I’ve been working on it pretty much nonstop for the last few weeks. It still needs a lot of work.”
 

“I’m impressed, Jack. It’ll be a good place for the baby.” As her gaze circled around the apartment, it clouded and became impersonal again, like the eyes of a stranger. He hated that look. It was his fault that it was there; he’d stolen something precious from her – from the both of them. Her trust.

“Thanks,” he said again for lack of anything better. “Have a seat.” He whipped the sheet off of the sofa and nodded toward it in invitation. “You want something to drink? All I’ve got is water but I can have someone bring up a beer or something from the pub.”

“No, thanks. I’m good.” She didn’t sit down but stood in the middle of the room, shifting from one foot to the other with her hands jammed into the pockets of her suede jacket. She looked damn good in faded jeans, knee-high brown boots and a white sweater. Clean and wholesome, like a picture out of a
Towne and Country
magazine. “I just came by to say hi and see how you’re doing. I hate the way we left things…I hate it. I didn’t know I’d miss you so much.”

“I know,” he said softly. It was difficult to choke the words past the lump in his throat. “I miss you, too, Ally.”

Suddenly he was hit with the realization that at any minute, she would leave again and he would have to endure the heart-rending pain of separation once more. Fear sliced through him and brought a cold sweat to his brow. Maybe this was the last time he would ever see her.
 

It took every ounce of self-control Ally possessed to keep from launching into Jack’s arms. She had promised herself that she would be calm and impersonal, that she only wanted to say goodbye before she left for Philadelphia. All of those intentions went out the window when Jack opened the door wearing a sweat-stained gray t-shirt that molded over his tight six-pack and her gaze met his dark brown eyes. He looked older and tired, as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders and couldn’t shake it. She wanted to smooth back his hair and kiss away the deep lines on his forehead.

“You cut your hair,” she said to break the awkward silence.
 

“I did. What do you think?” He ran his fingers through the short wavy locks and across his clean-shaven cheeks. “I needed an image upgrade.”

“I liked it before but I like this too.” His dark shoulder-length hair had been one of her favorite things about him, but this new tousled short style showed the angles and planes of his handsome face, accentuated the curve of his full lips. “It’s sexy.”

“Not exactly the image I was going for, but I’ll take it,” he said with the lazy smile that was more like the old Jack. The sight of that familiar grin caused her heart to drum against the walls of her chest and she felt suddenly dizzy. “Are you okay? You’re looking a little pale.”

“I’m good. Just a little tired, I guess.” She waved a hand to keep him away. If he got too close, she might give into temptation and seek refuge in his lips.
 

“Hey, I’m glad you stopped by. I’ve got something for you.” He rummaged through a pile of papers on the kitchen table and came up with a rumpled piece of paper covered with Jack’s loose, slanted scrawl.
 

“What’s this?” She took the paper and squinted at it.

“It’s your brother’s address and phone number,” Jack said. “I had a friend of a friend who knew someone that heard of your brother. Perks of being a bartender.” The dimples around his mouth winked as he grinned. “I don’t know if you want to contact him, but at least you know where he is.”

She sank onto the sofa before her knees could give way and rested her head in her hands. He had gone to a lot of trouble for her. The gesture brought a sting of tears to her eyes. “I can’t believe you did this.”

He shrugged. “Are you sure you’re okay? I can get you a glass of water.”

“I’m not thirsty,” she snapped and was immediately ashamed of her tone. 
“Sorry. Bartender,” he replied in explanation. “It’s in my blood.”

“I didn’t mean to be short. I’ve been up all night. I had a job interview in Philadelphia yesterday and I just flew back in this morning. That’s why I came by. To see if you’re okay and tell you that I got the job. To tell you that I’m moving there tomorrow.”

“Philadelphia?” Jack’s voice cracked. “You’re moving to frigging Philadelphia?
Tomorrow?
” He found her hands and gripped them tight. When he said it like that, it sounded like a world away.

“Yes.” She tried to pull her hands away but he kept them in his grip. “It’s not a great job, but it’s a good starter position. I can’t find anything here and the lease on the house is up next week.”

“You’re leaving and you weren’t going to tell me?” Anger and hurt tinged his words.

“I’m telling you now.” She snatched her hands back. For once in her life, she didn’t try to hide her emotions. Anger and helplessness and betrayal bubbled up like lava from a volcano. “It’s not like I owe you an explanation. You’re married. You’re having a baby with someone else. We’re over!”

“I’m not married. The divorce was final yesterday. And if we’re over, it’s because you want it that way. Not me. It’ll never be over for me. I love you, Ally. I’m fucking miserable without you.” He took her hands again and lifted them both to his lips. “There will never be anyone else for me. It’ll always be you.”

He loved her. The words hit her ears like the sweetest notes of music she’d ever heard. She searched his eyes. One look at the sincerity of those dark chocolate depths flecked with gold and black and she knew she still loved him, that she had never stopped loving him.
 

“It’s not like it will be forever. Chelsea will have the baby – which may or may not be mine – and life will go on. And I want it to go on with
you
in it.”

“It
is
forever, Jack. That’s the thing about kids. They don’t go away. You and Chelsea will be tied together forever with this child.” A sudden weakness turned her knees to noodles and she slumped into the chair. “We’ve already been over this. Please don’t make me do it again.”

“I get it, Ally. I know this is hard for you. It’s hard for me too, but I never once thought that you’d leave. I thought we’d be able to work things out. Now I have this terrible feeling that if you walk out that door, I’ll never see you again.”

Silence blanketed the room. Ally stared down at her hands clasped in her lap, and bit down hard on her lower lip to hold back the desperate emotions that struggled inside her. She wanted to throw her arms around him, to slap him for hurting her, and to beg him to go to Philadelphia with her.
 

“I can’t do this without you, Ally,” he said, shifting from the sofa to kneel on the floor in front of her. He took both of her hands in his and looked into her eyes with haunting desperation. “I need to know that you’ll stay with me through all of this. You can move in here with me and work in the office. I’ll talk to David and see if we can put you on salary. Fight for us, Ally.” He turned his head and brushed his cheek across her knuckles. “Don’t make me beg you because I will.”
 

They sat like that for a long time. How she loved his face. If life and time allowed, she could stare into the depths of those chocolate brown eyes forever. The rough calluses of his palms pressed against the smoothness of hers. Their hands gripped so tightly together that she could no longer distinguish her pulse from his. A thousand words were spoken in that moment, yet neither one of them made a sound.
 

After a while, he laid his head in her lap. She stroked her fingers through his damp hair, feeling the smooth solid curve of his skull beneath the silky strands.
 

“Everything is such a mess,” she murmured.
 

“Not when I’m with you,” he replied.

Tears stung her eyes as she shook her head. Things had progressed too far to stop now. She had accepted the job in Philadelphia and her future was there, not with Jack and his pregnant ex-wife. “I’m sorry, Jack. I just can’t.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Ally hunched her shoulders against the cool fall air as she walked to her car. Dry leaves skittered down the sidewalk and swirled around her feet. The tall buildings of downtown stood out in stark relief against a colorless gray sky. It was going to rain soon from the look of those roiling gray clouds.

When she reached her car, she stood next to it with keys in hand knowing that once she pulled away from the curb, the chapter of her life that contained Jack Jameson would be finished. She clutched the keys tighter until her knuckles turned white. Was that really what she wanted? To walk away from the only man she ever truly loved?

She did love Jack. More than ever. She loved his willingness to support a child that might not be his. She loved his dimples and his laughter and the wicked way his eyes sparkled when she touched his bare skin. She’d never been one to gamble, always choosing the safe options when given a choice. Jack was impulsive and dangerous, a combination that she’d always avoided, and two things that drew her to him.

If she went to Philadelphia, it would be over forever. He was right about that. She passed a shaking hand over her eyes and suddenly it all became clear. She loved him. He loved her. It was as simple as that. She didn’t need anything else. If the love was there, the rest would come.
 

Before she knew it, she was walking back to Jameson’s, running up the stairs and down the hallway, her feet barely skimming over the floor. She needed him. She couldn’t bear the thought of even one more minute without him. Forget Chelsea. Forget the baby. Nothing mattered but Jack.

They collided in the hallway. One minute she was running and the next minute her nose was crushed against his chest as he hugged her to keep them both from falling. His breath went out of his lungs with a
whoosh
as she squeezed him tight.
 

“What the fuck?” He took a step back to get a closer look at whatever had barreled into him. “Ally?”