She reached out to him.
He turned away. “You disgust me. Hanging is too good for you.”
“Then do it for your precious Madeline,” she spat at him, her hand pulling him back to face her. “If I’m put on trial, I shall give explicit details of exactly how Samuel raped and sodomized your wife. How she screamed and screamed until she could scream no more. Society will lap up each gory detail. She’ll never be able to show her face again.”
Richard thought he had understood pain, but the knife-like wounds her words inflicted within his heart would never mend. His sweet Madeline had been sent to hell and he’d held open the door. He couldn’t bear to see her humiliated again in a courtroom with the lascivious
ton
lapping up every terrible indignity perpetuated against his beautiful Maddy.
“You are such a bitch.” He stood with his head in hands thinking.
“We all pay a price for love. I guess I’ve found yours. You’ll do anything for your wife. Even if it means letting me go.”
“I can’t believe I’m agreeing to this but you’ve left me no choice.” He grabbed her arm. “Come, I have a ship in Portsmouth about to sail to Boston. Is your carriage here?”
“Yes, I came prepared. I have most of my belongings. I plan for all eventualities.” Richard all but dragged her back toward Rufus and the rest of the men.
“Bring Lady Sarah’s carriage round, I’m taking her to Portsmouth.”
Rufus’s mouth dropped open. “What the hell is going on? She killed Wrentham, would have killed Madeline…”
He gave Rufus a pitying look. “Trust me, you don’t want to know. I have agreed that Sarah may travel to the Americas on the condition that if she ever sets foot on English soil again, I’ll kill her myself.”
Rufus strode up and down cursing into the breeze.
“Can you see to Madeline while I’m gone? I want to ensure Sarah gets on the bloody ship. I’m not taking any chances. I’ll take four of Daniel’s men with me. “
Rufus ran a hand through his hair. “You can’t leave. What will I tell Madeline when she ask where you are?”
Richard could barely speak and when he did his words came out with a rasp. “Tell her I love her and I’m sorry.” He brushed the tears from his eyes. “I’ll see you in two days.”
Rufus stood watching Richard depart in disbelief at what had just happened.
Dearest Maddy,
I shall certainly be at the ball, and I shall insist on the first waltz. I’m not sure I trust the intentions of all the young bucks that will likely swarm round you. You’ve grown into a beautiful young lady. I wouldn’t miss seeing the ton bow before you, for all the world.
I also look forward to introducing you to Sarah, I’m sure you will be firm friends. She’s a lot like you—intelligent, gentle, and kind. However, her father is applying pressure on her to marry Lord Wrentham. We both know marrying a Chesterton would be hellish.
Wish us luck. See you soon.
Yours truly,
Richard
The smell. Maddy could still smell the sickly sweet scent of the opium. She could feel Samuel’s hands invading her body, and smell his perverted stench in her nostrils.
She bolted upright in the darkness waking from her nightmare screaming, her body coated in sweat, the space in the bed beside her empty.
Where was Richard? Her chest was tight and she looked frantically round the room. She brushed her damp hair off her face; that’s right, he was escorting
that
woman who had almost seen her killed to freedom. Traitor…
The door to her room softly opened. “Maddy, it’s me Meg. Are you all right?”
No, she wanted to scream. I’m not all right. I’ve been abducted, stripped, almost raped, and my husband has let Sarah just sail away. Betrayal blanketed her to the point she could barely breathe. Once again, she had come second.
Meg lit a candle and came to sit on the bed. “Would you like me to stay with you until morning?”
“Thank you, Meg. I’m fine—really. I just…thank you for taking care of me.”
When Daniel had arrived at his house with Maddy still shaken from her ordeal, Meg had drawn a hot bath for her and helped her bathe the opium off her skin. She’d also made her drink many cups of tea as she was parched from the laudanum that had been forced down her throat.
Then she’d found Maddy a nightgown, one of Rheda’s since she was in Rheda’s old room, and Meg had then stayed with her until she’d fallen asleep. Now here she was, comforting Maddy in the early hours of the morning when it should have been Richard.
Meg hugged her. “Richard will be back in the morning. Use this time to get some sleep before your husband starts fussing over you. I doubt you’ll get a minute to yourself when he returns. He’s unlikely to let you out of his sight ever again. I’ve never seen a man in so much pain when he couldn’t get to you.”
“That’s why I can’t understand why he has agreed to let Sarah go, after everything she’s done to us—to me!”
She took a deep breath and tried to get her anger under control. She’d learned her lesson. This time she would wait to hear Richard’s side of the story before jumping to the wrong conclusion.
There had to be a good reason; she just couldn’t think what it could be.
Meg made her another cup of tea and they sat chatting, Meg was trying to take her mind off her nightmare. They talked about Meg’s forthcoming wedding until Maddy could barely keep her eyes open.
Dawn was starting to peek over the horizon when she heard Meg slip out of the room and she fell back into a fitful sleep.
Richard entered Maddy’s room and only then did the tension drain from his body. She was here, safe, his to love for the rest of his life.
He moved silently to stand at the side of the bed, content just to watch her sleep. The effects of her ordeal where etched on her beautiful face. Even now he could see the dark circles under her eyes, her lips were still dry and cracked, and he clenched his fists and willed the anger to leave him, as he saw the scraped and damaged skin round the one wrist above the blanket.
He wasn’t fooled; the anger was helping to cloak the stark fear and knowledge he had almost lost her before he’d had a chance to pull her into his arms and profess his love for her.
Now he had to face her and beg her forgiveness for the terrible ordeal she’d endured. What she must have gone through, to be—raped—by such a monster in that way. Tears fell freely.
He’d talked with Anthony upon his return from Portsmouth half an hour ago. He’d sought out his twin, desperately needing advice on how to help his wife. Melissa had been assaulted when Rothsay had abducted her over eighteen months ago. Anthony tried to appease Richard’s fears, telling him it would take time, and mentioning that some women took months to recover. Some did not like to be touched, some had nightmares, some needed to talk about it, while others bore their ordeal in silence. He warned Richard it might take a while before Maddy would be able to share herself with him, and that he should be patient.
He didn’t care how long it took before Maddy would let him back into her bed; he’d wait for Maddy forever.
He lay down beside her, not wishing to wake her. She needed sleep to heal, but he wanted to be here when she woke up.
He tried to sleep yet the exhaustion draining his body wasn’t enough to induce it. Richard found himself staring at the light dancing patterns on the ceiling. He shut his eyes to cover the surge of emotion clawing inside him. He had never felt so worthless, nor so unworthy. Because of his cowardice and his foolish pride, Maddy had paid a terrible price.
Now she knew the type of man he really was, he’d likely lose her forever and it was just as he had come to realize she meant everything to him. She was his light, his love, and his soul mate.
He inhaled slowly drawing air into his tight, aching chest. He would give everything he owned, even his life, to have undone the horror of the last few days He hoped God would forgive him because he knew he never could forgive himself.
Maddy slowly awoke, her body still stiff and sore. She turned her head at a noise, her heart beating faster. However, it skipped with happiness when she saw Richard, still fully dressed, lying on his back, beside her, softly snoring. He looked tired. He would be exhausted after traveling to Portsmouth and back in less than two days.
She quietly left the bed, needing the necessary. When she came out from behind the screen, she was half way back to the bed before she realized Richard was awake and staring at her, his face drawn and pale.
She didn’t know where to look. She felt as nervous as she had on their wedding night. Here she was, his wife, the woman who had calmly ridden off with another man…
“I’m so very sorry,” her voice choked on the words and her eyes filled with tears. “I only went home with Christopher, I mean Samuel, because I needed time to think about you and the fact that Sarah was carrying your child. I knew what that would mean for you. To not be able to claim your child…”
Richard was off the bed before her words were finished and he tenderly wrapped his arms around her. “Shush. Only one of us carries the guilt and blame for your ordeal, and it is I. If only I’d had the courage to tell you about the babe, but I was a coward. I’ve been a coward about a lot of things, but most of all about our marriage.”
Maddy could feel his heart pounding beneath her ear. His pain tore at her heart. “I know you don’t love Sarah.”
“I don’t think I ever did, but I was petrified of loving
you,
to the point that I tried to convince myself you’d be better off if I never declared what was in my heart.”
Maddy started. She leaned back to study his handsome face and saw the vulnerability in Richard’s eyes, and his fear. “We’ve always been able to tell each other everything but the most important thing of all, you couldn’t seem to tell me. Why? Were you afraid I wouldn’t love you in return? If so, you would have been wrong. I have loved you, not with a childish infatuation, but a real, abiding love, since the night of our wedding.”
The stormy hue in his eyes softened. “I realized when Sarah married Charles that I was relieved, and it made me ashamed. I have said the words ‘I love you’ to many women, and at the time I thought I meant it, but…”
Maddy began to understand what Richard was so afraid of. A hot-cold flush spread over her heart in response. “ Are you still afraid to say it to me? I can wait.”
He shook his head and licked his lips. “I’d die before I hurt you, and I knew it would hurt you to have my love and then lose it.”
“I know I can’t force you to love me. Love has to be freely given. I’m a patient woman.”
He pulled her close, leaning his chin on her head, avoiding her eyes. “I thought you’d be disappointed in me. You’re husband has a fickle heart. I was scared because you’d put me up on this pedestal. I know you hero-worshipped me for years. Now that we are married, you get to see the real man, flaws, and all. Perhaps I wouldn’t be enough for you. I didn’t want to feel guilty about trapping you with a man whom you’d grow to despise. I—didn’t want you to be disappointed in me. What if your opinion of me changed and you decided you could never risk loving me?” At her silence he added, “See, I’m a coward.”
Maddy remembered what Melissa and Rheda had said. Men usually guarded their hearts, yet Richard seemed to give his away freely. Then she thought about the man he was – seeing through her idolization to the man underneath. He was her White Knight, always saving or helping those less fortunate than himself. He’d told her himself how he had grown up watching his brother suffer, and how helpless he’d felt at not being able to protect him.
She understood he was just a man, but what had made a difference was that he was a man whose childhood had affected him badly, just as her childhood as the traitor’s daughter had made her too scared to be herself in case she was found wanting. They had more in common than not.
Perhaps Richard had confused love with compassion in the past. She’d experienced first hand how Richard could feel a deep sympathy and sorrow for another person who was stricken by misfortune. He’d formed an unusual attachment to her as a young girl of thirteen, fully understanding that Maddy needed a friend. This need to help, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate a person’s sufferings could induce strong emotions in return. Perhaps he thought those emotions were love?
“Love is confusing. You’re not the first person who has
thought
they were in love. Rufus was almost killed by a woman he thought he loved, a woman he thought needed his love and protection too.” She took his face in her hands. “You have this need to help people, to make a difference. I love that about you, but I wonder if you confuse this need, this compassion, with other emotions such as love.” She then pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “Besides, I have a confession to make too. Before our wedding, I thought I was in love with you, but since our wedding I realized that I wasn’t.”
“I knew this would happen and that you’d get to understand the man and…”
“Shush, let
me
finish. What I felt for you before we married was a combination of infatuation and idolization. I didn’t really know the inner man; all I saw was my handsome, desirable, white knight.” She felt his muscles tighten beneath her hands. “What I feel for you now is so much more. I love and accept everything about you. I love that you’re so concerned about hurting me that you were too scared to love me. A truly terrible man would have hardly cared if he had led me to believe he loved me and then didn’t. A terrible man would have married me and had an affair with his previous lover. A terrible man would be berating me for riding off, unescorted, with a bachelor.” She couldn’t bear the desperate entreaty in his eyes. “I love
you, Richard,
not my white knight, not my childhood friend, but the vulnerable, flawed man I see before me; a man who is willing to risk his happiness by confessing his true feelings, whether I like what you say or not.” She hugged him tightly. “A man who won’t lie to me.”