Irrefutable (The Apprehensive Duet Book 2) (12 page)

As if she can hear the battle going on inside my head, Ashley reaches across the table placing her hand in mine and gives me a reassuring squeeze. “You’ve already conquered half the battle. You’ve owned up to your mistakes and made things right the best you can. But you’re going to need someone to guide you to a place where you feel good about life again. You’re one of the best people I know. Strong. Confident. Intelligent. Loyal. Beautiful. I just want to see you in a place where you’re happy.”

Happiness. It’s something I haven’t had in a very long time. I wouldn’t mind having it again.

“I know. It’s just … I know I’m fucked up. I’m not looking forward to having someone point out just how fucked up I am.” I’ve adapted to fit into a world I don’t like, and making changes to get to where I want to be is going to be brutal.

Ash shakes her head vigorously in disagreement. “You’re not fucked up. You’re lost inside your own mind. It happens to the best of us. You need someone to lead you in the best direction for you.”

I think about what she’s just said.
I’m lost inside my own mind.
It’s a pretty spot on assessment. There are so many conflicting thoughts and emotions raging inside me. Part of me wants to go one way and part of me wants to go the other. I don’t know what’s fact and fiction anymore.

“You’re right,” I finally agree. “I can’t figure out who I am, what I want, and what I believe on my own. I’ve already proven to myself that some things just can’t be handled alone.”

“It’s about time you realized I’m always right,” she cracks breaking up the tension. “So the wedding is definitely off?”

“Yes.”

“How are things between you and Jordan now?” she asks finishing off the last of the dessert she ate all by herself in about a minute.

“Not good,” I sigh with a heavy heart. The longer we go without talking the worse I feel. This isn’t what I wanted. “I haven’t spoken to him since he left Friday night.”

“I’m sorry.” Ash gives me a sad smile. “Maybe he just needs a little more time. It’s only been two days.”

That’s true, but the silence is killing me. I have no idea where he is or what he’s doing. And I’m the one who did this to him. “I know, but we’ve never really had anything like this happen before. It’s uncharted territory for us, and I don’t know how this is going to end.”

“If he’s the person you’ve made him out to be, things will be fine. Just give him some time,” she says sincerely. “Have you told anyone else that the wedding is off?” she asks before hesitantly adding, “Like Alex, maybe?”

“He knows.”

Alex has been amazing through this last week. I owe him a lot for all the support he’s given me through this. He put his own feelings aside in favor of what’s best for me. There’s so much still unresolved between us, and eventually I’m going to have to give him what he needs to move on, but not now. I’m not ready. I need to begin working on myself and wading through what lies ahead from my father before I can handle my feelings for Alex.

“Promise me one thing,” Ashley stresses, her face stern as she continues, “do not hurt him. Whatever happened between the two of you is still unfinished. He doesn’t deserve to go through all that pain again. Keep that in mind while you’re figuring everything else out in your life. Don’t lean on him and draw him back in just to throw him away again.”

LUNCH WITH ASHLEY was enlightening, but coming back home and seeing Jordan still hasn’t surfaced darkens my mood. Irritation starts to bubble inside me. It’s been two days without a word from him. No calls. No texts. Not even a fucking email. I thought he would’ve come back yesterday. After leaving Alex’s Friday night, well, Saturday morning technically, I came back here and went to bed. I left the door to my bedroom open so I could hear him if he came home. I guess this was the preview of what a loveless marriage is like. I wonder if this is what my mother and all the other Stepford wives feel like while waiting up to see if their husbands come home. Except Jordan isn’t my husband. I don’t think he’s even my friend at this point.

We’re not getting married and we’re not speaking. I told him the truth. I tried to explain my reasoning but he didn’t even give me the chance to apologize. He rushed out of here pissed and hurt, and I get it, but shutting me out is a whole new level. This won’t be an easy thing to fix between us, but I’d hoped he’d at least try and talk it through with me. I’m mad too. He said some pretty hurtful things, but I’m not running away.

It’s time for me to face facts and head home. Alongside the anger I feel, I no longer feel welcome here. No need to wait for Jordan to come and kick me out. I’m stronger than that. I can and will face this on my own if he can’t be bothered with me anymore. It’s no longer his problem.

Grabbing a few of my tote bags from my closet, I start to pull out some of the essentials to take back to my place. I’m in the bathroom grabbing my shampoo and conditioner when I hear the front door slam shut.
Great!
Now that I’ve made the decision to leave, I was hoping to get out of here before he came back. After almost forty-eight hours, he chooses now to come back when I’m five minutes away from being out the door.

Since he walked out Friday night, I’ve done nothing but think. Seeing that I fucked up wasn’t difficult, but I didn’t deserve all the shit that he spewed at me. I’m fucking human after all. People make mistakes, especially when they’re backed into a fucking corner. At least I told him before we got married.

“Quinn?” he calls out from the front of the apartment. Deciding I have enough for right now, I grab my bags off the bed. I’m hoisting them onto my shoulder as Jordan makes his way to the doorway of my room.

“What’s going on?” he asks as if it isn’t obvious. Did he think I was just going to wait around while he was out doing whatever? I’m not that woman. I’ve never been that woman. It’s time for me to start taking my life back. Starting with not allowing Jordan to treat me like gum on the bottom of his Italian loafers.

“I’m leaving,” I reply curtly. He thinks he can just waltz back in here and still be entitled to know what I’m doing? Well, he’s got another think coming. The real Quinn is back, and she’s coming back with a vengeance. I don’t know when I allowed myself to become this meek, timid woman who lets the men in her life push her around, but not anymore.

“Leaving for where?” he asks as I step around him into the hallway.

“Home.”

He reaches out and grabs my arm, stopping me from getting any further down the hall. “Quinn, this has been your home for over a month. You don’t have to move out; I’m not kicking you out.”

“No,” I disagree. “This is your home and you’ve made your feelings pretty clear. Our arrangement is over. There’s no need for me to stay.”

Using the leverage from his hand wrapped around my bicep, he spins me around to face him. “I know I was a dick the other night. I’m sorry. But fuck.” He takes a deep breath and shakes his head giving himself a moment before continuing. “Do you have any idea how I feel? I thought we were heading in one direction and then you drop a huge fucking bomb on me. I’m doing the best I can. I have a lot of shit to work through regarding our relationship, but that isn’t the most important thing we have to deal with right now.”

“So because I caught you off guard that means it’s okay to treat me like garbage and ignore me for days? I haven’t heard one word from you since you stormed off. I thought we were friends. That we had each other’s backs,” I tell him, raising my eyebrows in challenge. I’m sorry that he thought this would potentially lead somewhere else, but that’s not on me.

“I do have your back,” he scoffs. “What the hell do you think I’ve been doing for the last twenty-four hours? Having your back. Even though I have no idea how to handle these feelings I have for you. Even after you lied to me.”

I roll my eyes at him and huff. “Leaving and shutting me out is having my back? Christ, remind me not to get on your bad side if this is being on your good side.”

“Can you just stop for a fucking minute?” he asks, dropping his hand from my arm to run his fingers through his messy hair. “I’m stressed the hell out. You’re stressed out. We’re both angry, but can you give me a fucking minute here? I’ve been in and out of meetings with our lawyers all day and I’ve gotten very little sleep. I could do without the sarcasm.”

“Wow, that didn’t take long,” I spit, taking the opportunity to make my way down the hall, closer to the front door. We could’ve spoken to the lawyers about changing our plans later in the week. He didn’t need to get them involved just yet. “You really do think I’m like my father, huh? What, did you think that I wouldn’t leave or I’d try to pull something sneaky? You didn’t need to go to them already. We could’ve easily worked out most of the details of separating without them.”

Jordan’s face scrunches and bewilderment clouds his chocolate eyes. “What the fuck are you talking about? I was meeting with them to figure out how to get you out of this whole fucking shit storm with your dad.”

“You were what?” Shock. Confusion. Fear. Anger. Excitement. All of it battling inside me at once. Shock that he would go seek legal advice after everything he said to me. Confusion as to why. Fear of what my father may do to me now the cat’s out of the bag. Anger that Jordan couldn’t be bothered to clue me in on any of this. I should’ve been involved in these meetings. I’m the one being targeted. And excitement that maybe, just maybe, this nightmare is almost over.

“There’s no way—wedding or not—we’re letting your scumbag, piece of shit father get away with this. Especially now that he’s dragged my mother into it. No one fucks with my family, Quinn. No one,” he vows following me into the living room.

But there’s still one thing I’m not understanding. “Why? I know you were angry, but that doesn’t mean you didn’t mean what you said.”

“I didn’t mean it,” he insists taking a seat. “Yes, I was angry, but not all of it was your fault. Yes, you should’ve told me the whole truth from the beginning, but I understand why you didn’t. I don’t think you are anything like that man. As far as my feelings toward you … I have to work through those, and it’s going to take a little while. But even so, it was me that made this into something it wasn’t. That’s on me, not you. It wasn’t fair of me to take it out on you.”

I look into his eyes to see what they’re telling me. I learned a long time ago you can always read the true meaning behind someone’s words in their eyes. It’s served me well in meetings with clients and investors. Especially, clients. I can always tell if they really believe in their projects. If their eyes are clear and steady, they believe what they’re telling me. If their eyes are clouded and unsure, then I know they don’t believe in themselves.

Jordan’s eyes are firm and unwavering. He’s not pitching me a line of crap. He’s telling me the truth and his eyes say he stands behind his words, but he still doesn’t fully understand.

“Jordan, my father is only part of the reason I don’t want to do this. You are the other part. I love you, Jordan. I do. Very much. But it’s not a romantic kind of love. I don’t see you that way. It’s not fair to you for me to go through with this knowing you deserve more. You deserve a woman who can give you everything you need because you’re a good man. A genuine, caring, loyal man. The woman you marry should deserve you and I’m not her. But not only that, I don’t want my father to be able to fuck with your life. Even if we get him out of the company, he’s still in our lives. What happens next time he wants something? Who’s to say he won’t come after you? We can’t live our lives like that.”

I’ve already found the person who makes me happy, who completes me. But I can’t think about Alex right now. Because I don’t deserve him either. He’s wonderful and everything I could’ve dreamed for, but I fucked up. I’m a fucked up person who doesn’t know how to love. The only kind of love I’ve ever known hurts. The people I love hurt me. Learning to accept that all love isn’t painful … isn’t easy for me. But now I’ve seen so much proof to show me that you can have it all. Seeing Ashley and Tanner, and Diana and Martin, I know people can be happily married. Alex and I could’ve had that if I weren’t so broken.