It Gets Better (5 page)

Yeah, we're not even going to talk about them.

I grew up in small-town, conservative Wisconsin. The town is very sheltered, and the ignorance and silence of the majority really encouraged the homophobic minority. There were many incidents of homophobia in my school and community. The one that had the biggest effect on me personally was when a member of my community forced the removal of all “safe zone” posters from classrooms. These posters stated that harassment based on race, religion,
sexual orientation
, et cetera, would not be tolerated by the teacher in that classroom. It was these same posters that had made me feel a bit more comfortable in high school as a freshman, and knowing that future freshmen will not have that same comfort still upsets me today.

Overall, the atmosphere in my hometown was not exactly the best environment for a young gay girl. I know that many other people have had worse experiences, but that doesn't mean it didn't affect me. I struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts while coming to terms with my identity.

The cool thing about high school, however, is it doesn't last forever. It is not the rest of your life. It will end. Once you get out of high school you are free. You are no longer trapped in those prisonlike walls for seven hours a day. You can go see the world. You can go do things; you can get an education; you can make something of your life.

I am a freshman in college now. I haven't even been out of high school for a year and already I can see how awesome life is beyond high school. I know it gets tough and sometimes you feel like there's no way to possibly go on. But now I am here in an awesome, much better place for me, and it's wonderful. The most astounding thing to me was seeing a “safe zone” poster outside my RA's door. This poster, which had been so controversial in my high school, is now something to be taken for granted every time I come home after class.

Once you're out of high school you can find an environment that will support you. You can find an environment where you can be happy, where you'll find people that will be there for you and accept you and love you the way you are. And you can meet cute girls! Or boys, I guess, I don't know. I haven't really been paying attention to them, but . . . I guess they're around here.

Think about it this way: Imagine you are a rubber band and right now you are pulled taut. You have all this potential energy building up and you are going to go so far once your potential is unleashed on the world. I know that sometimes the stretching hurts, it feels like you're going to break, but please just hold on. You can make it through this, and once you're let go you're going to fly so far.

The important thing to keep in mind now is that there is an end in sight. It is there. A better life is in your future and you can make it there. I believe in you. You have the power to be happy in your life and you are going to do amazing things. So please, please, please remember: It will end. It will get better.

And I love you.

CONCORD, NH

 

 

 

I
know that many of you might be feeling in a dark place right now because religion and religious people are telling you that you are an abomination before God. Maybe you're growing up in a Roman Catholic household and you hear from your Church that you are intrinsically disordered. Or maybe you're growing up in a Mormon household or a Southern Baptist household and you're told that somehow your life is not acceptable to God.

Well, I want to tell you, as a religious person, that they are flat-out wrong. God loves you beyond anything you can imagine. And God loves you the way you are. I am an out and proud gay man, who is also the bishop of New Hampshire. A bishop in the Episcopal Church. I am living proof that it gets better. And that it
is
getting better.

Growing up in a fundamentalist congregation, I heard and believed that God found me unworthy of His love, even unworthy of the same respect accorded other human beings. Yet I became the first openly gay and partnered man ever to be elected to the office of bishop in the worldwide Anglican Communion. That is astounding proof that it is not only getting better for LGBT people in the world, but also in the Church.

You can have the life that you hope for because God hopes for that kind of life for you, a better life. If you want a partner, or when marriage equality comes—and it will come—you can have a husband or wife and live together and make a life together. If you want children, you can have children. And you can be a great mom or dad.

God loves you the way you are. God doesn't want you to change. God doesn't want you to be cured or healed, because there's nothing to be healed from. You are the way you are, the way God made you. And the way God loves you.

It gets better, I promise. And it is getting better all the time. Things are changing. So if you're considering hurting yourself, please don't. God wants you to live in the light of God's love and that light will take away all of this darkness. So hang in there. Be strong. And know that despite the messages you get from religious people, God loves you beyond your wildest imagining and only wants the best for you.

 

 

 

 

 

S
é lo difícil que puede ser de crecer en un lugar con mentalidad cerrada. Soy un chavo latino y gay de diecinueve años, vengo de la Ciudad de México. Y aunque vengo de una de las ciudades más progresivas en Latinoamérica (en el sentido legal), estos valores no aplican a la sociedad como un todo. No hay duda de que México ha progresado mucho en asuntos de derechos humanos en años recientes, como al legalizar el matrimonio gay y las adopciones homo-parentales. Aún así, a pesar de los avances, la religión y los valores tradicionales aún influyen enormemente en la sociedad Mexicana, especialmente en las generaciones anteriores.

Crecí en una familia políticamente diversa. La familia de mi mamá es muy liberal y la de mi papá es muy conservadora y muy católica. Por esta polaridad, nunca tuve el valor de decirle a mi familia que era gay. En la escuela, las cosas eran muy diferentes. Desde la primaria, la gente parecía que sabía que yo era gay mucho antes de que yo mismo lo supiera. Y como resultado, la escuela fué muy difícil. Cuando los niños encuentran algo con que burlarse de alguien, molestan y abusan una y otra vez.

La Secundaria y la Preparatoria, fueron mejores etapas para mi, aunque no por razones de las que este orgulloso. Como dice el dicho: “Si no puedes con el enemigo, únetele.” Y eso fué lo que hice. Aprendía ser duro. Le entré al juego, y sí, fuí cruel con la gente, aunque nunca un gandaya. Me burlaba de la gente pero nunca por lo que eran, solo por lo que decían o hacían. Aún así no estoy orgulloso de eso. Supongo que muchos de ustedes entenderán. Si uno no le entraba al juego, era suicidio social. Y muchos de los gandayas no se detenían en los insultos; incluso suelen llegar a la violencia física.

Después de la graduación, me mudé a Canadá, para estudiar la carrera y he estado viviendo en Vancouver por casi dos años. Es totalmente diferente aquí. Viviendo en México casi toda mi vida, siempre recibí el mensaje de que ser gay estaba mal. Que era malo. Que era una enfermedad. Que ser gay significaba que eventualmente me enfermaría de SIDA. Que significaba que era un pervertido.

Pero viviendo en Canadá, es totalmente distinto. Recuerdo que la primera vez que fui a la calle Davie (el área gay del centro de Vancouver) ví a gente, parejas gay, tomadas de la mano y besandose en público. Simples gestos como cosas que heterosexuales dan por hecho. Cosas normales. Viviendo aquí he aprendido de yo mismo y a dejar ir todos esos tabúes, todos esos miedos que he cargado conmigo desde muy niño.Y ahora, afortunadamente, soy abiertamente gay. Mi familia lo sabe y las cosas han mejorado desde entonces.

Me imagino que muchas otras personas tienen historias más difíciles y otras más fáciles. El punto es que no podemos dejarnos llevar por las cosas y personas negativas en nuestras vidas. Hay mucha gente retrograda en el mundo, y desafortunadamente, algunos de nosotros tenemos que dejar nuestros lugares de origen en orden para vivir abierta y honestamente. Tenemos que viajar lejos, como yo lo hice. Pero las cosas mejoraran eventualmente en todos lados, y a nivel individual, las cosas mejoran una vez que uno es capaz de vivir honestamente con uno mismo y con aquellos nuestro alrededor. La familia eventualmente te aceptará y al final verás quienes son tus verdaderos amigos, aunque termines contándolos con los dedos de una sola mano.

Para ver las maravillas que esta vida te tiene preparado, tienes que vivir. Y a veces la mejor venganza contra aquellos que te insultaron y te hicieron sentir mal, es vivir bien.

Eventualmente encontrarás a esa persona que te hará feliz y a quien harás feliz.

Pero para que eso pase. Tienes que aguantar.

VANCOUVER, BC

 

 

 

I
know how difficult it can be to grow up in a narrow-minded place. I'm a nineteen-year-old, Latino gay guy from Mexico City. And although I come from one of the most progressive cities in Latin America (in a legal sense), these values do not run through the society as a whole. There's no doubt that Mexico has made a lot of progress on human rights issues in recent years, like legalizing gay marriage and adoption by gay couples. Yet despite these advances, religion and traditional values still have an enormous influence on Mexican society, especially among older generations.

I grew up in a politically diverse family. My mother's family was very liberal and my father's was very conservative and very Catholic. Because of this polarity, I never had the courage tell my family I was gay. At school, things were totally different. Even in elementary school, people seemed to know that I was gay before I did. And as a result, school was really difficult. When kids find something about you to make fun of, they will tease and bully you over and over.

Junior high and high school were better for me, though not for reasons I am necessarily proud of. As the saying goes, “If you can't defeat your enemy, join them.” And that's what I did. I learned to be tough, I played the game, and yes, I was cruel to other people, though never a real bully. I would mock people but never for what they were, just for something they had said or done. Still, I'm not proud of it. I suspect many of you might understand. If you didn't join in and play by their rules, it was social suicide, and a lot of the bullies didn't stop at insults and name-calling; they resorted to physical violence.

After graduation, I moved to Canada to attend college and have been living in Vancouver for nearly two years now. It's totally different here. Living in Mexico most of my life, I'd always gotten the message that being gay was wrong. That it was evil. That it was an illness. That being gay meant that I would eventually get infected with the AIDS virus. That it meant I was a pervert.

But here in Canada it's totally different. I remember the first time I went to Davie Street (the unofficial gay Village of downtown Vancouver). I saw people, gay couples, holding hands on the street and kissing in public. Simple gestures like that, things that straight people take for granted. Normal things. Living here I've come to learn about myself and let go of all those taboos, all those fears, I've carried around since I was a kid. And now, fortunately, I am openly gay. My family knows and things have gotten better ever since.

I imagine lots of other people have stories that are more difficult, and others that are easier. The point is we cannot let ourselves be dragged down by negative events and negative people in our lives. There're so many bigoted people in the world, and unfortunately, some of us have to leave the places we are from in order to live openly and honestly. We have to travel away, like I did. Eventually things will get better everywhere, and on an individual level, things do get better once you are able to be open with yourself and those around you. Your family will eventually accept you, and in the end you'll see who your real friends are, even if you can count them all on one hand.

To see the wonders this life has prepared for you, you gotta live. And sometimes the best revenge against all of those people who insulted you and made you feel bad is to live well.

Eventually you'll find that person that will make you happy and whom you'll make happy, too.

But for that to happen, you gotta hold on.