It Had To Be You (15 page)

“
No, I work with him.”

Josh watched Christian for a moment, then
turned and ran up the stairs. Lela sighed. The night had just gone
from bad to worse.

Len sat in his car, in the church parking
lot, staring at his glove compartment. The darkness welled inside
him and he pounded a fist on the steering wheel. He caught sight of
his cell phone on the seat next to him. Picking it up, he held it
to his chest. He’d started reading some stuff on the internet, and
one of the sites for vets had said to call somebody when you felt
like the black hole was about to swallow you up. Who could he call?
His mother? No, she’d just get worried. His dad? Nope, his dad
would get mad. Maybe Lela. Maybe she’d say she changed her mind, he
could come home, she’d help him get through this terrible phase in
his life. And right now he was sober, though the car stunk of stale
booze; she hated when he called her drunk out of his gourd. He
dialed the home phone.

“
Hello,” a small voice said into the
receiver.

His heart plummeted. Lela hadn’t answered.
He’d gotten his son. But maybe he could still talk to her. “Hey,
kiddo. How you doing?”

“
Okay, Dad.”

He scrambled for something to ask the boy.
“How was the sleepover last night?”

A pause, then a soft, “I, um, I had to come
home.”

“
Oh. That’s not good. Why?”

“
I got scared when the kids started
playing war.”

Jesus. For a minute, the interior of the car
darkened.

All kids play war and your son can’t stand
it because of you, asshole. What good are you?

“
I’m sorry, Josh,” was all he could
think of to say.

“‘
T’s okay.”

“
Did your mom pick you up?”

“
No, she was here having dinner. Mrs.
Petersen brought me home.”

Having dinner? What did that mean? Oh,
fucking shit!

“
Was…was she alone when you got
home?”

“
Uh-uh. How’d you know,
Dad?”

“
Lucky guess. Who was with
her?”

“
A doctor from the hospital. She wasn’t
sick. She said they’re friends.”

Red spots swam before his eyes. “Is she home
now?”

“
No, Mrs. Campoli is. Mom’s running
errands.”

“
Okay. Well, look, I’ll see you soon,
okay?”

“
Yeah, sure.”

After Len clicked off, he leaned back and
closed his eyes.

Why wouldn’t she have a date? She sent you
divorce papers. You’re a shit. You’re worthless. She’s moving on
with her life and leaving you in the dust, boyo.

After listening to the voices in his head as
long as he could, Len reached over and opened the glove
compartment.

The gun was heavy in his hand. Not as much as
the M4s in theater, but it would do the job. For a long time, Len
just stared at the Glock, thinking of Lela with another guy.

o0o

The ball rammed into the front wall,
ricocheted back and hit Beck in the leg. “Son of a bitch,” he spat
out, bending at the waist and rubbing his thigh.

“
Sorry.” Linc, his brother, didn’t look
sorry at all. “Besides, I don’t complain when
you
beat the
crap out of the ball, like you’re doing now.”

“
Good, ‘cause get ready for this.”
Mindless except for the game, Beck tossed up the ball in front of
him, hit it hard, so it spun and zeroed into the left-hand corner.
The tiny, blue sphere just missed the floor, hit right in the vee
instead, and with a loud pop, spun out like a bullet. Linc couldn’t
return it. Not that he didn’t try. Beck watched his brother take a
slider across the floor. Damn, that had to hurt.

“
You okay, hotshot?”

From his position on the floor, Linc laughed.
His dark hair was dripping wet, and his clothes almost soaked, too.
Just like Beck’s. “Yeah, but we either gotta take it easy or quit.
Sally said she’d kill me if I came home with any more bruises.”

“
Let’s finish this round. I’m going to
beat the pants off you.”

Beck did beat Linc, but only by two points.
When they were walking off the court, Linc glanced at the clock.
“Come on, I’ll buy you coffee. There’s this little bistro next to
the gym that has great fried dough.”

They showered and bantered like they had when
they were kids. Dressed, they took the short walk to the coffee
shop. Once ensconced at a table, Beck was glad to kick back, listen
to his brother and sip a double espresso.

Linc looked relaxed, too. “So, catch me up. I
haven’t seen enough of you since you joined the fire department.
And emails don’t count.”

Beck filled Linc in on the firefighting
excursions. The friends he’d made. How he sometimes even felt like
he belonged. His brother nodded his approval as Beck confided in
him.

“
What about the PTSD group?” Linc’s
dark brows furrowed. “How’s that going?”

One of the real tragedies of his condition,
other than hurting Patty and his son, was Linc’s constant worry
over him. Beck loved his brother and didn’t want to burden him.
Jesus, he wished he could get rid of the thing.

“
That’s
not as bad as I thought
it would be. Talking to other people and hearing their stories is
good for me. And that parents’ group I told you about? It’s helping
me make progress with Tommy.”

Linc’s face lit up. He had the same green
eyes as Beck, but his hair was lighter. “Beck, that’s so good.”

“
I know. He was halfway decent to me at
a gathering at Sea Breeze. He met a kid he actually liked.” He told
Linc about the line-cutting thing and how Josh Allen had behaved.
Just like his mother would have. Beck’s hands curled at the thought
of her.

“
You should try to get them together.”
Linc had two boys, now teens. He’d given Beck good advice over the
years.

“
Yeah, about that.” Uncomfortable now,
he nonetheless wanted to share his real feelings with Linc. He
needed some help. “There’s a woman.”

Linc shook his head. “At the group?”

“
Yeah, the other kid’s
mother.”

“
And?”

He shrugged a shoulder. “I like her. Oh,
fuck, it’s more than that. We got close somehow, fast. She’s um,
come to mean something to me.”

“
Where’s the problem in that?” Linc had
made no secret he hated seeing Beck alone.

“
She just divorced a guy with a severe
case of PTSD.” Saying the words aloud made them real. And the
situation clearer.

“
Oh, shit.”

“
Yeah, oh shit.”

For a while, Linc stared out the plate-glass
window. “I don’t have to tell you,” his brother said quietly, “then
she’s probably off-limits.”

“
I know that.”

“
Wanna tell me how far it’s
gone?”

“
Too far.”

“
Emotionally or physically?”

“
Emotionally, too far. Physically, not
far enough. Damn it, Linc, I think about her all the time. I can’t
wait to see her. And I only met her five weeks ago.”

“
You told me before, in certain
situations, especially where you’re pouring your guts out, all
that’s speeded up.”

Drawing in a heavy breath, Beck let it out
slowly. “I made an ass out of myself the other night.” He explained
their
dates,
his trip to her house and the kiss that haunted
his dreams.

Linc chuckled. “Pardon me, big brother, but
that is so much not you, I can’t picture the scenario.”

“
I know it’s not me. I can’t believe I
behaved so badly.”

Linc socked his arm. “You’re only human,
Beck. Maybe it’s good you let out some of what’s inside you.”

“
That’s what the shrinks
say.”

“
What are you gonna do about
her?”

“
Try to stay away from her and
discourage Tommy from seeing Josh.”

“
Too bad, bro, but I think that’s for
the best.”

Beck shook his head. “Yeah, I know. I just
wish I didn’t feel so bad about what I have to do.”

After they returned to their cars and Linc
drove off, Beck was depressed from his talk with his brother, so he
called Tommy. “Hey, son, how are you today?”

“
Bored. Mom’s busy with
Mick.”

“
Are you alone?”

“
No, Mrs. Elkins is here. Damn it, Dad,
I don’t need a babysitter.”

Did he? Beck had no idea. He didn’t like that
he knew so little about parenting and vowed to do better at being
his boy’s father. “I’ll talk to your mom about it. And don’t curse.
I’m off today. Wanna do something with me?”

“
Like what?”

“
I don’t know.” He watched the wipers
go back and forth in their hypnotizing rhythm. “It’s raining
outside. Bowling maybe?” They’d done that a few times when Beck
could coax his son to go out with him.

“
Can I ask Josh Allen to
come?”

Not once, ever, had Tommy sounded excited
about spending time with Beck or asked for another kid to tag
along. There was no way he could decline. Still, he cursed those
goddamn fates he and Lela had mentioned. “Yeah, sure, if you want
to.”

“
Can I call him?”

“
Go ahead.”

“
You got his number?”

He’d noted her cell number when she called
him at the house and for some God forsaken reason, had put in his
phone. “Uh-huh. Just a minute, okay?”

As he searched his address book, he thought,
So much for staying away from them.

o0o

Lela watched Sophia wolf down a huge plate of
frittata at a local restaurant they’d gone to for brunch on their
day off. Lela hadn’t wanted to leave Josh, but she needed to talk
to somebody or she was going to lose her mind. And she didn’t want
to risk her son overhearing, so she’d invited Sophia out. Since
Tony was with the kids, Sophia had jumped at the chance for some
adult time.

Taking a sip of coffee, Sophia smiled
mischievously. “So, is this about your hot date the other night? We
haven’t had a chance to talk about that.”

Lela swallowed hard, her food untouched. “In
a way. Look, Soph, something’s been going on with me that I haven’t
shared with you.” She glanced heavenward, hoping she was doing the
right thing. “With anybody.”

“
Do you want to share now?”

“
I have no choice. It’s eating me
up.”

Beautiful dark eyes rounded. “You’re not sick
or anything, are you?”

“
No, Josh and I are fine. It’s an
emotional thing. I’ve developed feelings for a man.”

“
Christian.” She identified the doctor
with certainty.

“
If only it were that easy.”

Thoughtful, Sophia set her mug down. “It’s
Beck, isn’t it?”

At the mention of his name, at the notion of
admitting her innermost desires aloud, her pulse rate doubled.
“How’d you know?”

“
From being around you two. There’s not
exactly sparks flying between you. It’s more like a…link. Like
you’re tied together somehow.”

“
Well, there were plenty of sparks last
night. He had a date. So did I. For some reason, he came over
beforehand. Asked if us dating others was
really
the way I
wanted things to be.”

“
I don’t understand.”

“
We’ve talked—actually we’ve talked
around--the fact that we care about each other. In that messy
male-female way. And every time we’re together, there’s so much
going on, so much emotion in the air, we keep getting closer. I
don’t really understand why. This hasn’t happened to me
before.”

“
Tell me about the sparks.”

The girlfriend-like inquiry made Lela smile.
“When I asked him to leave, said that I didn’t want to talk about
us, he kissed me.”

Which was a mild word for the explosion that
had occurred between them.

“
It was good?”

“
Let’s just say if what happened during
a simple kiss was that hot, I can’t imagine what making love with
him would be like.”

Sophia got a dreamy expression in her eyes.
“It’s been like that between me and Tony since day one.”

“
As if that isn’t obvious to
everyone.”

Her friend concentrated back on her. “So what
are you going to do about him?”

“
Nothing. I don’t plan to see him
alone.”

“
I’m sorry. It’s the PTSD thing,
right?”

“
Truthfully, I might risk a
relationship for myself with him—he’s so different from Len—but I’d
never subject Josh to another man in his life who was sick with the
syndrome.”

“
Sounds like an impossible
situation.”

“
Uh-huh.” She gave Lela a sad smile. “I
just had to talk to somebody about it.”

“
I’m glad you chose me. But I have to
say, I’ve been in what I thought was an impossible situation with
Tony, and we got past it, dealt with it, to be
together.”

“
You’re married. You’ve been a couple
since middle school. I’ve only known Beck for five
weeks.”

Lela’s phone buzzed and she glanced down at
where she’d set it on the table. “That’s Josh’s ringtone. I have to
take this.”

“
Go ahead.”

She clicked on. “Hey, buddy. You okay?”