It Matters To Me (The Wandering Hearts Book 2) (37 page)

Five years later …

A
IDEN SMILES AT ME FROM
across the room, an arched eyebrow telling me his thoughts are anything but pure. It’s maddening that he can look so much sexier with every passing year. My hand passes over my swollen stomach; my cheeks flush red.

“You two are so freaking cute,” Annabelle says as she pulls another dish from the sink, wraps a towel around it and proceeds to dry it.

My eyes stay fixed on Aiden as he leans forward and scoops Piper up into his arms, flipping her upside down, causing her infectious giggles to fill the room. From off to the side I hear Holden’s laughter as he moves in to rescue my strawberry haired beauty from her pestering daddy.

“I think they have a bromance,” I smile.

“Are you kidding? I think Holden might choose to cuddle with Aiden over me,” Anna rolls her eyes, placing the dish on the shelf and moving in behind me.

“Any chance we could get you guys to relocate to the English Countryside?” She’s joking, but I know at the same time she’s not.

I shake my head. “It’s tempting.”

“We love when you all are here. The kids are like siblings.”

I place a hand on my friend’s stomach. “It’s weird, isn’t it?”

“What is?”

“We’re both old married, pregnant women.”

She tilts her head, curiosity on her face, “Not sure if I’d say weird. I think this is much better than the make believe we used to dream about.”

I stand quietly, thinking about her words.

“Kenz, is something wrong?”

I shrug.

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

“Spill it,” she demands.

I move back into the kitchen, resting my full figured frame on a nearby stool.

“How can you be so tiny when you’re pregnant, and I become a freaking house?” I moan.

“Nice try, you’re not changing the subject. What’s with you?”

Aiden is handsome, tender, smart, an amazing father, and a loving husband. Every time he presses his lips against my forehead I still melt into him and know I’m the luckiest woman in the world.

“Do you ever feel like you’re waiting for something bad to happen?” I ask.

“What?” she asks, moving across from me and resting against the oversized sink.

“I don’t know, it’s crazy. Forget I said anything,” I dismiss.

“Oh come on, you know I’m going to pester you until you tell me, so just save us both some time and tell me what you mean.”

I laugh. She’s right. We’re both this way. There was never a secret we could keep from the other one.

The last few years have been a whirlwind. I met Aiden, and he changed everything. I quit waiting for life to happen and really started living it.

“Is it the studio?” she probes.

I shake my head. “No, things are booming. My travel portrait project has kept us both busy.”

“Then what’s bothering you?” she continues.

I shrug. “It’s too good. You know?”

“What is?”

“All of it. It’s all more than I even dreamed of and that scares the hell out of me.” I answer honestly, my head dropping.

“Oh my God, we are so alike it freaks me out sometimes.” She laughs.

My eyes flutter, pushing back a rush of wet frustration. I sweep a strand of hair from my cheek and tuck it behind my ear. “You’ve felt like this?” I ask, hopeful she might help me understand what the hell I’m feeling.

“I lost myself in Holden. I swore I would never do that again after what Jack did to me, but it was impossible. He made me feel safe, and one wall after another came down. Then one day I woke up, and I realized my life consisted of a sexy man who loved me deeper than I imagined being worthy of, an amazingly brilliant daughter, I lived in freaking England, and I was a published author. I panicked.”

“Yes! That’s it exactly. I mean, what do I have to be scared about?”

Anna moves closer, my eyes fixate on her stomach, then shift to my own. “That you’re going to wake up. That something will happen to one of these people you love so much, that your happiness will somehow slip away from you.”

My chin begins to tremble. “Damn, I hate you sometimes.”

“You know you love me. You hate I’m so much smarter than you.”

I snort a laugh, quickly wiping away a few tears that escape.

“So, what did you do to get over this feeling?” I ask.

Annabelle takes my arms, and pulls me to my feet, moving me to the doorway where we see our husbands have now migrated to the floor, our kids using them as a sort of jungle gym.

I smile despite myself. The simplest things make my heart swell and feel like it is going to burst these days. I remember feeling emotional when I was pregnant with Piper, but this time around I can only describe as being an absolute basket case.

Anna tilts her head, and I can feel her eyes move from our families, then back to me. I wait for her words of wisdom, but she never speaks.

“Well?” I huff, at last, crossing my arms.

“Well, what?”

“What did you do to get over this feeling?” I ask again.

She swallows, takes a slow blink, watches Holden for a moment. The corners of her mouth soften into a smile. “I never got over it. I suppose I never will. Some nights when I’m sitting in the calm after a perfect day, it consumes me.”

“Wow, you’re a ton of help.” I roll my eyes.

“And then Holden will come over and kiss my forehead, take my hand, and lead me over to our chairs in front of the fire, and I’ll forget the fear for the moment,” she continues. “And every day I live in the now, the fear creeps in a little less often.”

“Well, this sucks.” I grimace.

She laughs. “Pregnancy hormones don’t help.” Anna takes my hands, looks into my eyes and motions with her head, pulling me behind her.

“You all are having far too much fun out here without us,” she bellows.

There are shrills of excitement, as Piper rushes over and wraps herself around my knees. I laugh and take her hand, moving over to where Aiden is lying on the rug, watching me. He looks as sexy as he did that day in his studio when he came out of the shower.

“We’re just waiting on our beautiful women to join us,” Holden says, reaching for his wife’s hand. She moves to him, and they embrace and kiss.

My eyes move back to Aiden. He’s still watching me, his gaze never shifting away. My face blushes. “What?”

He shakes his head. “I just can’t get over how lucky I am sometimes,” he says softly.

“Shut up,” I mutter, embarrassed.

He laughs, wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me down against his body, gently.

Piper giggles wildly, rushing toward me.

“Careful,” Aiden says, catching her with his other free arm. “Remember Mommy’s belly.”

She halts, her eyes fixated on my stomach, then slowly a smile emerges that spreads from ear to ear. “Baby,” she sings, pointing.

“That’s right,” I answer softly, shifting and resting on the ground next to Aiden, my head against his shoulder.

As quickly as the kids rushed to our sides, they engage themselves in a game of hide and seek together.

“Stay on the main floor, Emily,” Annabelle calls after them.

Aiden’s hand that had just been holding Piper shifts to my stomach. He rubs it gently, and I press my head deeper into his shoulder.

“You okay?” he whispers.

I nod. He’s always really good at telling when something is bothering me. “Just happy,” I answer softly.

I feel his arm wrap tighter around me, and a smile forces its way across my face and onto my lips again.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispers against the top of my head.

“Gross,” I grumble, secretly basking in the compliment.

I feel his chest rattle with laughter. “I know you love it when I tell you stuff like that.”

“Oh yeah? You think you know me that well, Mr. Calloway?” I tease though I already know he does know me. He knows me better than I know myself sometimes.

“Yes, I do, Mrs. Calloway. I know that you like hearing how much I cherish you, and how grateful I am that a woman as amazing as you has chosen to spend your life with me.”

“Laying it on thick now, aren’t we?” I hide my face in his side, so he can’t see the blush.

He doesn’t allow it, lifting my chin with a single finger and gently kissing my lips, causing a tingle to start at the fleshy pink of my mouth and move down all the way to my toes. I shiver as a chill overtakes me. He smiles through the kiss. “You cold?”

I shake my head. He lowers his mouth to my ear and whispers, “I love you.”

And at this moment, I can take a deep breath. I watch Piper as she plays with my best friend’s daughter. I feel my husband’s warm breath against my flesh, and the choking fear of losing it all disappears, replaced by joy.

“I know all the romantic things I do, that you pretend to hate, matter to you,” he whispers so low I have to strain to hear him. “And that’s why they matter to me. You matter to me.”

Thank you to my husband, Josh. You believe in me, and the stories hidden in my head, even when I have self-doubt. You are and I know you always will be my biggest fan. Also, thank you for keeping the longest and sexiest beard around in the hot months of summer just because you like the way it makes me smile at you.

Next, thank you to the friends who make me happy and remind me that you have to be crazy to set out on this journey of being a self-published author, and that luckily thanks to them I am surrounded by equally crazy women.

Thank you to my readers. This book was stuck in my head and came more than a year late than it should have, but your patience and encouragement finally coaxed these characters from their hiding place. I hope you enjoy their journey.

Oh Stacey Blake, what can I ever say to convey just how amazing you are. Not only do you deal with my million updates and complete lack of keeping to deadlines, but you make these words so much more beautiful in the way you present them. Best formatter ever!

Regina Wamba, of Mae I Design, you know how I feel about you. You make all the oozy joy feels come out of me. Thanks for always killing it.

Amy Donnelly, you keep me excited, which considering this is during the editing process is quite a task. Thanks for making this book better. It needed you. I needed you.