It's a Guy Thing (34 page)

If you actively practice love but your man consistently refuses to practice with you, then you should move on. You haven’t lost anything. You have strengthened your ability to remain open, relax in vulnerability and practice active love. The practice of open-hearted vulnerability will develop in you a radiant and forceful disposition of love that helps attract the kind of man who is ready to practice at your level. He will be as willing as you are to let down his guard, even
though he is afraid; open his heart, even though he may be hurt; and actively love, even though it feels like a risk.

Should I Just Passively Surrender to Whatever My Man Wants to Do?

The only form of surrender which is worth doing is surrendering to love—not to another person, to your own ideas, or to the way things are now going. True surrender does not mean to just go along with things and remain passive. True surrender is to surrender to love and then to allow love to express itself with full force and freedom.

The wise way to surrender is to feel love as much as you can in the present moment, surrender into that loving and then energetically bring this love forth in your life and intimacy. Surrender doesn’t mean you say to yourself, “He’s doing something I don’t like and I’m getting angry. I’ll just surrender and go along with it.” This isn’t surrender. It’s passivity. It’s suppression.

True surrender is the ability to feel your essence, to feel your love, and surrender everything that prohibits this love from shining. In doing so, you let go
as
love. You are radiant as this love. You let love live
as
unobstructed force and feeling. This is true surrender.

Do I Have to Surrender Myself to Really Enjoy Sex?

Most people, at one time or another, have experienced something close to perfect sex. Moments of complete passion—heart, body and mind totally abandoned in love. Some people have gotten fleeting glimpses of sex like this. Others have felt this way for years. And still others have only dreamt of it.

Whether you have experienced it or not, can you imagine what it would be for you to be completely abandoned in sexual passion? In that moment, you and your man are abandoned in ecstasy. You are both surrendered in love.

When you are surrendered, you are not weak, but wild. In ecstatic love-embrace, you are completely open and surrendered and he is completely open and surrendered. He has let go of all inhibitions and has submitted and abandoned himself in love. He has abandoned himself beyond the sense of self, and you have, too. Your man is penetrating your heart and body with love. The more lovingly he enters your depths, the more you open. Your openness invites him further in ecstatic loving. His loving enters you, and your heart widens for more.

The feeling of being ecstatically abandoned in the sexual loving of your man is the feeling of being ravished in love. His forceful, sensitive, masculine love pervades your open body and heart.

His loving may be strong or passionate, but it’s not cruelly violent. Your loving may be wild or receptive, but it’s not craven or passive. Whether vigorous or serene, in ecstatic sexual communion your boundaries are loosed, your hearts are expanded, and you are both surrendered into the radiant force of love.

Am I Ready to Surrender into Love with a Man?

You have probably experienced letting yourself go and surrendering yourself at some time or another. You might have abandoned yourself in sexual passion. You might have looked at your child in a moment of complete love and felt no boundaries. In those moments you lose your separative sense of self. You look into your lover’s eyes, or your child’s eyes, and suddenly you are aware of the One who is love, not two separate people.

This feeling of oneness occurs when you sacrifice your boundaries and allow yourself to be continuous with the one you love. You let go of your guard and relax into surrendered union, experiencing the ecstasy of seamless joy.

When you are making love, for instance, you can either hold on to yourself or let go. If you are holding on, you feel self-conscious while you are having sex. Ecstasy, however, is when you let go of your borders and allow yourself to love without limits. When you let go of yourself in love, such a moment is ecstatic. You lose your sense of self in the heart widening bliss of love.

Learn to cultivate this blissful sacrifice of self as a practice, moment to moment. Practice letting go of the sense of your self-definition, your sense of “me,” your feeling that,
I am here and these are my boundaries. Don’t cross them
.

However, there is a prerequisite to stable relaxation in this ecstasy: In order to let go of your boundaries you must first develop a strong sense of boundary. To sacrifice your sense of self, you must first develop a strong sense of self. Without
first developing a strong will, you won’t be able to relax through the fear that arises when you explode in the ecstasy of love and completely let go. As your identity merges into the force of love, you will fear you are becoming dependent on a relationship or are losing something you are not ready to relinquish.

You can’t go directly from being needy and weak-willed to being free in ecstatic surrender. First, you have to let go of your dependency on others and develop a strong sense of center, a strong sense of self. Your inner divisions must come to an essential harmony so that your sense of center is unified. You must be made single in your intent. Your will must become strong. Then, and only then, are you prepared to sacrifice yourself directly into love.

For More Information

To order books or audiotapes by David Deida, call 24 hours a day:

Toll-free 1-888-626-9662
(or call 1-813-824-7972 for information)

BOOKS by David Deida

Intimate Communion

Awakening Your Sexual Essence

It’s a Guy Thing

An Owner’s Manual for Women

The Way of the Superior Man

A Man’s Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work and Sexual Desires

The Way of the Superior Lover

A Spiritual Guide to Deep Sexual Bliss

AUDIOTAPES by David Deida

Intimacy to Ecstasy

An Interview with David Deida

The Shiva and Shakti Scales

Our Search for Love and Freedom

Kinks, Consciousness and the Plumber

Talks on the Embodiment of Spiritual Practice in Love and Intimacy

For more information about David Deida’s books and workshops or to schedule a presentation contact:

David Deida Seminars

6822 22nd Ave. North #142-G

St. Petersburg, FL 33710

Telephone: (813) 824-7972

Email:
[email protected]

David Deida
is known internationally for his transformative work in personal growth and intimate relationships. He completed advanced graduate work in psychobiology, sexual evolution and theoretical neuroscience, and has more than 20 years of training in hatha yoga, tai chi, meditation and tantra. He has taught and conducted research at the University of California Medical School, San Diego; University of California, Santa Cruz; San Jose State University; Lexington Institute, Boston; and Ecole Polytechnique, Paris, France. He is the author of
Intimate Communion, The Way of the Superior Man
and
The Way of the Superior Lover.