Authors: S.C. Stephens
K
ai woke up Monday morning feeling a ripping pain in his stomach that he hadn’t felt since he’d first discovered the truth about Jessie. He knew what he had to do, and he knew it was the right thing to do, but that didn’t make his decision any easier. If anything, it was harder. Because a part of him wanted to ignore what was right. A part of him wanted to race to the woman he loved, a woman who loved him back. They’d finally admitted it to each other, and instead of the declaration being a heartwarming moment that brought two people together, it was driving them apart. Thousands of miles apart.
Sitting up on his bed, Kai stared at the river rock photograph that Jessie had given to him. She was so caring, so wonderful. He couldn’t imagine his life without her in it. But he had to go. It was time to return to the home he’d left behind. Life had been so simple when he’d boarded the plane to come out here. Thinking about how different the return flight was going to be filled Kai with dread. It was going to be so hard to leave, especially with Jessie there, seeing him off.
Kai sniffed and stared at his sheets. That might be the last time they see each other. Ever. He couldn’t truly comprehend it, and tried to think of ways around the finality of that ending. Maybe they could try not seeing each other again. Maybe, if Kai cut off all ties with April and Harmony, he’d lessen his chances of running into Jessie. But Gran…there was no way around that one. Their mutual grandmother was big on family togetherness. Although, even she wouldn’t approve of the level of togetherness Kai and Jessie had. But she’d make staying here and remaining separate from Jessie impossible. Eventually she would force them together, just like she had this past weekend.
Kai could already see at least a half-dozen times where they would have to be together—Christmas, Gran’s birthday, Kai’s birthday, Jessie’s birthday, Easter, Grandpa and Gran’s anniversary, one she still celebrated every year, even after his death. Sighing, he got out of bed and trudged to the bathroom. He’d somehow managed to fake an illness that had gotten him out of Thanksgiving dinner a while ago, but Kai couldn’t do that every time there was a family event. Not without raising some serious red flags. No, there was just no way they could remain here together and not see each other.
Turning on the shower, Kai recommitted himself to leaving. It was the only way to stop them from loving each other the way they wanted to—man to woman, boyfriend to girlfriend…husband to wife. Kai scrubbed his face to erase that thought from his brain.
That
was most definitely not an option.
Kai and Jessie weren’t anything but family. Kai had even made that distinction when he’d professed his feelings for her. As he ran his hand under the warm water, he wondered if Jessie had caught the significance of what he’d said. He’d called her by her full name, a name that only family called her. Because even though he might not think of her that way, there was no denying who she was. In his head, she might be Jessie, the warm, caring girl he’d met at a club one night, but in reality, she was Jessica Marie, his first cousin, by blood. And while he might be able to fool himself into believing their relationship was okay one day, the blood didn’t lie, and there was no getting around the fact that they were family.
No, being together…wasn’t an option.
Kai undressed and stepped into the shower. The familiar peace of the running water melted into him, although it wasn’t as soothing as it once was. Kai was fairly certain nothing would completely soothe him anymore. And now…now he had some decisions to make. Namely, who he should talk to first.
Lathering his hair and body with the shampoo Jessie had picked up for him, Kai debated calling his parents. He imagined hearing his father’s reaction to Kai telling him he was giving up and returning home. Recalling his father’s distance lately, his thoughts turned dark. He’d been so odd with Kai, sometimes cold, sometimes detached; Kai had no clue what he would say about him quitting. He was sure he’d be deeply disappointed, though, especially since Kai couldn’t give him a solid reason for packing up and leaving town. As much as Kai wanted to tell his dad what was going on, he wasn’t sure if he could handle hearing his father’s condemnation right now.
Rinsing his hair clean, Kai considered calling his mother first. She would probably have the opposite reaction. Seeing as how he was still receiving bi-weekly care packages from her, including everything from local foods from home that he couldn’t get here, to new underwear, he imagined that she would be overjoyed to have him back. But she worked with Kai’s father. She would tell him Kai was coming home, and that led Kai right back to scenario number one, and he’d really rather wait a few days to have that talk. Things were hard enough at the moment.
Hating how childish all of that sounded, Kai shut the water off and stepped out of the shower. Honestly, he was an adult. He shouldn’t be nervous to talk to his parents. Kai considered talking to his grandmother and decided he would drop by after work today and tell her. She probably wouldn’t be thrilled with the news, but she would be understanding and supportive. She’d repeatedly told him that he should go home if he wasn’t happy working at the center. While that wasn’t Kai’s reason for leaving, he would let her think it was. It was easier that way. And he had a feeling that, if he asked her not to, she wouldn’t tell his father he was coming home. For a while anyway.
That would give Kai time to figure out what he was going to say to the man who’d done him such a huge favor by getting him such a coveted job. Kai knew his parents’ connections within the scientific community had gone a long way in helping him skip a few steps, and he didn’t want to take that for granted. A part of him felt like turning away from the dream job he’d been given was like slapping his dad’s generosity in the face. Kai wasn’t prepared to do that to him just yet.
Walking back to his room, Kai got dressed in his multiple layers of clothing, followed by his teal work shirt. Truly, the very first conversation he needed to have today was with the boss who didn’t like him, anyway. Surely Mason would be ecstatic. He probably wouldn’t think about him again once he stepped out of the center’s doors for the last time.
Once Kai was outside his studio apartment, he locked the door. He instantly envisioned Jessie pounding her fist on it yesterday, desperate to talk to him. He’d fled from her, taking a taxi to a dismal transfer station where he’d waited on a hard park bench with a bum and a couple of drunk college kids. He’d been exhausted, but his mind had been spinning so furiously, sleep had completely evaded him. He’d flip-flopped between returning to Jessie or staying on that hard, cold bench. Eventually, and with an enormous amount of will power on his part, he’d stayed where he was, and the shuttle had finally come and picked him up.
And then when he’d finally gotten to his apartment…she’d been there. It was like magic, like he hadn’t left her at all. Kai couldn’t even imagine how she’d gotten there so fast. And at first, he hadn’t been sure why she’d rushed over. He’d left that note for her just so she wouldn’t worry. She could have rested at the lodge with her friends, and they could have talked in the evening when she got home. But she’d been terrified he was leaving, that he’d run away without another word, without closure.
He was a little surprised that she thought he was capable of doing that. And maybe that was the smarter thing to do. Maybe it would be easier for both of them if he just…disappeared. But he couldn’t imagine leaving the state forever without one final goodbye with her. Regardless of how painful that moment was going to be, he needed it.
As he sped through the city, Kai began preparing all of the speeches he would have to tell people. It was the beginning of what would eventually be goodbye. His studded tires thudded along the dry road, thankfully still clear of snow and ice. It hadn’t snowed in the city yet, but farther up the mountains, where his work was based, a thin layer typically blanketed the forest.
Kai had spun out on the slick stuff a few times before he’d invested in snow tires. Louis told him almost every day that a bike was not going to cut it come February, and he’d made him a pretty generous offer on an old truck that he’d converted to burn bio-diesel. Before the ski trip, Kai had been considering buying it, especially on days when the icy wind picked up. When the chill cut straight through all of his protective layers, the thought of driving in an enclosed cabin sounded nicer and nicer. But now…Kai didn’t need to worry about it anymore.
Pulling into the parking area, Kai shivered as he shut off his bike. He hadn’t taken two steps away from his Honda, his helmet in hand since he wasn’t a big fan of riding with a frozen skull, when Missy stepped up to him. Wearing an oversized parka with fur around the trim, she looked like she’d just been exploring the arctic.
“Morning, Kai.” She smiled as she slowly eyed the length of him. When her gaze returned to her face, she frowned. Grabbing a section of his insulated riding pants, a little closer to the crotch than he was comfortable with, she said, “These do nothing for you. I can’t wait until the weather warms up.” Her lips twisted into a smile as she wriggled her eyebrows.
Kai removed her hand and started walking toward the building. He didn’t care how he looked, so long as he was warm. “Good morning to you too, Missy.” Kai didn’t mention to her that he wouldn’t be here when the weather warmed up. He intended to tell his coworkers, but his boss should come first. Besides, he wasn’t sure what Missy would do once she found out he was leaving.
She huffed as she squeezed through the door with him. Once they popped through the other side, she poked a finger into his shoulder. “By the way, I’m very happy you’re not seeing that August person anymore.”
Kai cracked a smile as he waved at a group of people starting their morning routines. Continuing on to the storage room, where he could change out of his riding gear, he told her, “You mean April?”
She blew out a quick puff of air. “Whatever the month was, I’m just glad it’s over. She was never right for you.” Looking up at him, Missy batted her lashes beneath her black-rimmed glasses. Kai was all too aware just who she thought was perfect for him.
Shaking his head, Kai opened the door to the storage room. As he could have predicted, Missy darted in behind him. Once they were alone in the room, she backed against the door and seductively began to unzip her jacket. Kai really hoped that was all she took off in here. Twisting away from her, he set down his helmet and started unzipping his heavy coat.
From behind him, he heard the sounds of her undressing; her low voice floating over the top of it. “She has to be mental, if she let someone like you go.”
Kai ignored her comment, like he always did, and slid his riding pants down his hips. He had them mid-thigh when she let out an approving whistle. Twisting around, he smirked at her. Luckily, she had only removed her winter coat, and was fully dressed. Now that she had his attention again, she gave him a seductive smile. “If I had you, you’d never get my claws out of you.” Growling, she mimed a cat clawing the air.
Kai unzipped the ends of his pants and slid them over his shoes. Laying them on a shelf near his jacket, he straightened to look at her. “Well, Missy, it’s a good thing you never had me then.” He raised a corner of his lip. “And I’m pretty sure I’ve already mentioned this, but it was a mutual decision to stop seeing each other. We’re even still friends.”
Missy rolled her eyes as she grabbed her gadget belt off a shelf. “Too bad for her, yay for me,” she muttered. Kai sighed. Grabbing his own belt, he moved around her to leave the room. She surprisingly let him, an innocent smile on her freckled face as she adjusted her outfit. Then just as he stepped through the door, she cupped his ass; he heard her laughter as the door closed between them.
Frowning at the door, Kai put on his belt. One thing he wouldn’t miss around here was his too frisky coworker. Turning, Kai started heading toward Mason’s office. He still wasn’t sure what he was going to say to the man, but he supposed it really didn’t matter what he said. Whether he was telling him he was leaving, or telling him he was staying forever, Mason would probably react in the same odd, awkward way.
Deep in that thought as he walked down the hall to his boss’s office, Kai didn’t notice Louis approaching him. He didn’t notice until Louis bumped his shoulder. Startled, Kai looked up at the scruffy man; his beard was even thicker than when Kai had first met him.
“Hey, so…Kai.” Louis looked up and down the hall, like he was about to tell him something so vastly important, no one else could be around to hear it. Seeing that they were alone, he leaned into Kai’s side. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you…” He let a dramatic pause fill the air that was almost uncomfortably long. Just when Kai was about to ask him what he wanted, he got on with his request. “I’m going to ask out your ex, but I don’t want to break the guy-code, so I’m checking with you first. That okay with you?”
For a second, Kai had no idea what he was talking about. Then it struck him, and he smiled. “April? Really?” Kai glanced down at the adventurer-hero-wannabe. He tried to picture him on a date with April. He couldn’t.
Louis’s face was dead serious as they walked down the quiet hall. “Yeah, and I know that dating a friend’s ex is an off-limits kind of thing, especially since the two of us are tight and all, so I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t infringing on another Alpha male’s territory.”
Kai smiled at the reference and looked away. He hadn’t realized Louis thought so much of their relationship. It warmed him, then it saddened him. He’d be leaving Indiana Junior behind soon. Louis took his silence for uncertainty. “Look, I don’t want to mess us up or anything. Guys have to stick together. Say the word and I’ll keep away from April, because your friendship means more to me than a nice ass.” Leaning in, he asked Kai, “
Does
she have a nice ass?”
Kai laughed and clapped him on the back. Remembering some of the outfits he’d seen April wear, Kai nodded. “Oh yeah, it’s pretty nice.” Kai patted him again before dropping his hand. “I don’t care if you date her, Louis. Truly, it doesn’t bother me.”