It's All Relative (43 page)

Jessie whimpered with the loss of him, and her hand drifted down to feel that wonderful length that she’d almost had inside her again. Kai closed his eyes as she wrapped her fingers around him. “God, I wish we could be together…” he murmured.

She leaned over to kiss his chest. “We are. Just touch me, that’s enough.”

He lifted his head to stare at her, and so much desire swirled in his features that Jessie almost didn’t need his touch to climax. Almost. As she began moving her hand against him, he ran his fingers between her thighs. His eyes never leaving her face, he inserted a long digit. Jessie let herself pretend it wasn’t his hand entering her, and she was overwhelmed with a burst of sensation. Closing her eyes, she let out a loud moan as she drifted away on the steadily increasing waves of euphoria coursing through her.

She urged his head to her breast with her free hand, and when his mouth finally closed over her nipple, Jessie wanted to scream as the ecstasy burning through her doubled. God, he knew just how to touch her. She tightened her fingers around the warm hardness of him, and her movements became more demanding. She wanted more from him. She wanted to give more
to
him. Kai groaned against her chest, and his searching fingers became more forceful, as well. Jessie cinched her arm around his neck tighter, pulling him into her as she cried out. His mouth sucked harder, his tongue over her nipple frantic.

Jessie buried her face in the crook of his shoulder, her lips touching the black ink reaching up over the blade. Kai shifted his mouth to her other breast as they panted against each other. They were both being swept away on a river of lust, faster and faster. As Jessie worked her hand over his thick length, her palm sliding easily against him with the wetness of her own arousal coating him, and imagined that marvelous manhood thrusting inside her instead of her hand. She moved her hips in time with his finger plunging into her, and he moved his hips in time with the movement of her hand, but they were out of synch with each other as they tumbled toward release.

Kai slipped another finger inside her, and Jessie gasped and gripped his erection tighter. Groaning, he moved harder against her hand. Jessie moved a leg up over his; their hips were positioned in such a way now, that if they pulled their hands away, they would easily connect.

Jessie rested the heel of her hand on her own body. Still holding him tight, she stopped stroking. Kai stilled his hand as well, leaving his fingers inside of her. Pulling back to stare at each other, they kept their hands still and only rocked their hips, like they were making love. Jessie imagined the stiff fingers moving inside her were the thickness she held in her hand; she rocked against his fingers harder. Kai groaned and rocked against her hand harder. They were perfectly in sync now, having sex, without technically having sex. Jessie closed her eyes, and let the fantasy consume her.

As they thrust against each other’s body, Jessie felt the buildup quickly coming. Clenching him tight, she leaned in to find his lips. As the apex approached, she started moaning uncontrollably. It was incredible, her imagination was only adding to the sensation. She was so close…almost there.
God, yes…don’t stop.

Speeding up her hips, she hungrily attacked his mouth. Kai groaned as he sped up his movements as well. Still in perfect synch, she felt the beginning of the wave rushing up on her. Dropping her head back, she loudly cried out as it inched ever closer. Her hand automatically tightened on his throbbing mass between her fingers as she prepared for the release. Watching her, Kai panted in her ear, “I want to come with you. I can’t…it’s not enough…”

Not thinking about anything but sharing the explosion with him, Jessie twisted onto her back. Removing his hand from inside her, she led him right to the spot where she needed him the most. He slipped inside her effortlessly, not even breaking his rhythm, like he’d always been there. His body tensed as she enveloped him. “No, wait, I shouldn’t… Oh God…yes…”

Kai began thrusting in her in earnest, holding nothing back. Jessie, already so very, very close, immediately started to come. Grabbing his hips, she pushed hers up to meet him, prolonging the burst of euphoria in her body. She cried out repeatedly as the waves swept her away.

He dropped his head to her shoulder as he panted in her ear. “I’m so close…God I want to so bad.” With a groan, he started to stiffen like he was about to climax, too. He slowed and started shaking his head. “I shouldn’t come in you…I should pull out.”

Kai started to remove himself from her and Jessie, still carried away on the best high she’d ever had, pulled against his hips, slamming him back inside of her. Being right on the edge, he immediately cried out, “I can’t stop…oh God, yes…”

He grunted and groaned as his orgasm overtook him. Jessie felt the warmth spread through her, and at that moment it only amplified her joy; she felt complete. His body rocked against hers for a few long strokes as they both rode out the bliss. After a few residual groans and pants, they both slumped against each other, spent and satisfied.

But after the high completely faded, a darker feeling instantly seeped inside Jessie. She’d just had sex with her cousin…again. But this time they’d known they were related, and they’d done it anyway. Pulling out, Kai rolled over and stared at the ceiling. His breathing was still fast, but other than that, he was completely silent.

Jessie didn’t know what to say, what to do, or how to feel. She stared at the ceiling with him, as small tears fell from the corner of her eyes. Why did the best, most intense connection she’d ever had with anyone, have to be with him? Why couldn’t she stop having feelings for him? Things would be so much easier, if she wasn’t in love with him.

She closed her eyes after finally admitting that to herself. She was in love him, and not just in the familial way. Needing to process this new information alone, she slowly stood up. Kai sat up on his elbows as she moved away from him. “Where are you going?” he quietly asked.

Wiping the tears off her face, she shook her head. “I just need to go for a walk…get some air.”

He nodded and looked away. His face mirrored all of the horror, remorse, and conflict that hers did, and Jessie wondered if he loved her too. For his sake, she hoped he didn’t. As quickly as she could, she grabbed some clothes that she could wear in the main lobby. Sitting up now, Kai kept his eyes on the floor. He either wasn’t able to look at her anymore, or he was giving her privacy.

Once she was cleaned up and dressed, Jessie went to their door. Pausing, she glanced back at him still on the floor in front of the fire, completely naked and completely beautiful. Knowing she wasn’t returning until the morning, she whispered, “Goodnight, Kai.”

He finally looked at her, and Jessie was surprised to see tears on his cheeks. “Goodnight, Jessie.” His voice was scratchy, like he was barely containing the emotion warring within him. And she could clearly see the emotion now. He did love her…and it was killing him. It was killing them both.

Closing the door, blocking out the devastating grief on his face, Jessie wondered who it was that had said all the world needed was love? Apparently that person had never been in a situation like hers before. An absence of love was what Jessie needed.

K
ai ran his hands down his face, and was surprised to find his cheeks damp. Had that really just happened? Had he really just made love to his cousin, or had he fallen asleep in front of the fire, and all of that had just been some horrible, yet wonderful dream? If his spent body wasn’t telling him that he’d—once again—had the best orgasm of his life, he probably could have convinced himself it was just a fantasy, but he wasn’t so demented that he could delude himself in that way.

It hadn’t been a dream. He really had been thrusting into Jessie. He’d listened to her cry out in ecstasy, felt her body clench around him as she came. And he’d released inside of her. Right now, she was carrying a part of him within her. The thought made his stomach feel like it had just been sliced open.

Standing, Kai glanced down at his limp, fulfilled body. At least one of them was happy about this. Shaking his head, he closed his eyes and debated having another heart to heart with his seemingly independent male parts. He’d already told that stubborn piece of equipment that it couldn’t have her. Of all the times to rebel…this was the worst.

Running a hand through his hair, Kai stared into the fire. No, he couldn’t separate his body into warring factions like that. The truth was…he’d wanted her, heart and soul, head to toe. He loved her so much he wanted that to happen every night. He wanted to hold her afterwards, kiss her, fall asleep in her arms. Warm, safe…content. He wanted to go slowly with her, take his time making love to her. He wanted to drape her across that damn clichéd animal rug and explore every perfect inch of her.

But it was wrong to feel that way, wrong to want those things. It went against everything he was comfortable with. It filled him with self-loathing. Why couldn’t he be stronger? Why couldn’t he turn away from her? Why couldn’t he shut off his feelings whenever she was near him? He knew he needed to do that somehow, and he also knew that if he really couldn’t…then he couldn’t stay near her anymore.

Sighing, he shuffled to the bathroom. Kai needed to shower. Having the lingering scent of her on his body was too much to bear. Even still, as he turned on the water, he took a deep inhale, savoring her fragrance on his skin. As much as he wanted to get rid of every trace of her, he also wanted to keep it with him forever.

Annoyed at his body’s constant emotional tug of war, Kai glanced at himself in the mirror. He could just see the edge of his tattoo curling around his collar bone. Jessie loved his tattoo, loved that it was something only she knew about. Even something he’d done as a teenager, as a rite of passage with his friends, now reminded him of her. Would anything not remind him of her now? Kai ran his fingers over the black ink as he remembered his past and contemplated his future. He didn’t know what to do. For the first time in his life, Kai had no idea what direction to go. Stay? Leave? Ignore her again? Continue their friendship? Somehow.

Seeing the hot steam escaping the open shower door, Kai figured he could start with that. Stepping into it, he sighed in relief. The scalding water pummeling him helped ease the tension in his aching muscles; being surrounded by his favorite substance helped ease his spinning mind. Right at that moment, Kai wished he were back home. He could listen to the surf for hours, could paddle out into the water early in the morning when no one else was around, and could work through his problems with only Mother Nature as his companion. Of course, when he was back at home, his biggest problem had been deciding which twin he should ask to prom. God, how he wished he could return to the easy questions.

Kai emerged from the shower clean if not refreshed, but now that his body smelled like the lodge’s generic body wash, he missed the lingering trace of Jessie on his skin. Missed it a lot. Wrapping himself in a towel, he hesitated at the bathroom door. Should he really walk into the room like this, if she
was
back from her walk? And where did she go, anyway? Kai hoped she hadn’t gone walking around outside. Bad things could happen to pretty girls who wandered in the middle of the night.

Worry spurring his actions, he rushed into the main part of the suite only to find it empty. He looked around for any sign that Jessie had come back, but everything was exactly how they’d left it. Even their discarded pajamas were still strewn beside the fireplace. Setting his mouth into a hard line, he shut off the stupid, overly romantic firelight. He’d rather be cold than be reminded of what had happened. Picking up their clothes, he shoved them into open bags. Then he folded up the blanket and put it away. Kai couldn’t sleep on it now, not when the image of Jessie’s pale skin draped across it was burned into his brain.

Without bothering the pretense of getting any sleep tonight, Kai changed into casual clothes. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he played with his hands while he waited for Jessie to come back. He wasn’t sure what he would say to her. He was sorry? It seemed like such a tiny word now, one that had lost all its meaning, since they’d used it so much. Plus, she’d technically kissed him first. But then again, he’d stoked her to a boiling point with his damn evocative talk, and even after she’d asked him to stop…

Jesus. None of that should have happened. He should have moved away from her, said goodnight, and let that be the end of it. He should have ignored the warmth and love in the room and they should have gone their separate ways. That was how the evening was supposed to play out. Not like this, with both of them disgusted, and hating themselves for caving into temptation.

Kai sighed as he slumped over his knees. He really didn’t like to think of Jessie all alone out there, struggling through this emotional tidal wave on her own. Was she sobbing now? She’d been lightly crying in the room. And damn it, hadn’t he thought earlier in the evening that he never wanted to make her cry again? How quickly he’d ruined that.