J Speaks (L & J 2) (4 page)

There was no way I was giving that up. And for some reason, she fell in love with me. Me. Despicable me.
A monster.

I was the luckiest man to ever walk the earth’s
surface. I was happier than I’d been since… forever. I had her light shining down on me, even when she wasn’t next to me. Her love stayed with me wherever I went, keeping me warm under its rays.

I had the sun.

I had the FUCKING sun!

...and I shot it.

Crashing

I was waiting for Skinny to come pick me up. We had a job to do, yet all I could think about was crawling into bed next to Elle. I hoped the fuckers we were about to visit had the money. I didn’t feel like killing anyone tonight. Not that I ever
felt
like killing, but tonight I had bigger plans.

Sitting on the loveseat on the sun porch, I was holding a ring in one hand. When I was thirteen, Gramps
gave me a package. It was from Gram, and he’d been holding onto it for six years. Why he chose that day, I’ll never know, but I opened the package to find a ring and a note. The ring was made of silver, with its sides as smooth as Gramps could get them when he made it for Gram. It was not quite a half inch wide. On top of the silver, was a strip of copper with
38° 57' 6" N / 92° 20' 2" W
stamped into it. Gramps had found an old typewriter and used the typebars with the letters stamps to mark the ring that he proposed with, and the ring Gram wore every day until her death.

In my o
ther hand was the note that accompanied the package.

My dearest, Bear. How I love you and wish we could have more time together. I had hoped to be there when you found the woman who would be your sun. Your Gramps always said I brought light into his life. I hope you find someone who does the same for you. I wish I could be there when you introduce her to Gramps. I wish I could sit on the porch, watching the sun set with her while getting to know one another. I wish I could share the women’s stories of the Lakota with her. Alas, it was not part of the universe’s plan. When you find the woman who turns your world upside down and makes you as happy as Gramps makes me, give her this ring. It is a promise that you will love her, protect her, and take care of her as long as you both remain in this realm. When you put this ring on her finger, think of me and know that I love you and will watch over you from the other side, waiting for the time when we can be together again. I love you more than words can express. ~Gram

It seemed fitting I was on the sun porch, even if it was well past dusk. I found my sun, and couldn’t think of anyone else who should be wearing this ring except for Elle. So why were my hands sweating as I gripped the ring? It wasn’t because I might be killing someone in the next hour. Nope. It was because I was afraid of turning Elle into a deer. I had no intention of proposing to Elle. I wasn’t stupid. If I wanted Elle out of my life, I’m pretty sure that would be the way to do it. No, I didn’t care about a piece of paper that the American government gave us saying we loved each other. I wanted to give this ring to Elle because I’d found the sun Gram was talking about. Over a decade later, I finally figured out what that meant.

The ring
was buried in a drawer, in the original package Gramps gave it to me in, with Gram’s letter tucked inside. I hadn’t thought about it in years. I think when all the MM shit went down, I figured I’d never have a sun. But I did. I found my sun, and like a caveman, I wanted her to wear this ring so the world knew she was mine. Mine, and only mine. I didn’t care what finger it went on, I just wanted my mark on Elle everyday. I wanted her to look at it, and know I would love, protect, and take care of her for as long as we both were in this realm. I wanted her to know that she was my sun.

There was a knock at the door, startling me out of the
thoughts I’d been deep in. I shoved the ring in my pocket, and the note under the coffee tale. I knew it was Skinny at the door. I needed to get my head in the game.

“Come on in,” I told Skinny, holding the door open for him. “Gimme a minute.”

“Dude, you’re supposed to piss before I get here,” Skinny joked as I ran up the stairs to strap on a bullet proof vest. Never can be too prepared. Kevlar saved me enough times that I’d contemplated buying stock.

“Fuck you, toothpick,” I called behind me.

Skinny and I were a pair. He was a few inches shorter than me, and skinny as a twig. He had shaggy brown hair that I was always ragging on him to cut since it was like a mop on his head. If he washed it a little more often it wouldn’t have been a big deal, but Skinny wasn’t the biggest fan of the shower. It didn’t really matter though for what we were about to do. Outside of this, Skinny and I didn’t see each other except on the rare occasion when he came to Checks. We didn’t share our personal lives with one another. I think it made the killing easier. I knew I had to get my game face on before we did what we did. I assumed he did too. I think it would have made all this harder if we did much together outside of killing. Maybe that sounds fucked up, but I’d learned to compartmentalize a long time ago. I assumed Skinny had as well.

He’d been part of MM for two years when I was patched in. Like me, he’d gotten
a brief taste of real MM life before Burns took over. When shit was set up at Eight Oh Eight, Burns wanted two people doing the disappearing. I shot, and Skinny disposed of the bodies. Burns was around for the first few. I think he was testing us, making sure we could do what was expected of us. After that, we were on our own. Skinny was better at harassing people into giving us our money. Half the time when we busted up on dealers who hadn’t paid, they had the money, but were being greedy and not wanting to pay the taxman. Skinny was menacing enough to get the money out of them. If they really didn’t have it, they got a bullet between the eyes. I was a better shot, so Skinny and my roles naturally developed. I rarely said anything. I just stood there looking big—which meant I just stood there.

“Alright, man, let’s do this quick,” I told Skinny, pulling my black hat on as I came down the stairs, suited up.

We got into a car Skinny brought. It was a grey Ford Focus. I don’t know where he got these cars, but they were always eight to ten years old, and generic. Ones that you saw a million of on the streets. Ones that would blend. Maybe he got them from the shop in St. Louis. I didn’t know and didn’t care. I gave him the run down on the way to the location.

“I rolled by an hour ago and saw two of them. If there’s more than that, we’ll hang back and wait it out for an hour. If it’s still just the two, we bust in. Both are young’uns. One is barely bar age and the other’s barely lega
l. They’re four weeks late on their taxes. I already broke the older one’s arm.”

I shoved everything aside as I told this to Skinny. I fucking hated this shit, but learned a long time ago that if you made yourself numb, it was much easier.

“Gotchya,” Skinny said pulling up to the address I gave him. He parked the car a few houses down.

We got out
of the car, making our way quietly toward the house. Skinny peaked in the window, and saw the outline of three forms.

“Fuck. You wanna go in?” Skinny asked, referring to the third body.

I took a look through the thin living room curtains. “Eh, looks like a chick. Let’s just get this over with.”

“Do it then.”

When we first started doing this, I’d kicked open a few doors unnecessarily. Skinny got a good laugh when I kicked a door open that was unlocked. Stupid fuckers didn’t lock their door while they had a table full of drugs. Dumb fucks. Since then, I always tried the handle before making noise and kicking a door down.

I turned the knob, and heard a voice. “Genny, get back in the bathroom.”
Either the boys saw us lurking, or they heard the door handle open. It didn’t matter. They knew who it was and what we were here for.

Skinny gave me a nod and I shoved the door open, training my Glock on
the two guys sitting on the couch.

Skinny slid into character as soon as we crossed through the door. Gone was the joking voice from the house. He yelled at the two boys. “Don’t move, fuckers, unless you want your heads blown off.”

We had a routine. Those were his opening lines. Next, he pulled a gun out from the inside of his cut and told me, “Put the silencer on. We don’t wanna wake the neighbors.”

I pulled the silencer out of my cut, and screwed it on the modified threaded barrel of my
Glock. Once I had my gun aimed back at the boys, Skinny continued his speech. I had heard it so many times, I think I had it memorized. This was the part where he gave the guys one more shot at giving up the money they owed. There was blow all over the coffee table, leading me to believe there was no money.

I listened to Skinny yell at the boys for a few more minutes before I found my mind drifting. Drifting to Elle, the way her hair felt wrapped around my hands as I took her from behind last night. I was on my knees, and tugged her upright with the hand wrapped around her golden locks. I pulled her
back towards my front. I leaned in to whisper in her ear. I knew she was close, and I wanted to hear her release.
Say my name when you come
I’d told her. That must’ve done it, because a few seconds later she mumbled incoherently and her body spasmed. I felt her walls contract around my cock, and I continued to drive into her through her orgasm. She wasn’t a screamer. More of a moaner when she said my name.
J. Oh my fucking J. My bear. Fuck. I love you, J.
I’m pretty sure I said something similar back as I came a few moments later. Our bodies were sweaty from the marathon night of sex we’d had. She finished her finals, and apparently that got her in the mood. Who knew?

I was pulled from my memory when I heard Skinny yell, “Now, either you pay up, or this one’s taking a bullet. What’s it gonna be? Or are you going to give me that girl I heard hiding in the bathroom?” 

Fuck, I was off my game. First of all, I think I had a smile on my face. And it had nothing to do with the girl in the bathroom, and everything to do with my dick being hard from the image that had just played out in my head of me and Elle. I probably looked like some sinister fuck who would actually take the girl in back. Judging by the age of the boys, I imagined the girl to be young. And it was the young’un who got all fired up at Skinny’s comment, so I assumed she was a kid just like him.

I hated these situations. Why couldn’t they just pay up or take the bullet so I could get on with my evening? And what the fuck did Skinny think we were gonna do with the girl? Our normal routine would be to kill one of the guys, and shoot the other in the leg as a reminder of what MM was capable of and not to screw us over. I was thinking I was gonna kill the older kid, and let the young’un live, but I often made that decision in the moment. Then, if possible, we’d take whatever drugs or valuables were in the house as payment. There were drugs on the table and a flat screen worth taking. That was about it
.

Man, I was
definitely off my game, because the next thing I knew, the young’un was spittin’ in Skinny’s face. Well, fuck. He’d sealed his fate. Guess he was dying, and the older one was getting out of this with a busted leg. I cocked my gun as Skinny lifted his hand at the boy and pretended to shoot him. That was my signal to fire. No matter how many men I killed, I always said a two second prayer for them to have a swift and painless trip to the next part of their soul’s journey.

Right as I readied my finger to pull the trigger, I heard the girl in back come
running of the bathroom. She swung something at me, hitting my Kevlar covered chest as soon as the shot rang out. I was jostled back a bit, so I didn’t hit where I was aiming. For a minute I didn’t know if my bullet had hit anyone. It was like everything went wild the moment I shot my gun.

There was a girl lying on top of the kid. She was the one who had come out swinging from the bathroom. Skinny kept his gun pointed at the older dude while I slowly realized what was happening. The girl had blood running out of her s
ide as she raised her hand to wipe the golden strands of straight hair off her face. When she did this, the camouflage hat she was wearing slipped back, and my world came crashing down around me.

“Nooooooooo!”
I yelled, as I fell to my knees in front of Elle.

The boy looked terrified,
as if he wasn’t sure what to do. Stay sitting, get up, help Elle, run? He saw her eyes flutter and he called her name. Shit. She had to stay awake.

“Fernie, we’ve got to get you out of here.” It was like a punch to my chest. She thought the blood was this kid’s. She was so focused on saving this kid, who she apparently knew, that she didn’t realize she was the one bleeding out.

Every piece of me wanted to freak the fuck out, but I knew I needed to keep it together as the kid started yelling her name.

She was fading out again as she whispered back, “I’m right here, Fernie.”

I was done kneeling and propelling into action. “Keep your eyes open, Elle. Look at me, Elle.” I picked her up and turned around to see Chris standing in the hall opposite the bathroom door. It all hit me. This kid was one of hers from that center. Whoever was in that bathroom had called her. She’d taken a bullet for this kid.