I could tell by the tenseness of his body and the stress in his voice that it was taking everything he had not to move—not to feel the pleasure I knew my body could give him.
I reached up and ran my fingers over his cheeks, wishing I could see his eyes better. “No. Please don’t stop.”
He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine as he pulled from my body and pushed back in again. Again, the pain was there, but this time it wasn’t as bad.
I closed my eyes and kissed him back, trying to lose myself in the moment. He continued. Pulling out and pushing back in slowly, until finally there was no pain. He lifted my thigh up over his hip, going even deeper and making me gasp at the intense pressure between my legs.
“I love you, Chelsey,” he breathed against my lips.
His speed picked up, and the pressure in my lower stomach began to unravel. Noises I didn’t realize I was making pushed past my lips and Blaine bit down on a curse as he buried his face in my neck and sucked.
Tension climbed down my spine, and reached into my hips as something deep and primal gripped me. It wasn’t long until I was lifting my hips and meeting his thrusts and whispering his name over and over again.
Leaning on his elbow, he used his other hand to capture my face and kiss me hard. I tried to kiss him back, but I couldn’t. The feeling was too intense and my breath was rushed and heated.
“Yes. Please, Blaine. Don’t stop. It feels so good. Don’t stop.”
He pushed me harder, his frame pressing mine deep into the seat as he took my body and made me feel things I’d never felt before.
“That’s it, baby. You’re almost there,” he mumbled.
And then I exploded around him.
My body took over as I screamed out his name along with some other things I’d probably never remember. I latched onto his body and rode the wave of pleasure that washed over me. His speed was the fastest it had been yet and when I moved my fingers over his back it was drenched with sweat.
With my name on his lips, his body went tense and he slammed into me one final time pressing up and holding as if he wanted to climb inside me and never leave.
“Mine,” he whispered against my lips before he kissed me long and soft.
21
BLAINE
LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE, SEX
with Chelsey was different. My heart was in it, and I focused more on her pleasure than my own. I didn’t want her first time to be terrible, even though it took everything I had to keep up my stamina and not come as soon as I entered her.
She felt amazing. So fucking amazing. It wasn’t until I was unloading inside of her that I realized we hadn’t used a condom. I’d never gone bareback with a girl before, but I was glad it was my Chelsey. I felt all of her—her wetness and her heat—she enveloped me completely, taking all I was and giving me her all.
And when she came all over my cock and screamed out my name, it was the final straw. Her body clenched around mine and pulled me right over the edge with her. It was in the front seat of my car parked on the side of the road, but it was still beautiful. I’d never be able to sit in my car without thinking of her ever again.
“We didn’t use a condom,” I said, pressing a kiss to her temple. “We have to be more careful next time.”
She mumbled a response and snuggled into me.
That night, when I snuck into Chelsey’s room, we did it again… condom included. It was soft and slow since she was still sore, but it was just as amazing as the first time. Afterward, I held her close to me all night while she slept against my side.
The following Monday, I floated around school like a little bitch boy. The weekend between Chelsey and I had officially changed everything between us. She gave me a part of herself that only helped to insure me that she’d always be mine.
The week flew by in a haze of happiness with me sneaking into her room and making love to her until our bodies couldn’t go anymore and we’d pass out. I’d wake up just in time to leave before her parents got up, and then I’d see her in school. I’d never been so happy in all my life and it was all thanks to Chelsey.
On Thursday, when I got home from work, my mom handed me my mail when I went into the kitchen for something to eat.
“What’s this?’ I asked, holding up the envelope as I shoved a sandwich in my mouth.
“No clue. Did you apply to college?” My mom asked, a smile tugging at her lips and surprise in her eyes.
Dropping the sandwich to my plate, I picked up the letter and ripped it open quickly, praying it was the answer I’d been waiting for—praying I’d make Chelsey happy with the fact that I’d gotten accepted into the technical college close to Columbia.
Then the letter was in front of me, and my eyes moved over the thick, bold font. Everything stopped as the word
accepted
bounced off the page. I’d done it. I’d been accepted into a school—a school close to where Chelsey would be.
I wasn’t sure what I was more excited about—the fact that I’d be going to college and was able to get grants to pay for it, or the fact that I’d be with Chelsey when she left.
Excitement moved through me and I lunged for the phone to call her, but then I thought about it and I knew my news was something I wanted to tell her face to face. It would be hell, but I was going to wait until I was lying in bed with her later. Maybe I’d tell her after I climbed inside her and made her come over and over again. Either way, I wanted it to be special.
Me and my girl were leaving together. We were going to get a place together, and I’d work on the side and take care of us. I could hardly wait to start my life with Chelsey.
“You got in?” my mom said over my shoulder. I’d forgotten she was even there. “Bill, Blaine’s going to college,” she called into the living room to my dad before she wrapped her arms around me and kissed me on the cheek. “I’m so proud of you, son.”
My dad came around the corner with my sister, Maddie, in his arms. “What’s going on?
My mom went to him and threw her arms around his neck. “Blaine’s going to college. He got accepted to some college in New York.”
My dad looked over at me as if he was just seeing me for the first time. I’d never told him anything about college except for the fact that I wasn’t going, but I could tell I’d made my parents proud and that made me feel good.
“Don’t worry about cooking tonight, baby,” he said to my mom. “We’re going out and celebrating.”
**********
DINNER WITH MY FAMILY
was every bit the celebration they promised. We stuffed ourselves with steak at the local steakhouse, and tossed our peanut shells on the floor like everyone around us. Maddie got a kick out of that. It wasn’t often she was allowed to throw things on the floor.
After we ate, my parents even embarrassed the hell out of me by having a waiter bring out a special piece of cake. Maddie clapped happily after I let her blow out the single candle on top. It was cute how excited they were. No one in our family had ever gone to college, and I was changing that. Chelsey made it so.
It was a great time. It was rare that we went out to dinner as a family. Money was tight and my mom loved to cook. Even though I was having a blast and marking the moment in my memories, I kept wishing my girl was there with us to celebrate. I could hardly wait to get to her and tell her—to see the happiness it would bring her.
We climbed into my mom’s minivan—me in the back with my little sister, Maddie, and then we left to go home. I kept checking the time, waiting until I could get in my car and go to Chelsey. My dad was driving while singing to the oldies and constantly checking the rearview mirror for Maddie’s reaction to his silly voices.
My mom was laughing, her eyes lighting up in her happiness, as she looked back at me and my sister with a smile. Between my parents’ happiness and Maddie’s sweet giggles, the smile forced on my lips made my cheeks ache. Life was good, and for once in my life I was looking forward to my future.
I was lucky. We didn’t have much, but I had a family that loved me unconditionally. I had a mother and a father who still loved each other like teenagers, and a sister who had stars in her eyes every time she looked at me. Thing couldn’t get much better for me.
And then time shifted, and my world crumbled around me.
I saw headlights and heard the crunch of metal against metal. The world spun out of control—trees and other cars blurring into a mix of colors—and then everything stopped abruptly and the world around us went black.
Silence banged against my brain, and pain radiated through my thoughts. The smell of gas and oil moved in, and I knew something wasn’t right. Opening my eyes, I was met with total darkness. I blinked away the dark until slowly things began to blur before my eyes.
Everything came into focus, colors exploding in my vision until I could see. Turning toward Maddie, pain shot down my neck and into my back making me gasp. And then my eyes settled on my sister’s face. Her eyes were closed, her mouth open with a tiny bit of blood dripping from her lips.
Understanding of what happened slipped into my foggy mind, and I went into protector mode. I moved toward her, but the pain in my chest stopped me. Moving past the pain, I attempted to get to her once more only to realize the seatbelt was locked tightly around me. It cut into my chest, burning my skin beneath my T-shirt.
“Maddie,” I rasped, my voice broken and whispered.
I pulled at the seatbelt like a crazed man, the muscles in my arms feeling like putty. I wanted to get to my sister. I needed to help her. She was so small, so helpless, and I was her protector. I’d always take care of her and help her.
It was then I remembered my parents were with us, and I realized neither of them were making any noise. I tugged hard at the seatbelt, it digging into my fingers until I felt as if they were going to bleed.
My family. I needed to help my family.
A choking noise sounded from the front seat, breaking my heart and pushing me to pull harder at the seatbelt, but I couldn’t get out. I was stuck. I felt like I couldn’t breathe as the darkness settled around me.
The choking noise in the front seat grew louder and more frantic before it abruptly stopped. I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing, but I was happy it wasn’t haunting me anymore.
I slowed my racing thoughts and halted my panic long enough to remember my knife. I carried it with me always. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out my pocket knife, flicked it open, and began sawing into the seatbelt.
Once I sawed through it, I was released. And then I was falling onto the roof of the van. We were upside down—my entire world was reversed.
I landed on my hands and knees, and my lungs screamed in pain as I struggled to get in a deep breath. I slid across the roof of the van, pain striking every movement, as I got closer and closer to Maddie. And then she was there staring back at me—her eyes meeting mine. I watched as a lonely tear moved down her cheek.
“Baine,” she struggled to cry out.
Her voice was broken, her lips cracked and bleeding making me feel crazy.
Reaching out, I laid my hand over her arm. “I’m here, Maddie Bear. Baine is here.”
The stench of blood filled my senses, making my stomach roll and twist. The silence from the front seat was deafening and then sirens pierced the quiet.
Lights filled the van, shining in and allowing me to see Maddie’s sweet face clearly. Taking advantage of the light, I turned toward the front seat and instantly wished I hadn’t.
My father’s face came into focus—his dead eyes staring back at me—taunting me and marking themselves in my memory.
I swallowed hard, and tears filled my eyes once again blurring everything around me.
“Dad?”
I knew when I called out to him he wouldn’t be answering me back. The way his head was lying wasn’t natural. His neck wasn’t supposed to turn that way.
I moved to see my mom, but Maddie’s tiny hand moved into mine and stopped me.
“Stay, Baine. Don’t go,” she cried.
And I couldn’t leave her. No matter how badly I wanted to rebel against the pain that radiated throughout my body and check on my mom, I couldn’t move.
The space around me began to blur and darken. The corners of my vision shifted and moved unnaturally. Shadow demons moved in the blinking lights that flashed into the car and I was sure it was the devil coming to swoop me away.
It was my time. I was slowly fading away. Squeezing Maddie’s hand, I took another breath filling my lungs with pins and needles.
“I’m not leaving you, Maddie. I’m here,” I lied.
And then the black and silence moved in, shutting out the world, and shoving me into the unknown. I was sure when I closed my eyes, I’d never open them again. Chelsey was my final thought.
22
CHELSEY
I STARED AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR,
pulling on the material of my simple, black dress, but it was useless. No matter how much I tugged, it wasn’t going to get any longer.
I twisted to the side, and inspected the length of my dress from another angle. I didn’t know why my mother thought it needed to be hemmed so short, but it wasn’t the first time I didn’t understand my mother’s reasoning for something.
My thighs began to itch as the stiff tulle rubbed against my skin with every twist and turn. It only managed to add to my annoyance for the night and the impromptu dinner party my parents were hosting that I just
had
to attend.
I could think of a hundred things I could be doing and ninety-nine of them had to do with Blaine. I sighed to myself at just the thought of his name. I wasn’t sure if it was normal to think about one person so much, but he was always on my mind. Digging away at my conscious and turning my body into something I never knew existed.
The thoughts of our week together and my first time flushed my cheeks, making my body tingle with the need to feel his touch. My body felt different to me now. I felt fuller in places I hadn’t before and everything was more sensitive—heightened to the point that even the lace on my bra felt good against my nipples.
I ran my hands over my breasts and down over my hips. Closing my eyes I imagined my hands were Blaine’s. My thighs trembled slightly and my nipples hardened. I was shocked at how easily turned on I could get just by my thoughts alone.
Sex and love had never been a strong focal point in my life until I met Blaine and it seemed to awaken something inside of me I couldn’t control. Honestly, even if I could control it, I wasn’t sure I’d want to. I liked who I was when I was with Blaine. He brought out the real Chelsey and I liked her.
Blaine turned me into a girl who didn’t have to play the part of pleasing anyone. He loved me for me. I could be natural—carefree and happy. I could be the girl I was destined to be.
There was a knock on my door, breaking me from my thoughts and dropping my smile instantly. A pause followed the knock and I knew it wasn’t one of my parents. My mother and father weren’t against barging in.
“Come in,” I called out.
The door opened slightly revealing Hilary, one of my mother’s assistants. She popped her head in and gave me a warm smile. Of all my mother’s assistants, Hilary was by far my favorite.
“Wow,” she said, her eyes moving over my dress. “You look so grown up. That dress—” Her eyes found mine.
“Is absolutely ridiculous,” I finished for her as I turned toward the mirror again.
“It’s not,” she promised. “I know it wouldn’t have been your first choice, but you look absolutely stunning.”
My gaze drifted from hers to my own in the mirror. I was tempted to take it off and put on something more comfortable. I didn’t feel like being my parent’s walking, talking trophy tonight. I wasn’t in the mood and my jeans were calling my name.
My thoughts shocked me. I’d never been so defiant before. In fact, the last four years I’d done nothing but try to please my parents in every possible way.
Columbia was my dream, had been for as long as I could remember, but was it my dream because it was what my parents wanted?
I wanted to go Columbia more than anything, but I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d still want it if they hadn’t pushed me so hard. It was pointless thinking about it because I knew in the end, it didn’t change anything.
My father went to Columbia, and so did his father. It was bred in me to attend, but honestly, I wanted it for myself, as well.
Hilary cleared her throat and I blinked, bringing her back into focus. I’d almost forgotten she was there until now.
“I’m sorry,” I said, shaking the daze from my head. “I was lost in thought.”
“I could see that. Anything you want to talk about?”
I smiled at her and shook my head. “I’m good, but thank you. I’m sorry. I know my mother probably has a million things for you to do, is she requesting my presence?”
Hilary nodded. “Guests are already starting to arrive, and she’d like you down there to greet them with your father and her.”
“Of course she would.” I sighed, letting my shoulders sag in defeat. “Let’s get this over with.”
Hilary led the way down to the foyer and like the good girl I was, I followed. I almost didn’t recognize the room as we entered. My mother had definitely gone all out for this dinner, and I wondered what the occasion was.
Lights glittered off the champagne glasses as the servers passed with their trays, and soft, classical music played in the background. My eyes took it all in and I knew regardless of what I wanted, my night was going to be a long one full of false smiles and boring conversation.
My father spotted me first and he smiled, stepping back as I came to a standstill on the bottom step.
“You look beautiful, sweetheart,” he said. The look in his eyes told me he wasn’t at all pleased with the length of my dress. “Doesn’t she, darling?” he said to my mother, giving her a look that said they’d be discussing my outfit later.
I wondered if she’d lie and tell him I insisted on shortening the dress or if she’d tell the truth.
My parents seemed happy, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d heard them argue, but that didn’t mean anything. If nothing else, they knew how to keep up appearances.
My mother pulled out the stops in her show-stopping, gold dress and my father’s suit was pressed to perfection. They looked every bit the rich couple in love.
“Of course she does,” my mother responded, her eyes filling with happiness at seeing me.
“Just like her mother,” my father said, kissing my mother’s cheek.
“Thank you,” I mumbled.
I took the last step and stood in line with my parents greeting guests like we were royalty.
“Why all the glitz and glam for this dinner party?” I asked in between smiles, nods, and waves.
“Didn’t your mother tell you who the guests of honors are tonight?” my father asked out of the corner of his mouth as he absently shook hands with a man who looked kind of familiar
I shook my head and gave out my twentieth smile.
“George Hill and his family will be joining us tonight.” His eyes moved over my face as he gaged my reaction.
“George Hill? As in the mayor, George Hill?” I asked. My father nodded his answer as he shook hands with another passerby.
“Why?” I asked, earning myself a sharp look from my mother. “I mean, we’re not very political people.”
Again, I was given another warning look from my mother.
“George announced that he won’t be running again and said he’d be happy to help profit a campaign if I was interested in running.”
That surprised me and I looked from my father and then to my mother. I had a feeling this had more to do with her than my father.
“Is that something you want, Dad?”
“I’m not sure yet, but that’s why he’s coming over tonight. Your mother seems to think it’s a good idea.”
Of course she does,
I thought.
“Why does it feel like you’re both depending on me?” I had the sudden desire to leave the line and run away from all the crazy the night was sure to bring.
My father chuckled, kissing my mother’s cheek. “We’re not, darling.”
“He’s here,” my mother said, pulling away from my father and smoothing her dress.
I looked towards the door where Hilary was giving my mother the signal and rolled my eyes with a sigh.
My father had never been interested in running in anything, so I had no doubt this was my mother’s doing. She was never satisfied with anything. She always wanted more, and my father had always been more than willing to make her happy in any way possible.
My father squeezed my hand and winked at me when I looked over at him. He wasn’t going to argue with my mother and I couldn’t exactly blame him when I didn’t either. Arguing with her was pointless most times and usually led to nothing. She always got her way.
Mayor George Hill walked in with his wife on his arm and moved through the room like he owned the world. And then he moved toward us and my attention focused on the two people following behind them.
My stomach rolled and turned when Josh’s eyes met mine. He smiled like he didn’t have a care in the world, and his eyes moved over my body and down to my bare legs. I felt nauseated just imagining the things he was thinking.
I hadn’t seen him since the first and last time we’d gone out. I managed to avoid him or maybe he was avoiding me. Either way, I hadn’t cared to speak with him since. Plus, I knew Blaine would hate it.
I didn’t know or hadn’t paid attention to the fact that Josh Hill was Mayor George Hill’s son. I guess that probably wasn’t something you really wanted to make public and I wondered how many people actually knew. More than likely everyone knew. I never paid attention to the people around me at school.
My parents left my side to meet the mayor halfway and I just stood there. I wanted to run—flee to the closest hiding spot, but Josh was moving around his parents and coming toward me.
“Well, if it isn’t Chelsey Ford,” he said with a sly smile.
“Well, if it isn’t the mayor’s son,” I countered.
“I guess my dirty, little secret’s out,” he winked.
“I didn’t realize being the mayor’s son was a dirty, little secret.”
“It’s not usually, but I strive to make everything in my life
dirty
.”
He was making a sexual reference. I would’ve never picked up on that before Blaine, and I wondered how many sexual references had been made toward me before I became enlightened to such things.
“Well you certainly got me dirty the last time I was with you.” I was referring to my four-wheeling accident, which took the wind right out of his sails.
His smile crumbled. “Have I apologized for that night yet?” he asked.
“Nope.” I turned away as if he didn’t matter and plucked a glass from a passing server.
He moved closer, his voice dropping to a whisper. “Look, I know you’re pissed at me for how everything went down at the farm that night and you have every reason to hate me, but I’m really sorry for everything that happened. I never should’ve let you drink and get on that four-wheeler. It was dumb, I was dumb.”
I sighed.
As easy as it would be to hate Josh, he hadn’t been entirely at fault for everything that happened that night. I blamed him for a lot, but I had to take responsibility for my own actions. Truth be told, he hadn’t been pouring the alcohol down my throat. Plus, I could’ve said no and walked away from his dare.
“I don’t hate you, Josh.” I exhaled. “You’re not my favorite person, and we won’t be going out ever again, but I definitely don’t hate you.”
He laughed. And when I repeated my words back to myself, I laughed, too.
“I guess that’s something.” He smiled down at me. “So does that mean you forgive me?”
I contemplated his question. “Yes. I forgive you, but it doesn’t mean I want to go out with you again.” I needed him to understand that. “I just don’t think we’re good for each other.”
“I guess I can live with that. Friends?” He held his hands out for me to shake.
“I can live with that.” I smiled and shook his hand, secretly hoping I wasn’t shaking hands with the devil.
“Oh good, you two have been introduced,” my mother interrupted.
“Josh and I go to school together,” I filled her in.
“You never mentioned that, Chelsey.” I could see through her fake smile she wasn’t happy with me.
“There are over five hundred kids in our graduating class, Mother; I haven’t mentioned four hundred and ninety-eight of them.”
My mother gave me the evil eye and then she was all smiles again as she turned toward Josh.
“You’ll have to excuse my daughter. Sometimes she forgets her manners.”
I rolled my eyes and Josh just smirked, winking at me before my mother ushered him off to introduce him to other guests.
**********
AS MUCH AS I WANTED
the rest of the night to pass by in a blur, it didn’t. I sat through countless boring stories and old men jokes, and at some point I zoned everyone out and thought of only Blaine.
It was strange to me to have countless thoughts that didn’t revolve around school and all it entailed. Blaine was never far from my mind, and thinking about him didn’t carry the burden that thinking about my future did.
Checking my phone beneath the dinner table, I groaned loudly when I realized it was only eight. Guests were starting to leave, but I knew my father and the mayor had things to discuss. That meant my mother was going to keep me there until at least ten. Blaine would be coming through my window at eleven, which meant everyone would still be awake when he came. That was going to make things difficult.
My father cleared his throat, and when I looked up everyone was staring at me. I flushed and tucked my phone into my lap with a smile.