Jade Archer - Sandpipers 2 - Raven's Mark (19 page)

Raven settled into one of the seats overlooking the restaurant’s front deck and watched Jaime chase the boys across the large wooden expanse. Cleared of tables and chairs by the threat of an early evening storm, the boys had quickly claimed the space as their own. Somehow, Jaime had ended up perpetually ‘it’ in their impromptu game of tag.

The smile that tugged at the corner of Raven’s lips faded a little. He was still too sore to play chase with the boys. He flexed the fingers of his left hand. It was still awkward with the thick cast in place, but at least the pain was all but gone now. There was just the occasional dull ache, the most annoying itch on the planet about midway down his arm where he couldn’t reach it driving him crazy, and ribs that protested on a regular basis—mostly because he tried to do too much.

When he’d first been released from hospital he’d tried to go back to doing everything he normally did. But reality had soon smacked him upside the head. There were just some things he couldn’t do. Roughhousing with the boys was definitely one of them. At least not for the next few weeks.

Raven adjusted the sling to settle his arm a little more comfortably against his chest. He’d found himself having to accept help from his friends on quite a number of occasions. There really hadn’t been much choice. He’d never appreciated how hard it would be looking after one energetic little boy—never mind two—with his dominant hand mostly immobilised by plaster and the bruises on his torso turning some truly spectacular colours. And then there were the times his new friends just spontaneously did things for him—cooking a meal or offering to take Ryan swimming.

To be honest, it was…nice. He’d never had anyone care or look out for him when he’d been hurt before. And no one tried to overwhelm or control him—they’d just helped with the mundane, day-to-day things that needed doing. But every time someone did something for him, he would hear Mark saying he only wanted to help.

A fresh stab of guilt hit Raven as he continued to watch Jaime with the boys. He felt terrible for the way he’d treated Mark. He’d just been so angry and scared and…messed up when Maria had suddenly reappeared. He realised now he hadn’t given Mark a chance. In his desperate need to prove himself—to no longer feel powerless and pathetic and finally stand up to Maria—he’d pushed Mark away.

Raven swallowed against the painful knot of emotion lodging in his throat. He’d made such a mess of everything. He hadn’t wanted Mark to see him weak and vulnerable, as someone he had to prop up and protect at every turn. He wanted to be seen as an equal. Someone strong and capable. But all he’d done was drive the man away. And the trouble was, he had no idea how to fix it.

He’d hardly seen Mark in the last week and a half since coming out of hospital. Mark was apparently giving him the space he’d asked for, but…he missed him. The previous day, when Ryan had asked when Mark was going to come over and play again had been painful on so many levels. He wanted his best friend back.

And yet he couldn’t seem to make himself move. He was paralysed by Mark’s parting words. ‘
Then she’s won’
echoed over and over again in his head. He couldn’t help thinking Mark might be right. Maybe he was too messed up after everything that had happened.

Raven forced himself to stop thinking about it. He couldn’t deal with it right now. Instead he watched Jaime chase the boys around the deck again. Flushed and breathless, she was still laughing.

Finally, she held up her hands in surrender, proclaiming the boys too fast to catch. For a moment it didn’t look like the boys were going to let her go. They clung to her hands and begged for ‘just one more game’. They only relented when she pleaded theatrically for a break with a great show of weakness at the knees and the possibility of needing the kiss of life. With high-pitched shrieks at the idea of getting ‘girl germs’, the boys instead ran to the deck rail to harass the seagulls.

Jaime grinned in triumph as she walked over and flopped down in the seat beside Raven. “Phew! I wish I had half their energy. I’m exhausted and they’re still going!”
Raven smiled. “They say youth is w-wasted on the young.”
Jaime raised an eyebrow at him. “I don’t think either of us is old enough for that expression just yet.”
Raven clamped his mouth shut. There was no way he was walking into that death trap. There were just some conversations a man was better off bowing out of. Discussions involving a woman’s age were definitely one of them.
“Mmm…smart man,” Jaime mumbled, lips twitching in a poorly suppressed smile as they watched the boys pretend to be seagulls now that they’d chased all the real ones off.
He was so glad they’d worked out a way for him to continue on as Wolf’s sitter—with Jaime helping out a few hours each day and Brody taking some time off here and there now that the new chef had started. He loved watching Wolf and Ryan play together. But more than that, he liked seeing the friends he’d made at Sandpipers Restaurant every day. Jaime, Lark, Brody, Zak. He even counted Dave and Andy amongst his friends now. Unfortunately, it only emphasised Mark’s absence all the more.
“How are you doing, honey?” Jaime asked quietly, breaking into his bleak thoughts.
Raven looked over and caught the mixture of concern and sympathy on her face. He looked away, feeling his cheeks heat. Everyone seemed to wear that look around him these days.
“I’m okay.”
He’d been forced to tell them what was going on—the whole situation with Maria. It had been one of the hardest conversations he’d ever had. But he couldn’t be around them— be around Wolf—and not have them know. Maria had never been violent towards anyone else, to the best of his knowledge, but he couldn’t risk his friends on a first-time incident. Fortunately, no one had seen or heard from her. He just hoped she stayed gone this time. But it was hard not to worry about when she might rear her head again. “Have you seen Mark?”
Raven started in surprise, his mind instantly jumping back to thoughts of his lover. Or were they ex-lovers now? He couldn’t quite bring himself to start thinking of Mark that way.
Raven shook his head, not quite trusting his voice to offer a verbal reply.
Jaime turned her attention back to the kids. The boys ran across the deck, giggling and screeching in a game only they could comprehend. It seemed to involve imaginary enemies now and some sort of superpowers the boys possessed to defeat them. There were certainly some fairly impressive hand movements and sound effects. Suddenly, Wolf fell to the ground as an imaginary force knocked him down. Ryan was at his side in an instant, battling off whatever foe had downed his friend.
“I love watching them like this. They’re so good together.”
Raven managed a nod, still thinking of Mark. They’d been good together too. He felt the sudden loss of that goodness in his life keenly.
“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen them have a cross word to say to one another. Have they ever had a fight?”
“N-no.”
“I hope they never do. It’s sad to see friends fighting. Especially when it’s so obvious they care about each other.”
Raven swallowed. It was no longer possible to pretend he didn’t know what Jaime was talking about.
Jaime looked down at her lap, studying her nails with a look of intense concentration on her face, as if choosing her words with infinite care. “I know I don’t really know what’s going on between you and Mark at the moment. And I know I shouldn’t interfere, but…he’s hurting, and he’s not the only one I’m worried about.”
Raven couldn’t meet her eyes when she finally turned to look at him. He opened his mouth to ask after Mark—when had she seen him last? What had he said?—but Jaime beat him to it.
“He’s in the kitchen today and he doesn’t look like he’s slept in a week.”
Raven frowned in confusion. “I th-thought today was his d-day off.”
“It is. He said something about paperwork he needed to catch up on. But I saw him doing prep with the others earlier. I think he’s trying to find things to keep him occupied.”
There was another long silence broken only by the boys’ laughter as Raven’s mind worked frantically. He couldn’t stand to think of Mark hurting. But he didn’t want to add to it either. He wasn’t sure what to do to make things right between them. Or if he even could.
“You know my mom gave me two pieces of advice when I was growing up,” Jaime continued, raising her hand to tick them off on long, slender fingers. “She said never give advice and
never
give advice. Of course, I ignore her all the time, which is how I came to have all this.” Raven frowned in confusion as she waved her hand nebulously. “So anyway, here’s my advice, and I want you to know I say it with all the love in my heart. You need to get your head out of your ass and go to that man of yours.”
Raven closed his eyes and clenched his hands. It only reminded him of his broken wrist as he came up against the restrictions of the cast. “I c-can’t.”
“Why not?”
“I…s-said things. Stuff I didn’t really m-mean. I mean I did, but… I hurt him, Jaime. And I don’t know how to m-make it right because…I don’t even know what I’m doing half the t-time.”
“Well, you’re not alone there. Most of us don’t know what we’re doing. You just have to do what you can and hope for the best. And try not to hurt the people you love along the way.”
“But w-what do you do when you do hurt them?”
“You say sorry.”
It sounded so simple. Too simple.
“What if I keep h-hurting him? What if I can never g-get over…this and I keep hurting him? What if…what if he’s b-better off without me?”
There, he’d said it.
“Don’t even think it, honey. You’ve both looked miserable this past week. Seeing the way he is at the moment, I think he’d rather take the chance and risk getting hurt again than the way things are between you right now.”
“I don’t w-want to be like this, Jaime. I d-don’t want to hurt him.”
“I know, sweetheart. You just have to trust that the two of you can work things out.”
“Do you…do you think it can? Work out, I m-mean.”
“I’ve seen the way that man looks at you, honey. He worships the ground you walk on. I know you’ll work it out. But only if you start talking to one another.”
Raven took several deep breaths. None of the problems he’d been dwelling on had been solved. And perhaps they never would be. But what Jaime said made a lot of sense. In the end, the only thing he had to lose was Mark. And he didn’t want that. And if Mark didn’t want that either…
Was it selfish not to try? He needed to find out how Mark felt. He needed to make a move—any move—and see what happened. Working it over and over like a cow chewing cud was useless and not getting him anywhere.
“Thank you, Jaime. I think… I think, I n-needed someone to give me a shove.”
Jaime reached for his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “You’re welcome, honey. That’s what friends are for.”
Raven nodded. He hadn’t really had much experience on that score. But he was hoping to hang on to the ones he’d found here. Hell, they were more than friends. They felt like the family he’d always wanted.
“You know, I always w-wanted a sister when I was growing up. I never knew sometimes you f-find them.”
“Aww! I love you too, Raven.”
Jaime wrapped her arm around him for a hug. It hurt a little as it jarred his ribs, but it was worth it.
“Thank you for b-being there for Ryan too,” Raven said as the hug came to an end. “He…he hasn’t had m-many good female role m-models up till now. You’re…well, he couldn’t have asked for a b-better one.”
Jaime looked stunned. Her eyes grew suspiciously bright. “Thank you. You don’t know how much that means to me, honey. Really. Thank you.”
“I n-need to go find my man.”
“Yeah, you really do.”

Mark sat on the beat up old couch in the kitchen office and stared down at his abused hand. A frown firmly in place, he applied a second sticking plaster to his finger and studied the results. No blood leaked through this time, but it still might need reinforcing again later. It was a pretty deep cut—maybe even deep enough for stitches, though he was hoping to avoid them. His head ached too much to deal with the crowded waiting room at the local hospital. His headache was to blame for the clumsy accident he was currently patching up in the first place.

It was time to find some more extra strength Tylenol. Mark rooted through the first aid kit, desperately hoping someone had been thoughtful enough to include them. The stock he kept in his locker had run out earlier in the day.

When his hand wrapped around a small white bottle of acetaminophen he breathed a sigh of relief. Regular strength and generic, but better than nothing until he could replace his own.

Shaking two pills loose, Mark threw them into his mouth and swallowed them down. He’d become pretty proficient at taking tablets without water over the years. He couldn’t help but notice he hadn’t needed to take nearly as much Tylenol, or any pain relief for that matter, over the last few months. Not since meeting Raven.

Mark closed and rubbed his eyes. They felt gritty and dry. Not enough sleep. That was the problem. It was making him clumsy and run down, not to mention miserable. He chose to ignore the reason he hadn’t been sleeping, as well as the real reason why he was miserable. He just needed to stop thinking about…things. Rehashing and second guessing what had gone wrong wasn’t going to help.

A light tap at the door got his attention. He looked up, hoping for a distraction…and came face to face with—
“Raven!” Mark jumped to his feet.
His head throbbed viciously with the sudden movement. Unable to suppress a wince, Mark swallowed against the pain as his gut flip-flopped wildly with the thrill of seeing Raven for the first time in days. The combination made him feel faintly sick, which was never a good sign. If he wasn’t careful he’d work himself up into a full-blown migraine.
“Are you ok-kay?” Raven asked as he continued to hesitate at the door.
“Yeah. Just got a bit of a headache,” Mark mumbled, praying said head wasn’t about to explode.
There was a long silence as they just looked at each other. He’d missed Raven so much. He wanted to step forward and touch him—to make sure he was real on some level perhaps. But he couldn’t. He wasn’t sure where they were on that score anymore—whether it would be welcomed or allowed. Even more confusing, he wasn’t sure he should. Raven had hurt him badly and he wasn’t quite ready to stick his neck out and risk having his head bitten off.
“What happened to your h-hand?” Raven asked.
Mark glanced down at his injured finger all but forgotten since seeing Raven.
“Frisky tomato,” he quipped, turning his hand this way and that to check it had finally stopped bleeding. “It won.”
The attempt at levity fell completely flat. Raven just stared at him with an inscrutable expression on his face. Mark’s neck and shoulder muscles tightened painfully.
“Can I…can I c-come in?”
Mark cleared his throat. He wasn’t sure why Raven was here, and they seemed to be off to a rocky start. The tension was thick and oppressive between them. But it was the closest he’d come to speaking to Raven since the night at the hospital almost two weeks ago. And they needed to talk. He couldn’t stand letting things continue on the way they were now. He only had so many fingers to spare.
“Okay,” Mark said. “I mean, yeah. Sure. If you want.”
Well, that was smooth.
Not
. Mark cursed himself for his awkward response when Raven continued to linger at the door.
He eased back down onto the couch. When Raven stepped into the room and closed the door behind him, Mark couldn’t help a nervous swallow. This was going to be an intense conversation. Mark only hoped he was up to it.
Raven sat down on the opposite end of the couch, and for a while there was just a strained silence between them.
Finally, Raven looked at him, meeting his eyes with such sorrow it made Mark’s heart constrict painfully.
“I just… I w-wanted to say—” Raven took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I was angry and m-messed up.”
Mark studied Raven for a moment. The dark shadows under his eyes and fine lines of tension around his mouth added weight to the sincerity he could hear in Raven’s voice.
“I shouldn’t have kept pushing at you,” Mark said as the second-guessing and regret lurking at the back of his mind over the way he’d ended the last conversation jumped right to the forefront. They’d both made mistakes in a truly craptastic situation. “I just didn’t know what to say. I still don’t.”
“It w-wasn’t you.”
Mark heart sank when he heard the underlying ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ that seemed to be heading his way. “I just…I feel like every time I open my mouth I say the wrong thing. But… there just doesn’t seem to be a right thing to say, or do or… I wasn’t trying to take over.”
Had any of that made sense? It had sounded coherent in his mind when he’d rehearsed over the last few days what he would say to Raven, if and when they finally spoke to one another again. But he had the feeling he’d fudged it somewhere along the line. He was so tied up in knots it was hard to know where to start unravelling the mess they were in.
Only one thing was completely clear.
“You hurt me.”
“I know,” Raven whispered, eyes bright with tears. “I’m so sorry, M-Mark.”
Mark swallowed hard, fighting back tears himself.
Raven closed his eyes and hung his head. “I was j-just so angry and…scared. I lashed out at you and I shouldn’t have. I g-got so caught up in my own p-problems and pain and…and I know I h-hurt you.”
Mark couldn’t take it anymore.
He shifted down the couch and took Raven’s uninjured hand in his own—a single tear breaking free as all the hurt and worry of the past two weeks got mixed up with the tiny spark of hope they might actually be able to work things out.
“It’s okay,” Mark managed to finally croak.
But Raven shook his head furiously, squeezing his hand in a vice-like grip. “N-no. It’s n-not okay,” he said, raw emotion clogging his voice. “I said…I said tterrible things and…I d-didn’t listen to you when you were telling me how you need to be doing something. I dismissed it and y-you and…that’s unforgivable. I love you and I ended up hurting you in the w-worst way.”
Mark couldn’t seem to catch his breath. “You…you love me?”
Raven looked straight at him—raw and vulnerable and completely honest.
“Raven?”
“Yes.”
“Did you just—”
“I love you.” he whispered. “Please. Please g-give me another chance. Please—”
Mark closed the distance between them and sealed their lips together, cutting off whatever else Raven was about to say, losing himself in the sweet taste of the man he loved laced with the hint of salty tears and the hope of second chances. Everything else was just so much noise. Everything else could wait.
Tongues moved across one another in a timeless, unrehearsed dance that was hot and needy and so much more. Finally pulling away, Mark stared at Raven. His lover looked equal parts shocked and awestruck. Which was fine—that was exactly how Mark felt right now. And really, there was only one thing that mattered. All the turmoil, questions and stress of the past few days boiled away with four words.
“I love you, too.”