Jade Archer - Sandpipers 2 - Raven's Mark (20 page)

Raven’s breath hitched. The words were the most wonderful and terrifying he’d ever heard. All his life, he’d longed for them and what they meant—acceptance, comfort, support. The irony was, he suddenly realised the tremendous responsibility that came with them. He held Mark’s heart in his hands and he was terrified he was going to break it. He didn’t want to, but he couldn’t help being scared he wasn’t up to the task. What if he got it wrong?

A panic attack threatened. His heart rate leapt up and his breathing started to come in fast, shallow pants for air.
Then Mark’s hand caressed his cheek. “Breathe, Raven. Just breathe.”
As quickly as it had come, the panic attack subsided and he could think again. It was completely illogical, and Raven would never want to try and explain it, but Mark’s touch had worked to bring him back from the edge. And suddenly he knew what he needed to do.
Raven fought to get the words he needed to say out. After several attempts, he finally managed to clear his throat, at least enough to be heard. “I think…I think I n-need to find someone to talk to about all this. I can’t p-promise it will work out, but…I w-want to try. I’m going to g-get some help and…t-try again. I really…I really w-want us to work.”
“Me too,” Mark whispered.
Raven swallowed. He had to tell Mark everything. “I’ve tried to t-talk to people before.”
“I’ll be there for you whatever you decide to do. You know that, right? I promise I won’t try to control it or anything. I just…I want to be there for you.”
“Thank you.” Raven closed his eyes and leant forward to rest his head on Mark’s shoulder.
Somehow it helped make the next bit easier when he didn’t have to look at Mark, but was so close and connected at the same time. The confessions seemed to be coming thick and fast now.
“The first c-counsellor I went to after Maria l-left asked me if I had a n-need to be dominated. If I didn’t secretly c-crave it.”
“Asshole,” Mark growled.
Raven shrugged, forehead still supported by the crook of Mark’s shoulder. “It made me w-wonder for a while. I started to ask myself if maybe I hung around because somewhere deep d-down I liked it…or maybe I deserved it because…I’ve always been attracted to mmen too. It was a p-pretty confusing t-time. You think I’m screwed up n-now? You should have seen me back then. And that really didn’t h-help.”
“No wonder you’re leery of seeing anyone,” Mark said, his voice even and calm, but Raven could feel the tension radiating out of him.
“Yeah.”
“And I don’t, you know,” Mark said, running his hand up the nape of Raven’s neck into his hair.
“Don’t w-what?” Raven asked, distracted by the way Mark was touching him and how amazing it felt.
“Think you’re screwed up.”
Oh, that…
Raven let the words sink in for a moment.
“I know I n-need to stop telling myself that. I know you’re supposed to think what you w-want to be and everything. But…it’s hard to d-do when you’re feeling in the bottom of the c-curve. You know?”
“Yeah. I do. Not the same, but…when things don’t go according to plan or get messed up unexpectedly…it’s hard not to feel like I’m wearing concrete boots and sinking fast.”
Raven nodded. He’d sensed some innate vulnerability about Mark months ago, but it was only now he was coming to understand how deep it went—how much it was a part and parcel of Mark. He squirreled every word Mark shared with him away, touched beyond measure that Mark would open himself up like this. It helped and eased him. And he was determined to return the favour…somehow.
“It’s not the same thing,” Mark suddenly said, drawing him back to the present. “The need I have for things to be in order and organised. And my need to help. It’s not the same as what Maria—”
“I know.” Raven breathed through the wash of shame that overcame him. “I’m s-sorry. I was… I was an asshole.”
“No.” Before Raven knew what was happening, they were sharing another kiss—this one sweet and soft and filled with tender reassurance. There was an infinite patience Raven didn’t feel worthy of unspoken in the caress of Mark’s lips. “Okay, maybe a bit of an asshole, but you were scared.”
A hush fell over them while Raven considered Mark’s words. All of them.
“She was r-right, you know,” he finally said. “I was holding out on her. I started saving m-money whenever or wherever I could to get away from her. It wasn’t m-much. A ppittance at first. Then I started doing t-technical writing.”
Mark looked at him sadly. It was almost the same expression of sympathy and concern he’d seen on Jamie’s face earlier.
“I don’t w-want that. I don’t want to hold out on someone I l-love. I’m sorry for…for everything that h-happened. I
was
s-scared and…you were right, I p-pushed you away.”
Mark took his hand, a comfort and a promise at the same time. “I’ll try to wait until I’m asked for help. It’s just…it’s hard to stand back sometimes. But I will try.”
Raven nodded. He wasn’t sure how it would all work out, but Mark saying he would try was worth a thousand empty guarantees from anyone else.
“I was so afraid,” he finally managed to admit.
Mark nodded. “Yeah. Me too.”
“N-no. I mean, yes…but…deep d-down I was afraid she would… I wasn’t just scared for Ryan and m-me. I was scared she’d…hurt you too.”
“Raven.”
Mark pulled him in for a hug. The incredible thing was, despite all the turmoil and heightened emotions of the conversation, Mark was so careful that Raven hardly felt any pain from his bruised ribs. Raven soaked up the sensation of peace he found in Mark’s arms, letting it soothe him until he was finally able to release some of the poison that had been lying against his heart for so long.
“Do you know when I f-finally realised we had to escape?”
Raven felt Mark shake his head where it rested against the top of his.
“She was drunk one n-night. Throwing things and yelling and…and she started on about R-Ryan. Saying how m-much of a fuck up I was. How she’d w-wanted a girl. How I couldn’t even get that r-right.” How could anyone not cherish Ryan just the way he was? Raven would never understand it. He didn’t even try. “She would have s-started on him eventually. She’s…h-hateful. I…I don’t know what m-made her that way. But I c-couldn’t…”
Mark nodded, still holding him and waiting patiently while Raven got his thoughts and emotions back under control.
“Maria always said I’d m-mess him up. M-make him just like m-me.”
“You’re a great dad!” Mark defended hotly. “Ryan is so lucky to have you. You know that, right?”
Raven let the words run around in his head for a while, testing them and checking them for a fit. He was quite shocked by what he found.
He slowly began to nod. “You know…I think I d-do. Ryan…since we m-moved here and started again, he’s so much h-happier and… he smiles and p-plays with other kids now.”
“You did that. You helped him become the bright, happy kid he is today.” “I just…I wish we’d m-moved sooner. M-Maybe…I d-don’t know…”
“Don’t, Raven. Don’t beat yourself up like that. You did it when you could.” “Yeah.” Raven knew Mark was right, but it didn’t stop the guilt completely.
Then Mark kissed him again—a welcome distraction from his dark thoughts and regrets. Raven eagerly let himself be swept away by the tongue that gently probed at the seam of his lips for admittance, then slid inside and tasted, explored and coaxed him into playing an intimate game of chase.
A smile graced Mark’s lips when they pulled away from each other some minutes later. “You were thinking too hard.”
Raven was just about to reply when raised voices and the sound of a commotion in the kitchen interrupted.
Mark frowned. “What—”
Before he could finish the sentence Dave barged in, throwing the door wide without bothering to knock. His eyes were wide and he looked on the verge of panic.
“Ryan’s missing.”

Mark had never moved so fast in his life. Before he knew it, he was out of the office, through the kitchen and running for the deck. And he wasn’t sure how he managed it, because there was just an empty, echoing space where his vital organs should have been. It was as if a black hole had been created the moment Dave delivered the words ‘Ryan’s missing’ and everything else but that terrifying news had been swallowed whole.

He was peripherally aware of the waiters, waitresses and barmen in the dining room calling out Ryan’s name as he rushed past, but it seemed very far away somehow. If they were calling Ryan, they hadn’t found him. And that was all Mark cared about—all he could focus on—finding Ryan.

He followed Raven as he called for his son in an increasingly terrified voice as they dodged tables and chairs in a mad dash through the restaurant. And all the while he prayed to see an unruly black mop of hair suddenly appear. He turned his head, frantically searching, hoping to see the familiar smile and sweet, innocent face that had stolen a huge chunk of his heart. But they made it out onto the deck without spotting even a hint of Ryan. He really was gone.

A desperate cry that chilled Mark to the bone escaped Raven as he screamed his son’s name one last time then fell silent, staring around wide-eyed and terrified. But worse than the terrible sound and the expression on Raven’s face was the lack of Ryan suddenly appearing. There was just a mixture of scared, sympathetic and anxious glances from those already outside on the deck looking for him.

“Oh God! Raven,” Jaime sobbed as they raced forward to the small knot of people beginning to form around her. “I don’t know what happened. He was right here. He was. I never left them for a second. He was right here.”

“Ryan!” Mark yelled, adding his voice to the chorus of calls around him—he had to do something, even if it was something that appeared to be increasingly futile.
Mark scanned around. Zak called Ryan’s name at the top of his lungs from the edge of the deck, the trace of fear underlying the thunderous bellow only increasing the horror building around them. Wolf began to cry, his little shoulders shaking violently as he buried his head in his brother’s neck. Brody looked just as distressed, but was obviously trying to hold it together for Wolf’s sake—his lips pulled into a thin bloodless line as he clutched his little brother tightly and murmured reassurances.
And all the time more and more of their friends spilled out onto the deck looking frightened and panicky.
“He’s not up here!”
Mark’s head snapped up to see Lark leaning over the balcony of the apartment above the restaurant.
Shit!
He hadn’t thought of that.
He needed to start thinking. Where could Ryan have gone?
Zak called Ryan’s name again and several others repeated the call. The shouts radiated out from the deck, but there was still no reply. Jaime looked nearly hysterical now, tears streaming down her face as Andy tried to calm her enough to answer questions.
Think. Where could he be?
Mark swung around as Andy forced Jaime to look at him.
“Where did you see him last?” Andy asked, voice firm but gentle.
Mark ground his teeth. He should have thought to ask that.
Shit! Think!
“He was right here. We were playing hide and seek. But I knew where he was the whole time. He always hides behind the palms over there by the rail. And then…and then we went to look and…he wasn’t there.”
Mark hurried over to the palms in the corner of the deck as Andy drew Jaime into his arms. “Shh, sweetheart. Shh, we’ll find him.”
“It’s all my fault,” Jaime sobbed.
Mark tried to block her out. They’d find Ryan. They would. They just had to.
The palms in the corners were thick and lush—several pots arranged together. It was the perfect spot for a child to hide. Mark stepped around behind them, scanning the area for some hint of where Ryan could be. The folding doors leading out onto the deck were pushed far enough back that Ryan could have squeezed past and hidden in the dining room without Jaime seeing him. But he knew Ryan. There was no way he would have stayed hidden this long inside the restaurant with so many people calling out his name. And not with Raven looking and sounding on the verge of a breakdown.
The only other option was over the rail. A chill raced down Mark’s spine. There was a small pad of land Ryan could have climbed out onto on the other side. Or someone could have stood on it to coax or haul him over.
Mark jumped the deck rail. He landed on the other side and immediately stepped forward to look left and right, searching for some idea of which way to go. The ground sloped away dramatically to the right, down towards the boardwalk and on further to the beach. To the left there was a narrow path along the side of the building. The beach offered the chance to get lost in the flow of people walking past. To the right was quiet and secluded with little chance of being spotted.
Someone jumped the rail behind him. Mark turned to see Jay, the newest chef in the kitchen. Several others climbed over to join them seconds later.
“I’ll look down the slope,” Jay said, already taking careful, shuffling steps down the bank.
Daniel, Liam and Joshua began to follow after him.
Relieved of the decision, Mark went left. “Call if you spot anything.”
“Will do,” Jay called back.
Mark hugged the side of the building, scanning the area intently looking for clues, a hint that Ryan might have passed by as he made his way along the wall. He heard others following. Good—the more people, the more ground they could cover.
“Check over that way.” Mark pointed towards the neighbouring buildings.
Ryan’s name was repeated over and over again as they fanned out in a rudimentary search pattern. He could hear Raven calling out somewhere behind him. It tore him apart. He needed to comfort and reassure his lover. He needed to find Ryan and make it all better. And all the while they called Ryan’s name there was no reply.
Mark didn’t want to think what that could mean. Instead, he narrowed his focus to the thick screen of bushes ahead. He suddenly realised they belonged to the gardens that surrounded the parking lot. With a little effort someone could have come from there along the side of the building. They could have come and gone virtually unseen with Ryan in tow.
Mark sprinted forward, scrambling through the thick vegetation. His clothes caught on sticks and sharp branches scratched at his arms and face, but Mark ignored them. Something told him to move faster, push harder.
Finally, he reached the other side of the garden…just in time to spot Maria shoving Ryan into a faded red sedan on the far side of the parking lot.
“Son of a—!” Mark stumbled forward, tripping on the concrete edge of the garden border in his rush to reach them. “Here!” he screamed.
It was the last breath he wasted on words. He needed to conserve every bit of air now. Behind him, he vaguely heard the sound of others crashing through the bushes, swearing and cursing and yelling for reinforcements. But the only thing he was focused on was getting to Ryan before Maria could take off with him. They’d never see Ryan again if she did, he was sure of it. He wouldn’t let that happen.
In the very next second, Mark’s heart leapt up into his throat as he saw Maria stumble her way around the side of the car.
Oh shit!
Did she look unsteady on her feet? Was she unwell? Or maybe drunk?
Mark poured on the speed. But even running flat out, jumping the barriers that surrounded the parking lot and the little gardens separating the rows of cars, the distance seemed to stretch out forever. Before he could reach her, she’d climbed into the driver’s seat and slammed the door shut behind her.
He was close enough to see her reach for the ignition, but too far away to stop it. Mark slammed into the side of the car just as it roared to life. His lungs burned. His muscles screamed. He lunged for the door handle, but she was already moving, the reduced numbers of cars in the lot at this time of the afternoon giving her room to swing wide and lurch forward carelessly.
Mark hung on for dear life, but soon lost his footing and his grip as the car rocketed forward erratically. He grunted in pain as he hit the ground and rolled.
Before he’d even come to a complete stop, he sprang to his feet, disregarding the protest from his shoulder and knees where they’d fallen victim to the hard surface of the parking lot. With adrenaline giving him wings, he sprinted after the car.
“Ryan!”
Maria’s crazy driving terrified him even as it helped slow her escape. The car swerved as Maria battled for control. It bounced wildly as it mounted the kerb and Mark saw Ryan being jostled in the back seat. But the fishtail motion and flare of brake lights gave him hope. Running as hard as he could now, Mark managed to grab the back of the car, scrabbling frantically for a handhold. The vehicle sped up and Mark knew he was in trouble.
Then Maria smashed them into a lamppost and everything went ass over head…literally. Mark was flung away at an angle, sliding across the boot of the car to end up in a low, clipped hedge at the side of the parking lot.
Without stopping to consider whether he’d done himself any damage or was even still capable of moving, Mark was up. He darted to the car, desperately fighting with the back door handle to get to Ryan. As the catch gave, he yanked open the door, pulled Ryan into his arms and quickly stepped back. There was no way he was giving Maria the opportunity to get anywhere near Ryan. Never again.
Ryan, shaken and crying, clung to him.
“It’s okay. I’ve got you,” Mark soothed, running a hand over the little boy’s back while keeping a close eye on Maria. She hadn’t moved in the front seat, but he didn’t trust her for a second. “Did you hit your head? Are you hurt anywhere, buddy?”
Against his neck, he felt Ryan shake his head. And in the next second, Raven was there, pulling Ryan into his arms.
Heedless of casts and damaged ribs and the world at large, Raven hugged Ryan fiercely, burying his face in the little boy’s dark hair with a strangled sob. Finally back in his father’s arm, Ryan’s tears turned to a wail. Raven checked Ryan over frantically, then, discovering he wasn’t physically hurt, wrapped his arms around his son once more and began to rock back and forth. He dropped soft kisses to the top of Ryan’s head between murmured reassurances.
Eyes burning with the threat of tears, Mark didn’t even think about what he was doing. He just put his arms around both of them and held on tight, needing to feel them both safe and whole and protected from crazy-ass bitches.
A commotion towards the front of the car eventually caught their attention. Maria was swearing and cursing a blue streak as Dave and Zak helped her out of the vehicle and led her, equal parts supporting and restraining her, to the kerb.
Blood ran down from her forehead. Mark guessed she’d hit her head on the steering wheel in the crash and couldn’t help feel a sense of satisfaction at a little justice having been served. He remembered seeing Ryan jostled around in the back seat and thanked God the little boy had somehow managed to avoid serious injury. He only hoped someone had thought to call the cops so a whole lot more justice might be handed out in the near future.
Suddenly, Raven stepped forward—Ryan still clutched in his arms—as rage poured off him in waves. “You evil bitch! You stay the hell away from us!”
“He’s mine! You both are!” Maria spat, stumbling to one side, even with Dave and Zak to support her. “You can’t stop me, you little fag. None of you can.”
Maria tried to throw Dave and Zak off, but only succeeded in ending up flat on her ass in the gutter. Mark couldn’t think of a better place for her.
“I’m n-not afraid of you,” Raven said with a cold, calm anger that made Mark so damn proud he thought he might burst. “N-not anymore. N-never again. You stay the hell away from us.”
In the distance, the wail of sirens could be heard. Obviously, someone
had
called the cops. All Mark wanted to do was scoop Raven and Ryan up and take them far away. But it wasn’t going to happen. The police would have questions and there was no way to avoid them. Not if they wanted to see Maria get what she deserved. The rollercoaster ride of the afternoon was only just getting started.