"I feel like I should be mad at her."
"You should be. Other guys would be, but your relationship is a little complicated. You can't change how you feel about it, it just happens."
Blaize nodded. "So I should talk to her about it? I feel like there's still something between us. This weekend, she said something like she can't trust me yet. She's holding something back."
Leith stayed silent. He knew what it was. He knew the secret but it wasn't his place to tell.
Blaize could tell Leith knew something. "You know? You know what it is that she's holding back?"
Leith still didn't say anything.
Blaize looked incredibly hurt. "She, she told you? But not me?"
Leith put a hand on his shoulder. "Blaize it's not like that. You have to understand, she needs time...”
"I do not want to hear it." Blaize pushed the hand away roughly and turned away, stalking off.
Leith followed, grabbing his arm. "Blaize, just listen."
Blaize spun and pushed him away harshly, slamming him into a wall. "I said I don't want to hear it."
He walked away again, and this time Leith didn't try to stop him.
Blaize entered the cafeteria with Leith following a ways behind. They both grabbed trays and some food and headed for the table where the rest of the guys were almost done eating.
Blaize slammed his tray down without a word and started stuffing food into his mouth. Leith sat down quieter, everyone else looking tense.
"Uh, hey Blaize, what's up?"
He didn't answer, just glowered at his food.
Jaide looked across the table at Leith who just shook his head, looking apologetic.
The rest of lunch was exceedingly awkward, along with the rest of classes and practice. Finally the majority of the day was over, and everyone could go their separate ways, mostly Leith and Blaize. The hostility between them was palpable.
Blaize headed upstairs after practice. Evidently he meant to skip dinner.
Jaide called after him. "Blaize? Aren't you going to eat?"
He paused. "Not right now," he said without turning back.
"Do you want me to bring something up for you?"
"No." He continued walking away, heading up the stairwell.
Everyone looked at each other.
Matt frowned at Leith. "Okay, I think we've been waiting long enough. What the heck is going on here?"
"Why are you asking me?" Leith asked defensively.
"You're obviously in the middle of it. Blaize won't go near you."
"Whatever, it's got nothing to do with me."
"You are such a liar."
Leith shrugged and entered the cafeteria, leaving the rest standing there, including Jaide.
She had lost her appetite too. She felt like shit. She didn't want this going on anymore. She was going to go talk to Blaize about the whole thing right now.
"Guys, I think about gonna head upstairs, too."
"You're not gonna eat?"
"I'm feeling kind of sick. I think I'm gonna go lay down."
"But you need to eat, Jaide."
"We have some food stashed in our fridge, I'll be fine. I'll see you guys later, okay?"
"Yeah, sure, see ya."
Jaide walked slowly up to her room, not looking forward to talking to Blaize. She found him standing beside his dresser, shirtless, pulling on a pair of sweats.
She closed the door behind her and went to her dresser to change. She wanted out of her damp practice gear.
Once she was dressed in dry clothes, she sat on her bed and looked over at his side of the room.
He had a white t-shirt on now and was pulling out a textbook, which she found odd. He never studied without her.
"Blaize?"
"Hm?" He didn't look up.
"Um, whatcha doing?"
"Biology homework."
"We don't have Biology homework. It was lab today."
"Oh." He looked down at the textbook. "Right." He put the book to the side.
"Blaize, I think there's something we need to talk about."
"Yeah? Anything to do with you having sex with Leith?" Blaize spoke abruptly and almost coldly, not looking at her.
Jaide flinched. She had suspected Blaize had known by his interaction with Leith throughout the second half of the day. "Blaize, I am so unbelievably sorry. I didn't want him to tell you because I wanted to tell you myself."
"He didn't tell me. I could tell on my own."
She was confused. "I don't understand."
"I could tell by the way you were acting, especially around him. I didn't think it was a coincidence that you two had been gone all night either."
Jaide felt sick. "I don't know what to say, Blaize. I'm sorry and I know you can't forgive me but...just tell me what you want me to do."
"I'm not mad at you for sleeping with him."
"You're not?"
"I -I'm a little hurt yes, but I understand. I'm not giving you sex. I'm not your boyfriend. I don't have any right to try to restrict your actions."
"I don't -I don't get it. You have every right to be mad at me but you're not yet you still are upset about something."
"Partly right. I have no right to be mad at you, but yes, I am upset about something."
"What is it?"
He didn't answer.
"Blaize, I can't fix it if I don't know what it is."
"You know what it is. We’ve talked about it already."
She waited.
"You said you didn't trust me."
"Yes? I thought that was okay. You didn't say anything at the time."
"It was okay, until you decided to trust Leith. I don't get it. I like to think I'm closer to you than Leith."
"You are."
"Yet you're keeping something from me that you've told him. I don't understand."
"I don't either."
"Why can't you just trust me?"
Jaide felt she couldn't, not just yet. She wasn't ready. She started to panic. She was beginning to shake, afraid he was going to force it out of her.
"Jaide, what's wrong?"
"What do you mean what's wrong? You're trying to force me to tell you one of my deepest, darkest secrets when I'm not ready." Her voice sounded higher than normal. She clenched her hands together in an effort to hide the shaking.
He shook his head. "That's not it, Jaide. I don't want to hear it if you're not ready. I want to know why you told Leith but not me. Why is he better? Why do you feel safer with him? I've never done anything to make you think I'm not safe to tell."
"No, I honestly don't know for sure. Leith and I talked about it this morning though. He said it was because we had sex. He figured that because it was the same with Mason. I felt completely comfortable with Mason after the first time we had sex."
"So, for you to trust me, we need to have sex?"
"I trust you already, but just not all the way I guess. I want to Blaize, I really, really do. If it was something I could control I would, but every time you talk about it or I think about telling you, I get all panicky and scared and sick to my stomach. I don't feel that way with Mason or Leith, not anymore."
"Jaide, calm down. I'm totally okay with not knowing. I just needed to know why."
"That's all the answer I can give you. I'm really sorry. I understand if you don't want to be around me anymore. I can probably sleep in one of the other rooms and maybe I can request to room change and get a different roommate ..."
"What? Why?"
"I"
"Do you not feel comfortable with me anymore?"
"No! No, I mean yes, I feel just as comfortable with you as always. I just figured since I can't tell you what you want to know that you wouldn't want to be friends anymore?"
"What? Following that logic should mean that I should move out because I won't give you sex."
"But ..."
"I don't care about your secret. I mean I do care, but I'm not interested in knowing until you're ready. Now that I know it's not because you are closer with Leith, its fine. I only care about you being comfortable with me. I don't want anything else between us. It's your call."
"I'd like to stay," she said quietly.
"I'd like you to stay."
"Then it's settled?"
"I think so."
"So you're not mad at me anymore?"
"No emotional connections with Leith?"
"Not at all. Just friends."
"Good. I honestly don't mind if you have sex with him. I understand that."
"No, never again. I can wait for you."
Blaize smiled. "Cool."
"And, I mean," she stood up, crossing the room to sit on his bed, "Other stuff is still okay right? Like what we've done before?"
"Of course." He wrapped an arm around her waist.
They leaned in for a kiss but a knock on the door interrupted them,
Jaide sighed and wrapped both arms around Blaize. "Who is it?"
"Me," said a voice.
Jaide rolled her eyes and looked up at Blaize.
"Sounds like Bhrade." He smiled. "It’s open!"
The door opened and Bhrade walked in. He had his cell phone to his ear and smiled when he saw them. "Hey, you two make up?"
"Um, sure. What do you want?" Jaide asked.
"Oh, wanna go on a date?"
Jaide looked at him funny. "Um, thanks anyways, Bhrade, but I don't really see you as date-able material."
"No stupid, with me and my girl." He waved his phone at them. "A double. You said you would sometime."
"Oh! Yeah, um…" She didn't mind but she looked at Blaize, who shrugged.
Bhrade pleaded. "Come on, please! It's on me, just really casual dinner and a movie or something. We're going to Outback."
"Outback?" Blaize and Jaide said at the same time. She grinned. "We're in."
"Sweet, um, she’s almost here so finish making out and get dressed." He put his phone to his ear again and walked out of their room, shutting the door behind him.
Jaide stood to get dressed but Blaize pulled her back down onto his lap, falling backwards on the bed so she landed on top of him.
"You heard him. We have to finish making out first."
"We weren't making out to begin with."
"So?" he rolled over so that he was on top.
Jaide put both arms around his neck, pulling his lips within range. The moment their lips met, Jaide thought about how it had been almost 24 hours since they had kissed. Her mind automatically tried to compare the kiss to one Leith had given her, but she was drawing a blank. Even though most of her memory had returned, she couldn't think of a single time she had kissed Leith.
Blaize pulled away. "You're thinking about something again." He propped himself on his elbows.
"Sorry."
"What was it?"
"You don't want to know."
"Tell me anyways."
She sighed and removed her arms from around his neck. "I was thinking about how last night Leith and I never kissed."
"You didn't kiss?"
"No, I mean, there are still parts that are a little fuzzy but we never kissed. I mean we kissed other places, but never on the lips."
"Weird."
"I know, right? But now that I think back on it, it kind of makes sense. It was just sex. Kissing was too intimate for what we had." She looked up at him, a little worried that they were talking about it at all.
"That makes me feel a lot better, actually. It makes me want to punch him again, but overall it makes me feel better about it."
"You want to punch him? What for?"
"What kind of guy has sex with a girl without kissing them? I mean, really. Especially when the girl has lips as tasty as yours." He kissed her again, his tongue taking some time on her lips, licking, tasting, nibbling.
Jaide kissed him back for a moment but then stopped. "Wait, punch him again? What do you mean ‘again'?"
"I punched him earlier today."
"What for?"
"Um, once for getting drunk, once for getting you drunk and once for making you upset."
"Ah, poor guy. How come he gets in trouble but I don't?"
"Oh, you are in trouble, but I don't punch girls. I've got something better planned for later tonight." He kissed her neck.
Uh oh." She pretended to sound worried but was actually very turned on.
"Yeah, 'uh oh' is right."
A knock sounded on their door again. This time Bhrade didn't wait for permission before coming into the room.
"Aw, come on guys, wrap it up. She’s here. She said she'd wait in the parking lot."
Blaize rolled off her and Jaide sat up. "Sorry, we'll get dressed real fast. What are we driving?"
"Um, my car?"
"Gross," Blaize said, pulling some jeans and a T-shirt out of his dresser. "I vote Jaide's car."
"What's wrong with my car?"
"Your car is nice but it's always a mess."
"I'm a boy."
"So am I. My truck is still clean."
"Whatever."
"It's cool Bhrade, I'll drive. Go find her so she's not alone." Jaide found her keys and tossed them to him. "You can warm up my car while you're at it. We’ll be down in a second.
"'Kay, thanks." He took off with the keys, looking nervous.
Jaide pulled on a pair of jeans and long sleeve shirt. "He's so cute, all nervous and stuff."
Blaize nodded. "I've never seen him like this before." He was dressed in jeans and a dark gray T-shirt. "Ready?"
"Yep. I love Outback Steakhouse."
"Me too. I haven't had steak in forever."
They left their room and a few minutes later, arrived at her car. It was started, and Bhrade and his girl were sitting in the front seat. “This is Bailey.”
“Hi,” Jaide said, and opened to driver's door. "Girls in front, psycho."
Bhrade grumbled something and climbed into the back with Blaize.
Jaide hopped in the driver seat and put the car in reverse. "Hey, Bail! What's up?"
"Not a whole lot, you?"
"Not much."
"I interrupted their make out session," Bhrade interjected.
"Oh?" Bailey said curiously.
"Yeah, they were mad at each other all day but they bounced back fast."
"What were they mad about?" Bailey asked.
No one answered.
"Or don't tell me." Bailey shrugged.
"Jaide had sex with Leith," Blaize said bluntly.
Bhrade laughed and Jaide blushed.
"Yeah, it's hilarious," Jaide said sarcastically. "Where am I going? I don't know where Outback is."