Her heart beat faster as he came to the counter where she was standing. She said the only thing that came to mind. "Good morning."
He lifted a mug from the wooden tree. "Morning."
"Christopher was still sleeping when I came down."
"When I looked in on him, he looked so peaceful. Made me wonder what I'd have to do to sleep that soundly."
Sara didn't know whether to pursue that line of thought. Deciding against it, she stuck to the mundane. "I'm making scrambled eggs for Christopher and me. How would you like yours?"
"Scrambled is fine." Jake poured coffee into his mug, his elbow brushing hers. His eyes collided with hers.
Her body pulsed with the desire to have him hold her in his arms. Ducking her head, she cracked another egg into the bowl. "Do you have outside appointments today?"
"Why?"
She sighed, hoping every conversation they had wouldn't be such a struggle. "I have to go to Mom's and make one last check. It shouldn't take long. I can take Christopher along or I can leave him here with you."
Jake stared into his coffee, then raised his head. "Would you like me to go along?"
"You'd do that?"
Jake took a cautious sip of the hot coffee. "We're married, Sara. If you want me there, I'll go with you."
"I'd like that. Is after lunch all right?"
"That's fine." Taking his mug with him, Jake headed for his office. "Let me know when breakfast is ready."
As Jake left the kitchen, Sara wondered if he had the rules for their marriage written down somewhere. He seemed to know them. She didn't.
#
The next day, Sara put Christopher down for his nap feeling as if she needed one, too. Maybe the emotional upheaval from the past month had caught up with her--her mother's death, living in L.A., telling Jake about Christopher, getting married. Yesterday, Jake had stood by her side as she walked through an empty house. She'd longed to turn to him again for comfort, but she couldn't. He was there physically but emotionally he was hundreds of miles away. She didn't know how to reach him.
At the living room, she heard voices coming from Jake's office--Gillian must have arrived while she was upstairs. Eager to get to know Jake's partner better, Sara headed toward the sun-filled room.
As she stood in the doorway, she could see Jake standing at Gillian's desk, leaning over her. His head was very near his partner's. He said something, and Gillian laughed. His smile said he shared her humor. They seemed so easy together, so...friendly. Jealousy stabbed Sara and she knew there was no reason for it. Gillian and Nathan were happily married. Weren't they?
Jake laid his hand on Gillian's shoulder.
Sara didn't think she'd moved or made a sound, but Gillian turned toward her. "Hi, there. I just stopped in to catch up on cases."
Gillian's smile was pleasant, her tone friendly without a shred of guilt. Sara's gaze went to Jake's hand on his partner's shoulder. He saw the look, waited a moment, then removed it.
Gillian stepped right into the awkwardness. "Sara, how would you like to go shopping with me sometime or maybe have dinner?"
The invitation was a surprise. There was a warmth that emanated from Jake's partner, a caring that was hard to resist. "I'd like that."
"I'll check Nathan's schedule and see when he can watch Matthew." She smiled. "He doesn't like to use a babysitter unless it's necessary."
"Where's Matthew now?" Sara asked.
"With Nathan. He took the afternoon off to spend with his girls and son." Gillian shuffled the papers in front of her into a pile and stood. "I'd better get going. We're having a barbecue this evening and I told Nathan I'd stop at the bakery for dessert." She pushed her chair back and took her purse from the desktop. On her way out, she said, "I'll get back to you about getting together."
Gillian had closed the front door when Sara commented, "She seems nice."
"She's more than nice."
Sara couldn't tell if there was simply respect in Jake's voice or more. "How long have she and Nathan been married?"
"It was three years in August."
"Did you know Gillian before she married Nathan?"
"Why all the questions, Sara?"
"I just wondered."
His eyes narrowed. "I knew Nathan first."
"Oh."
"What's on your mind?"
"Nothing really. You and Gillian seem...close."
"We're partners and we're friends."
"I see."
"But I don't. I don't think you're saying what you're thinking."
Before Sara married Jake, she'd decided she'd never keep anything from him again. Yet telling him what she'd felt when she came in and saw him and Gillian together... "I wondered what your feelings are for Gillian. You seem so comfortable with her…so affectionate."
Shane studied her for a few long moments, then responded, "From the moment I met Gillian, I realized she brought out the best in the people she's around."
He wasn't telling her anything. She was trying to be honest and open with him, but he was more closed than ever. "Did you mind when she married Nathan?"
"Nathan's a good friend."
"But did you mind?" She could be just as stubborn as he was.
His eyes became piercing brown as he stood perfectly still. "No, I didn't mind. Nathan and Gillian are made for each other. No one could interfere in their relationship even if they tried."
He still wasn't telling her his feelings. "Are you attracted to Gillian?"
His voice became as sharp as his eyes. "Dammit, Sara. Why the inquisition? I'm married to you."
"I'm not sure how much that means." Her words shot out unexpectedly, surprising her and Jake.
With restrained patience, he explained, "Gillian is a partner and a friend. I like her because she's easy to be around, she's sincere and honest and can read people better than anyone I know. But that's it. I don't want her in my bed. I don't wish she and Nathan weren't married. Does that satisfy your curiosity?"
The month had been too long, too fraught with emotion for her to spar with Jake now. "I wasn't curious. I was jealous." On that admission, she left Jake's office and went to the kitchen to start supper.
#
That night, Jake listened as Sara read Christopher a story. When she imitated the voices of Papa Bear, Mama Bear, and Baby Bear, Christopher giggled and said, "Do it again, Mommy." Sara smiled and repeated the section.
That smile. Jake wanted to kiss it more than he wanted to find his newest client's lost high school sweetheart. Why did Sara have the power to get to him? It was purely physical --her smell, her taste, the sight of her. She was just a woman, a woman who'd lied to him...and left him.
When Sara finished the story, she kissed Christopher good night. Jake gave his son a hug, then followed her down the stairs. The past two nights he'd gone to his office after they'd put Christopher to bed. It was safer that way. But tonight, he had to get something straight between them.
Sara sat on the sofa in the living room and picked up a book she'd been reading the evening before. Looking up at him with surprise on her face, she asked, "You're not working tonight?"
He sat on the arm of the sofa. "In a minute. I have something to tell you first."
She frowned. "Good or bad?"
"I have to go out of town."
"A case?"
"Yes. I'm leaving Sunday evening."
"Do you go out of town often?"
"It depends on our clients. Sometimes I have to follow a lead in person."
"Gillian doesn't?"
"When she has to. I...uh...should explain something about Gillian. She's got this gift for finding people. She's psychic."
Sara was silent for a good minute. "So you use your experience and connections as a cop and she does the rest."
"Sort of. You know, if I told most people what I just told you, they'd be skeptical."
Sara shrugged. "If you believe in Gillian, why should I doubt her? You don't believe without proof."
Sara was right about that. For him, seeing was believing. "I had first-hand proof. Nathan's girls were missing, and Gillian helped find them. Her gift is amazing." Sara's blue eyes clouded, and he remembered what she'd said earlier. "If it's true you're jealous, you have no reason to be...of Gillian or anyone else. I told you I'd be faithful to our marriage, and I will be."
The clouds didn't leave her eyes. "Are you sorry you married me?"
"We haven't been married long enough to have regrets," he replied cautiously.
"Our lives are so separate, except for Christopher."
"It's got to be that way, Sara. Until we can find some common ground." Until he could begin to trust her again.
Her eyes were so blue, her expression so vulnerable. He was drawn toward common ground and Sara's softness.
She tilted her head up as he lowered his. She was everything womanly. His body responded to hers as if they'd never been apart. Her lips weren't enough. He wanted to taste her secrets, find out if she was playing some game with him, remember the ecstasy they'd once shared.
When his tongue breached her lips, she opened them freely, welcoming his desire. He didn't take time to tease, but stroked against her again and again, raising the stakes, seeing how far she'd go. It wasn't that he wanted her to stop him. Lord knew he could use the physical release. But knowing he didn't trust her, would she use sex to try and break through his defenses? Or worse yet, would she feel she owed him something because he'd married her?
Sara tried to think. The kiss had been sudden and unexpected. At the first touch of Jake's lips, her doubts faded…her dreams reawakened. Maybe he could forgive her. Maybe he finally understood why she'd left, why she'd been afraid to stay. She slipped into the world they'd shared once, where kisses and touching could make them one. Jake's lips weren't enough, neither was the sweep of his tongue. She wanted to show him they could recapture the past and forge a future.
She reached for him, her hand finding the taut planes of his back, the richness of the muscles underneath. Running her fingers up and down, she remembered and wanted more.
Abruptly, Jake broke away and growled, "That's enough, Sara."
She didn't understand his terseness any more than she understood why he'd broken away. Trying to rein in her emotions, trying to make sense of the kiss and Jake's reaction, she asked, "What's wrong? We're married Jake. I'd understand if you want--"
"What I want has nothing to do with this. I can't help but wonder if you're willing to use sex to get closer to me, to get what you want."
"And what do I want, Jake?"
"That's what I'm trying to figure out. You got a father for Christopher and security by marrying me. Do you figure your body is a fair trade-off?"
All the breath left Sara's lungs and the room swam. This was more than a lack of trust. Jake's resentment and anger were greater than she ever imagined. "Nothing I tell you will change the way you feel. So you're going to have to figure it out on your own. But maybe you'd better start by deciding if that kiss was a test or a disguise for something else."
She pushed up from the cushion, the strength she'd developed since she'd broken up with Jake taking her up the stairs without a backward glance. She realized now they could never recapture the past. They'd have to start from scratch. The problem was--she wasn't sure how to start at all.
#
Hearing the key in the lock Wednesday evening, Sara pushed her knitting into the tapestry bag. It had been six days since she'd realized she and Jake had to start from square one. When Jake had gone out of town on business, she'd begun knitting him a sweater for Christmas. It was her way of believing in the future, believing that by the new year she and Jake would have a future. But she'd also made some decisions. The first was--if desire flared between them again, Jake would have to make the first move. She had too much self respect to let something like that happen again.
The second decision of taking a job if it was offered...
Jake came into the living room and plunked his traveling bag by the sofa.
"Did you have a good trip?"
"I'll find out tomorrow after I make some calls." He glanced toward the stairs. "Everything all right here?"
"Just fine. I put Christopher to bed about an hour ago."
His gaze slowly passed from her hair, pinned with a barrette on one side, over her lavender jumpsuit, to the length of her legs. "I'll have to make some time to spend with him tomorrow. I missed him."
So much for easing into the conversation of her getting a job. "I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon, and I've asked Aunt El to look after him. Would you like to keep him yourself?"
"Where are you going?"
"I received a call from a day care center where I had an interview. They want me to come in again."