JARED (Lane Brothers Book 4) (5 page)

I don’t want to believe it, and Miah’s right, just knowing that a part of me doubts her means I am far from that forgiveness he thinks she needs. But it’s there all the same, and no amount of love will erase it.

All I know is that forgiveness or not, I can’t let her go. Not knowing what her family or those assholes will do to her if they get at her again.

What if she is a plant and she doesn’t get anything? Will they kill her and move on? Is she as expendable to them as she is precious to me, I wonder, feeling my ire rise again.

“She does love you, bro—”

“You don’t betray the ones you love, Miah,” I say harshly, getting up and stalking to the window. “She talked to me every day, sometimes for hours. She could have confided in me. She could have told me and let me help her.”

“Yeah, you’re right. She could have. Hell, she should have. But you don’t know why she didn’t, and you need to find out before you pass that final judgement you’re so famous for,” he says, rising tiredly with a last glance at her. “Ask her. That’s all you have to do. Just ask and I think you may be surprised by what she has to say. Now if you’ll excuse me I have a kid to go dig out of the cookie jar and a mother to scowl at for spoiling him rotten.”

When he leaves quietly, shutting the door and sealing us in, I turn back to the bed and stand staring down at Paulie’s peaceful face. The bruises are still stark against her pale skin, but I see an improvement already, not even an hour after that nurse gave her the shot.

I can hardly wait for meds to do the job they were intended for, because the minute the doc gives her the all clear I’ll have her tied to me and under me.

Whatever was done to her…

I can’t think about it now, not yet. It won’t matter after I show her how much I love her body. I will wipe away whatever happened and give her so much pleasure, she will never remember a time when all she felt was pain.

When I can’t stand to stare and not touch her for another moment I go over to the bed, place a gentle kiss on her puffy lips, and turn for the door, hitting my office and the servers I have there.

This is my sanctuary and the only place I know that makes me feel in control. Here I can do anything, find anything, see anything, and what I want to find now is not only a reason to look at Cupcake with the love I feel in my heart, but one of the missing pieces of the puzzle I’ve been neglecting.

Melissa Dobson.

The woman has to be somewhere; she can’t just have vanished, no matter how good Roman is at his job, and I need to find her so I can at least use her as leverage when the time comes.

Roman loves that woman.

She’s his. I know it like I know Paulie is mine, and if it comes to it, I will use whoever I have to to draw this shit to a close. Miah is too wrapped up in his little vendetta against Nick Grimes, Jace is obsessed with Tracy and everything the woman does, and Wyatt is a lost cause what with him trying to crawl into poor Ellie at every turn, as well as be a good father to little Al.

That leaves me to keep this ball rolling, no matter where that leads.

With Case and Bronx on the Hayeses and my baby safe in the room next door, I have the time and the know-how to do what needs doing. I hope.

I hit the keys and start pulling surveillance from every camera in the area, expanding my search when I come up blank after three hours of nonstop searching.

It’s only in hour four that I finally get a hit on a female entering a gas station convenience store a few miles outside of town that I feel excitement hit me.

It takes a while to clean up the footage because the equipment is shoddy, but another hour later I am finally looking into the face of Mel Dobson.

She’s blonde here instead of brunette, and her eyes are a deep shade of dull brown instead of the shocking blue on her driver’s license, but it’s her. Now I just have to follow her as far as I can and hope that she pops up on footage again.

It’s hours later when I stand and stretch with a groan and realize I haven’t looked in on Paulie once. With a curse and a lot of self-recrimination, I run for the room only to stop dead in my tracks when I find her crawling beneath the bed, scratching at the floorboards.

It takes a few seconds for me to snap out of it, but when I get to her and pull her up and into my arms I’m horrified to see tears and her eyes closed as she rambles quietly.

“Need to get…will prove it…need it.”

She keeps going, only quieting down and stopping her struggles when I lay her down and come down beside her, pulling her tearstained face into my neck with a groan.

She shudders a few times and finally burrows closer, hiccupping a few times before settling and slumping back to sleep. No fever, I think, relieved when I check her and my hand touches cool skin that seems to be healing at an accelerated rate.

Whatever that was, it’s got her so desperate that she’s moving around in a dead sleep. I aim to find out what it is before she digs herself deeper.

Paulette

The smell of coffee and bacon wakes me and I crack both eyes open with a moan, almost smiling when I see that it’s morning and Jude Lane is standing above me, silently waiting for me to wake.

I love the woman, but it’s creepy to wake up with her just staring at me as if she’s won the lottery and I’m the winning ticket.

“Oh, you’re awake, honey. Good, good. Sit up a little if it doesn’t hurt too much and let Mama feed you. You look like you’ve lost weight, and we can’t have you wasting away,” she says, looking down at me with that same weird smile as I scoot up, only to realize that nothing hurts.

And both of my eyes are open.

My hands come up quickly and I’m plain shocked to feel that while my face is still a little swollen, it’s not tender at all, and my lip is completely healed.

“Oh yes, honey, that stuff they gave you worked like a charm. Your bruises are already fading to yellow and your lip is healed over. That horrible nurse even checked your incision this morning and she says you should be stitch free by tomorrow, at the latest.”

The breakfast tray lands on my lap and I look down to see so much food—food that I like instead of the breakfast bar my mother gave me every morning.

“Oh, honey! Don’t you like eggs or bacon? Mama can get you something else,” she frets and I shake my head, swallowing loudly.

“No. This is perfect. Forgive me, I just…it’s been a while since I ate more than a breakfast bar and orange juice for breakfast,” I say softly as she scowls and takes the seat beside me.

There’s no sign of Jared yet and I feel bereft that he’s abandoned me so quickly. Not that I blame him, but still.

I do still have feelings even though I have no right to them.

I pick up a piece of crisply fried bacon and take a massive bite. I almost die when the taste hits my tongue and moan in gratitude when I finish it off in less than ten chews and see that there’s a lot more where that came from.

“Now, Paulie, I want you to know that no matter what happens, George and I will always be here for you. You’re ours now, sweetheart, and we always look after our children. Always.”

I’m almost done with the bacon and move on to the eggs as I eye her, hoping like hell that this speech is not the result of Jared wanting me gone. I don’t think it is, not after his sweetness yesterday, but…

“Um, thanks. That is very kind of you, and I appreciate it like you wouldn’t believe, Judy, but—”

“Oh pooh! Call me Mama, honey. You and Jared are as good as married, anyway, so you may as well get used to the idea,” she says with a wave and a bright smile that has me choking on my own spit.

“Well, uh, I don’t think—”

“Ma, leave her alone. She’s not even healed fully and you’re already trying to plan the wedding and the nursery?”

My head whips up and I just manage not to drool onto my plate when Jared walks out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel slung low over his hips and showing enough muscle to put me into a coma of pleasure.

Lord have mercy
, I think, blushing crimson when I realize a good few seconds have passed with me staring and they’ve both seen it.

Jared scowls and whips around, giving me his back as he stalks into the closet with a curse. I guess he doesn’t want me looking, I think with a heavy heart, suddenly not hungry anymore as self-pity and loathing grip me.

“Jared, honey, it’s never too early to plan these things and you know it!” she trills, patting my hand with a gentle grin that makes my nerves stand up and start buzzing.

Wait! What? Did I just hear that conversation right? Are they talking weddings and babies and—

“Ma. Leave her alone or I’m telling that husband of yours that you’re making a nuisance of yourself again. It’s Goddamned creepy to wake up to you staring at us while we sleep, Ma. And it’s weird that you stood here for a good ten minutes just staring at her while you waited to give her breakfast,” he yells from the closet, making me eye Judy with a little more trepidation.

“Oh what nonsense! Of course I was looking! The two of you looked so cute the way you were all cuddled up together,” she yells back mockingly, making me still and blush all the way to the roots of my hair.

Jared stalks out of the closet in a heartbeat, wearing a pair of sweatpants that ride low on his hips and a T-shirt that reads SEALs Go Deep and Hard.

I want deep and hard. Please.

He looks so yummy right now that if Judy weren’t in the room to witness my shame, I’d possibly just throw myself at him like the love-starved loser I am.

“Ma! Don’t you do it!” he yells suddenly, waving a finger at her in anger when I feel her lift my hand and slide something onto it quickly before standing with a smirk and a wink.

“It’s already done, cub. May the best man win!”

“Ma. Cupcake, take it off right now,” he growls, turning to me when he sees his mother isn’t even listening anymore, just staring down at me tearfully with her hands cupping her cheeks.

It takes me a second to realize what he’s said, but I finally look down and gasp when I see a huge, flawlessly cut blue diamond gracing my finger as if it were created just for me.

“Oh my,” I breathe, staring at the stone with eyes gone huge and wide in wonder. “It’s so pretty.”

“No, it isn’t! Take it off, now.”

That’s when I snap out of the jewel daze and realize that I’ve just been proposed to by his mom. He doesn’t seem happy about it at all, I realize when he starts glaring and pulling at his hair.

“Give it back, Paulie.”

But…

I slide the ring off with a pout, biting my lips to stop them from trembling when Judy scowls and takes the ring back before sniffing and turning on her heel—after kissing me, of course.

When she makes it to the door, her head held so high I wonder how she can see where she’s going, she pauses and turns back with a glare.

“I’m telling your father you hurt my feelings, boy.”

“Yeah? You also going to tell him you’re proposing again?” he says, rolling his eyes.

Judy sniffs twice before pulling the door open and marching out with her nose in the air, leaving me alone with him and feeling awkward enough to just die right on the spot.

I’m no fool, really, and I know that he has every right to be upset about this, but for just that one, shining moment I felt…happy.

“Sorry about that. She gets these weird ideas in her head and nothing we say can stop her. The easiest way to avoid her crazy is just to nod and ignore it mostly.”

I nod and shift uncomfortably, fiddling with the coffee I don’t want, just to have something to do instead of stare at his perfect body as mortification swims through me.

“Uh, it’s okay. Um, can I, would it be okay if I had a quick shower?” I ask, looking around for something to do that does not involve me staring at the crotch of his sweatpants.

I can’t help that the man is huge and I’m only human.

I feel like shit and I’m embarrassed and yet I still can’t seem to stop thinking about things I shouldn’t want and can’t have.

“No.”

“Er, no?”

That has my eyes looking up at his, and I almost faint when he glares at me and stalks closer.

“I don’t want you falling in the shower. You’re not healed completely yet.”

Whatever. He probably doesn’t want to be the poor shlub who has to come in and rescue my naked ass if I fall in the shower.

“I-I feel much better. Better than I should,” I say, putting a hand to my eyes as he comes closer.

That hard expression is back and he leans in, coming nose to nose with me as he grabs the tray and rises with it, stalking away to put it outside the door before closing it and locking us in.

“You’re not fine yet. You can have a bath. I’ll help.”

“What! Uh, no, really I can do it.” He isn’t even listening as he walks back into the bathroom and I hear water come on before he’s back and picking me up, cradled firmly to his broad chest.

“You’ll let me help or you stay dirty. Your choice.”

It’s one thing to be all hot and bothered for a guy and want him, but quite another for him to be seeing me naked for the first time and having to wash my cruddy butt.

Being naked now, in the cold light of day, is so not sexy and I don’t want him seeing me without the benefit of candlelight or the hazy lighting that I always had in my lascivious dreams.

“Jared, I can do it by myself. Please,” I plead when he sets me down on the toilet seat and goes to check the water before turning the faucets off.

The bathtub is huge enough to fit three and filled almost full when he stalks back and tries to grab the hem of the hospital gown I’m still wearing.

“Arms up, Cupcake.”

“What? No, really, I’ll be fine,” I squeak, snatching at the fabric when he manages to clear my thighs and I feel cool air hit my naked sex.

“Dirty it is, then,” he says, dropping the hem and going to pick me up.

No! I need a bath. I can still smell myself even after that mortifying sponge bath yesterday and the thought of staying this way makes my skin crawl.

I want to wash it all off me, every bad memory still lurking in the back of my mind, and no way can I go back to bed with their touch still on my skin.

“Agh, fine! Just, just don’t look, okay?” I beg softly, grabbing the hem to pull it up over myself.

When it’s gone and I’m naked in front of him, I feel so exposed and raw that it’s a miracle I don’t scream when he leans down and hoists me into his arms.

“Relax. I won’t hurt you,” he says when I shiver and close my eyes at the feel of his naked forearms on my skin.

It feels so good to have him touching me that I forget my embarrassment and feelings of uncertainty and I look up at him, gasping at the rage I see in his eyes.

“I-I know,” I whisper, groaning when he bends and lowers me into the hot water, my skin soaking up the heat as he submerges me almost to my neck.

My words seem to calm him, for whatever reason, and I lean back with a sigh, closing my eyes against the need to cry.

“Lift your head, Cupcake. I’ll wash your hair,” he says, sounding strangled and annoyed when I scoot forward and wrap my arms around my knees to give him better access.

I groan when he starts lathering and just stop myself from leaning into his touch when he massages my scalp and starts working his fingers through my hair gently.

It feels so good that I’m boneless by the time he rinses the shampoo and repeats with the conditioner before shoving his arms beneath me and hoisting me up onto the inbuilt seat.

My eyes pop open and I forcefully stop a moan when I look down to see him staring at my breasts with so much intensity that I feel my nipples bead and shoot arousal straight to my core.

It’s ridiculous to want him this much so soon after…

I cut that thought short and focus on him, unable to pull my eyes from his face as he starts lathering his hands and soaping my shoulders.

I almost jump out of the tub when he eventually reaches my breasts and spends a long time soaping them before moving down my stomach and to my legs.

I’m fully wet and aching as he runs his rough palms from thigh to ankle and starts rubbing my feet with a slow and steady pressure that I feel all the way to my clit and empty sheath.

I want him badly, and I can’t help the gasp of need that escapes when he finishes with my lower limbs and pulls me up to stand. Those magical hands go around me and I feel his breath on my belly as he cups my butt and washes me all over, slipping his hand into the crack and washing me so thoroughly, I blush.

Suddenly, I grab his wrist, squeezing tightly when one of his hands reaches around, going for my sex. I can’t let him wash me for fear that he’ll feel my arousal and I know it.

The thought of him knowing that I want him while he despises me is almost too much for me, and I hang on for dear life, meeting his stony eyes, silently pleading with him to stop.

“Please don’t,” I beg, pulling at his wrist when he tugs and brings his hand to my inner thigh.

“You don’t need to be afraid, Cupcake. I would never hurt you.”

“I know. I just…”

“I know what they did to you, baby. I know and it kills me, but I swear I would never…” His voice is so thick with emotion that I don’t even think about what he’s saying and the memories that I won’t ever let escape.

All I hear is that he thinks that I would equate him with those monsters and I can’t have that, not even to save myself from humiliation.

“That’s not why. I just, I don’t want you to know,” I whisper, closing my eyes against the coldness in his.

“Cupcake—”

“There. Feel,” I say, shoving his hand between my legs so that he can’t miss the liquid heat building there.

I squeeze my eyes shut, not wanting him to see me as vulnerability engulfs me.

I want to rub all along his hand and soothe the aching throb beating in my sex, and a big part of me is so needy that I’d offer myself to him, beg him to touch me, but instead I stand completely still and avoid his gaze, not wanting to see his revulsion.