Jealousy (2 page)

#

Heather’s heart ached for Justin.  She felt his pain as if it was her own, and it crushed her.  She didn’t know how to comfort him.  She didn’t know how to take away his pain.  She was helpless as Justin drowned in a pool of David’s betrayal.

They were both silent as she rubbed Justin
’s back.  Heather heard noises coming from downstairs.  It took a few seconds before she realized it was Peter tiptoeing up the steps.  She knew Peter was hesitant because he was unsure if he was intruding.  Even though they were married for three years, Peter still couldn’t understand the bond she shared with Justin, but he managed to accept it, not that he had a choice in the matter.  Heather tried to explain her relationship with Justin on several occasions, but she wasn’t the most articulate person and she could never find the right words.

Once Peter asked her if she loved Justin more than she loved him.  She was sure her reply, that she loved Justin in a totally different way and she couldn
’t compare the two, was taken the wrong way and hurt Peter’s feelings.  She didn’t mean to and she felt bad, but it was a question that had no right answer.

“
Is it OK if I come in?” Peter asked, with uncertainty.

Heather glanced at him for a second before returning her eyes to Justin, who still hadn
’t looked up from the pillow, and nodded for Peter to enter the room.

Justin moved to a sitting position, wrapped his arms around his legs and buried his face into his knees.  He looked embarrassed and self-conscious.  Heather didn
’t take her eyes off of him as she put her arm around his shoulder and scooted closer to him on the bed.

Peter was uncomfortable with open displays of emotion.  He fumbled for something to say and finally just said,
"Fuck David.  You don’t need that bitch.  You’ll find someone better."

It was such a typical
"guy" response that it made Heather smile a little.  Maybe it wasn’t the most sympathetic thing to say, but at least Peter tried.

The sad grimace remained frozen on Justin
’s face.  His silence and lack of response made Peter fidget even more.

Peter never actually entered the room and remained fixed in the doorway. After a long awkward silence, the doorbell chimed through the otherwise quiet house.
Peter looked relieved for an excuse to leave the room and quickly left to answer the door.

#

In a way, Justin was glad Peter left them alone.  The way Peter hovered in the doorway and stared made Justin feel like a freak.  Heather squeezed him tighter and pulled him a little closer.  She wore a deep frown and tears glimmered in her chocolate brown eyes.  Her sadness burned through Justin’s heart like a gunshot.  He needed to pull it together – for Heather’s sake.

He splashed cool water on his face in the bathroom and turned away as soon as he caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror.  His red swollen eyes and blotchy complexion showed his anguish.  The only resemblance to his normal self was his thick black hair, which always retained its shape.  He splashed more water on his face.  The water was cold, icy, and it caused a chill to run down his spine.  He shivered as
he patted his face with a towel and tried to clear his throat.  It was sore from crying and hurt when he tried to swallow.

He returned to the bedroom, took Heather by the hand and brought her downstairs to the living room.  He sat next to her on the couch and rested his head on her shoulder.  The idea of life w
ithout David started to sink in and he pondered his future, seemingly in another stratosphere.

"
What are you thinking about?" Heather asked.

"
About my life and how different it’s gonna be.  I forgot what it’s like to be alone."

"
You’ll never be alone," she said, with reassurance.  "You’re the sweetest person I’ve ever met, and you know you’re never getting rid of me."

He gave her a small smile. 
"Thank you."

"
You don’t have to thank me, Justin." She planted a soft kiss on his cheek.  "I’d do anything for you."

But he already knew that.  She did everything
in her power to protect him since they were kids.  That was never going change.

Emotionally exhausted and worn out, he laid his head in her lap and quickly f
ell into a semi-conscious state in a realm between sleep and reality. He wanted sleep to take him someplace serene, where his insides weren’t ripped to shreds, mauled by infidelity.  But sleep eluded him.  He remained suspended somewhere between consciousness and unconsciousness while Heather continually stroked the back of his hair.  He loved the way she did that when he was upset.

He heard
footsteps and cracked open his eyes into thin slivers, just enough so he could see.  It was Peter who walked into the room and sat on the loveseat across from them.  Peter’s face was filled with bitter resentment and he glared at Heather.

Heather
whispered, "I’m sorry.  He needs me."

Peter nodded back at her, but he didn
’t entirely eradicate the smirk from his lips.

Justin didn
’t know how long he lay in Heather’s lap, or if he ever really fell asleep.  Hours, minutes, seconds, they all blended together as one. He sat up, rubbed his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair, which magically fell back into place.  He took Heather’s hand and they went upstairs together.  They didn’t need to discuss the issue of Justin spending the night.  There was no need for the spoken word. Some things were just automatically understood.

"
I’m worried about you sleeping alone," Heather said.  "I’d stay with you, but I think Peter would get mad."

"
Yes, he would." Justin kissed her cheek.  "I’ll be OK.  Goodnight, sweetie."

Justin crawled into bed and immediately felt its emptiness.
It was his first night without David. He felt more alone than he ever felt in his life.  He thought about David spending his first night together with his new lover, and wept heavily.  Justin didn’t want Heather to hear him, so he stifled his sobs with the pillow and cried himself to sleep.

Chapter Two:

Heather couldn
’t sleep.  She kept thinking about Justin, alone in the bedroom next door, without David. She tucked her arm under her head and turned to face Peter.  “I feel so bad for him.”

“
I’ve never seen a guy get that upset before,” Peter said.

“
He’s sensitive.”

“
Still, he took it really hard.”

She wished she could ho
ld Justin and rock him to sleep and she wondered how upset Peter would be if she did.  “I’m worried about him sleeping by himself tonight,” she said.

“
Look, Heather, I know you two have this special bond, but you’re not going in there and sleeping with him.”

“
I know.”  She was too afraid to outright ask Peter if she could stay with Justin.  She didn’t plan on spending the night in Justin’s room, she only wanted to stay with him until he fell asleep.  Her statement was made in an attempt to test Peter’s reaction to the idea, but she knew he would never agree to it.  She didn’t blame him, though.  She always had a hard time finding a man who would accept Justin, not only because he was gay, but because of how much he was part of her life.  Some even made the asinine assumption that she and Justin had slept together.  They were threatened by him.  Justin was a very attractive man.  He was your typical tall, dark and handsome.  Men couldn’t understand that the love they shared was purely platonic.  She attributed it to the jealousy factor.

“
I can’t believe David could hurt Justin like that,” she told Peter.  “Please don’t ever do that to me.”

Peter turned to look her in the eye. 
“I may be a lot of things, Heather, but I’m not a cheat.”

#

The first two weeks without David were rough on Justin.  Heather tried everything to cheer him up, but he just sat on the couch and stared at the TV or at the wall, and barely said anything.

She was determined to break his bad mood and hoped a visit
to his favorite restaurant for brunch followed by a surprise shopping trip would lift his spirits a little.  She was so engrossed in her announcement about the day she had planned for the two of them that she didn’t notice the grin on his face or the sparkle in his eye.

Her broadcast was interrupted by a gorgeous blond exiting the bathroom, adorned in nothing except a crisp white bath towel.  Her eyes were immediately drawn to his well-defined chest and abs, and she stared, frozen, with her mouth gaping open.  He smiled at her as he walked past her and into the bedroom.  She never expected Justin to jump into bed with someone so soon after he split up with Dav
id, but she was happy for him.

“
Oh my God!” she exclaimed.

Justin giggled and raised a suggestive eyebrow.

His mystery date emerged from the bedroom in jeans and a pair of boots, leaving Heather wondering what the hell happened to his shirt, not that she minded ogling a stellar pair of pecs.  She missed the array of handsome men Justin used to parade in front of her.  She always wished her boyfriends were half as attractive as his were.

The shirtless boy-wonder strutted up to Justin, placed one hand behind his neck, slid the other around his waist and gave Justin the deepest kiss she ever saw.  He tossed a folded piece of paper on the coffee table and uttered a cavalier,
“Call me,” before he sauntered out the front door.

Heather
ran to the window and peeked through the vertical blinds to catch another glimpse of him as he walked to his car.  “Where and when did you meet
him
?” she asked.

Justin could hardly contain his smile. 
“I was tired of feeling sorry for myself, so last night after I left your house I went to a bar.”  He motioned toward the door with his hand.  “Ergo, Steven.”

She chuckled. 
“It didn’t take you long to jump back in the saddle.”

And that
’s exactly what Justin did to forget about David.  He dove head first into the singles scene and bedded a seemingly endless assortment of attractive men.  Heather teased him about his promiscuity, but she loved it.  Most of all, she loved that he was enjoying himself again and not wallowing in a pool of self pity, which is what she feared most and how he usually reacted to his breakups.

#

With Justin back to his old self, Heather was able to focus on her own life again. She felt guilty for the lack of attention she gave Peter in the last few weeks.  She tried to make it up to him by planning a night out alone, but he wasn’t interested.  She was disappointed when Peter said he was tired and wanted to stay home last night, but she knew he had a lot on his mind.  The pressure of running his family owned electronics store was a lot for him to handle, and it sometimes left Peter mentally exhausted and short tempered.  She tried to make him a nice breakfast this morning, but he said he had no time.  He had too much work to do.  So Justin ate it.

Peter was in a foul mood today.  Heather understood his frustration, but she had no patience for his attitude.  She tried to ignore his grunting and sighing at the computer, which obviously wasn
’t cooperating, but she could still hear him swearing and cursing from the next room as she loaded the dishes in the dishwasher.

Justin
was at the kitchen table, arranging a bouquet of fresh cut roses in a vase.  “Is he mad that I clipped these from your garden?” he whispered.

“No, he doesn’t care about that.  You can take as many roses as you want.  He’s pissed because his computer’s been freezing up.”

Justin placed the vase in the middle of the table and went to Peter.  “What’s wrong?” he asked.  “Do you want me to take a look at your computer?”

Peter responded by banging the keyboard and slamming his hand down on the desk.

Heather, still listening from the kitchen, jumped and almost dropped a glass in the sink.

Justin repeated his offer to help Peter.

“Stop fucking bothering me,” Peter said, harshly.  “I have enough problems already.  I don’t need you to make it worse by screwing around with my computer.”

Heather ran full speed into the other room. 
“Don’t you dare yell at him like that!”  She glared at Peter through narrowed eyes, leaned forward and waved her hand in front of his face.  “He’s trying to help you!  You don’t have to be so fucking ungrateful and so Goddamn nasty!”

Peter looked shocked at her outburst, and his
mouth hung open with surprise.

“
Take it easy,” Justin said. “Heather, it’s OK.”

“
No, it’s not OK.  I’m not going to let him get away with talking to you like that.”  Her eyes filled with tears and her face turned bright red, but her voice boomed with strength and indignation.  She stood up tall and pointed her finger at Peter.  “I swear if you ever yell at Justin like that again, or say anything hurtful to him, I’ll walk out that door and you’ll never see me again.”