The one called Sandra shook her head and wiped her face with the hem of her white apron.
“I don’t know what his mama would say, though. Didn’t Dad say she didn’t really like white folk? Something about being sent away to the Indian school when she was young?”
“I didn’t hear that. Really? I never really met her, saw her a couple times in the store. She kind of scared me. Seemed all hoity-toity.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean. I met her once. She was kind of quiet, almost shy-like. I didn’t get the hoity-toity part. But Dad knew her, said they’d gone to Indian school together back in Oklahoma. Said she was miserable, especially when they cut her hair. Said she cried every day for the first six months.”
“She’s dead now, right?”
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure she is.”
Sandra rose and readjusted the straps on her apron.
“Well, better get back to it. The dishes ain’t gonna get washed by themselves.”
Jenny slithered back down into her nest, her heart pounding in her chest.
“Yeah, I hope this week goes fast. I’m already tired.”
The screen door creaked and slammed. Their voices died away, replaced by the faint sound of pots and pans banging on metal.
Jenny realized the pounding in her heart was the loudest sound in the camp at the moment. She looked at her watch. The groups had been in session for the last ten minutes. No other voices broke the faint rhythmic sounds emanating from the kitchen.
She pondered what she had heard and wondered how much credence she should put into the conversation. Jenny realized she still knew very little about Clint...other than that she was, without a doubt, completely, totally, and utterly infatuated with him, and couldn’t think straight to save her life. She felt completely out of control. Ecstatic one minute, devastated the next, never knowing how she was going to react to any given situation. The sparkle in Clint’s dark eyes could raise her to heights of delight, making her heart soar, but a certain set of his jaw could bring her crashing right down again.
She put her hand over the pulse in her throat, which continued to thump furiously. It sounded like his mother had had some truly horrendous experiences in the Indian schools as a child. No wonder she didn’t like “white folk.” Jenny dropped her hand and stared at the pale, blue-veined skin with golden freckles dotting the surface. She was definitely “white folk.” Nothing was going to change that.
Her heart finally slowed to a normal pace, and the warmth of the van allowed her to drift off to sleep. Broken images of a bare-chested man astride a brown-and-white painted horse played in her mind. Long, dark hair whipped around his face as prairie winds swirled around him. Almond-shaped eyes watched a small wagon rumble along a rutted path heading west…
“Jenny, wake up! Jenny!”
The female voice attempted to penetrate Jenny’s sensuous dreams of lying in the arms of the bare-chested man, her bonnet cast aside, the wagon stilled as the horses grazed among the tall prairie grasses...
“Don’t go,” she said to her dream lover as he slipped away from her in a haze. She rejected the insistent metallic rapping on the van door.
“Jenny. Have you been in here all afternoon? Open the door. Let me in.”
Kate jiggled the handle, to no avail. Jenny dragged her eyes open reluctantly and tried to focus on Kate’s face. She forced down a lump of grief in her throat at the loss of her handsome bare-chested Indian.
“What’s up?” she asked as she unlocked and opened the door.
Kate stood outside, hands on her hips, peering into the van.
“Have you been sleeping? Are you all right? Clint said you weren’t feeling good. Did you sleep here all afternoon?”
Jenny dropped back onto her cozy bed of fluffy sleeping bags, one hand over her mouth to cover a face-stretching yawn.
“Yeah, I had a good nap. Lots of dreams,” she said. Already, the image of her lover was fading from memory.
“Well, get up, for goodness’ sake. It’s time for our sweat. You’re going, aren’t you?”
Jenny bolted upright. The sweat. Clint. No, Clint wouldn’t be there. But he would be there...either earlier or later. She would feel his presence, around her in the forest. A Clint who was madly, deeply in love with her. Who would defy family to take her in his arms and swear to love her forever, no matter what.
She clambered out of the van and wobbled a bit on sleep-laden legs.
“I’m awake. Let’s go. I have to go change.”
“So do I,” Kate grinned. “I just came from group.”
They began to walk toward the cabin.
“How was it? I’m sorry I missed it. I-I just wasn’t feeling well.”
Kate shrugged. “It was fine. A couple of exercises that were fun and some group members talking about their experiences working with Native Americans in the hospitals.”
An image of Clint materialized in Jenny’s mind—tall, handsome, honest, in blue jeans with a blue denim shirt. She sighed.
“I’m sorry I missed it.”
“You should get more sleep at night,” Kate snickered.
“Very funny,” Jenny retorted.
They reached the cabin and changed into simple clothing that was easy to slip on and off. With towels in hand, they made their way to the sweat.
Jenny held her breath as she scanned faces along the way for Clint. Would he still be at the sweat, stoking the fire?
Her answer came soon enough when she saw the flag sticking out of the bushes. He was gone. If he were here, the stick would not have been displayed. She lost energy as if the sun sucked it right out of her. Her steps slowed.
“Come on,” Kate urged as she turned to see Jenny dawdling. “Still sleepy? The cold water will wake you up soon enough.”
Jenny followed her over the small bridge that spanned the creek. Women already congregated around the roaring fire, all in various states of undress.
Jenny paused for a moment and looked up into the tall lodgepole pines which shaded the sweat lodge area. She could not feel Clint’s presence here as she had the day before. The chatter of the women distracted her from sensing him. She longed to have the place to herself for ten minutes so that she could find him again...even if he wasn’t there.
In that moment, she knew it was easier to love the idea of the man than to actually give herself to him. She dropped her towel on the bench and undressed, no longer overly concerned about her nudity. The feral and unfettered spirit of the lodge enclosure made modesty seem a false fabrication of society.
She moved toward the water, keeping Kate in her line of sight as a guide but lost in thought over her revelation. It was quite possible she would never be able to open up to Clint in any meaningful way...even if that was what he wanted. She still wasn’t sure of his goal. The fear of pain, of loss, of taking a chance, kept her from honest emotion. The therapist within begged her to reconsider, to think things through with her brain and not her “heart” or her hormones.
The sharp chill of the water took her breath away and brought her back to her surroundings. Waist deep in the shallow pond, she gingerly lowered herself up to her neck. Women giggled and played with the water like little girls as they bathed in preparation for the sweat.
Kate, Auntie Sis, Lisa, and Auntie Sara chatted and laughed as they huddled in a small circle. Jenny found herself on the edge of the group. She watched Lisa tilt her head back and dip her long dark hair back into the water. She needed to talk to Lisa for Steve, but the sight of Lisa and Clint in such familiar proximity this morning made her mute. Still, she had promised. What if they just happened to know each other from camp? The worst Lisa could do is tell her she wasn’t interested in anyone.
Now was her chance, awkward as it seemed. Anything to take her mind off her own love life...or lack of it.
“Lisa,” she said. “I have to talk to you. After the sweat?”
Lisa turned to her with a delicate arch of her dark brows. Jenny caught her breath. Lisa’s skin was truly flawless, a honey color that sparkled with drops of water.
“Oh, sure... It’s Jenny, right? Is everything okay here at camp? I hope you’re having a good time.” Velvety dark eyes, similar to Clint’s, gazed at her.
“Oh, yes, it’s wonderful here. No, this is about something other than camp.” Jenny kept her voice low. Auntie Sis moved toward the edge of the pond. “Do you mind?”
“No, not at all. I’ll wait for you after the sweat.”
Everyone followed Auntie Sis out of the pond. Jenny followed Kate into Auntie Sara’s lodge behind Lisa. It seemed the group would be the same as the day before, but Jenny had no problem with that.
The sweat lasted about the same amount of time, with two breaks to cool off in the pond. Jenny followed along with the singing but elected to keep her confidences to herself. The thing uppermost in her mind—the
man
uppermost in her mind, Clint—could not be discussed in the lodge, and she remained mute lest she accidentally call out his name in the heat of the moment...so to speak.
The lodge seemed less hot than the day before, and Jenny continued to mourn the absence of Clint’s essence. Even the dream of a large black cat eluded her, though she desperately tried to re-create her vision of the day before.
“I’ll catch up with you later,” Jenny told Kate as she pulled her sweatshirt over her soaking wet hair. “I’m going to talk to Lisa. You know, about Steve, I think.” She wrestled with the collar around her nose while Kate pulled loose dark sweatpants over pale legs.
“Oh, really? So, you’re really going to do it, huh?”
Jenny winced at Kate’s loud voice and threw a look over her shoulder. No one paid attention. Lisa talked to Auntie Sis some distance away.
“Well, I promised Steve, but I’m confused. You know we saw her with Clint today, and they seemed to know each other pretty well. Did you find out? Are they an item...Lisa and Clint? Do they have some sort of history?” Jenny eyed Lisa while she pulled her sweatpants up.
A nudge from Kate almost knocked her off balance.
“Silly! If you’d stick around and stop running off, you’d know...”
“Hey!” Jenny hopped on one foot while trying to regain her balance. “Know what?”
“Lisa and Clint are cousins...and I don’t mean kissing cousins.” Kate jabbed a thumb to her chest. “
I
found out because I’m not a runner.”
“Cousins? Really?” Jenny finally got her sweatpants up over her hips and slumped onto the nearby bench. She regretted the squeak in her voice which belied the note of indifference she wanted to project.
Kate crossed her arms and nodded. “Really. I—”
“Wait a minute! What do you mean, runner?” Jenny crossed her arms with an indignant huff.
“You heard me. You know you do it. I’m not sure what you’re afraid of.” Kate bent to grab her wet towel.
Jenny’s shoulders slumped, her excitement at the revelation of Lisa and Clint’s relationship suddenly evaporating. She sighed.
“I could pretend I don’t know what you mean, but I do. I can feel it every time he looks at me...every time I’m near him. Some sort of weird urge to...uh...run, as you say.”
“I don’t blame you. It’s not like you really know him. You just met him a few days ago, and we’re up here—far from home—in a fairly unusual setting.”
Jenny smiled as Kate’s gaze swept the vista of the roaring fire surrounded by domed, burlap-covered sweat lodges.
She stood, keeping an eye on Lisa, who threw a look in her direction.
“You’re right about that. Unusual setting would be a good way to describe it. I’ve got to run and catch Lisa. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Are you going to dinner?”
Jenny shook her head. “I’m just not hungry right now. My stomach is all tied up in knots. I have some apples in the van. I’ll just grab one of those for now.”
“Good gravy, Jenny. You have to eat something.”
“I will,” Jenny said as she moved off to join Lisa, who waited for her at the foot of the small bridge.
Lisa’s cheeks glowed with a rose tinge from the heat of the sweat. Her sleek, dark hair glistened with moisture as it hung down her back, so similar to Clint’s. Jenny caught her breath at the young woman’s exquisite beauty. She suspected her own normally pale face resembled a blotchy version of a strawberry-and-cream parfait mix, her red hair no doubt springing up in frizzy curls from the recent steam rising from the heated rocks. So unlike Lisa’s silky mane.
“How did you enjoy the sweat today?” Lisa asked as Jenny fell into step with her across the small bridge.
“Oh, it was great. Really!”
“Good, I’m glad to hear it. It’s so wonderful to share our customs with others. I love this program.”
Jenny smiled, though she barely heard Lisa’s words. In the emotional chaos of her own life, she hadn’t found time to plan an introduction for Steve.
“Listen, Lisa, I was wondering...” They had reached the main path back to camp. Jenny winced at the sight of people milling about. She’d have to speak quickly. She stopped for a moment. Lisa followed suit.
“Yes, Jenny. You wanted to talk to me about something?”
Jenny clutched her towel to her chest, finding matchmaking suddenly harder than she’d realized.
“Yes, I do. The thing is... Well, hmmm...” Jenny took another deep breath while Lisa waited patiently. “Okay, so what I wanted to ask you was—”
“I take it you want to ask me about my cousin, Clint, don’t you?”
Chapter Eighteen
Jenny, who’d been looking anywhere but at Lisa’s face, stared at her and gasped.
“What?”
“Clint. I know you like him, and I know he likes you...a lot.” Her delicate eyebrows rose. “So, what do you want to know?”
“I-I... I wasn’t... No, I didn’t...” Jenny placed her cool and wet towel to her forehead, if only to hide for a moment. “I wasn’t... How do you know he likes me? Did he say so?” Jenny’s cheeks burned.
Lisa laughed, a light feathery concoction of amusement.
“No, he wouldn’t say anything to me. He knows I’d tease him mercilessly.” She grinned. “No, I’ve been watching you two. It’s kind of cute...though kind of sad. I’m not sure what’s going on between you. Sometimes you can’t take your eyes off each other...and at other times, he looks mad and you look hurt...or the other way around.”