Joy and Tiers (14 page)

“Tyler? Do you think a brain aneurysm hurts?” I mumble into his shirt.

“No Darlin’, she might’ve had a headache. But, it’s a pretty fast way to go,” Tyler reassures me.

My shoulders slump with relief. I would not have been able to bear it if I thought she suffered. She lived such a bright and shiny life that she would not have coped with pain well. She had a sister who had Lou Gehrig’s disease and she watched her lose all function. She always told me she never wanted to live that way. I’m grateful that she passed quickly, but I’m so sad that I never got a chance to say goodbye. I kept promising her I was going to go have some pictures taken with Mindy and the rest of the Girlfriend Posse so she could see us being silly. But, we never seemed to find the time to do it. Now, we’ll never have that chance. I’m kicking myself that I just didn’t take the time on a Sunday afternoon to take Mindy to the mall. As I think about it, a fresh round of tears overtakes me.

Tyler just holds me a bit tighter and murmurs words of comfort in my ear as he rocks me slowly.

The shrill tone of my phone breaks the oppressive silence in my house again, but I’m sobbing too hard to answer it. Tyler looks at me with a questioning gaze. I nod at him indicating my permission for him to answer my phone. I retreat into my emotional cocoon. I vaguely hear his deep rumbling voice talking in the background. I can feel the vibrations in his chest as he speaks, but I’m tuning out his words. If he’s talking to my dad, I don’t even want to know. I want to pretend that the outside world doesn’t even exist.

After a few minutes, Ty strokes my hair and murmurs, “Gidget, babe, do you want to talk to Tara?”

I nod tearfully.

Tyler takes one look at my face and digs into his pocket and pulls out an old-fashioned cloth handkerchief. “Heather, come on blow Darlin’. You’ll feel better,” he cajoles. 

I shake my head, “I can’t do that. I’ll get your handkerchief all gross,” I protest. 

Ty chuckles lightly as he replies, “Well Gidget, that’s kind of what they’re for. I really don’t mind. I’ve got a drawer full of them. I just put this one in my pocket this morning. It’s clean. Go ahead. I won’t even watch.” 

True to his word, Tyler turns his head away as I blow my nose. Then he hands my phone to me. 

 “Hello?” I answer tentatively.

“What’s wrong?” Tara demands.

“I just found out my grandma died of a brain aneurysm,” I reply. Saying it out loud brings a fresh round of tears.

“I’m so sorry to hear about Lydia Rose, but I’m glad you’re not hurt,” Tara says in a rush. “Aidan and I are in a time crunch, but I wouldn’t stop pestering him until he let me check on you. I just knew something wasn’t right. Are you going to be okay?”

I’m used to Tara’s weird premonitions and gut feelings by now. I suspect if he isn’t a believer in Tara’s special gifts by now, Aidan soon will be.

“Tara, I can’t believe she’s gone. We just had a Skype call with her a few weeks ago remember? Mindy did her little recital piece for her. I feel so guilty that we didn’t have those stupid pictures taken,” I lament.

“Heather, I didn’t know your grandma all that well, but from what I did know of her, she wouldn’t want you to feel guilty over something as silly as that. She would want you to celebrate all the good times you had together. She was a lot like you—you know. Fearless to take on life and always up for a new adventure. She was always supportive of her friends in her gardening and quilting clubs. Remember how she learned how to use Skype and Facebook so she could promote her friends businesses. To me, that sounds an awful lot like you. You should be proud.”

I smile at the memories. My grandma was a pistol for sure. I’m flattered Tara thinks I’m anything like her. That’s the biggest compliment anyone can give me. “Thank you. I’m pleased you think so. I hope she is proud of me and I hope she’s happy with grandpa now.”

“I bet they’re up there swing dancing by now,” Tara answers. I can hear the warm smile in her voice. I remember my grandma’s excitement when she heard about Tara’s history as a dancer. My grandmother was so excited to tell her all about the Arthur Murray dance classes that she and my grandfather had taken when they were engaged. They used it as a socially acceptable reason to touch each other in an era when it wasn’t allowed. My grandfather was so proud of himself for finding a way of getting around my grandma’s dad.

“Well, Aidan and I are about to get on a plane, so I better let you go,” Tara says as I hear the overhead speakers blaring in the background. “But, I wanted to check in with you. If you need anything, call me. You should talk to Kiera. She would want to know what’s going on. Someday soon, you’re going to have to let me know what’s going on between you and the Cowboy.”

Even though she can’t see me, I blush bright red as I answer, “Okay, I promise, we’ll do lunch when I get back from Texas. Have a nice flight.”

As I push the end button on my phone, Tyler is studying me with great interest. “Dare I ask what made you flush as red as a rooster comb?” Ty asks. 

Of course, that makes me blush even more. “Tara asked about the state of our relationship,” I mumble sheepishly.

“Oh, this ought to be good,” Tyler comments as he chuckles. “What did you tell her?”

“I didn’t tell her anything. I basically punted. I don’t think we have a relationship status yet to be updated. I’m not sure how you would define us. I define us as I always have— ‘confusing’. Why? How do you define us?”

“I don’t find our relationship confusing at all,” Ty responds. “It’s pretty simple. I like you.”

I look at him with a befuddled expression on my face, “What about the fact that we spend half our time arguing?”

“Gidget, it doesn’t bother me that we have a few fireworks between us. That just keeps things interesting. If we got along like two peas in a pod, things would surely get boring in a hurry, don’t you think? If we have differences of opinion, then there are endless things to talk about and discuss,” he explains with a casual shrug.

I look at him with a dubious expression as I reply, “Okay, that might explain our conversations, but it doesn’t explain why you act like you hate me sometimes.”

“I’m not angry at you. I’m angry with myself for not being able to control my reaction to you. I’ve been trying to get my head in the right space for a relationship for a while. To be honest, I wasn’t looking to find anybody. Yet, there you were looking all hot and gorgeous everywhere I turned. I was still prepared to ignore you, and I was doing a pretty good job of it. But you turned out to be as sweet as apple pie and you began wearing down my defenses.” 

“That’s just weird,” I mutter. “You can’t control your body’s reactions.”

Ty sighs and scrubs his hand down his face in frustration as he says, “Let me try to explain. At first, it made me angry. I thought maybe Jeff and Kiera had told you my story, and you were trying to be the perfect girl to get past my walls and then just hurt me like all the others. But, then Jeff set me straight and told me they hadn’t said anything to you and that you were just being yourself. Then, I saw how you came through for Gwendolyn and Donda in their crisis. You truly impressed me. It took a lot for me to look past my preconceptions of you, but when I did I liked what I saw, and I wanted to give us a fighting chance. So, I started trying to get your attention. Though, by then it was too late because you were confused and pissed.”

I shrug as I say, “I guess I’m still confused. I don’t know why you would think being attracted to me is a bad thing unless you don’t want to be in public with me. I would understand that point of view, I guess. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve heard something like that.”

“Just shut up with talk like that,” Tyler growls at me through clenched teeth. “Remember what I said about being mean to yourself? How many times do I have to tell you? You are drop-dead gorgeous. I would be honored to have you on my arm. If I am that lucky, I won’t stop showing you off, so don’t you worry about that. I don’t know who put those ideas in your head, but you need a different frame of reference because yours is a little skewed, Gidget.”

“So why all the resentment?” I probe.

“It has precious little to do with you—except the fact that you are female. Someone of your persuasion worked me over really good, and it’s not an experience I want to do again. So, you’ll pardon me if I’m a little gun-shy.”

“Well, not all women are like your ex,” I argue defensively.

“I sure as hell hope not,” Ty responds bitterly. “She practically ruined my life.”

“I don’t know about that,” I comment gently. “You seem to have succeeded beautifully in spite of her. I, for one, thank her for screwing up royally—because of her stupidity I have a shot at a relationship with you.”

The corner of Ty’s mouth quirks up as he replies, “Wow, Gidget! You do have a talent for finding the positive side of virtually everything. I didn’t think there was a positive side to be found in that situation, but you seem to have found the barest of the silver linings in the tornado that was Stacia.”

“How long ago was this?” I ask, hoping it wasn’t so recent that he’d still be on the rebound.

Interestingly, it’s Tyler who flushes a dusky red this time. “Umm, I was 19,” he mumbles under his breath.

“
What?”
I say much more loudly than I intend to. “You mean to tell me that you almost didn’t ask me out over something that happened almost a
decade
ago?” I ask as I dissolve into giggles. “...and they say women hold grudges? We’ve got nothing on guys like you.”

“Hey! It was a big deal!” Tyler argues defensively. “She left me for my best friend while I was stationed overseas serving my country just because he was a jock, and I was a soldier. She went after him because he had a paycheck with more zeros than mine.”

“That was a terribly scummy thing to do, and I hope karma bites her in the ass one day, but it doesn’t reflect on you,” I agree emphatically. “You honorably served your country while going above and beyond the call of duty by serving multiple tours. Obviously you are a man of great character, and she has no character to speak of otherwise she would have pursued you for the right reasons and stuck with you when times were difficult. It sounds like you’re better off without her.”

“On my more mature days, that’s how I view it. On the days that I’m really angry, all I can think about is that I didn’t deserve it. I was doing the right thing by enlisting, and she shouldn’t have dumped me for making the decision. I mean I was going to ask the woman to marry me, for Pete’s sake. I truly thought we were going to have the white picket fence like my parents had, so her betrayal completely blindsided me. Then, to have her leave me for my best friend made it cut even worse. Did I tell you that they’re still together with the proverbial 2.5 kids in the middle of suburbia?” he asks with a grimace on his face. “After he recovered from cancer, he turned out to be some hotshot orthopedic doctor somewhere. So, I guess she got what she wanted.”

“Well, I’m here to tell you that life in upper-crust suburbia is not all it’s cracked up to be. You might not know what’s going on behind closed doors. It might be all sorts of screwed up in their house. If there are problems there, it may be a very well-kept secret.”

“I suppose so. But, it’s just so infuriating watching him have the future I was supposed to have with her,” Ty admits.

“I don’t know if you’ve hung out with Kiera’s friend Tara much, but Tara is a big fan of God or destiny or fate directing our lives. She believes that there is an omniscient power that directs who we are and what we do. It is our responsibility to coexist with that energy force and try not to disrupt it. Her one maxim is to not stand in the way of the workings of destiny-fate-God’s-blessings. It’s an interesting fly by the seat of your pants approach to life which I find completely foreign since I was raised in an overly regimented family and told what to wear and when to wear it and even what schedule to use.”

“I’ve only met her a couple of times, but she reminds me of some sort of Buddhist monk. She has a very calming energy about her,” Tyler replies with a roll of his shoulder.

I smile at Tyler’s apt description of Tara. “I know, right? It’s almost as if she was someone else in a different life. Her spirit certainly doesn’t match someone who looks like she could step off of the pages of Vogue. I’m not saying that this is true because I just don’t know yet. But hypothetically speaking, what if God or fate meant for us to be together after all the crazy circumstances both of us have overcome. I mean come on, you’re not the only person with a crazy ex or two in your background. So, maybe all that pain was meant to teach us lessons so we could find each other in the end.” 

Tyler reaches up to brush a big tangle of hair out of my face. He smiles at me tenderly as he says, “You know the more I think about it, the more I like your interpretation of things far better than mine.”

If I have to go on one more domestic violence call where the victim bails the perpetrator out of jail, I think I might pull my hair out entirely. This is the third time this month I’ve been out to this particular property. The woman hasn’t even gotten her cast removed from the last time her boyfriend beat the snot out of her. As I’m processing the evidence in the car, after his arrest, I come across paperwork from this morning indicating that she signed to spring him from the county jail where he was being locked up for assault and battery from their last dispute. I suspect one of these days I’m going to be doing a death notification to this young woman’s parents and delivering these children to protective services. It is so frustrating to be entirely helpless to stop the cycle.