Joy and Tiers (26 page)

Tyler runs his hand down his face as he closes his eyes briefly and shakes his head to clear it. “Gidget, I’m sorry. You’re right. I’m in no position to judge anybody. Just some ghosts from my past trying to haunt me. So, have I completely ruined everything?”

I study his face carefully and see nothing but honest regret and pain. I sigh as I run my fingertips over his brow trying to relieve the tension. “For two people who like each other as much as we do—and Tyler Joseph Colton, I really
do
like you, in fact if I’m truly honest with myself I’m probably more than just a little bit in love with you—we have a remarkable gift of saying exactly the wrong things to each other at exactly the wrong times.”

Tyler’s eyes widen a bit at my unexpected confession. I don’t exactly blame him. I didn’t expect those words to come flying out of my mouth either. If you would’ve told me even a few months ago that I would be saying such a thing to this giant, contrary, smart-mouthed cowboy who on the surface doesn’t seem to have a care in the world, I would’ve told you that you were certifiably insane. But I’ve come to know him as a man of great heart and integrity who has my back like none other. With him at my side, I feel beautiful and invincible.

I’m not even consciously aware I’m holding my breath until Tyler runs his hands down my torso and murmurs, “Breathe, Heather. How can you not think that’s the best news I’ve heard in forever? In my book, those are exactly the right words at exactly the right time.”

“Really?” I ask skeptically, “You don’t think I’m jumping the gun? We haven’t even really been officially dating all that long. I have a list of annoying habits so long that you might hate me by the time you get to the end of it. We still argue like cats and dogs in the middle of a hurricane. At the end of the day, you’re this big strong soldier tough guy and I’m going to make cupcakes for a living.”

Ty stuns me into silence by kissing me. But, this is unlike any kiss we’ve had before. He starts out tenderly kissing away the traces of tears from earlier. Before he gently claims my mouth, he reverently brushes his lips over mine, slowly savoring each pass. As my lips begin to tingle, I press closer, yearning for more contact. He practically growls as he senses the increase in pressure. He sweeps his tongue in my mouth thoroughly claiming me. I claim him right back. As I do so, his hips buck under me. Through my thin skirt, I can feel his obvious need no longer constrained by his jeans. I break away breathlessly.

Tyler rests his forehead against mine as he gulps for air. “Heather, I wish I could promise you forever, but I can’t. You know what I do for a living. I could get shot tomorrow on a routine traffic stop or they may make me go play in the sandbox in some godforsaken country somewhere and I might never come back to you. But, if you’re willing to take that risk, we could be great together. Our differences just make things interesting. Just look how much we’ve learned about each other since we’ve been together. You’ve pretty much overhauled the way I eat—hell, I’m practically a food snob now—my own mama won’t recognize me .You would make any rodeo queen jealous, you’re so comfortable with being on the farm. For the first time since I was practically a kid, I want to make this work.”

Tyler’s words are some of the scariest I’ve ever heard. Of course, I know what he does for a living. But, somehow his affable, happy-go-lucky attitude seems to disguise the level of danger. He so rarely ever talks about the raw, ugly side of his duties that I sometimes forget that he is in peril every day. If he chooses to share stories from his day, they are often about chasing down a wayward wildlife or a five-year-old that got caught shoplifting. I know he purposefully hides the more serious anecdotes from me.

“Tyler, I know there are going to be some things you cannot share with me because of the nature of your job, but you can’t protect me from everything. I’m a big girl and I’m not going to run from you because you’re not the star athlete and not perfect. If I was going to do that, I would’ve done it a long time ago. Because, quite frankly the hot and cold number you pulled on me in the beginning of our friendship drove me absolutely crazy. So, as long as we can be honest with each other and we’re in this together—whatever this turns out to be—I’m in. Cowboy, you’ve had my heart for a while now. Just try not to break it, okay?”

“That goes both ways, Gidget. Understood?”

A sense of calm contentment settles over me as I process his gruffly murmured words. For a few moments, I simply lay my head on his chest and listen to the comforting cadence of his heart beat as it gradually slows down. Tyler is stroking my back and shoulders while he runs his fingers through my goofy, random corkscrew curls. “Your hair is so much fun. It’s like a toy box full of Slinkys.”

I look up at him and smirk, “I’m sure there’s a compliment in there somewhere--“

He chuckles, “There is! I swear. I love everything about you. You’re totally stunning.”

I push Tyler back against the pillows and kneel between his legs. I place a series of hot kisses from his temple to the waistband of his underwear.

Tyler lifts me off of him abruptly and pins me with a serious gaze. “Heather, when you said all in, I’m really hoping this is included. If not, we need to stop now because, at this moment, I can still be a gentleman. If we cross that line and go any further, it’s going to be much harder for me to keep my hands off of you.”

With much more boldness than I actually feel, I grab the waistband of his jeans and underwear and start to slide them down over his muscular hips and thighs. “Remember what you asked me on one of our first outings? You asked me if you looked like a person who didn’t know what they wanted. Well, I’m going to ask you the same question now. Have I at any time today seemed indecisive about wanting you?”

Ty mutely shakes his head and relaxes his arms at his side.

I kneel down to help remove his boots as I respond, “I guess you could say that this mission is a go, Soldier.”

Tyler lets out a whoop of celebration that’s so loud it causes Annie to bark downstairs. He proceeds to strip off his remaining clothes and boots so fast he would do a streaker convention proud. Ty picks me up and spins me around as if I am as delicate and elegant as Tara. He sets me on the floor and pulls my skirt over my hips. It pools at my feet and I step out of it. I feel a little foolish standing there with my corset all catawampus and in my cotton underwear with bows at the hips. I guess I should be grateful that I’m not wearing my truly awful granny-panties. Ty eases the corset straps completely off of my shoulders and throws it over a nearby footstool. It takes all of my willpower not to pull the bedspread off the bed and cover up under his frank perusal. He reaches out and flicks the bows at my hips and nods approvingly, “I like these, leave them on.”

I let out a strangled gasp of astonishment as I exclaim, “These? They’re not even remotely sexy!”

“That’s why I like them. It’s you being purely Heather. Cute and a little sassy but still comfortable in your own skin. You didn’t put them on to impress anybody. Of all the looks you can pull off, this is my favorite.”

I’m amazed by his perception. I don’t think even Kiera and Tara, who have known me longer than anyone else, know how I use clothes as armor. I think they just think I have really eccentric taste. It’s a little disconcerting that he’s been able to peel my layers of self-protection back so easily. On the other hand, it’s an incredible relief that someone cares enough about me to take the time to notice who I really am. So, I shrug lightly and quip, “Okay, whatever floats your boat.”

“Oh Gidget, you float my dinghy, my jet ski, my paddle boat, platoon, my battleship… are you catching my drift here?”

I giggle as he scoops me up and places me back in the middle of the bed and hops in beside me. He fluffs up the plethora of pillows around us and then looks at me mischievously and remarks, “Now, where were we?”

Never one to back down from an implicit dare, I lean over and kissed him at the waist letting my hair fall around me. Sometimes, being as competitive as I am can get me in over my head. This may be one of those situations. I often have more bravado than common sense. The truth of the matter is I have a lot more experience with just flirting and talking a big game than actually doing much about it. Despite all of my talk earlier about guys all being the same, it’s clearly not true. Up close and personal, Tyler is very impressive. It’s been years since I’ve allowed anyone to get this close to me. I’ve been on a lot of disastrous first dates, often set up by well-meaning friends and coworkers, but I always have successfully fended them off with humor or quickly placed them in the friend zone and passed them off to deserving friends if I thought they were a good match. The intimacy that Tyler and I have developed over the last two years still takes me by surprise. Even though this is the first time we’ve been in this particular circumstance, I trust him more than I have ever trusted any of my former partners. Yet, this is still a big step forward for me. 

I sneak a peek at Tyler’s expression. I’m taken aback by the look of total adoration and concentration on his face as he reaches out to stroke my cheek. His other hand is tangled in my hair as if he’s afraid I might disappear if he let’s go. His expression gives me the courage to go on. I gently kiss the tip of his penis and swirl my tongue around the top like a soft serve ice cream cone. I’m immediately rewarded with a deep masculine groan and a valiant flex of his hips. My inner-people-pleaser breathes a small sigh of relief. I love positive feedback. I take him in my mouth and suck rhythmically while working the shaft with my hands. When I open my eyes, I can see his abdominal muscles twitching as he tries to stay in control. It’s intoxicating and I find my whole body undulating against him, keeping time with my hand and mouth.

“Oh Gidget, you don’t fight fair.” Ty grits through his teeth as his hips buck wildly. 

“Who says we’re at war? I’m on your side remember? This is your reward. Just let go. I’ll keep you safe.”

I draw him in as deeply as I can and continue to stoke him in long hard strokes. I watch as the muscle in Ty’s jaw tightens and his eyes squeeze shut. “If you don’t want to become really well acquainted with me, you best move,” he warns in a low growl.

I smile shyly and shrug as I continue to suck. 

Tyler’s body turns rigid and a shudder overtakes his whole body as warm salty fluid fills my mouth. I’m so focused on the expression on Ty’s face, I barely notice that he has reached over my head and is holding the ice tea he placed on the nightstand earlier.

Sipping it, I try to untangle some of my hair which is caught in Tyler’s wristwatch. I realize that I must look like some deranged cartoon character. Nervously, I start to yank and tear at the hair so I can flee from the bed. Tyler grabs my hands to still them and patiently untangles the trapped curl from the link in his watchband. As I start to rise from the bed, he grabs my hand. “Where are you goin’ Gidg?”

“Umm, I’m kind of a disaster area here,” I reply self-consciously as I try to comb my fingers through my hair. “I’m just gonna go straighten myself out a little.”

“You can if you want to, but you look perfect to me. Come lay with me for a bit. I know its cliché, but I want to sleep with you in my feather bed.”

Well, what’s a girl to say to a heartfelt plea from a handsome cowboy like Tyler Colton except, “Yes, sir.”

The incessant beeping of my annoyingly high-tech watch wakes me from the best sleep I’ve had in forever. As I struggle to turn the damn thing off, a whiff of lemon scent catches my nose as a lock of Heather’s hair falls across my face. When I finally succeed in silencing the offensive gadget, I stroke her hair back from her face. She smiles in her sleep and snuggles close to my chest. It’s probably a good thing I set the alarm, because given a choice, I would rather stay right here. However, I know Heather has been looking forward to giving Velvet to Mindy for months and I don’t want to step on that joy.

As the light reflects off of my military surplus watch, the weight of the decisions I’ve just made start to spin around in my head at a dizzying pace. In the blink of an eye, I see that watch-face covered in blood as I tried to use it to keep track of a teammate’s fading heart rate. How can I ask her to make that kind of sacrifice for me when I don’t know how many days like today we’re going to have? I curse at myself under my breath. For a sliver of time I was blissfully happy. Why can’t I leave my brain in that headspace? Why do my thoughts have to fall back into all the dark crevices of despair and anger at the most random times? I try to use some of the breathing and visualization techniques I was taught in the VA hospital to bring back some balance.

Heather must sense my distress in her sleep because she slides her arm up my body and cups the side of my face with her hand before she settles into my chest with a soft sigh. I watch her sleep for a couple of minutes as I acknowledge that she’s the best thing that’s happened in my life in years. I don’t know how I’m going to make this choice. But, today we have other things on the agenda and little girls waiting for Christmas presents don’t like to wait.