Authors: Casey McMillin
Nadine
made her way to a set of escalators. The sign that pointed down said, "Ticketing/Departure," and she stepped onto the moving stairs. She stared blankly at the far wall as she rode down. Her eyes burned with the pain of unshed tears, and she wondered when she'd
ever
be okay. She walked a bit stiffly to the ticket counter, and stood there in line with nothing but her messenger bag strapped to her shoulder.
"Next. Ma'am.
"
Nadine snapped to attention when she realized the lady was talking to her. She hastily walked to the ticket clerk.
"I need to get on the first flight to Paris."
Julien's flight was delayed, so he ended up getting home three hours later than Nadine. He gave her a text from the baggage claim, letting her know he'd landed safe and sound. He retrieved his bag from the carousel, got in his Jeep, and went straight to his sister's house to get Max. His trusty companion was so happy to see him that he jumped on Julien non-stop, which was rare for Max since he wasn't usually much of a jumper. Julien smiled and got down on one knee. Max wiggled on his back excitedly as Julien rubbed his belly.
Julien had been in touch with Tim via email thanking him for his intervention and letting him know everything had worked out, but he hadn't filled
his sister in on what had happened. He planned on sharing as little as possible, really. When it came down to it, he was ready to forget the book. Nadine was fine, the asshole was dead, and Julien was more than ready to get back to something that resembled a normal existence. He wanted
normal
with Nadine, and was so glad the book was finally over so they could start fresh.
"Everything's good with Nadine," he said.
"What happened?" his sister asked. "You were being so sketchy when you left."
"
Her ex-boyfriend tried to kill her," he said.
Julien's
sister hadn't read the book, so the extreme nature of the statement took her off guard. She wore a stunned expression.
"Are you serious?"
"Yes."
"What happened?"
"I killed him."
His sister gasped and held
a hand over her mouth. She begged him with her eyes to tell her he was joking.
"That's what I went there to do," Julien said
plainly. "It was him or Nadine, and I sure as hell wasn't gonna let it be Nadine."
"Julien, are you
high right now? Do you realize your standing in my kitchen telling me you just
killed
a guy like double-o-seven or something?"
"It wasn't at all like James Bond," Julien said, "but at least I hit the target, and no one else got hurt in the process."
"Stop kiddin' around, Julien. Did you seriously kill a guy?"
"Yes."
"You're not in trouble with the cops or anything?"
"One of the cops over there was
a Jiu Jitsu player, and already on my side. But he just helped make the process easier. They found the dude's suicide letter stating his intentions. It all worked out."
Julien thought about the fact that there hadn't been a suicide letter in the book, and said a silent thank you that the real life Pierre had added that little detail.
"I can't even
believe
you're standing in my kitchen talking to me like this," she said. Her eyebrows were drawn together as she glared at him in disbelief.
"You already said that," Julien said.
Max continued to paw at Julien every time his hand would stop moving.
"I can't believe you're being so calm. You think you're in denial or something?"
"I'm not in denial. He was trying to kill her and I stopped him. I'd do it again."
"You're not a navy seal, Julien. I'm not used to you coming home from secret missions."
Julien laughed as he stood. "I shouldn't have told you, I guess. I've seen it coming so I had time to prepare. You know, think about it."
"What do you mean, you had time?"
"It's about that book. The romance novel."
Julien
had a good relationship with Nikki but he'd always been a private person and hadn't really kept her up-to-date on everything that had been happening with Nadine and the book. "I'll tell you the whole story sometime, but I had good reason to believe the guy was gonna try to kill her."
"I'm not really seeing how the book ties in."
"Oh, it ties in," Julien said. "I'll tell you about it sometime, or better yet, you can just read it yourself."
"I know. I've been meaning to, I've just been so busy with
Brandon working offshore and the boys and everythi—"
Julien put a hand out to stop her.
"No worries. I really don't care if you read it or not. I'll give you the summary sometime, but for now, I'm ready to go home."
"
Brandon used your boat to go fishin' while you were gone," she said.
"No problem. Tell him he can use it whenever."
"I am not telling him that," she said laughing. "He's already gone too much. The
last
thing I need is for him to take up fishing witchew."
"I'll tell him he's never allowed back then."
"Aw, don't do that. Just tell him he best not be making too much of a habit of it."
Julien lifted his hands in surrender like he didn't want anything to do with
that. "I'm not telling him anything. As far as I'm concerned, he's welcome to the boat."
"Thanks," Brandon said, entering the room. He was holding a bowl of cereal and managing to talk, walk, and eat all at once.
"We just ate dinner," Nikki said.
"So? I was hungry."
"You're gonna regret that when those thirty-twos start fittin' tight." Brandon's eyes got huge, and he looked at Julien as if to ask permission to strangle his sister.
"I'm out of here," Julie
n said.
"I don't blame you," Brandon said.
Julien just laughed at his brother in law. He and Nikki had a good relationship, they were just one of those couples who enjoyed getting on each other's nerves.
"Thanks for watching Max."
"No problem," Brandon said. "He's awesome. I think me and Nikki are going to let him watch the boys next time so we can have a date."
"I can't vouch for his ba
bysitting skills." Julien looked around at the quiet house. He hadn't even noticed his nephews' absence. "Where are they?"
"They wanted to eat supper at the neighbors."
"By themselves?"
Nikki shrugged. "They're six and eight and their little friends are over there. Besides, the mom's a really good cook. I'd eat over there myself if I were invited."
"Speaking of cooking… you promised me gumbo," Julien said.
"I know, I'll make you a gumbo little brother. And when I do, you have to tell me what all went down in France."
"Deal," he said.
"What w
ent down in France?" Brandon asked.
"He'll tell us when he
comes for gumbo
," Nikki snapped.
Julien and Max left to the sounds of
friendly bickering and headed home to get unpacked. He turned on the lights and flung his keys onto the little table in the entryway as they came in the house. He'd left the heat on 62 so it didn't run the whole time, and it was chilly in the house. The very first thing he did was turn the heat up then he carried his bags to his bedroom and put them on the end of his bed.
He was so glad he'd left the house clean. It felt good being home, and
(even though he'd only been gone a few days) he couldn't resist the urge to stretch out on top of the comforter and enjoy the feel of his own bed. Max jumped up there and, knowing Julien didn't let him get on the bed very often, approached Julien cautiously. Julien clicked his lips to give him approval, and Max curled up next to his head.
"You stink, boy."
Max didn't care.
Julien
hung out with his dog for a few minutes in complete silence before he spoke. "I've been sitting for the last... " He sighed. "I don't even want to
think
about how long. Shit, I've been sitting a long time." Julien wasn't looking at Max—he was just talking to him as he stood up and crossed the room to get in the shower.
After he got cleaned up and changed,
Julien, inspired by Brandon, made himself a bowl of cereal. He sat down at the kitchen island with the cereal and his phone. He had a couple texts from gym guys wanting to know details, but he hadn't really had the time to sit down and type everything out. He didn't really feel like writing any of it down, anyway. He figured he'd just have to break down and give Tim a call.
Before he did that, he pressed the little, white envelope, opening his email. It refreshed when he opened it, and his phone dinged signaling something new had come in. It was an email from Nadine
that had come in less than five minutes before. The subject line said, "Very front pocket of your carry-on." Julien clicked on the email, but when it loaded, he could see there was nothing in the text at all.
He read the subject again, before walking straight t
o his bedroom. He went to the small bag he brought on the plane and slid his hand into the outermost pocket. He could feel folded paper lining the bottom of the pocket, and Julien pulled it out and opened it without hesitation. There were two pieces, and the front and backs of both were covered. It was an extremely long letter addressed to him and signed by Nadine, and his heart fell as he scanned and saw words like
I just can't
, and
breaks my heart
. His eyes darted over the letter as he took in the word
sorry
at least three or four times. He had to tell himself to just start at the beginning and read the damn thing.
Julien,
I am feeling emotional right now. I'm thinking in French, and I'd really like to write in French, but I know you will not be able to read it, and so I have to write in English. I'm sorry, and please excuse my writing. I would like to get to the point of my letter quickly because you are next to me and I fear you will wake up. I am unable to tell you how very much this book has affected me since explaining that would cause me to cry and lose it right here in my chair. I'm going to try my best to keep it together. Let me say that I am greatly distressed by the book and wish I would have never read it. I wish this book had never been written. How did this lady know these things about me? Who is this lady? Who is this other guy Julien St. James, and why is he so like you in some ways and different from you in others? How and why is the girl exactly like me? I know I will never get the answers to these questions, but I just had to put them down on paper. Julien, the things she wrote in that book were scary. It was like she explained me better than I'd ever be able to explain myself. I think we can both appreciate how that is a scary and unacceptable way to begin a relationship. I'm sorry, but I just can't continue something that started under these circumstances. I understand that you may not feel the same way, which I understand because the hero in the book was so very different from you, but let me tell you—when the character is the exact copy like Nadine is to me, it messes with your mind. I am having trouble knowing what to believe. I feel that maybe this book was written right before I downloaded it and was written as a part of some elaborate scheme to make me come to Jesus or something. I'm close to coming to Jesus right now, Julien. This is breaking my heart. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. The way the writer describes Nadine's love for Julien was exactly how I felt about you. I loved you in spite of barely knowing you. I knew in my gut that you were the one, just like Nadine knew about that Julien. Christ, Julien, last night I said, "None of it will matter anyway because when it comes down to it, I'll be Nadine and you'll be Julien and we'll be perfect." And that exact fucking phrase is in the book. That is the most messed up thing I've ever experienced, and my head is spinning thinking about everything I just read. Julien, please know that, while my love for you is real, there's no way I can carry on a love affair with you. I would never be happy knowing I settled for the fate some woman had made up. I would not enjoy feeling like I didn't choose my own destiny. I am truly sorry that I was too much of a coward to tell you this to your face. I love you and could be talked into staying, but it would only be temporary. I would leave you eventually since I couldn't stand the idea of living the life she wrote for me. Because, the truth is… If you asked, I'd probably move in and marry you just like the girl in the book did. And see? I'd be living out the book. I just can't do it, Julien. Sorry. I'm so sorry we had to meet under these circumstances. It breaks my heart to think about losing you right when I found you. You're a great guy and I know you'll find a great girl. I'm not sure if saying this will be a comfort or a pain, but I love you. I do very much love you, and might never love another man as much. I'm sorry, but the book is just too much for me to handle. I should be thankful that you stopped Pierre from shooting me, so thank you. I appreciate you coming all the way to France to do that. Please don't look for me. I never went back there. I never got on the plane back to Baton Rouge. I am going to Paris, and will live with my family until I figure everything out. Please don’t contact me. It will be entirely too hard to refuse you. I hope you can forgive me for not being brave enough to tell you these things in person.
Love always,
Nadine