Junie B., First Grader: Cheater Pants

1.
A+ May

2.
Weekend Fun

3.
Twitching

4.
Cheater Pants

5.
The Note

6.
Tin Can

7.
Pallies

8.
A+ Us

9.
Sleeping on It

Next to me, May got her homework out of her backpack. And she put it on her desk.

She smoothed out her paper and smiled.

“I'm sure I'll get another A+ on this one. I get an A+ on
all
my homework papers, Junie Jones,” she said. “One time, my homework was so perfect, Mr. Scary sent a happy note home to my mom and dad.”

I did a shrug. “Blah, blah, blah,” I said back.

May did a mad face at me.

Then she quick tapped Lennie on the back of his head.

“Lennie, did you hear what I just said to Junie Jones?” she asked. “I told her that I always, always get A+'s on my homework.”

Lennie turned around.

“Please don't touch my hair, May,” he said. “I used my brand-new gel to spike it today. And I don't want you messing it up.”

I waved at Lennie across the aisle.

“I would
never
touch your hair, Leonard,” I said. “Your hair looks like an interesting glob of artwork, almost. And artwork should just be gawked at.”

Lennie nodded. “Thank you, Junie B. Jones.”

“You're welcome, Lennie Whose-Last-Name-Starts-with-an-S, I think,” I said.

After that, I smiled at May very smuggy.

Lennie likes me
way
better than he likes her.

May squinted her eyes at me. “How come you didn't take your homework out yet, Junie Jones?” she asked. “You're not following directions very well this morning, are you?”

I did a big breath.

Then I quick reached into my backpack. And I pulled out a rumpled paper. And I
pretended it was my homework.

“There,” I said. “There's my homework. Now please mind your own beeswax, you snoopy pooper, May.”

May's face got reddish and flushy.

She started to raise her hand to tattletale. Only just then, the teacher called her name.

“May? It's your day to take the attendance sheet to the office,” he said. “Would you like to come up here and get it, please?”

“Yes!” she said. “I would
love
to, Mr. Scary!”

The attendance sheet is when teachers send the names of the absent children to the office.

I do not actually approve of that practice.

May hurried to the front of the room.

“I'm
never
absent, Mr. Scary,” she said. “I'm always, always here. Have you ever noticed that? Huh? Have you ever noticed how I'm always, always here?”

Mr. Scary closed his eyes for a second.

“Oh, yes, May,” he said. “Believe me. I've noticed.”

May did a giggle. “Also, I'm always punctual,” she said. “Have you noticed that, too? Have you noticed how punctual I am?”

She smiled at the class.

“
Punctual
means ‘on time,’ everyone,” she explained. “Last year, I was so punctual, I got the Punctual Award. The Punctual Award is an award for the child who is the most punctual.”

Mr. Scary stared at her. He said to please stop saying
punctual.

After that, May took the attendance sheet. And she skipped to the door.

“Don't worry, Room One. I will get this attendance sheet to the office all safe and sound,” she said real loud. “Then everyone who isn't here will get reported to the principal. And that's
exactly
what they deserve.”

Mr. Scary did a sigh. “Please, May. Just go, okay?” he said.

May did a wave. Then she hurried out the door.

After she was gone, I roamed my eyes around the room. All of the children had their homework papers out but me.

My insides felt sickish again. ’Cause pretty soon Mr. Scary would find out that I didn't do my assignment.

I swallowed real hard.

My eyes kept on roaming around.

And then what do you know? They roamed over to May's desk.

And surprise, surprise!

I saw her homework paper sitting there!