Junie B. Jones and Her Big Fat Mouth (4 page)

And a boy named Ham is going to be a rich and famous boss of a big company. And
he taught us how to say the word
you’re fired
.

And here’s the bestest one of all! ’Cause a boy named Jamal Hall is going to be the rich and famous president of the whole United States!

“Cool!” said Ricardo.

Then the other boys said, “Cool,” too.

I did a secret smile. Yeah, only not as cool as my job, I thought to just myself.

Then I raised my hand very polite. And Mrs. called my name.

“OH, BOY!” I shouted. “OH, BOY! OH, BOY! ’CAUSE MINE IS EVEN BETTER THAN PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!”

I zoomed speedy quick to the front of the room.

Then my excitement wouldn’t stay inside of me anymore.

“A JANITOR! I’M GOING TO BE A JANITOR!” I hollered out.

After that, I jingled my jangly keys! And I waved my paintbrush in the air! And I clapped and clapped!

Only too bad for me.

’Cause nobody clapped back.

And here’s something even worser.

Room Nine started laughing very much. And it was the mean kind.

“SHE WANTS TO BE A JANITOR!” they yelled.

Then they pointed at my brown pants.

And they called me the name of stupid.

And I didn’t know what to do. ’Cause I felt very crumbling inside.

And so I just kept on standing there and standing there.

And my eyes got a little bit of wet in them. And my nose started running very much.

That’s how come I covered my face up.

“They’re not having courtesy for me,” I said real soft.

Only just then Mrs. clapped her angry hands together. And she scolded Room Nine a real lot.

“Junie B. is right,” she said. “Being a janitor is a very important job. You have to be hardworking and reliable and very, very trustworthy.”

I peeked through my fingers at her.

“Yeah, and don’t forget the part where you have to save people from danger,” I said.

Then that Jim I hate laughed right out loud. “Janitors don’t save people from danger,
you goonie bird!” he said.

I stamped my foot at him. “Yes, they do! They do too! Because one time I was eating a dangerous Life Saver. And Janitor made me spit it out! And also he brought his flashlight to Room Nine. And he saved William from the dangerous dental floss!”

Then I held up my jingling keys.

“And see these things? Keys are what Janitor unlocks the bathroom door with. Or else we couldn’t even go to the toilet!”

Then I showed him my paintbrush.

“And Janitor paints litter cans, too,” I said. “And painting is the funnest thing I love!”

That Jim did a mean smile. “Yeah, well, too bad for you, but you’re a girl. And janitors have to be boys. So there.”

I runned to his table. “No, they do not,
you stupid head Jim!” I said. “Girls can be anything boys can be! Right, Mrs.? Right? Right? ’Cause I saw that on
Sesame Street
. And also on
Oprah.”

Mrs. did a smile.

Then my bestest friend Grace started to clap.

And guess what? All of the other girls in Room Nine clapped too.

Today Janitor came to Room Nine for Show and Tell!

And it was the funnest day I ever saw!

That’s ’cause he brought his very big toolbox with him.

And we played a game called Name the Tools.

And guess what?

I knew the saw.

And the hammer.

And the metric socket set with adjustable ratchet.

Then Janitor showed us how to use his stuff.

And Charlotte got to shine his giant flashlight.

And my bestest friend Grace got to push his big broom.

And lucky duck Lucille got to clean the chalkboard with his squishy sponge.

Except for then a little bit of trouble happened. ’Cause I wanted the mop. Only that stupid head Jim wouldn’t let go of it. And so I had to pinch his arm.

After that, the mop got removed from us.

Removed
is the school word for snatched right out of our hands.

After that, Janitor sat in a chair. And Room Nine sat all around him.

Then he told us all about himself and his job.

And guess what?

He’s been Janitor for fourteen years.

And he was borned in a different country from ours.

And his name is Gus Vallony!

“Hey! I love that name of Gus Vallony!” I hollered out. “’Cause Vallony is my favorite kind of sandwich!”

Then I smiled very proud.

“And guess what else?” I said to Room Nine. “Me and Janitor are bestest friends. And sometimes he calls me the nickname of sis!”

Then Janitor winked at me.

And so I winked back. Except for both my eyes kept on shutting. And so I had to hold one of them open with my fingers.

“I really like that Gus Vallony,” I whispered to my bestest friend Lucille.

Only then that dumb girl named Lily heard what I said.

And she started singing, “
Junie B.’s got a boyyy friennnd. Junie B.’s got a boyyy friennnd.”

And so that’s how come I felt very embarrassed.

“Me and my big fat mouth!” I said.

Then Mrs. laughed.

And Janitor laughed.

And everybody else laughed too.

After that, Janitor had to go back to work. And so Mrs. shook his hand.

Then Room Nine clapped and clapped for him.

And Janitor smiled.

And his jingly keys jangled all the way out the door.