Authors: Hayley Oakes
He held the top of my arms, keeping me at arms length, “Jesus, Soph, I’m not asking you to marry me, you don’t have to be in control of every bloody feeling, sometimes you just have to go with it.”
“I did go with it, and you made me feel like a whore, remember?”
“You’re exaggerating,” he spat.
“You were a complete dick,” I barked.
“Fuck.” He ran his hands through his hair, “I’ve tried everything to make that right, and it’s still not enough.”
“I don’t want you to have to try. Just be you, just be Kyle, and I’ll see if I like you or not.”
“Forget it,” he blazed, walking off the dance floor. I ran after him and caught his arm.
“Kyle!” I shouted, and he shook his head.
“I can’t do this anymore,”
“Kyle …” I said again, but he shrugged me off.
“Vinnie, we’re leaving,” Kyle said when we found Ashley and Vinnie, who were looking at us with concern. They had obviously seen some of the recent display, but I wasn’t sure how much. Vinnie didn’t wait to be told twice, he kissed Ashley and then followed Kyle through the crowds out of the club. I swallowed hard and turned to Ashley who was staring at me wide-eyed, biting her lip.
“That looked … intense,” she said, wrapping her arm around me. I nodded. “You want to go home?”
“No.” I shook my head.
“How about a cocktail?” she asked as I tried to swallow my emotion and ignore the hollow pit in my stomach. This was for the best. I could never trust Kyle, he took too many forms, and we had to stay away from each other.
We got another drink and found a seat.
“So,” she said, eyebrows raised, “you and Kyle?”
“It’s not like that …”
“What is it like?” she probed.
“Nothing, it’s nothing.”
“That wasn’t nothing.” She placed her hand on mine. “You can trust me Soph, I won’t tell a soul. Not Kathryn, no one. I promise.”
I looked to her with tears in my eyes, “Oh God.” I wasn’t sure I could admit it. “We slept together … a lot,” I whispered through tears.
She nodded and pulled me into a hug.
“And what? He’s angry? Wants more? You had a fight?”
“I ended it, he was a dick on ball night, and I just don’t know if I trust him, but he’s been so sweet these past few weeks and now …”
“What?” She soothed.
“Now he wants it the way it was before, but I don’t want that.”
“What do you want?” she asked, pulling back and wiping my eyes.
“I just like spending time with him, and I love it when he touches me, he’s … it was amazing, but I … what if he’s a prick again?”
“I think you need to think about this seriously, Sophie.”
“I know,” I wiped my tears away, “tell me something I don’t know.”
“That was a different Kyle tonight, though.” She sighed. “I knew something was up, the way he watched you, the way he acted around you … it’s like a nicer version of him.”
“But what if he’s acting like that just to get me in bed again?”
She laughed. “I don’t think he’s that good an actor.” She squeezed me again. “Only you know what you want and who he is to you, but don’t let him make any decisions for you.”
“I won’t.” I sighed. “To be honest I think that ship has sailed after tonight.”
She shook her head. “I don’t know much about men, but I do know they always want what they can’t have, and he marched out of here tonight like the spoilt brat he is. He knows what he wants, and he won’t give up.”
“You think?” I asked hopefully.
“The fact that you are happy about that speaks volumes, Soph …”
“Please don’t tell anyone Ash, Okay? Promise?”
“I promise.” She nodded.
Later as we sat in the take away eating our food, I changed the subject from Kyle. I was interested to know if Vinnie had asked her on a real date yet, and she was adamant that she would be looking for someone else any time soon; she had wasted enough time. She could certainly have any man and Vinnie knew that, that’s why he gave her just enough to keep her interest, but he couldn’t quite commit. We hailed a taxi half an hour later and cuddled in the back on the way home. Ashley got out first and then I climbed out, paid with my good arm, and fumbled in my bag for my keys. Before I found them in my bag, which was difficult with one arm, Kyle opened the door. I looked up at him soberly, and he gave me his most serious face.
“Hi,” I said quietly.
“Hi,” he said. I stepped inside, and he didn’t move back much.
“I … “ I began to speak, but he pulled me to him and hugged me.
“I’m sorry, Soph,” he whispered into my hair.
“No, you’re right,” I whispered, “you are trying, and I’m just looking for reasons for it to be a lie.”
He nodded. “I don’t have a great track record.”
I pulled back and looked up to him. “Ashley knows.”
“Oh.”
“She guessed after you walked out.”
“So?”
“So, she won’t tell anyone.”
He nodded. “Come on let’s go to bed, I shouldn’t have left you in town with a broken arm anyway. Dad would go mad.”
“I’m fine, I was going to go out without you in the first place.”
“No.” He shook his head, “You never were.”
We reached my door and whispered “Good night.” He went to his room and I went into mine. I managed to get my pyjamas on but just couldn’t forget the night. Our secret was out now, and if Ashley guessed, self obsessed Ashley, then someone else would eventually. We had no choice but to stay apart, no choice but to be the opposite of together. It made my heart ache, and I wished that I didn’t have to ignore what I desperately wanted, to feel Kyle all over my body again. Even before he tried to be friends I still ached for him, and now I just wanted him even more.
In that moment I couldn’t remember why it was so wrong. He wanted me, God he’d spent enough time proving to me that he was different than I thought. Shit, no other boy had ever come close to making me feel the way he did, and no other boy had gone out of his way for me the way he did. It was suddenly so clear to me. I wanted Kyle. I liked him, craved him, and was desperately unhappy at the thought of not having him. I hated the thought of him with anyone else as much as he hated the thought of men lusting after me. I had to live for today as tomorrow might never come. Shit, I wanted him.
Before I knew it I was walking through the bathroom to his room. I took a deep breath and walked inside. He sat back on his bed, arms behind his head, just wearing only his boxer shorts. His face was illuminated by the television. When he saw me he sat up.
I walked towards him. “Kyle,” I whispered. He watched me intently and his mouth hung open slightly. “I want you, too,” I said, “a lot.”
He made his way over to me on his knees and then pulled up to stand in front of me. “A lot?” He grinned, taking my face in his hands.
I nodded, looking up into his intense gaze.
“About fucking time,” he said kissing me hard on the lips.
His hands ran down my body and pulled me against him. I leaned into him as he kissed me deeper, and we became moulded together. “I’ve missed you, Soph,” he groaned as he slipped his hands under the vest top I wore and moved it upwards. He looked at me. “Is this Okay?”
I smirked at him, “You’re asking now?” I pulled his mouth to mine again with my good hand in his hair. “Yes, yes, yes,” I repeated into his mouth.
He whipped the top over my head. I was braless, and so we were skin to skin as he ran his hands down my back and into my pyjama bottoms. I didn’t have anything on underneath them; he squeezed my bum roughly.
“We can’t do it in here, ‘cause I’m gonna struggle not to be loud,” he said, panting.
“Bathroom,” I said breathlessly.
We continued to kiss as he hooked his fingers into my pyjama bottoms and pushed them down. He cupped my bottom with his hands and lifted me so I could wrap my legs around his waist. I was desperate to feel him inside me, desperate with lust for him to take me. I could feel his hardness through his boxers against my nakedness, and it was making me more excited.
He walked us into the bathroom and sat me naked on the counter. “Jesus.” He sighed. “You are making that cast look good.” I smiled at him and he gave me his killer grin that made me even weaker. He locked both doors and then walked to where I sat. I reached down, slipped my hands inside his boxers, taking him in my hand. He gasped, he was rock hard, and I was nearly dying waiting for him to kiss me again.
He ran his hands down my arms and then along my naked thighs, tickling until he reached my knees, and then moved back up on the inside. He reached my sensitive spot with his fingers and ran them over my opening. I shivered to his touch and rubbed my good hand up and down his length. He quickly pushed his boxers down, and gave me full access, taking my mouth in a deep kiss again.
Somehow he managed to get hold of a condom, whilst we continued to kiss as he rolled it on. I moved towards him to the edge of the counter, ready for him as he cupped my bottom again with his hands. “I won’t hurt you again Soph,” he said, looking into my eyes. Then he rocked into me and thrust so hard and deep that I had to hold back a scream. I muffled my moans into his neck as he pushed into me, fast and hard. I could barely catch my breath and could feel the orgasm building as it became more and more frantic. I wrapped my legs around him as I came hard and he pumped even harder. Then he grabbed me roughly again as he rocked into me and came apart.
“Shit,” he said as he came, slowing down his thrusts and pulling my body closer to his. He looked down at me, and we both caught our breath. “You Okay?” he asked.
“Yes.” I nodded and he grinned, wrapping me in a hug.
I hopped down; he pulled me to him. “Come on, get in bed with me.”
“I can’t, what if I fall asleep?” I squeaked. “We could get caught.”
He shook his head, “Just ten minutes, and you won’t be sleeping.”
“Okay,” I whispered. There was no use pretending that I had any rational thought around Kyle or that I could resist anything he asked me to do.
We strode back into his room, my hand in his, and he pulled me under his covers snuggling our naked bodies closely.
“Soph?” Kyle whispered, as he hugged me tightly from behind.
“Yes?” I sighed, contentedly.
“I want to keep doing this.”
“I know,” I said quietly, “me too.”
“I don’t want you to meet anyone else.”
“No danger there.” I laughed. He kissed me and turned me gently to face him.
“What I’m trying to say is I want us to be together.”
I looked into his beautiful face and couldn’t help but frown. “That’s the only thing we can’t be Kyle, how can we? Everyone would think it was weird, and our parents would freak out and …”