Authors: Hayley Oakes
As it reached midnight, Kathryn called a cab and dropped me home on her way. Mum and Mick were in bed when I got home. I had texted earlier to make sure they knew where I was. I crept inside, got myself a drink from the kitchen, and shuffled quietly to my room. I undressed, which I had got very good at despite my cast. Kyle was leaving tomorrow for two weeks with his mum, and I needed to spend the time trying to forget him. I wanted to be his, I wanted him to touch me, but common sense was fighting my every move. This body wanted him, and I loved spending time with him, but he wasn’t right for me. He was far too gorgeous for me to be ashamed of him. I wasn’t but I knew that he wasn’t meant for me. I didn’t want to date my step-brother, and he was in a different league than me. He could have any girl he wanted, and probably would. I could picture making a fool of myself for him, only to be cheated on when he was at university, or worse still, whilst we were both still at home. He wasn’t boyfriend material.
I walked into the bathroom to brush my teeth, and Kyle appeared at his bathroom door.
“Where’ve you been?” he asked.
“Ashley’s,” I said with the toothbrush still in my mouth.
He took a step towards me. “I was pissed off,” he said flatly, as if that explained everything.
“I know,” I said, placing my toothbrush back in its holder.
“You annoyed me.”
I nodded. “What do you want me to say?”
“I don’t want to go away with everything like this.”
“Like what?” I sighed.
“Awkward.”
“It’s fine.” I smiled breezily.
He stood in front of me and pulled me to him. “I get it Soph, Okay? When we leave here for uni it’s all over, but let’s not let that ruin the rest of our summer?”
Transfixed by his mouth as he spoke, his eyes seemed to implore me to agree. “Okay,” I agreed.
He leaned down to kiss me, and my body responded, as usual. “Come on.” He lifted me up and carried me to his door.
“What are you doing?” I whispered.
“I’m sleeping with you tonight because I’m going to miss you.”
“Kyle …” I said tentatively.
“I know, we might get caught, someone might walk in, blah blah blah. I’ll set the alarm for five am, and you can crawl back in there then, Okay?”
“Okay,” I sighed.
He laid me down on his bed and lay next to me with his face next to mine. He brushed my hair from my face and grinned.
“I wish things could be different,” I whispered.
“I’m happy with what I can get,” he said kissing me. “I’m just not used to working this hard for it.”
I laughed and kissed him back.
Now
Just checking in. Apparently the baby’s head is engaged, so he could come at any time xxx
Ashley texted as I lay in Kyle’s bed sipping my tea.
Isn’t that a bit early? X
, I asked.
Yes. Probably going to be weeks though. Just my luck. How’s things there? You shagged him yet lol xx
Things are good. Having a blast, we went to a club opening last night x
I notice you didn’t answer the shag question? X
I knew she would catch that, but I couldn’t lie to her.
I’m happy Ash x
I’m glad but take care of your heart Soph. x
I’m fine, don’t worry about me. Tell Vinnie Hi and hang onto that baby until I get home xxx
When will that be exactly? xx
A few weeks. I’ve got to be back for school early September. xx
Miss you and love you xxx
Miss you too xxx
I smiled at her last text. Ashley had been the only one to know how hard my relationship with Kyle had been. It was so intense and so deeply passionate that I struggled so much when it all came to an end. She was there for endless phone calls and bitched about him with me to try and make me feel better. The problem was that back then I think she assumed it hadn’t been my decision. Kyle had made the final push but I had forced him there. Looking back now maybe I had made the worst decision of my life.
I decided to spend the day lazing around the flat, considering I had the hangover from hell and a huge grin on my face. I couldn’t be seen in public until I had calmed down a bit. Last night kept replaying in my head, the need to touch him, the way he felt, the senses heightened just as I had remembered. Everything always felt so right with Kyle, even though it was anything but right. He made me feel like nothing else mattered except him and me. Nothing else existed except what we were to each other. From the second I tasted him I knew I had left it too long as I was afraid to let go.
I sat in my sweat pants and vest top watching television and dozing off to sleep sporadically through my hangover. I unearthed my Kindle from the depths of my suitcase and attempted to start a new book but couldn’t concentrate with my sore head. Eventually I dragged myself into my en suite bathroom with a cup of tea, ran a bath and submerged myself in order to gather my thoughts and pull myself together. I wasn’t eighteen anymore, and I wasn’t naïve either. I had choices, and I was old enough to face the fact that Kyle was what I wanted. I was also old enough to know that I couldn’t wait around for someone to come along and make me feel the way Kyle did. That was never going to happen. I had just come out of a long-term relationship and the timing could be better, but I had to admit that this, this man, this life, this was what I wanted. It wasn’t too soon. It wasn’t because I was low after breaking up with Simon. I think Kyle was always what I wanted.
By half three I was dressed, my hair was still wet and hanging down my back, but I no longer smelled of alcohol or looked dishevelled. As it approached four and Kyle’s home time, I suddenly felt nervous. It was ridiculous. I had been staying with him for weeks and was more relaxed with him than anyone, but the thought of seeing him after last night made me feel a little bashful. We were drunk last night, and it was amazing but it could have just been a one-night deal for him. Perhaps it was a fit of nostalgia, or he couldn’t turn me down due to the amount of alcohol he’d consumed. I wanted to think he felt the connection to me, too, but I couldn’t be sure, and without him here I started to question that.
My stomach was in knots as the time ticked by, and at ten past four he walked in. He brought a shopping bag with him and smiled as he breezed into the kitchen. I sat on the sofa and watched him glide behind the kitchen island and place his bag on top.
“I’ve got supplies,” he said, unpacking crisps, dips, diet coke, and some chocolate fingers. He held them up. “Pizza and then this crap later?” he asked.
I nodded and he smiled. “Brew?” he asked, turning to put the kettle on. I could see he was more animated than usual, perhaps as nervous as I was.
I stood and walked to the island, taking a seat at the breakfast bar. “Looks great, no gym this afternoon, then?”
He turned to me. “Nope.” He shook his head. “Maybe tomorrow. I feel like shit to be honest. You’re a bad influence on me.”
“Me?” I couldn’t help it as my cheesy grin appeared, and he grinned back at me.
“Look Soph … about last night.” He turned back to the kettle, looking away from me. “We were drunk, you were drunk.” My stomach sank. “I understand if it was a one-off, Okay?”
“Kyle.” I stood and walked around the island to where he was. He turned into me. “I don’t want it to be a one-off, I told you that this morning.” His eyes blazed into mine, and I gave him a shy smile, “Do you?” I said tentatively.
“No.” He shook his head, “But this just doesn’t feel right … you were heart broken only a few weeks ago, and I feel like I’ve taken advantage.”
“Rubbish,” I said. “I wanted you, I made the move on you.”
He hung his head and groaned. “But …”
“What?” I urged.
“If this isn’t a one-off, then what’s it gonna be, just a summer of fun then back to your old life?”
“No.” I looked up at him and tried to get him to look me in the eye. “I wanted last night, Kyle. It has nothing to do with being upset or low or anything else. You didn’t take advantage and these past few weeks have made me realise what I always wanted and wouldn’t let myself have.”
He looked at me. “What?”
“You!”
He kissed me and I kissed him back. “So do you want to be my secret girlfriend?” he asked, smirking down at me.
“No.” I shook my head. “I just want to be your girlfriend. Okay?”
He nodded. “I think I can deal with that.” He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to his chest, kissing me again.
Eighteen
– Just arrived
Old Times
Kyle went to Spain the following morning
, Mick drove him to the airport, and I listened through my bedroom door as they whispered in the early hours of the morning, preparing to leave. We had said our goodbyes the night before and for me to wave him off would be too strange considering our known relationship, and so I listened intently as they drove away. Mick was never nurturing towards Kyle, and every conversation sounded strained, but he did the best he could with a situation that by his making was difficult. Kyle had been moulded to be a certain way, and so they had to accept what they had created. Mick was happy to take him to Manchester Airport, but I expected it would be a long hour’s drive.
The night before Kyle had held me in his arms, we didn’t speak much, but I could feel the emotion. Kyle wasn’t much of a talker, nor did he make romantic statements, but I knew in the way that he treated me that I was precious to him. He held me closely and kissed my head as I fell asleep.
“No flirting with boys in town whilst I’m gone,” he whispered.
I laughed through my tiredness. “Okay, boss.”
“And don’t let crazy Ashley get you dancing all sexily.”
“Fine, I’ll just stand there like a statue whilst she dances around me.”
“Sounds good, whilst wearing jeans and a jumper.”
“I’d still drive the men wild with my sexy knitted jumpers,” I teased.
He squeezed me, pulling me closer to him. “I bet you would,” he whispered.
“You’ll be back before I even know you’re gone.” I sighed, lying. I couldn’t admit how much I was going to miss him. It was madness, it had only been a matter of weeks, and I was petrified how much I felt for him in such a short space of time.
“I hope so,” he whispered. “I’ll text you.”
“Good,” I said as I drifted off to sleep.
I woke to Kyle carrying me through to my own bed. He laid me down gracefully on top of my duvet. I opened my eyes and saw him crouched next to me. He kissed my head and I smiled at him.
“Be good, Soph,” he whispered and I fell back to sleep.
The next two weeks went particularly slowly, as I had a broken arm, my two best friends were working, and I was missing Kyle immensely. I exhausted my mum’s cheesy book collection and requested that she pick me up some decent ones from the local supermarket. I sunbathed, texted Kyle, ate too much food, and waited patiently for Ashley or Kathryn to finish work and entertain me. Kyle seemed to be having a good time. His texts were mostly upbeat and about how he was occupying himself in Spain. I felt terrible for the way I had described him to Ashley, and I was sure I wasn’t embarrassed of him, just embarrassed about our situation.