Authors: Hayley Oakes
“I had a girlfriend at university, but I came to London and she didn’t want to come, so it fizzled out. I worked a lot, pretty shitty hours so I had a few one nighters, a few regular things and a few years ago I was seeing someone.”
“Oh yeah, how long for?”
“Two years.”
“What happened?”
“She wanted more and … I didn’t.”
“Oh.” I nodded.
“Trouble.” He grinned and pointed to himself.
“Breaking hearts since 1985.”
“Hardly.” He shook his head and took a sip of his drink. “I’m not that loveable.”
“You’re loveable,” I said, placing my hand on his.
“So what about you, only Simon?”
I nodded. “Yeah, he was smitten, and I needed to be loved. So I didn’t look any further.”
“Fit the bill, eh?”
“How did we get onto this topic?”
“You started it,” he laughed, “and to answer the original question I haven’t been here on a date before, and I usually do dinner and drinks, not all-dayers.”
“Is that so?” I smiled wryly. “So I’m special.”
“If you haven’t worked that out by now, Sophie King, then you must be blind.”
We drove back to Kyle’s apartment, dumped the car, and then got a taxi to a nearby pub. We sat in the fading sunlight, drinking and reminiscing.
“Do you remember Mrs Peterson?” I laughed. “The one with the moustache?”
“Oh God she did have a terrible five o clock shadow,” Kyle laughed, “I just thought all women who got to that age had a beard. I mean Jesus, she must have been ninety.”
I barked out a laugh. “She was barely menopausal,” I croaked. “I think she still works there.”
“Shut up.” He laughed. “What about Mr Pearce?”
“Pervy Pearce,” I said, wide-eyed. “He couldn’t take his eyes off tits and ass.”
“Well who could blame the old guy? Probably made his day when you and your buddies tottered into his classroom.”
“He probably had kids our age.” I said, screwing my face up. “Gross.”
“Ah poor old guy needed a bit of excitement.”
“He needed arresting.”
“We had it pretty good back then, eh?” Kyle said, taking another swig of his wine.
“Sure did,” I said dreamily.
“We were two spoilt little brats, no worries, got whatever we wanted, and that school was like a holiday camp.”
I laughed. “Didn’t really set us up well for real life, though.”
“Nah, working for a living is hard work.”
“What?” I squawked. “You’re a gazzillionaire and pop into the office a few hours a day. I mould young minds for pittance. It’s hard graft.”
“You teachers have more holidays than God. You’ll get no sympathy from me. And for the record I’ve done some shitty jobs.”
“I bet.” I laughed.
“I worked shifts at an undertakers.”
I almost spat my drink out. “What? You didn’t.”
“No.” He laughed. “No … I didn’t but your face was priceless.” He grinned at me.
We left the pub at kicking-out time and caught a taxi home. I leaned on Kyle’s shoulder, closing my eyes as we chugged home.
“Thanks for a great day,” I said dreamily.
“You’re welcome,” he said, his voice distorted by the drink. He pulled me to him, his arm around my shoulder.
We climbed out of the cab and made our way inside. Kyle led me to the bedroom and helped me undress and climb into bed. He stripped down and climbed in next to me, gathering my naked body next to his hard nakedness, keeping me there.
“I can’t bear the thought of you leaving,” he whispered into my hair as he kissed the top of my head.
“Me neither.” I sighed, through my drunkenness. “The room is spinning,” I said.
“Shhhh.” He stroked my hair. “Try to ignore it and fall asleep, it’ll all be better tomorrow.”
I kissed the shoulder where I lay. “I love the way you make me feel Kyle. Safe, so safe, and perfect … and happy.”
“I live for it,” he said gruffly as he squeezed me a little tighter. “You’ll always be my girl.”
I leaned back slightly and looked up to him. “I always want to be your girl,” I said, kissing him on his beautiful lips, and settling back down into his arms hoping for sleep to grab me soon, so that the room would stop spinning.
Twenty
– Just passed
Old Times
There were only five weeks after Kyle visited his mum until we were due to go our separate ways to university. We were going to collect our results from school and everyone was out to celebrate, whether we passed or not. The day we drove back from the airport, we stopped for lunch
, and Kyle touched me as often as he wanted. He laid his hand on mine as we drove home on the motorway, and things between us seemed just right. Upon arriving home no one would know where we stood, but we both knew. We would continue to be exclusive to each other, but it would only be just between us. It had to end when we went to university; we both deserved a future and that could never be together.
I decided not to take my job back at the café, so Kyle and I had the long summer days to ourselves.
“Let’s go to the beach today,” Kyle said as we ate breakfast one morning.
“People might see us,” I groaned, eating my cereal.
“So what? We can’t even be seen together?”
“It’ll look weird.”
“To who? We might not see anyone we know.”
“True.” I looked down at my cereal.
“If anything the fact that we are step-brother and sister means that what we have will be the last thing on anyone’s mind,” Kyle stated.
“No touching me in my bikini then.” I smirked.
“I’ll try my best.” He laughed.
We tore down to the beach in Kyle’s car. Our days were usually spent driving somewhere at high speed, sunbathing in the garden or going out for lunch to various pubs across the county. We had packed a picnic and decided to drive to nearby St Annes, where the tide was always out and there was plenty of beach for us to find a spot. We parked and the promenade was heaving. There were hardly any spaces, and so we had to park pretty far away. We walked to the perfect spot, carrying our beach bags and the picnic basket.
The beach was busy but not overcrowded, and so we laid our towels out and stripped off. I got out my book and Kyle plugged his ear phones in as we relaxed. I watched him lie with his eyes closed as I read my book, his perfect features relaxed as he basked in the sunshine. His dark hair fanned out on his towel, and his perfectly toned body was still brown from Spain. It took all my self-control not to touch him, and it saddened me that he could never truly be mine. I hated the thought that one day he would be someone else’s and that what we had was only for now.
He must have felt my eyes on him, as at that moment he opened his eyes and saw my sad smile. He took an ear phone out and rolled onto his stomach, his face closer to where mine lay.
“What you thinking about?” he whispered.
“Nothing.” I shook my head.
“You looked deep in thought, something was troubling that pretty little face.” He touched my nose with his index finger and although it was a small gesture it made me feel warm inside.
“I’m going to miss you that’s all.” I said quietly.
“When we go to uni?”
“Yeah, it’ll be hard, you know … when this all ends.”
“We can still see each other. We live in the same house for God’s sake.”
“But it’ll never be the same.” I swallowed a lump in my throat. “You’ll meet someone, I’ll meet someone, and this will just be … a memory.”
“Great memories.” He grinned. “And anyway, we’ve got weeks yet, and … nothing has to end unless we want it to.” He leaned closer to me, and I could feel his breath on my face.
“Kyle.” I sighed. “We’ve talked about this.” I shook my head. “No one would understand, and anyway we’re too young. We’d be risking upsetting our family and people gossiping about us for some teenage romance that’s going nowhere.”
He nodded and pulled back a little. “You know, you’re right, I’m personally holding out for a swimwear model, who has massive fake tits.” I swiped his arm with my hand and he laughed.
“Kyle!”
“Always so serious, Soph, always planning ahead. Why not just enjoy now and deal with the serious stuff another day?”
“I’m just preparing myself.”
“For what?”
“Heartache.”
“One day, Sophie King,” he rolled close to me again, “you’re gonna realise that you cause all your own heartache, and if you truly want to be happy you need to stop thinking and start living.”
“Wise words,” I said inching closer to him.
“How about we get home so we can start living right now?” he whispered, and it sent a thrill of adrenaline up my spine.
He kissed me quickly on the lips and then rolled away. I quickly looked around to make sure no one had seen. It was exhausting really, always being so conscious that we would get caught and yet to everyone on this beach we were just another young couple. No one here knew who we were and nobody cared. The problem was that I cared. I still cared.
An hour later we had eaten our picnic and stopped at an ice cream kiosk on our walk back to the car.
“Sophie!” I heard someone shout from behind, I spun on my flip-flops to see a boy from my geography class, Terry Beecham.
“Oh hi, Terry,” I said, a little uncomfortable. Kyle was still paying at the kiosk and I stepped back with my ice cream as Terry approached.
“Sunbathing?” he asked with a large grin.
“Yep.” I nodded, “You … um … out for a walk?”
“Oh no, I work at the beach café, I’m just on my break.”
“Oh cool.”
“Are you out for results night next week?” he asked, taking in the view of my little denim shorts and white vest top.
“Um yeah,” I said just as Kyle approached.
“Oh hi Kyle,” Terry said, looking at Kyle warily and back to me. Most people who weren’t in Kyle’s inner circle looked at him warily.
“All our friends are at work so we came to the beach,” I rambled, “Nothing else to do so …” I was aware that I was explaining too much and perhaps making things look suspicious.
“Hi squealer,” Kyle said, in a dull tone.
“It’s Terry,” he murmured, “no one calls me that any more.” Squealer had been Terry’s nick-name at junior school as he cried a lot as a kid. I was surprised Kyle remembered, he was never really a bully, just supervised his nasty friends. He also didn’t seem to acknowledge anyone in our year that wasn’t in his immediate friends.
Kyle nodded and turned to walk away. I smiled at Terry. “Um, bye.”
“Your step-brother is a dick.” Terry shook his head, “I don’t know how you can stand him.” His comment made my mouth twitch with a knowing smile. I had thought the exact same thing only weeks ago, and yet here I was, lusting after that idiot and desperate to get away from Terry so I could be with him.
I nodded. “He is hard work. See you around Terry,” I said, turning to follow Kyle.
“I hope so!” Terry shouted after me. I ran to catch Kyle up who was striding ahead.
“You know he hates Squealer.” I laughed, licking my ice cream. “No one has called him that since reception.”
“He’s a fucking geek.”
“You’re a nasty bastard,” I teased.
“He was staring at you in that outfit.”
“Let him stare.”
“Everyone thinks you’re single, Soph, I hate that.”
“No one gets to touch me Kyle. You know that.” I shoulder bumped him as we walked. “Anyway, I’m sure plenty of girls will be after you on results night.”
“Jealous?” he asked, looking over to me with a raised eyebrow.
“No.” I shook my head. “Proud.”
He laughed. “When we get home I’m gonna show you just how proud I am by getting you out of that little outfit.”
“Oh yeah?” I licked my ice cream seductively.
“Carry on doing that, and I won’t wait until we’re home.”
A-Level results night soon arrived. Kyle and I had spent the last couple of weeks doing whatever we wanted and being a couple away from the watchful eyes of anyone we knew. I became comfortable that people may see us together, after all he was my step-brother, and people would just assume we were friends. Our parents weren’t suspicious that I knew of, but they were busy enough with their own lives. They worked long hours and spent a lot of time socialising with friends at the weekend, so we were left to be independent.
Everyone was meeting at school on Thursday morning to collect our envelopes that held the results. That day Ashley, Kathryn, and I had planned lunch out and a pamper day to get ready for that night out, where everyone from school would be partying. We were going to get to school early to open our envelopes together. I was up and eating breakfast when Kyle found me.
“All ready for today?” he asked, casually grabbing a bowl and sitting next to me, leaning over to grab the cereal.
“Yeah.” I sighed. “I’m a bit nervous but can’t change it now.”
“True,” he said with a smile.
“How do you think you did?”
“Good.” He shrugged, “I’m sure I did enough to get onto my course.”
“What did you apply for again?”
“Physiotherapy.”
“Oh yeah.” I looked down to my cereal, “At Exeter, your first choice. You must be more clever than you look.” I smirked.
“Don’t you forget it.” He shoulder bumped me and started to eat his cereal.
“Exeter is a long way away from Newcastle.”
He turned to me and gave me a tight smile. “So?”
“So we’ll be miles apart, almost a whole country apart.”
“Won’t bother you, though, as you keep saying, we can’t keep anything up once we go away.”
“I know.” I cleared my throat a little awkwardly. “I’m just saying that’s all.”
“Right.” He nodded and continued to eat.
“I better get moving, Ash is picking me up.”
“Okay, see you later.”
“Bye,” I said making my way out of the door. It was always the same with Kyle, sometimes he was charm personified, and then we would have an awkward conversation that made me question whether he actually liked me at all. I couldn’t worry about how he felt, I had to concentrate on controlling how I felt so that I could go away in September and not be wondering what he was doing and with whom.
I applied some make up and brushed my hair in the mirror, adding some hair grips to take it away from my face.
“You out all day?” Kyle said, appearing at my door.
“Yes, lunch and then getting our nails done.”
He nodded and walked towards me, wrapping his arms around my waist, and pulling me to him for a kiss.
I shook my head, “You can be so frustrating,” I said.
“Why?” He gave me his killer grin.
I shook my head. “Downstairs you were like a different person.”