Authors: Rosalind James
“You’ve been a dead loss this week, haven’t you.”
He looked up, startled, to see Drew frowning down at him.
“Sorry,” Koti muttered. He thought about making an excuse,
or explaining. Didn’t know how to begin.
Drew sighed and sat down on the bench beside him. “Whether
you go overseas to play isn’t my affair. Everyone has to make that decision for
himself. But you need to focus on getting right for these games. For yourself,
and for the team. You’ve been working on your form. Everyone’s seen it. It’s
why you were selected, this round. But you need to be consistent, every day. No
matter what’s happening in your life. And I have a pretty fair idea what that
is. Heard about what happened with Kate. Not exactly a secret now, is it.”
Koti winced. He’d heard about the announcement Kate had made
in the office, of course. More than one person had been kind enough to mention
it.
“Hannah tells me Kate’s pretty broken up about it,” Drew
went on. “I can see you are too. Don’t want to sink the boot in, but I asked
you to be honest. Not to let her think it meant something if it didn’t. Seems
to me you could’ve told her about your plans. It had to be hard for her to find
out that way. You stuffed up, mate.”
Koti shifted uncomfortably. “I meant to explain. Tried to,
after she found out. But you know how she is. She went off, before we could work
it out. And she won’t listen now. In any case, I need to focus on my career just
now, do what’s best for my future. I can’t let my feelings about a woman get in
the way of that. There are more important things in life, eh.”
Drew looked at him with pity. “Nah, mate. There aren’t.” He
shook his head in resigned disappointment and stood up. “You’ve shown some
discipline these past months. Do what you need to do to get focused. See you back
at the hotel.”
Koti came to a dead stop in the middle of the Queen Street
sidewalk. With an hour to go before the team’s 10:30 curfew, he and his
roommate had decided to take in a bit of the milder nightlife available before
returning to the hotel. Now, though, he stood rooted to the pavement. Colin
walked ahead a few steps, then circled back, realizing Koti was no longer with
him.
“What’s up?” he asked. Then turned to look in the direction
of Koti’s gaze. “Checking out the talent?”
Koti didn’t hear him. He stood and waited until the four women
stopped in front of them, Kate’s chin going up in the defiant posture he’d seen
so many times. She was wearing that bronze dress she’d bought for their trip to
Oz, with her highest heels. A thin wrap sweater in a metallic fabric was tied
at her side, making her waist look impossibly small. She’d fixed some kind of
shiny pins in her hair tonight, pulling one glossy brunette wing back from her
face. She looked good, as good as he’d ever seen her. And she was out on the
town. Four days after she’d given him the push, and she was out again.
“How ya goin’, Koti,” Brenda said at last as he stood mute.
“Fancy meeting you here.”
“Yeh,” he said absently. Then tore his eyes from Kate as he
felt Colin’s nudge in his side. “Yeh,” he said again. “Brenda. And sorry, can’t
remember,” he apologized to the other two women.
“Heather and Corinne,” Brenda reminded him. “And you know
Kate, of course,” she prompted.
“Kate.” He looked at her again.
The chin went a little higher. “Koti. How are you.”
The elbow in the ribs again. “Sorry. My roomie, Colin Thompson.”
“Good to meet you.” Colin flashed a grin at the four of
them, with a lingering look for Kate. “Are you off somewhere special, or can we
join you, buy you a drink?”
“Oh, I think that’d be a bad idea,” Brenda said firmly.
“Kate’s been out of circulation for too long. She needs to meet some new people
tonight.”
“I’m new,” Colin protested.
“Not new enough,” Brenda told him. “Too much old baggage
hanging round you. And we need to get on. See you boys.”
Colin and Koti stood aside to let the women pass, then
watched them make their way up the street.
“Want to explain that?” Colin asked as he and Koti moved on.
“Bit of history there?”
“Yeh, a bit,” Koti admitted.
“Well, if it’s over, maybe you wouldn’t mind giving me her
number. I like those tiny girls. And she’s choice as, eh.”
“What?” he protested as Koti swung around to glare at him.
“You don’t want her anymore. Although if you don’t mind my saying, you’re a
bloody fool. She didn’t seem too keen on you either. Thought you had a better
technique than that. What’d you do, dump her by text?”
“Never said I didn’t want her anymore, did I?” Koti
demanded. “Or that I dumped her. And I’m not sharing. Rack off.”
“Oh. I get it.
She
dumped
you.”
Colin laughed.
“Sorry, mate. Just have to enjoy the thought of that. Bet it hasn’t happened
much. She did look stroppy. What’d you do? Cheat?”
“No, I didn’t cheat,” Koti growled. “Cut the rough, willya. Are
we going to get a fizz? Thought that was the plan.”
Colin looked at him more sympathetically. “You do have it
bad. Reckon we’d better have that fizz back at the hotel bar. Not sure you’re
fit for much else just now. Could get yourself into trouble.”
The bar was crowded with players enjoying a final bit of
relaxation before the game the next evening. A fair few young women had joined
them as well, Koti saw. He sat at a table, nursing his soft drink as he absently
watched Colin chatting up an attractive blonde. Kate wouldn’t be hooking up
with anyone, he told himself. Surely she wouldn’t do that, not so soon. She was
after some distraction, that was all. He was uneasy all the same. She’d looked
too pretty. And angry enough with him to do just about anything.
“Hullo, darling.” He turned at a familiar hand on his
shoulder, pulled back to allow Dena to slide in next to him. “Thought I might
see you here tonight. Congratulations on being selected again.”
He answered politely, still abstracted, as she pressed
closer. “I just heard something else interesting,” she purred. “That you'd been
dating someone, but that you were single again now. Was it that girl I saw you
with at Mac’s?”
“Yeh,” he said reluctantly. “That was the one.”
“Mmm. Not surprised, I have to say,” she said judiciously,
running one finger around her wine glass, then reaching her hand up to stroke
her collarbone and push her heavy auburn curls over her shoulder.
Koti watched the show with detached interest but little
enthusiasm. He couldn’t remember now why he’d once found her so attractive. Her
performance was seductive, but so practiced. Nothing spontaneous about Dena.
She’d never leave any aspect of her appearance—or her presentation of it—to
chance. You’d never catch Dena in sheep pajamas.
“I hate to be bitchy,” she went on, looking at him under her
lashes, “but she didn’t seem like your type. And I should know what that is. We
had some good times together, didn’t we?”
“We did,” he agreed. “But that’s a while ago now, Dena.”
She pouted, then reached up to rearrange his hair, her hand
lingering on the side of his face. “But what have you been doing in the
meantime? You’ve missed out on a fair bit, I’d say. That girl—what’s her name?”
“Kate,” he told her reluctantly.
“That’s right. Kate,” she said with distaste. “I never could
figure out what she had that would interest you. I’m not surprised you got
tired of her. I mean, she was so little. Skinny, too. And I know how you like
something to hold on to.” She pressed a breast against his side. “Hardly even
pretty, I thought.”
He stood up abruptly. “Reckon my taste changed. Need to go,
anyway.”
“Never mind.” Colin slid into the chair Koti had vacated. “He’s
a bit preoccupied just now. But I’m not. I’m single and available, too. And happy
you’re here.”
Koti used the keycard to open his door, then sank down on
the hotel bed. He had to put this out of his head. Kate was moving on, it was
clear. He needed to do the same.
He shifted restlessly. He didn’t want to be here alone. He
wanted to talk to somebody. Call somebody. He reached for the telephone, then
dropped his hand again. Because the person he wanted to talk to was Kate.
“Oi, cuz,” Hemi said with surprise, joining Koti in the
Blues’ carpark Monday afternoon. “What are you doing here?”
“Oh. Uh . . .” Koti cast about for a reason. “Just come to
collect something.”
“Odd I didn’t see you inside, then,” Hemi said. “Since I was
just in there, signing some paperwork myself.”
“Whoa, boy.” He put out a hand to explore the large dent in
the rear bumper of the sporty car. “What happened here? Bit of a ding, eh.”
Koti shrugged. “Pulled out in the New World carpark. I was a
bit distracted, bashed somebody else who was pulling out at the same time.”
Hemi nodded. “I noticed you’ve been distracted. Better get
that sorted, unless you plan to stay on the bench for the next game.”
Koti thought about arguing, but he knew the other man was
right. Hemi went on to offer a suggestion, but Koti had stopped listening. He’d
spotted Kate leaving the building, heading for her little car. This was his
chance. “Hang on a tick,” he said absently, leaving Hemi in mid-sentence.
“Kate.” She’d been fishing through her bag for her keys, but
whirled at the sound of his voice.
“Koti,” she said cautiously. “What do you want? I need to
leave.”
This wasn’t starting out right. “I need to talk to you,
though. Can’t we work this out? D’you want to go for dinner?”
“I’m not sure what there is to talk about. What’s changed?”
“Just that I don’t see why we can’t be friends anymore, at
least. I know I stuffed up. That it was a shock. And I’m sorry I hurt you. But
you hurt me too. And I miss you. I want to be with you.”
He saw the flash of temper in her eyes, heard the indrawn
breath. Then she was lashing out at him. “You can’t always get what you want, though,
haven’t you heard that? Not even you, special as you are. I never believed you
were really this selfish, underneath. I thought you’d just been able to get
away with it for too long. Hadn’t had to think about anybody but yourself.”
“What do you mean, I can’t always get what I want?” His own
temper was flaring now. “I know that. That’s the point. That’s why I’m leaving.
Because I don’t have what I want.”
“And whose fault is that?” she challenged him. “Not
everything’s going to be handed to you, whether you deserve it or not. That
isn’t the way life works.”
“And as for me.” She put back her head and looked up at him
squarely. “I fell in love with you. I’m not going to beat myself up for that
anymore. I couldn’t help it. And you don’t love me back. That’s too bad for me,
but you couldn’t help it either. We’re not in the same place. I understand that
now. But you need to understand this. I’m not some puppet that you can use and
then set aside when you’re done. I deserve more than that. And I’m not stupid.
I’m not going to walk right back into that heartache. I don’t have the time to
waste on you anymore, Koti. You can’t give me what I need. So I’m going to go
on and live my life. And eventually, I’m going to find a grown-up man who wants
a grown-up woman to love him. And is ready to love her back.”
He stepped back, feeling as if he’d been slapped. “If that’s
how you feel, reckon you’re right, then. I can find somebody else too. I don’t
need you, do I.”
He saw the tears come to her eyes before she dove back into
her purse again, pulled out her keys, fumbled with the car door. She slammed it
shut behind her and pulled out of her space with a series of jerky movements.
Then she was gone.
Koti stalked back toward Hemi, his face thunderous. “Did
you see that?” he spluttered. “She won’t even talk to me. Buggered if I know
what she wants. I’ve done everything she asked, all along. And now she doesn’t
even want to be friends. Just talks a load of rubbish.”
“Is that how you feel about her?” Hemi asked. “That why
you’re throwing a wobbly? Because you want to be friends, and she doesn’t?”
“Course it is,” Koti flung back. “She’s mad. Keeps changing
her mind. How can a man cope with that?”
“Reckon you just get another friend, then,” Hemi shrugged.
“Or not. You have enough mates already, from what I’ve seen. Why do you need
her? What does it matter anyway? Going off to play for the Poms, I heard.”
“Nothing’s signed yet,” Koti muttered. “I don’t want to lose
her, that’s all.”
“Why not?” Hemi pressed. “What’s so special about her? No
shortage of girls around. They’d be more than happy to be your friend, if
that’s all you’re offering.”
“Not like her,” Koti admitted. “She gives me so much agro.
But I miss her. I want to see her, talk things over. Just be with her,” he
finished lamely.
“But you don’t love her, eh.”
Koti shrugged. “Lately, I thought we were taking things
further. But now we’ve gone in the opposite direction. And I can’t fix it.”
“Huh. It changed, did it. When was that? When she found out
you were leaving her?”
“Yeh. But I’m not gone yet. Am I supposed to tell her I’ll
be with her forever? What’s wrong with having a girlfriend, as long as it
lasts?”
Hemi shook his head. “Waste of time talking to you.” He
turned to walk away.
“Wait,” Koti called. “You have something to say, tell me.”
Hemi turned back. “Right, then. But you aren’t going to like
it. You weren’t selected for the ABs, last series. So you’ve been working on your
skills, got on the squad this time. Good on ya. But at the same time, you start
talking to overseas teams. Because you’re still looking for the easy way out.
Not willing to bust a gut for it, show the selectors you’ll do whatever it
takes.”
“And now there’s this girl,” he went on. “She loves you.
Anyone can see that. And you aren’t even man enough to think about what that
feels like for her. Rip her heart out, won’t you, if she lets herself love you
the way she wants to, and then you’re off to England without her. All you care
about is whether she’s there for you when you’re randy, or want to whinge to
her about something. What are ya,” he spat in disgust.