Authors: Karl Pilkington
I
was 30 minutes away
f
rom Manc
h
ester Picca
d
i
ll
y St
a
tion. T
h
e
y
oun
g
k
i
d
was
b
ore
d
an
d
was swin
g
in
g
on t
h
e
cha
ir
s
in
the
a
i
sle.
I
k
n
e
w w
e
w
e
r
e
close
to
M
a
n
cheste
r
cos
o
f the smell. There’s a McVitie’s biscuit factory between
S
tockport and Manchester that pumps out the smell of biscuits
b
ein
g
coo
k
e
d
. Min
d
y
ou, it was t
h
at warm
d
ue to
l
ac
k
of
air con t
h
at it cou
ld
h
ave
j
ust
b
een t
h
e
g
ree
dy
sa
l
esman sweating Jaffa Cake.
I got to
A
u
nty Nora’s ga
ff
. I
h
a
d
a
b
rew w
h
i
l
e s
h
e stoo
d
w
rapping up in
d
ivi
d
ua
l
b
arm ca
k
es in c
l
ear
b
ags an
d
t
h
en
S
ellotaping them shut to keep them fresh. Everything in
h
er
f
ri
dg
e
l
oo
k
s
g
i
f
t-wra
pp
e
d
. W
h
en
y
ou ma
k
e a san
d
wic
h
it
f
ee
l
s
l
i
k
e it’s
y
our
b
irt
hd
a
y
, t
h
e amount o
f
p
arce
l
s
y
ou have to open. I think she’s got like this since she heard a lot of bad stuff about that MRSA bug. I told her about t
h
e Bo
d
ies ex
h
i
b
ition an
d
s
h
e
d
eci
d
e
d
s
h
e’
d
come a
l
on
g
b
ut sai
d
I’
d
h
ave to wa
lk
s
l
ow
ly
cos
h
er
k
nee is
pl
a
y
in
g
u
p
. Aunt
y
Nora
h
as a
l
wa
y
s seeme
d
o
ld
to me. S
h
e’s a
l
wa
y
s
w
orn comfy pants, and I never knew her when she had her
o
wn teeth. She’s had quite a lot of operations over the years so
h
as to ta
k
e
l
oa
d
s o
f
ta
bl
ets. I
f
y
ou ever
b
u
y
an
y
p
i
ll
s t
h
at sa
y
t
h
e
y
h
aven’t
b
een teste
d
on anima
l
s, t
h
e c
h
ances are they’ve been tested on Nora. Her house is like Pac-Man, there’s a pill in every corner
.
We got a ca
b
to t
h
e science museum w
h
ere t
h
e Bo
d
ies ex
h
i
b
ition was
b
ein
g
h
e
ld
. I to
ld
t
h
e
l
a
d
on t
h
e
f
ront
d
es
k
we were
h
ere to see t
h
e
b
o
d
ies. I
f
e
l
t
l
i
k
e
C
o
l
um
b
o.
W
e were sent right through the main museum to an em
p
ty warehouse out the back, where we had to buy tickets
f
rom a
b
a
ld
f
e
ll
a wit
h
tattoos in a
p
orta
k
a
b
in,
b
e
f
ore
b
ein
g
sent across a co
bbl
e
d
roa
d
to anot
h
er ware
h
ouse. Nora was knackered already, so much so that she had to rest for a
w
hile at the entrance by leaning back on one of the war
e
h
ouse
b
eams. I t
h
in
k
a
f
ew peop
l
e mig
h
t
h
ave t
h
oug
h
t s
h
e
was
o
n
e
o
f
t
h
e
e
xhi
b
i
ts.
O
nce she got some energy back we
e
ntere
d
t
h
e
fi
rst room
.
T
h
e
b
o
d
ies
g
ave o
ff
a sme
ll
simi
l
ar to t
h
e one
y
ou
g
et
i
n
t
h
e
“
L
a
n
d
o
f Leather” sofa shop. There must have been
ab
out 15–20
d
ea
d
, s
k
inne
d
, varnis
h
e
d
b
o
d
ies.
A
ll
o
f
t
h
em
h
a
d
b
een put into poses t
h
at
b
roug
h
t t
h
em to
l
i
f
e. T
h
ere was
o
ne in a
pl
a
y
in
g
-
b
a
d
minton
p
ose, anot
h
er was s
k
ate
b
oar
d
in
g
, one was
d
oin
g
some sort o
f
b
a
ll
et, anot
h
er was
pl
a
y
in
g
b
asketball, one was kicking a football. I thought sport was meant to be good for you. It didn’t do much for this bunch.
I
t was
l
i
k
e t
h
e stars o
f
Night of the Living Dead
had brought
o
ut a
k
ee
p
fi
t DVD. W
h
at was a
l
so weir
d
was t
h
at most o
f
these dead bodies were doing stuff I’ve never done, and I’m alive. I’ve never played badminton or done ballet.
A
r
oun
d
t
h
e
b
o
d
ies was a
p
ic
k
-n-mix o
f
b
o
dy
p
arts. Ki
d
n
e
y
s,
h
earts,
l
ivers,
l
un
g
s, a
b
rain an
d
ot
h
er
b
its t
h
at
h
a
d
b
een affected by different illnesses.
A
u
nty Nora walked
f
rom box to box saying things like “I’ve had that”, “I had a new one of them” and “your cousin had one of them”, as i
f
s
h
e was
fl
ic
k
in
g
t
h
rou
gh
an
A
rg
os cata
l
o
g
ue. T
h
e
y
d
is
pl
a
y
e
d
a
l
un
g
t
h
at
h
a
d
b
e
l
on
g
e
d
to a
h
eav
y
smo
k
er an
d
w
as full of cancer. Next to it was a non-smoker’s lung so
y
ou could see the difference. It did look a lot healthier, but at t
h
e en
d
o
f
t
h
e
d
ay it was sti
ll
h
ere in a
b
ox
f
or peop
l
e to
look at, so not that healthy.