Authors: Karl Pilkington
T
h
ere was a
b
o
dy
t
h
at was stoo
d
u
p
h
o
ld
in
g
it’s own s
k
in
l
i
k
e it was
h
o
ld
in
g
a
d
ressin
g
g
own. T
h
is mi
gh
t
b
e the future of dry cleaners. It would be the ultimate skin detox. When you see the skin displayed like this, it makes
y
ou rea
l
ize
h
ow, un
d
erneat
h
, we’re a
ll
t
h
e same,
b
ut some
of
us are in
b
etter-
l
oo
k
in
g
p
ac
k
a
g
in
g
. Because t
h
e
y
’
d
a
ll
b
een s
k
inne
d
, t
h
ere wasn’t one
d
ea
d
b
o
dy
t
h
at I t
h
ou
gh
t
l
ooked better than another. A lot of the time, it’s the skin that makes us pick our partners, in the same way as it’s the s
k
in t
h
at ma
k
es me
p
ic
k
w
h
ic
h
b
anana I want in a su
p
e
r
mar
k
et.
I
remember reading something ages ago about how they are now able to do full face transplants. I’m not sure if you get to pic
k
f
rom
f
aces t
h
at are on o
ff
er or i
f
you just
h
ave to ta
k
e w
h
atever comes in. Sa
y
in
g
t
h
at, even i
f
y
ou
p
ic
k
e
d
a
g
oo
d
-
l
oo
k
in
g
f
ace t
h
e c
h
ances are it won’t
l
oo
k
as
g
oo
d
as it did on the original owner once it’s on your head. It’s
l
ike when Suzanne picks a hairstyle from a magazine and ta
k
es it to t
h
e
h
air
d
resser’s – it never
l
oo
k
s as
g
oo
d
cos it’s a
ll
d
own to t
h
e
h
ea
d
s
h
a
p
e, an
d
Suzanne
h
as
q
uite a s
q
uare head. I think ideally it would be best to try and do a brain swap so the face can stay on it’s own bones. I don’t think
I
’
d
l
i
k
e it i
f
someone I
k
new turne
d
up an
d
h
a
d
a
d
i
ff
erent
f
ace. Slight changes are weird enough. I phoned me mam a
f
ew mont
h
s a
g
o w
h
en s
h
e was
f
u
ll
o
f
a co
ld
, an
d
h
er voice soun
d
e
d
tota
lly
d
i
ff
erent. I
d
i
d
n’t
l
i
k
e it, to t
h
e
p
oint t
h
at I said it was freaking me out too much and that I’d call her
b
ack when her throat was better. So if I turned up and she
h
a
d
a
d
i
ff
erent
f
ace
,
I
d
on’t
k
now i
f
I cou
ld
h
an
dl
e it.
I
t was
h
ar
d
to te
ll
h
ow o
ld
t
h
ese s
k
in
l
ess
p
eo
pl
e at t
h
e Bo
d
ies ex
h
i
b
ition were w
h
en t
h
e
y
d
ie
d
, as it’s t
h
e s
k
in t
h
at gives away your age. That was the one good thing the E
l
e
phant Man had going for him, he could have bought fags an
d
b
ooze un
d
er a
g
e an
d
y
et
g
ot awa
y
wit
h
b
ein
g
an
OA
P
o
n
p
u
bl
ic trans
p
ort. He was a
g
e
l
ess.
There was a message on the wall thanking the people who made the show possible by donating their bodies. I mentioned in my last book how I once signed a form in hospital to agree to hand over my body bits to anyone who might need them if I die. They said I could sleep on it before making any decisions. (My brain doesn’t like sleeping on stuff. The only time it wanted to sleep on something before making a decision was when I was buying a new mattress. I think that’s the only occasion when “sleeping on it” could have altered my opinion. Other than that, my brain makes its mind up quite quickly.) I ticked all the boxes, thinking that I’d get looked after better if they thought they’d get to keep my bits once I was dead. I agreed to leave my lungs, heart, liver, kidneys and eyes. But later on I worried about giving my eyes away to any Tom, Dick or Harry. What if the new owner started using my eyes to look at stuff that I wouldn’t want to look at? Since then, I’ve read about cellular memory, which is where a person develops new habits and interests after a transplant. There was a story about a woman who couldn’t stand eating yellow biscuits and was rubbish at driving. She thought that’s the way it was going to be for the rest of her life, but then, after a heart transplant, she found she was not only fitter and healthier with her new heart, but also really loved eating yellow biscuits and was a better driver, due to the donor having liked yellow biscuits and been good at driving. I reckon more people would be willing to be donors if they were aware of this. It also put me at ease, cos maybe the person who gets my eyes might start to look at things I liked to look at rather than things they like to look at. I just hope I like the look of their wife.
If
m
y
b
o
dy
p
arts are no
g
oo
d
to an
y
l
ivin
g
p
erson, I’
d
p
ro
b
a
bly
b
e
h
a
ppy
to
l
et t
h
e ex
h
i
b
ition
h
ave m
y
b
o
dy
to
p
ut on display, as long as they agreed to pop some unde
r
p
ants on me, cos I noticed even though every organ was on
d
is
pl
a
y
,
p
eo
pl
e’s e
y
es were sti
ll
attracte
d
by
t
h
e
k
no
b
an
d
b
o
ll
oc
k
s. T
h
ey never
l
oo
k
t
h
at great, s
k
in covere
d
or not. I
d
on’t
k
now w
h
at women see in t
h
em.
I
t’s odd to think that
p
eo
p
le are oka
y
about wanderin
g
around looking at dead bodies. You’d never have thought that this would be something people would pay for. I norma
lly
can’t even watc
h
Casualt
y
on t
h
e te
lly
cos it can s
h
ow some
p
rett
y
g
ruesome stu
ff
,
y
et I was
q
uite
h
a
ppy
looking
at this lot. Maybe that’s cos their faces looked quite happy playing badminton and basketball, or maybe it’s cos my
b
rain t
h
oug
h
t o
f
t
h
em as waxwor
k
s
l
i
k
e t
h
e sort you see at Ma
d
ame Tussau
d
s. T
h
e weir
d
t
h
in
g
is, t
h
is
pl
ace is c
h
ea
p
er t
h
an Ma
d
ame Tussau
d
s. It’s £22 to see a Ma
d
onna
o
r a Brad Pitt made of wax, yet you can see a real body with all it’s insides for £10. Maybe Gunther will soon be offered
b
o
d
ies
f
rom
d
ea
d
ce
l
e
b
rities. I
f
p
eo
pl
e wi
ll
p
a
y
£22
f
or a
w
ax Paris Hi
l
ton, ima
g
ine
h
ow muc
h
t
h
e woman on t
h
e train who loved her gossip magazines would pay to see her
s
kinl
ess.