Kasey Screws Up the World (14 page)

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WIT FOR

Posted by Kasey at 5:01 P.M.

Sunday, September 7

Past Mood:
Reluctant

SAT Word Of The Day:
Chicanery. Definition: No one can argue against the fact that the joke’s on me.

I’m on to you, commentor Clark. Mess with me all you want, I won’t be fooled.

The next morning, I emerged from the bathroom and scrambled with Lara’s ceramic iron. She raised an eyebrow at me as she applied make-up. I knew it was counter-productive to straighten my hair when I was just going to the pool. But I had to make the most of the morning since my parents were ripping me away from Finn in the afternoon for some stupid swimming with dolphins excursion in St. Thomas. I was envious that Lara wasn’t allowed to go. Mom was making her stay on the ship and practice for the talent show.

I wanted to stay behind too.

“All I have to say is if she makes me practice tomorrow morning and miss Belize too, I’m ditching her and getting off the ship myself.”

“I’ll help you.” Steam escaped from the ceramic iron as I pressed it along my damp hair. “Though honestly, I think you have the better deal here. Dolphins? With Mom and Dad? Just imagine the horrible jokes Dad has in store for me today.” I lowered my voice in my best impersonation of him. “Kasey, look, the dolphins are
flipping
out at the sight of you.”

She let out a forced laugh. “Yeah. Definitely not jealous of that.” Her voice came off more sad than sarcastic.

“I’m serious. I’ll distract them tomorrow while you go get your passport from the safe in their room.”

She uncapped a tube of lipstick. “Thanks. I’ll think about it.”

I hoped she’d think about grabbing my passport as well so I could tagalong if she decided to sneak off the ship. “Can I borrow that when you’re done?” I asked, pointing at her lipstick.

Lara rose from the floor in front of the mirror. “Okay. What’s going on?”

“I don’t know.” The word “boyfriend” popped into my head. My cheeks grew hot so I stared at the floor and tugged the iron over a lock of unruly hair. Sometimes I thought premature hair loss would be a much more effective way of styling this mane.

“Kasey…” Lara flopped onto the bed. “You’re in way over your head. I know you like this boy, but you’re on vacation. It’s a fling. You guys live so far away, you’re never going to see him after Sunday.”

She didn’t know what she was talking about. Of course, I’d see him again. It wasn’t like we were living in medieval times, before they had things like Skype. And Cleveland wasn’t
that
far away from Brooklyn. “He’s my boyfriend.”

“I really don’t want to see you get hurt.”

I wanted to snort. If there was anything I was sure of in my whole life, it was Finn. “And what about you? With Hayden?”

“I like hanging out with him. But I know the boundaries, and I’m not letting my heart get involved. Just be careful, Kase. At least until you know how the long distance thing works, okay?”

I nodded, but after my conversation with Finn on the balcony, I knew there was nothing to worry about. He wouldn’t screw me over.

“So the talent show is tomorrow…” Finn winked. Or maybe the sunlight glanced off his eye and I misread it.

We sat on the ledge of the pool and dangled our legs in the water. Kids splashed near us, swimmies bulging from their arms like muscles. A few girls in designer sunglasses flirted with guys who seemed to pay more attention to the beers in their hand. The sun warmed my shoulders, in sharp contrast with the cool breeze blowing my straight hair into frizzy knots.

Already I knew Finn well enough to guess where this suggestion was going. “And we’ll be happily watching from the audience.” I took comfort in the fact that auditions were days ago.

He shook his head and smoothed his lips into a straight line. Serious. All business. “I’m pretty sure we won’t.”

I fake coughed. “I’m sick. Totally out of commission.”

“I was just thinking about how funny you were on stage at the Newlywed Game.” Finn circled his feet in the water, creating ripples that radiated outward and tickled my ankles. “And the ship only auditioned dancers and singers, but there’s plenty of other talent on board that should be showcased. Like comedians.” He smacked his hand against the concrete ledge, sending a sprinkle of water droplets onto me. “Like you.”

“I’m confused.” Wasn’t his goal to prove I could dance as well as Lara? Maybe he’d already given up on me, too. “You want me to do a comedy routine?”

“Both of us. Just trust me, babe.” He leaned back, stretching his arms behind him. “I have a plan.”

The way he used the word ‘babe’ made me melt, but the plan part scared me. I wrapped my arms around my knees. “I hope your plan doesn’t involve injuring one of the contestants so we take their spot.”

“How about we make a deal?” He pulled his legs out of the water and stepped onto the deck, dripping tiny puddles beneath his feet. “If we can weasel our way onto the line-up, you’ll agree to perform?”

He looked at me with such hopeful eyes. I might be shy, but I was confident about one thing: getting on the show would be impossible. I decided to go along with Finn’s little game, knowing I’d be there to comfort him when we failed. And if we did somehow succeed, at least comedy seemed a lot less scary than competing against my sister in dance.

“Okay,” I agreed. My stomach fluttered in response, but I took a deep breath and made those butterflies fly away from their cocoon. No need for nerves.

We set-off for wherever he thought would get us into the show. We only had to go around the slide before he slowed his pace. On a small makeshift stage, the Cruise Director, Jorge, held a microphone, emceeing a hula-hoop contest. Finn joined the audience and clapped as a twelve-year old girl and a balding man took the stage for a hip-swiveling showdown.

I pushed my way through the crowd to stand next to Finn. “What’s going on?”

Instead of answering my question, he whooped and cheered for the contestants.

I tapped him on the shoulder to bug him again, but he grabbed my hands and slapped them together.

The competition ended, and Jorge crowned the twelve-year old girl winner, no doubt because her middle-aged opponent graciously threw it to her.

As soon as the crowd parted, Finn weaved his way through the empty spaces and confronted the cruise director. I tiptoed behind.

“Ah, well isn’t it the lovely Newlyweds.” He shook ‘Clark’s’ hand. “I hope you practiced on that one question you had trouble with.” He raised his eyebrows a few times in succession.

A shiver ran up my spine. I knew which question he meant. The zero one.

Finn attempted to thaw me by placing his arm around my shoulder. “You mean the donut question? Don’t worry, she’s been taking inventory of my diet for future game shows.”

Jorge’s brow furrowed.

Finn pulled me closer to his body. “Anyway, we wanted to talk to you about the talent show tomorrow night.”

“Do you need tickets? I’ll get you a front row seat. Just show up several hours early and keep them warm with your butts.”

“Don’t worry,” I said, finding my voice and channeling the confidence I’d borrowed at the Newlywed Game. I figured I might as well play along so Finn would think I tried my best, despite this being a lost cause. “We already paid someone to squat them for us.” I pressed my index finger to my lip. “Well, actually, I just handcuffed a stranger to the front row.”

Jorge laughed. “I like this one. I can see why you married her.”

“Good. Because she wants to perform tomorrow night.” Finn squeezed my arm. “I mean
we
want to perform tonight.”

Gravity claimed the corners of Jorge’s lips. He bent down to grab a hula-hoop and tuck it underneath his arm. “I’m afraid you just missed the dress rehearsal, you should have auditioned when—”

I aimed a beaming smile onto Finn. But I couldn’t ignore the weird empty feeling in my chest.

“We’ve got a comedy routine, which is completely different,” Finn said. “Think of the variety. It doesn’t have to just be a song and dance.”

Jorge scratched his chin. “Okay, I’ll tell you what. I like you guys. And I’ve been saying the same cheesy…I mean hilarious jokes every week for four months now. How about you take over my introduction and do your stuff?” He glanced at his clipboard. “Tomorrow I’m off the ship most of the day in Belize, so come by the auditorium a half hour early and we’ll run through your routine.” He wrote down a few instructions about time limits and suggested topics for our jokes.

“But, that’s!” My voice sounded as jittery as my nerves. “We can’t!”

“She’s so excited, she can’t speak.” Finn shook Jorge’s hand. “We’ll be there. More coherently.”

I shot daggers at Finn and considered debarking tomorrow at Belize and never coming back.

Jorge left to carry out the rest of his daily duties.

“You promised.” Finn nudged my shoulder.

I had to sit down. I fell into the first empty chair I could find. “I’m not a comedian. I can think of a good comeback on the spot, but coming up with a routine is a whole different thing.”

Finn perched on the edge of the seat and leaned in. “We’re not really going to do a comedy routine. We’ll write one to perform for Jorge, but during the real show? We’re dancing.”

All the blood drained from my face. “But—”

“I know what you’re going to say, but Lara’s doing a solo routine. We’ll do a ballroom number. Apples to oranges.”

“It’s not. The
Next American Dance Star
producers might still be in the audience. It’s still a competition.” I shook my head vigorously. “And I don’t want to compete against my sister.”

He grabbed my hands. “That’s the thing, Kasey. I think you do.”

Displaying 3 out of 5 comments

Clark
said…

I’m not an imposter.

Finn
said…

Neither am I!

Clark disguised as Finn
said…

I am.

I SLIPPED INTO MY self-assigned seat in the back of the English room. It wasn’t where I wanted to sit, not by a long shot, but on the first day last week, I walked into the room and stopped short at the sight of Denise sitting in the second row. She darted her head around at the empty desks surrounding her before she reached down and clutched her bag as if she would have to choose a new seat, or maybe a new classroom, as soon as I sat down.