Kate Sherwood - Dark Horse 2.2 - Head Shy (2 page)

But now Jeff's snapping away, and Dan just ignores him. He raises an eyebrow to ask for permission to look at Jeff's easel; he's not sure if that's necessary or not, but it seems polite. He knows that Jeff doesn't always want to show off all his work, and at the start he didn't want Dan to look at pictures of himself before they were finished, afraid that it would make Dan's posing seem self-conscious. But he slipped once, let Dan see a half-finished canvas, and it hadn't affected Dan's posing at all. He honestly has too little of an idea about what Jeff's doing to be able to make any half-way useful attempts to modify himself, so he generally just sits there and does as he's told.

Jeff nods that Dan can look, and Dan crosses the room. The picture on the easel is one of Dan, started a couple weeks ago, and he's laughing in it, and Dan remembers how weird that had been, trying to sit in more or less the same position, and then having Jeff make him laugh, and having to laugh without changing the position of his body too much; all in all, it's lucky that Jeff has a photograph to work from, because Dan might have been able to replicate the posture, but he'd had a hell of a time with the facial expression. It's a nice picture, though, or at least Dan thinks so.

Head Shy | Kate Sherwood
"Almost done?"

 

"With the photos or the painting?"

 

"No, the painting."

"Yeah, probably. At least for a while. I think… I think it turned out pretty well." Jeff grins wryly. "Hard not to, with a subject like that." He steps closer, runs the back of his curved fingers almost reverently along Dan's cheekbone. "You're so fucking beautiful when you're laughing." He brings his hand down and glances at one of the other paintings, leaning up against the side wall. "Of course, you're pretty damn fine when you're pouting, too."

"I wasn't pouting, asshole. I was being quiet."

"You were sulking because I told you to stop talking." He leans forward as if for a kiss, then nips a little at Dan's bottom lip. "And this, right here, this beautiful little curve of flesh… it was a damn sight curvier than usual, and that makes it a pout." He grins and gives Dan a real kiss. Dan doesn't hold off for more than a second before returning it; he can't really prove that he wasn't sulking
then
by sulking
now
, and besides, he likes kissing Jeff. Jeff pulls away just as it's getting interesting, though, and brings the camera up for another couple snaps of Dan's face. Dan's seen enough of these shots to know what he looks like when he's like this, his features softened, his eyes wider and greener than usual. Sometimes he's okay with it, but sometimes it makes him feel a bit too vulnerable.

Dan reaches out and takes the camera, and Jeff doesn't resist, doesn't object when Dan turns the camera on him and starts snapping away. Jeff always looks self-conscious when Dan takes his picture, a bit sheepish, but he goes along with it. Dan stretches his arm out to the side, holding the camera at a distance and then clicks some shots of him kissing Jeff, his free hand on the back of Jeff's neck, angling his face towards or away

Head Shy | Kate Sherwood

from the camera, pushing him almost too hard, too far, but Jeff contorts himself obediently. Dan doesn't know why this is so hot, Jeff's willingness to submit, but, damn, he can't deny that it gets him going. He pushes a little harder, still careful not to cause pain, and Jeff obeys again, reaching out to Dan's hips for balance as he drops to his knees. Dan snaps some shots of that, Jeff looking up at him, his head tilted back, held by Dan's fist, and Dan thinks about taking it further, pushing Jeff's face in and taking for himself what Jeff has just given to Evan, but he doesn't. He feels like maybe he doesn't have the right, not when he'd created such a fuss earlier. Instead, he slides down to his knees in front of Jeff, sets the camera on the floor, and releases his grip on Jeff's hair. He pulls Jeff's head forward for a gentle kiss. They're both half-hard, but that's pretty much standard for these posing sessions, and Dan has learned to ignore it, or at least to accept a delay in his gratification.

"So, are you gonna get painting, or are you just gonna fool around all night?" Dan knows his words would be a bit more compelling if he wasn't murmuring them into Jeff's mouth between kisses, but he's not really worried about being compelling. He actually has no objection to more fooling around.

But Jeff is apparently convinced. He pulls away reluctantly, and climbs to his feet. "Yeah, okay." He takes a drink from his beer and then looks around the room. He nods to the couch. "You okay over there? Like last week?"

Dan nods, and moves over. "I don't have the same clothes, though."

"You don't really have
any
clothes, cowboy." Jeff waggles his eyebrows. "Not that I'm complaining. And it's fine—I can just work on your face. And your feet. Damn, your feet are going to give me a damn fetish."
Dan glances down at them and frowns. Sometimes Jeff is a bit hard

Head Shy | Kate Sherwood

to follow. He doesn't worry about it, though, just walks over to the couch and lies down. He remembered liking this pose; usually, there's some sort of tension somewhere, something that catches Jeff's interest, but this one is just relaxation. He stretches out on his back, his head resting on the low arm of the couch. The hand furthest from Jeff gets tucked behind his head, and the other one rests on his chest. The far leg is crooked at the knee, leaning against the back of the couch, and the other leg is stretched out. Dan glances over at Jeff, who's comparing Dan's current pose to the work Jeff's already done.

"Pull your foot up about an inch further… yeah, good. And your other foot, lean the toes out a little more, towards me… okay, yeah, perfect." Jeff grins. "Damn, now I wish we'd started in just underwear. I spent all that time getting the damn fabric draped right, and it turns out it was just covering up the stuff I actually
wanted
to paint."

"It's not like you haven't had the chance to paint the skin, too, man. I mean, how many of these have you done? Like… eight or nine, at least."

 

"And I'm not even starting to get tired of it. Plus you've put on a bit of weight, so it's like a whole new you."

 

Dan glances down at himself. "What, enough weight that you can notice? Seriously? My clothes still fit okay…."

Jeff shakes his head. "Relax, princess. You look good—you were getting a bit skinny before. Tia's 'feed the leftovers to Dan' plan has done its job, that's all."
Dan settles back against the arm of the couch. He gets comfortable

Head Shy | Kate Sherwood
again, then frowns over at Jeff. "I'm not a princess. You wouldn't like it if I got all fat."

"You're miles away from that, and you know it. And I don't care how much you eat, you're never going to put much weight on if you keep riding eight hours a day. Now, no more talking, I'm going to work on your face."

Dan lets his eyes drift shut. Jeff can always tell him if he wants them open. Without the chatter, it's hard to keep his mind from going back to earlier with Evan. He's enough of an athlete to be able to keep his body relaxed, but his mind is far from matching.

He goes over it all a few times, and then he hears Jeff clear his throat. "You okay over there?" Dan grunts back, trusting Jeff to be able to interpret. "Good. I, uh… at some point, we need to talk about some stuff, you know. All three of us. But if you want to rehearse it with just me first, that's cool."

Dan doesn't say anything. He can't really disagree with Jeff, but that doesn't mean that he knows exactly what to say. Or even roughly what to say.

Jeff lets it go for a few minutes, then starts again. "I could use a break. You want to try talking now?"

 

Dan groans. "Jesus, Jeff, I'm not mute! I can just
talk
, I don't have to
try
to talk."

 

"Yeah? Okay, prove it, hot stuff. Talk. You know what I want to hear about."

 

Dan rolls his eyes. "Yeah, okay…." Jeff looks like he's thinking about coming over, but he stays at the easel instead, busying himself with his brushes… Dan's not really sure what he's doing, but he's just as happy
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Jeff isn't insisting on closeness right now. "I just… I mean, I said I'd do it! It's not my fault you two got all… whatever."

"Yeah, well, call me a romantic, but I think it'd be nice for everyone if you were actually a part of the event, not just closing your eyes and thinking of England." He pauses. "I don't know if I've ever said it straight out, Dan, but I honestly don't care if you ever bottom. Seriously. And Evan… well, I'm sure he'd like a little ass access, but I can mix it up with him, take turns more than I do now. And we're both…I mean, the sex has been pretty spectacular. There are absolutely no complaints. It's just…." Jeff shifts around the easel, but keeps his distance. "If you don't want to do it because you don't physically enjoy it, like, you've got an underactive prostate or… whatever… that's one thing. It just…." He sighs, and takes a couple steps closer. "It seems like you're… not scared, but… you know, anxious. Or uncomfortable. Mentally, not physically." He's next to Dan now, looks like he might be going to sit down on the end of the couch, and Dan really doesn't want him to. Jeff seems to sense that, and stays still. "So that's what I'm concerned about. I don't like to think about you worrying or freaked out by… well, by anything, really, but especially not by something like this."

Jeff's done talking, it's pretty clear, so now it's Dan's turn. But it's not like he's got anything to say. He pulls his feet towards him and swings them over the side of the couch. He stands up, and wishes he had more clothes on. He doesn't bother asking for Jeff's permission before going over and looking at the work on the easel. He waits for something to happen, anything, but nothing does, and Jeff just waits him out.

"Okay, I said I'd do it. And I'll try to be more… involved, or whatever. Okay?"

 

Jeff shakes his head. "Dan, come on. You were listening, and you
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understood what I was saying. Don't pretend you didn't."

"Well, I don't know what you want from me!" He sounds a bit desperate, even to his own ears, and he takes a deep breath, turning away from the easel and Jeff, looking towards the pictures leaning against the wall. "I mean, it's not enough that I'll do it, I've got to
want
to do it? Well, sorry, man, I just… don't. I don't…." He can't say he doesn't like it. That's not quite right. "I don't want to. Not…."

Jeff waits for the rest of the sentence, but when it doesn't come, he tries to start Dan again. "Not what, Dan? Not yet? or Not with us? Not this way?" Dan doesn't really have any answers for that, either, and Jeff sighs in frustration, then takes a deep breath of his own. "Okay, can we… can I just ask you some questions? I mean, I feel like I'm stumbling around in the dark, here."

Dan shrugs noncommittally, and Jeff's laugh is a little sharp. "So, what, you're going to be emotionally removed from
every
part of this?" Dan stands still, facing the wall, but he can feel Jeff coming up behind him, and he doesn't move away. Jeff's hands come forward, resting so gently that they're barely touching Dan's hips. "Come on, man, help me out." He puts the slightest of pressure on one side, not even a suggestion, just the ghost of an invitation for Dan to turn around, and Dan ignores it for a few breaths, but Jeff just waits, and finally Dan turns and braces his forehead on Jeff's chest. One of Jeff's hands comes to rest on the back of Dan's neck, and it's familiar, and comforting. Dan feels Jeff's kiss on the top of his head, and moves slowly, twisting his head around and then tilting it back until he lines their mouths up and Jeff leans in for another kiss, this time on the lips. He pulls away just enough to be able to whisper, and Dan can feel him more than hear him ask, "So, a few questions? Okay?"
Dan forces himself to nod, and lets himself be guided over to the

Head Shy | Kate Sherwood

couch. Jeff sits down first, one foot on the floor, the other along the back of the couch, and then he gently tugs Dan down to sit in the V of his legs, leaning his back against Jeff's chest. It's become their default position for any serious talks, and Dan likes it; they're close enough that Dan can feel Jeff's warm strength, but he doesn't have to look him in the eyes, doesn't have to open up more than he wants to. He nestles in, lets Jeff's arms wrap themselves around his chest, and then there's a noise in the doorway, and they both look over to see Evan standing there, dressed in sweat pants and an undershirt, looking awkward.

"Oh, hey. Sorry… I, uh…I was just checking in. But I can come back…." Evan waits only a second for a response, then starts backing away.

Dan surprises himself by speaking up. "No, wait." It doesn't seem right to shut Evan out of this, somehow, even though he's willing to go. "We, uh… Jeff was just gonna ask me a bunch of totally invasive questions, I think. Could be a good time… you should stick around." Dan is actually feeling a little queasy, and Evan is obviously aware that things are not as light as Dan has tried to make them sound. He stands in the doorway, indecisive, and Dan tries to smile. "Seriously, man… get some beers, we'll make it a game of 'I never'."

Evan still looks unsure, but he steps further into the room, and holds up the hand that had been hidden behind the door frame. It's holding three bottles of beer, and Dan's smile is real. "You're a natural, man. Too bad Jeff vetoed the Wild Turkey talks, or I'd be telling you my darkest secrets in no time."

Jeff's arm tightens a little around Dan's chest. "You can tell us anything you want to, Dan, even if you're sober."

 

Evan's watching this as he comes into the room, and he grins at Dan,
Head Shy | Kate Sherwood
then looks at Jeff. "Yeah, it's the 'wants to' that's the problem, Jeff. Drunker he is, more likely that he'll want to."

 

Jeff shakes his head. "We can do this without the booze. And if we can't, we can just wait until we can."

Dan and Evan exchange a quick look, and Evan gives the hint of an eye roll. Dan grins in response; he's glad Evan's here—he feels like an ally. Dan tucks his feet up a little, making space at the end of the couch, and Evan moves down there and sits in a mirror image of Jeff's pose. Dan extends his feet, grins a little at Evan's expression as Dan's toes nudge in under his ass. "Comfy?" Dan asks.