Katy Kelly_Lucy Rose 04 (7 page)

“Probably because he climbed onto the roof of the Kindergarten building,” Jonique said.

Pop made a confused look at us. “I thought they saved Mr. Pitt for serious problems,” he said.

“I think it has to do with Melonhead growing mold in his locker,” I said.

“They don't punish people for doing science, do they?” Pop asked us.

“Who knows?” I said. “If I were in charge, I would say falling off the roof was enough of a punishment.”

“He fell?” Pop asked us.

“First, he was suspended by his pants,” I said. “Then he hovered. Then he fell. But he was a little saved by the holly bush.”

“I can only imagine that Mr. Pitt invited Melonhead to his office to congratulate him on his well-developed sense of curiosity,” Pop said. “You girls are lucky to have such an interesting friend.”

“That's for sure,” I said.

“I'm surprised he didn't come to Jimmy T's with you today,” Pop said. “He usually will travel for food.”

“He couldn't,” I said.

To make the subject change, I asked Mrs. T if Jonique and I could refill catsup bottles and luckily she said, “Sure.”

February 26

Melonhead's dad brought him to school by special request from the principal, so we had to wait until recess to hear. But 1st I had to make our meeting be in the Kindergarten playground because that's 1 place Ashley never goes. Then Melonhead told us: “When I got to Mr. Pitt's he had his arms folded in that mad way and he said, ‘Did you write in the wet cement?' and I said, ‘Yes, with a stick.'”

“Seriously?” Jonique said.

“Very,” Melonhead said. “You can't make a sharp line with a finger.”

“Then what?” Sam asked him.

Melonhead said: “Mr. Pitt said, ‘Ah-HAH! I knew it! MANY baseball fans might have written Go Nats! but only 1 would write Melonhead.' So I said, ‘Who?' And he pointed at me.”

Some 5th graders were piling up around him so he talked louder: “I said, ‘I'd NEVER write Melonhead in cement.'”

“Oh, really?” Mr. Pitt said. “Then who did?”

“I don't know,” Melonhead said. “But it wasn't me because if I did it, I would write Adam John Melon III, because there's a chance I won't be called Melonhead for my whole life. Then how would people know it was me in that cement?”

Then Sam said, “That's when Bart told me that Melonhead was caught, so I ran to Mr. Pitt's office and said, ‘I'm here to take my share of the blame! Melonhead wrote Go Nats! but I'm the one that wrote The Nationals Rule this School!'”

“Mr. Pitt said Sam had COURAGE to tell the TRUTH and that I should have courage and admit that I wrote Melonhead,” Melonhead told us. “Since I didn't say it, I have to help Mr. Jackson pick up trash.”

“I know you won't do that again,” Jonique said.

Melonhead made a shrug. “Wet cement is a thing that's hard to leave alone,” he said.

I trust him about that.

MARCH

March 1

Jonique did her report on Virginia because that's where her Granny lives. It turns out that state is famous for making hams. Plus it has so many colleges you wouldn't believe it only I do because Mrs. McBee went to one of them.

March 3

When we got back from making the trash delivery with Zeke, I told Pop, “That dump is a dump.”

“You're kidding?” he said.

“I'm not,” I said. “There are miles of stuff but who wants a broken hat rack or old hangers or a fan with no blades?”

“Melonhead,” Pop said.

“True,” I said. “But we need more than 1 customer for a yard sale.”

March 4

At recess I told Jonique, “Ashley made Kathleen believe that I'm in love.”

“What did you do?” Jonique asked.

“I said I am not and I spent the whole entire morning making pinchy eyes at Ashley,” I said.

“Did she shape up?” Jonique said.

“She acted like she didn't even see me,” I told her. “So at assembly I said: ‘Ashley, 1 thing I am absolutely NOT is in love with Melonhead.' But she said, ‘The more you say you're not, the more it proves you are.'”

“She did not!” Jonique said.

“She did,” I said. “Then she said, ‘Goodbye, Mrs. Melonhead.' Now 3rd graders are copying her.”

“She is the worst,” Jonique said.

“The worst is that I don't know a way to make her stop,” I said.

Actually, I do know a way but thinking about it makes me feel like I'm not utterly comfortable inside.

March 5

Harold and Zeke are paint blasting, which is exciting because chunks of stuff fly around. Melonhead and Jonique and I had to wear masks and Home Depot eyeglasses because Pop said, “Mr. McBee and I will be in a lot of trouble with the mothers if even 1 of you kids loses an eye.”

         

P.S. The McBee brothers are starting to drive home at 4:30 AM tomorrow morning, on account of they feel edgy if they drive when it's rush hour because Mr. Nathaniel said that's when all the maniacs are out and they don't have common courtesy.

March 6

My mom invited me for a lunch date and since the Greek restaurant is as fancy as the dining room at the Home, I wore my ultra-pink cheetah dress that came by FedEx from Glamma and makes me feel like 1 million. I told my mom, “This dress has so much maturity that Rosemary Joaquin who's in 7th said she wishes it were hers.”

“That is remarkably mature,” my mom said.

When the waiter came I said, “May I have salad with extra feta cheese but no onions?”

He said, “Of course you may, little lady.”

“I told you this is a mature dress,” I said to my mom. “He'll probably call you big lady.”

“I hope not,” she said.

“Ashley doesn't have 1 spot of maturity,” I said.

“Is she still calling you Mrs. Melonhead?” my mom asked.

“Yes. Plus she acts like Daddy's poems are bad,” I said. “So I say I have a right to tell that she lied about her dad taking her to Hawaii.”

“I'd say that's more of a desire,” my mom said.

“A desire that I have a lot of,” I said. “It's the only way I can make her stop.”

“The problem with telling,” my mom said, “is that once the words come out of your mouth, you can never get them back.”

“I'd say that is the point of telling,” I said.

“Think about why she's trying so hard to bug you,” my mom said. “Think about why you're letting her decide who can walk to school with you.”

“Sometimes I get tired of thinking,” I said. “And sometimes I get tired of your thinking, too.”

My mom smiled at that and said, “Do you want to split a piece of baklava?”

March 8

For his Georgia report Sam made up a quiz called “Who Calls Atlanta Home?” The right answers were: Martin Luther King, Jr., and the Atlanta Braves and Sam's grandparents and their dog that's named Muffin.

March 9

Jonique wanted me to come with her to the doctor after school but Mrs. McBee said, “Wart removal is not a social occasion.”

I would be utterly interested to see how that doctor gets that wart off her thumb but I am not the sort who begs other people's mothers.

Since I am keeping away from Melonhead I had to walk home completely by myself. It takes longer that way.

March 10

Who knew that paint costs a lot? I did not. But, according to Mr. Nathaniel, the Divas had to spend an absolute fortune on account of their walls drink paint.

That made Jonique and me have an emergency meeting by the 2nd graders' rock garden. When I got home I told Pop, “We are two girls who are completely out of ideas but on the lookout for a fresh moneymaking idea that isn't to do with food or trash and doesn't take eons of time on account of we are short on it because of having to build the bakery and go to school.”

“You could always drop out of school,” Pop said.

I'm pretty sure that was a joke. P.S. Wart removal is not as fun as it sounds.

March 12

I told Melonhead, “You HAVE to tell Ashley that you DO NOT LOVE ME at all.”

“Then she'll call me Mr. Reilly,” Melonhead said.

“I feel like I'm frosted with that lying girl,” I said.

March 13

Pop is usually a snoozing man but today he was up and ready to go which was lucky for Melonhead since he was waiting on our steps in 39 degrees.

We took ourselves and 24 sprinkle donuts to work but on the way I had to holler, “Quick! Put your head down!”

“That's a terrible way to drive,” Pop said.

“Not you,” I said. “Melonhead.”

“Why me?” Melonhead asked me.

“We're passing Ashley's house,” I said, smooshing his head onto the seat. “She could be looking out the window.”

“Lucy Rose!” Pop said in his shocking voice that he hardly ever uses. “We do not hide our friends.”

“It's okay,” Melonhead said. “I can still eat donuts when I'm folded in ½.”

He could, too, because he scarfed up 3 before we parked. To show that I'm a thoughtful friend, I let him put the quarters in the parking meter.

Melonhead spent the morning with Pop prying up bathroom floor tiles. Jonique and I helped Mr. McBee paint outside because that job simply had to be done in case the cold snaps back. Hank and Chester and the Divas went around drawing squares on the walls where they want to plug in electric things.

The peak of today didn't happen until it was almost time to go home and Pop and Mr. McBee and Mr. Nathaniel pulled down the fake wood that was covering the walls in the back room. Peak means the greatest, like Pike's Peak is the greatest mountain, at least to some people. Here's our peak: Underneath the fake wood was a real fireplace.

March 14

“This wallpaper can't be salvaged,” Pop said.

Salvaged means saved and since it couldn't be we had to get to work pronto. But 1st Pop put boards over the floor holes where toilets used to be before Mr. Jackson took them away. That was so we wouldn't fall in and end up with our legs dangling in the sewer.

Jonique and Melonhead and I got to have the time of our lives spraying the walls with chemicals that I'd say are hardly dangerous and pulling down that ancient paper in the ladies' bathroom. Pop was helping Melonhead scrape the paper in the men's bathroom, which I will not walk in even when there's no toilet. All of a sudden Jonique screamed, “Pop! Come fast!”

He was ultra-speedy in the extreme because he thought we were having a disaster.

“LOOK at the wall!” I said. “Right there! It says Ichabod Turner, June 26, 1869.”

“Who is that?” Jonique asked.

“I think Mr. Turner was the man who put up the original wallpaper,” Pop said.

“1869 is before they had TV,” Melonhead said.

“Or flip-flops,” I said. “Or ballpoint pens.”

“Or Slip 'N Slides,” Jonique said. “Or Cool Whip.”

“Or electricity,” Hank said because he and Chester heard commotion and came to see.

“Or indoor bathrooms,” Pop said.

Melonhead had the look of shock. “I can't stand to think about life before Cool Whip,” he said.

Pop fished a Sharpie out of his pocket and pointed. “That small patch of wall is going to be covered by the toilet tank,” he said.

We took turns writing our names and our grade and ages plus this date on that wall, so in 111 or more years when they need another new toilet, they'll discover us.

Melonhead wrote one more thing and that was “Cats have 32 muscles in each ear.” He figured that the people of the future would like to know that.

March 15

Since school was a ½ day and Jonique had to get her hair fixed by Mrs. McBee, I went by myself to the Home to help Ms. Bazoo do her social directing. Only there wasn't so much work on account of a lot of the retired were on a shuttle bus trip to Trader Joe's.

“Man alive,” I said. “Why would Mrs. Zuckerman go there when the best food on this earth is here at the Home?”

“She wanted to buy dark chocolate because it's good for her heart,” Ms. Bazoo said. “And flax oil because she says it's good for wrinkles.”

“I'd say she already has enough wrinkles,” I said.

Dr. Chu and Mr. Woods are not the shopping kind so they were having a serious chat about the President, who Dr. Chu thinks is doing the job but Mr. Woods says is not the best and he's not keen on his wife, either.

Mrs. Hennessy was sitting on the striped couch having a close-up look at her lanyard key chain.

“How are you?” I said.

“How are you?” she said, and made a huge laugh and patted my fingers.

“Not so great,” I said. “Somebody is stepping on my last nerve and her name is Ashley.”

“Ashley?” Mrs. Hennessy said.

“Yes,” I said. “She's nothing but dreadful to me.”

“Dreadful,” Mrs. Hennessy said and she made a concerning look.

I told her the whole, bothersome story about Hawaii and Valentines and bad cocoa and the snarkiness. Then I asked her, “Do you think I should tell on her lie, or not?”

“Not,” Mrs. Hennessy said.

“Really?” I asked her.

“Really,” she said.

“You're a help to me,” I said. “And an excellent-O listener.”

March 16

Jonique phoned me before school and said, “I'm late. Don't wait.”

“That is a circumstance that happens a lot in my house and never in yours,” I said.

“Getting this bakery going is making everybody come undone,” she said. “Especially me.”

March 17—St. Patrick's Day

Ashley gave me a hard pinch and when I said, “Ouch!” she said, “You're not wearing green.”

“My sweater is green,” I said. “And my pants.”

“Oops,” Ashley said. “I didn't see them.”

She could be lying about that.

March 18

Aunt Frankie picked us up so we wouldn't have to walk in the rain, which is actually a thing we love to do.

“Guess what?” she said. “I painted the bathrooms.”

“Oh, no!” I said.

“Oh, yes,” she said. “The color is called Sea Glass. And it will look perfect when we put in the floor tile.”

“What's that word for how I feel?” Jonique whispered to me.

“Dejected,” I told her.

“That's it exactly,” she said.

“What's the matter, monkeys?” Aunt Frankie asked us.

“We didn't want to paint over Ichabod,” Jonique said.

It takes all of Aunt Frankie's concentration to park in the city but when she got that job done she said, “Go take a look.”

There, in the middle of 1 Sea Glass wall, was a bare square with Ichabod's writing. It is surrounded by a golden frame so now Ichabod looks like he's art. Our names are not framed. They are just waiting to get covered up by a toilet.

“We're done with dejection,” Jonique said.

March 19

My dad is one who loves to hear every detail of my life so I told him that the Divas got pantry shelves in the basement and how my mom and I made pizza out of dough. Then we got to Ashley.

“Has she calmed down?” my dad asked.

“Not 1 speck,” I said. “She does nothing except call me Mrs. Melonhead.”

“I'm sorry to hear it,” he said.

“Do you have a way to make her stop?” I asked.

“Have you tried not caring what she says?” he said.

“That's impossible,” I said. “It's embarrassing like you can't believe.”

“I believe,” he said. “She's not an easy girl.”

“She is STILL lying about Hawaii,” I said.