Keep it Secret (21 page)

“Oh. Still, you shouldn't
laugh to yourself while you’re with a patient, it’s very
unprofessional.” I said crossing my arms. Dr. Charles smiled
tightly nodding his head in agreement.

“Yes, you're absolutely
right. Like I said I apologize.”

I didn’t respond.

“Sincerely.”

I simply nodded.

“So, tell me what brings you
here, Ava.”

“Rose.”

“All right and Rose is
your…?”

“Mother.” I
snapped.

“Have you always called her
by her first name?”

“No.”

Dr. Charles looked at me
like he was waiting for me to elaborate but I was so sick of
talking about this. I was all talked out. So, I ignored his silent
request and stared back blankly. He cleared his throat before
continuing.

“Are you currently attending
college?”

“No.”

“Taking a break?”

I sighed. “No, I’m a senior
in high school.”

“Great, which school do you
attend?”

“Eagle Academy.”

“Do you like it
there?”

“It’s high school, what do
you think?” I cocked my eyebrow.

“I had fun all throughout my
high school career, especially during my senior
year
.” Of, course you did.

“Well, you wouldn't have had
so much fun if you were a year older than everyone and in a
completely different high school than the one you were in the first
three years.”

“Very true, do you find it
difficult to connect with your classmates?”

I looked at the clock that
hung above his desk. Only ten minutes had elapsed, holy
hell.

“Ava, why are you here,
honestly? You're eighteen and technically an adult there’s no court
order no one is forcing you to be here.” His comment caught me off
guard.

“I…I…I’m trying to get
better.” I stumbled on my words.

“In order to do that, you
need to open up to me, we need to get to the bottom root of why
you're ‘trying to get better’ the sooner we get there the sooner
you can heal.”

“I know the ‘bottom root’.”
I sighed.

“All right, tell me then.”
He motioned with his hand as he held a pen between his thumb and
index finger. Taking in a deep breath I sighed in frustration, I
was over my own pitiful life and talking about it.

“My dad died when I was
thirteen.” His eyes called for me to continue. How does he do
that?

“Afterwards, my mother
became depressed, she wouldn't get out of bed. So, I tried my best
to take care of her and everything else.” I rubbed my forehead this
mess was giving me a headache.

“What is everything
else?”

“Bills, food, cleaning,
homework…” I counted with my fingers running down the
list.

“I see, and when you
say
take care of her
what do you mean, exactly?”

“Umm, I don’t know, like you
would take care of a baby?” I glared at him like he was an
idiot.

“I don’t want to assume
anything, Ava. You have to be very clear with me.”

“Listen, I’m trying to open
up here but she's right outside that door, I’m not going into
details and embarrass her. All right?” I scowled at him so he
understood not to push the subject.

“All right, I understand.” He
said nodding then writing something on his notebook. I glanced at
the clock another ten minutes had passed.
Forty minutes to go
.

“How long was your mother
incapable of caring for herself?”

“A year.”

“And in that time how did
you grieve for your father?”

“I coped by having sex with
older guys and drinking alcohol.” He nodded, again, scribbling in
his notebook.

“Did you seek help from any
of your other family members or friends?”

“My Aunt Cynthia, Rose’s
older sister, and her husband Bill came and stayed with us for a
week after my father’s death.”

“They stayed with you and
your mother for a week?”

“Yeah, his death didn’t
intimately affect them, they needed to get back to their own
lives.”

“Was your mother
incapacitated during that week?” He asked.

“The first two days she just
cried then on the third day she went to bed and didn't get out for
an entire year.” I looked back at the clock.
Fifteen minutes to go
. Glancing over
at Dr. Charles Parker he was writing something down nodding his
head as he either agreed with his comments or was thinking of a
next question to ask.

“How many sexual partners
have you had?” He looked at me dead serious. Was this question
necessary?

“I don’t kiss and tell,
Doc.” I stared back at him just as serious.

“Besides alcohol, have you
experimented with other drugs?”

“I tried a few but I don't
like the feeling of not being in control.”

“Are you able to control
yourself with alcohol?”

“I rarely get drunk, when I
drink it’s to feel good not to wake up the next morning feeling
like shit.”
Ten more
minutes
.

“Would you say you’re
addicted to sex?”

I snorted. “No, I’m not a
sex-a-holic, if anything I’m an alcoholic.”

“Are you an alcoholic?” He
asked deadpan.

Yes
.
“No.” I quickly responded, I guess this guy isn't up for any
jokes.

Dr. Charles jotted on his
notepad before closing it and setting it down beside him. He lifted
his leg resting it on the opposite knee.

“Ava, you’ve suffered a
horrible tragedy at a very influential time in your life. Your
mother was not in a position to be there for you and safely guide
you through this tragedy. Her sole responsibility as a parent is to
protect, guide and love you. Not only did she fail you, so did your
aunt and uncle. From the questionnaire, you filled out you suffer
from mild to severe depression, of the events in your life I would
have to agree with you and say
no
shit
. If it’s all right with you I would
like for you to come back so that we can figure out a better way
for you to grieve from the loss of not only your father but your
mother as well.”

Hearing someone else say it
out loud hurt more than actually telling myself. It was a blow to
my chest.

“It’s fine with me.” I said
softly not sure where my voice had gone.

“Great, times up. However,
we’ll see each other next week?”

I nodded yes standing up he
stood also, extending his hand to shake mine.

“It was a pleasure to meet
you, Ava.”

“You as well, Dr. Charles
Parker.”

Before returning home, Rose
and I grabbed a late lunch at a new Mexican restaurant that opened
up a week ago. We sat in awkward silence as we ate, she didn't ask
about my session and I didn't divulge. We both knew that it was
going to take a lot more than a night of crying and
Babbo’s
pictures to
repair our relationship or lack there of. By the time, we arrived
at the Saint John mansion everyone was home. Reaching the door I
stopped Rose.

“Rose, I just want to go
straight to bed. I need to catch up on my sleep.” I hoped she was
able to read between the lines I didn't want to get bothered by
anyone I just wanted to be left alone. Rose smiled sweetly nodding
in understanding.

“It’s all right,
sweetheart.” She leaned in to plant a kiss on my forehead but
stopped as I stiffened. This was all too fast for me I wasn't used
to getting hugs and kisses from her. Just because I let her hold me
last night didn't mean I was suddenly open to her motherly touches.
Recognition lite up her eyes and not in a good way, Rose smiled
tightly nodding one more time before walking away in the direction
of the kitchen. Inside my room, I stripped down putting on a tank
top and pajama shorts.

“Aren’t you a site for sore
eyes?” I purred at my bed. Pulling back the covers I laid down
resting my head on the airy pillow as sleep started to take over my
phone rang.
Are you fucking kidding
me?
Snatching the phone off the nightstand
I glared at the unknown number flashing on my screen. Who the hell
was this?

“Hello?” I answered
irritated.

“Hey.” I instantly knew who
it was. My mood changed drastically.

“How did you get my number?”
I asked grinning from ear to ear.

“Don’t get mad all right?
Talon took it from Vanessa’s phone and then I took it from his
phone. So expect a call from Talon soon.” We both
chuckled.

“You really are bad at
asking a girl for her number aren't you?” He ignored my question, I
knew why he avoided it he didn't want the reminder of ‘seeing’ two
girls at the same time.

“You weren't in school
today.”

“Yeah, after you dropped me
off Rose and I got into it. I agreed to see a psychiatrist. She
must have thought I was kidding because she set up an appointment
right away.” I looked up at the ceiling as I talked. I’ve never
told Gabriel why I would need to seek counseling and my confessing
it probably through him off but I wasn’t in the mood nor did I have
the energy to tell him. A part of me wanted him to run for the
hills once he heard me say ‘psychiatrist’ it would make this entire
situation with Vanessa, him and me a lot easier.

“So, things are headed in
the right direction then?” His voice was calming and nonjudgmental,
without even meaning to my mind stirred up the image of him in his
boxers, his muscular arms—

“Ava? Are you
there?”

“I’m sorry, did you say
something?” I asked embarrassed that I had drifted off to naked
Gabriel land.

“Things are better then?” He
repeated.

“Yes. Better.” Maybe the
outburst I had in the track field was enough for him to realize I
had deep seeded issues and he wasn’t going to snoop. Oddly enough,
that sort of bugged me.

“Will I see you tomorrow?”
He asked.

“Yes.”

“I missed you.” His words
sent a slow warm river of lava down my belly making me lick my
lips.

“I missed you too.” I
replied in a whisper.

“Good night.”

“Good night.” I
said.

“Hey, Ava?” I heard him say
before hanging up.

“Yeah?” There was a moment of
silence before he spoke. “
Sogni
d’oro
.” He added the best he could. I
couldn’t help but feel that wasn’t what he wanted to say. Still, I
smiled and replied, “Sweet Dreams, Blue.”

Hanging up, I easily fell
asleep dreaming of naked Gabriel.

Vanessa

“Are you mad at me?” I asked
Ava picking a corner of her bed to sit on.

“No, not at all? Why would
you ask that?” She replied walking out of the closet with her
expressive eyebrows drawn in with confusion, sitting on the
opposite corner of the bed giving me her full attention. We haven't
spoke about what happened last night and I wasn’t going to pry, if
she wanted to talk to me she would. But I felt like she was closing
herself off to me, I had been feeling this way for the past week.
It almost felt like she was holding a grudge against me.

After the argument with my
parents at the Four Seasons, mother apologized for hitting me and
promised to stop being so controlling or at least try her hardest.
She still didn’t say anything about the Ava situation. I doubt she
ever would. Dad seemed to believe that threatening her he would
leave if she didn’t change would help, why he decided to “grow a
pair” now was beyond me. He also told mother about Gabriel, she
agreed to have him over for dinner this week. That didn’t take much
convincing. She was actually happy about that.

“You’re so distant towards
me. We were so close when we were kids what happened to
that?”

“Life happened, Van.” She
replied bitterly.

“I can’t begin to understand
what you’re feeling or what you've been through but I’m your
family, Ava. I’ve never disappointed you, ever.” Ava sighed shaking
her head.

“I know you haven’t but I’m
not going to talk to you about my past, Van, I’m just
not.”

“Why? Don't you trust
me?”

“It’s not about trust you,
there’s just things a person like you doesn’t need to hear. It’s
not worth what it can do to you.” A person like me, what is that
supposed to mean?

“What kind of person am I,
pray tell?”

“Vanessa, you take someone
else’s problems and make them your own. Not on purpose but you let
yourself feel what that person is feeling and you dwell and you try
to fix it. That’s how good of a heart you have; you’re a freaking
angel on earth. And I won’t tarnish you by sharing my past.” Her
gaze was drained with sadness I’ve never seen a person that was so
tired of being sad that it practically highlighted her facial
expressions. It was breaking my heart.