Authors: Elaine Breson
“Eh, nothing I should probably say out loud,” he said jokingly.
“Oh?”
“Really, it’s nothing.”
“Well
that
sounded convincing. Are you dumping me already? You just finished using up your credits for the flowers.” We stood in the middle of the patio and that sexy smile spread across his face again.
“Dance with me?” He grabbed me around the waist and brought my body against his. I put my hands around his neck and our feet started to move simultaneously. I eyed him curiously for dodging my question but let it go, laying my head against his chest instead. I finally made out the words of the music that had been playing. Lady Antebellum’s “When You Got a Good Thing” was playing on a small iPod dock that was sitting on the counter space towards the back of the patio.
I had seen them in concert the summer before and loved all of their music. It made me realize that was one of the very few great memories I had of last year. I went with Christina after asking Brent for weeks if he was okay with it. He finally got tired of me asking and said ‘just go’.
“Penny for
your
thoughts?” His voice rumbled through his chest where my head lay.
“I don’t even know what to say right now. I just want to stay here. Right here. Forever.” When he didn’t answer me right away, I hoped I didn’t freak him out. “Oh…is that too much?”
“No, it’s not too much. That’s pretty much the same thing that was going through my mind when you asked what I was thinking about.” He pulled away from me just a bit and made eye contact. “Where are we? In your mind, I mean. I don’t want to be too forward with you or make you uncomfortable.”
I realized we had stopped moving and his hand was stroking the back of my hair.
“I’m not sure what you mean.”
“Are you ready for this, for us? If you need time or you want to slow down, just say the word.”
“No, I’m ready.” I didn’t mean for it to sound more like a question than an answer.
“If you have doubts…”
“There are no doubts Parker. That’s what scares the hell out of me. Look where my lack of doubt got me.” I backed up, hoping to keep the courage to say what I needed to.
“I’m
not
like him. I will not hurt you.” I looked off to the side as he made that promise to me. I felt the emotion threatening to choke me, fear rising in the back of my throat.
“Look at me Sadie,” he said softly. “He can’t win. I know this is hard for you. And trust me; the last thing I want is to make you feel like you have to do something that you don’t. All I’m asking is that you tell me exactly how you feel. What you want. What you
need
.”
“What if I can’t give you everything
you
need?” My voice came out louder than I meant for it to, but it probably wouldn’t have come out at all otherwise. I turned around and walked towards the far side of the deck, leaning against the railing for support.
“Why would you think that? You
are
everything I need. If this is about sex, I told you that didn’t matter. That means absolutely nothing to me in comparison to everything else. Well, maybe not nothing, but you know what I mean.” He laughed and I smiled at his attempt to ease the tension.
“I’m not talking about sex either. I’ve thought about it, trust me. A lot.”
“So lay it on me then. Why could you possibly think that you don’t have everything I need?”
“You want a happily ever after, Parker.” A few tears fell down my cheeks involuntarily. “I can’t give you that.”
“What if you are my happily ever after? I’ll take the chance of you thinking I’m some clingy loser by telling you this; there is no doubt in my mind that I’m falling in love with you. If someone would’ve told me that was possible after a couple of weeks, I would have told them they were fucking crazy. It’s not crazy. This,” he used his finger to point back and forth between us, “is not crazy. This is
right
. And I don’t care what you need me to do, or how you need me to help you. We will get through this together, whatever it takes.”
He took a small step towards me and my body tensed up. He sensed it and stopped, searching my face for an answer for what to do next. I closed my eyes, rubbed my palms on my pants and took a deep breath.
“I can’t have kids Parker.”
There. I said it. Oh my god, I said it.
“Is that what this is all about?” he nearly whispered.
“Yes.”
“Is that the only reason you’ve been holding back? Because you were worried I wouldn’t be okay with that?”
I hesitated. “Yeah. You were talking about kids the other day and how you wanted a family, and…and, I can’t-”
Before I could finish stammering out my explanation, he had closed the gap between us and picked me up around the waist, my legs instinctively wrapped around him. He sat me on the railing of the deck and kissed me with a fierce necessity - weeks of built up attraction fueling his needs, years of hoping for something real fueling mine. It was finally here.
He
was finally here.
He pulled away and searched my eyes, both of us breathing heavily. Whatever he was looking for, he must have found it. He lifted me off of the railing and turned towards the house. He held and kissed me all the way into the house and into his bedroom. He sat me down on the edge of the bed, kneeling down in front of me in between my thighs. His hand came up to caress my cheek and I closed my eyes, committing the feel of him to memory.
His lips pressed against my neck, softly but purposefully. I let out a huge breath and felt goose bumps rise all over my skin. He kissed from one side of my neck then around the front to the other side. He leaned back to look at me, reading my face and speaking to me silently through glances. His face said so much. I’d waited my whole life to have someone feel about me the way his eyes told me that he did right now.
I reached down to grab the hem of his shirt, slowly pulling it up and over his head. After taking a second to make sure I was really doing what he thought I was, he used the same slow and deliberate motions to remove my t-shirt. I expected being bare-skinned in front of him to be embarrassing. But the look in his eyes just emboldened me and left me wanting more right this second. He stood up and cradled me with his right arm and pressed up against me, reclining us so that he was lying gently on top of me. I grabbed his face with both hands and smiled, the only way I could convey the amount of adoration that wanted to burst out of me.
Our intensity picked up, but the amount of attention and deliberation in the moment didn’t falter. He grabbed under my knee and pulled it up to his side as his kisses traveled down my neck. I reached down and undid the button and zipper on his jeans. I could feel his smile on my skin and it sent a wave of boldness through me. I pushed his jeans as far off of him as I could and reached into his boxers. His breath hitched when my hand had a firm grip on the length of him, biting my neck just hard enough to make me let out a high pitched squeal.
“Oh, ticklish here too, are we?” That devilish, sexy grin alone could get any girl naked.
“Don’t you dare,” I said seductively. “I’m trying to properly thank you.”
“By all means, continue.”
He put my leg back down on the bed and sat up on his knees, unbuttoned my jeans and pulled them off. The fire in his eyes settled what little nerves I had left. He lay back down on top of me and kissed me much softer this time. When he stopped long enough to look into my eyes, I felt it was a good time to say something.
“I’m sorry Parker,” I said, my voice shaky.
“Don’t. I wouldn’t change this moment for anything. From now on, I’m going to spend every moment showing you how amazing you are. Not just at this point, but how incredible you must’ve always been to be as strong as you are after it all. Let me love you the way you deserve.” I nodded my head yes, holding back tears. He bent down and put his lips next to my ear. “I’m going to show you how you should be treated,” he whispered, “and I’m gonna start right now.”
He lightly nibbled on my ear, making the goose bumps reappear and my whole body to tingle. He trailed kisses down to my neck and then back up to my lips. He reached down and grabbed one side of my boyshorts with his thumb, tugging the fabric, but not hard enough to pull them off.
“Is this what you want, Sadie?”
“Yes, I want you Parker.”
“Are you sure?” he teased, still playfully pulling on my panties.
“Yes, Parker. Please, don’t make me wait anymore.” My breathing was so shallow I had a hard time saying it.
“Oh, your wait is over. I just wanted to make sure. But hearing you ask for it
so
hot.”
He finally grabbed more firmly and pulled them off with just a wiggle and tug of his thumb. They went past my feet and onto the floor next to the bed, the same place I quickly put his boxers. He repositioned himself between my knees and brought himself nose to nose with me.
He once again searched my face. I looked into his eyes, knowing what he was waiting for. He looked around and spotted his jeans, probably looking for a condom.
“No, it’s okay. I trust you. I can trust you, right?”
“I’ll never give you a reason not to trust me…but you’re sure?”
“I’ve never been so sure.” I wrapped my legs around his waist and hooked my feet together. “Make love to me Parker. Now…please.”
Nineteen
Parker’s movements changed to slow and gentle. He continued to kiss me, taking a second to pull away and look into my eyes between kisses. We were finally past the point of turning back. At least it was for me. My heart was bursting with love and lust simultaneously and I was surprised I could feel both emotions so completely at the same time. He lowered me using the arm that was around my back so that my head was on the stack of pillows at the head of the bed. He explored my body with his mouth and hands, taking his sweet, precious time in the process.
When he got to my stomach I tensed up, remembering my scar and wondered if there was enough light for him to even see it. When he kissed his way down, his hand got there first. I could feel his finger trace the length of my three inch line of damaged skin, which was nothing more than a horrific memory to me. He looked up at me with what seemed to be a curious sadness, then kissed my scarred body. He crawled back up to meet my face and brushed a strand of hair out of my face.
“Don’t be nervous about your body,” he whispered. “I love every inch of you. Every. Single. Inch.” Each word coming between a kiss. As his hand traveled lower, the proof of my desire and need for him caused him to grin. “You are so ready for me, and that is
so
fucking sexy.”
The exploration of his fingers, although it felt magical, lasted longer than my patience allowed. I needed him, and I needed him now. “Parker, please. I need you, now,” I whimpered. Without breaking eye contact or pulling away, he finally pushed into me. A part of me had wondered if, after so long, it would be painful but it most definitely wasn’t. I gasped in a breath at the surprising amount of pleasure the one slow movement gave me. He interlocked the fingers of both hands with mine and laid them on either side of my head on the pillow. He kissed down my neck and playfully bit my earlobe as he let out a low sort of breathy groan in my ear. My body immediately reacted to the warm air and my skin prickled with goose bumps, so I lifted my hips slightly to meet his. He felt me rise to him and cradled me back in his arm so that I was almost sitting up. He grabbed my hair firmly enough to pull my head back without hurting me, breathing heavily as he continued to kiss me. The new position heightened my sensation and I felt the tightness rising quickly. I threw my head back and moaned as my orgasm ripped through me with ferocity. He kept a constant rhythm as he sank himself into me a few more times and I felt his body tense upon its release. Even though mine had come only a few seconds before that, my body still responded to his deliberate movements as though I still needed more of him.
“Holy shit,” he panted as he lay down next to me. I felt the air chilling the moisture that glistened on my skin. He reached down and grabbed the bed sheet, pulling it over our now still bodies. He wrapped his arm around my waist over the sheet and used his other elbow to prop himself up. “You’re amazing.”
“So are you,” I said shyly.
“So all of the ‘oh my god’s you kept repeating, that translates to amazing?” I laughed and covered my face, suddenly embarrassed by the phrases I uttered during our mind-blowing experience.
“It’s kind of late to be shy, isn’t it?” He pulled my hands down and kissed them softly.
“Yeah, I guess it is.”
We both started laughing, which turned into playful wrestling. He grabbed both of my hands and gently held them over my head. He kissed my collarbone and my giggles turned into moans.
“Good morning beautiful,” I heard faintly. My eyes shifted under their lids before I opened them, squinting in response to the bright sunlight coming through the window.
“Good morning yourself,” I whispered.
“Were you dreaming? You were making some pretty sexy noises.” He smiled as he kissed my bare shoulder.
“Actually, I was. I dreamt about everything that happened last night.”
“Ooh, I’m jealous. I’d love to relive that myself.” I rolled over and laid flat against him, hearing the slow beating of his heart. I’d never take that sound for granted - a heart that could symbolically belong to me.
“We could relive it right now,” I trailed off, picking my head up to kiss from his chest up to his neck. He used the arm around my waist to roll me over on top of him and pulled my hair over to one shoulder. He began kissing my collar bone when his phone rang.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” he groaned. “It’s Sunday morning.” I moved to his side and he reached over to grab his phone.
“Stevens,” he bit out while rubbing his now stubbly face with his other hand. He was silent for a minute before replying to the person on the other end. “Yes sir, I’ll be there in fifteen. Can you send the address to my phone? Okay, sir.” He ended the call and nearly slammed the phone back down on the nightstand.