When Jesus Comes ...
“Get up, sleepyhead.” Victoria smiled as she gave Alexandria's sheets a gentle tug. Normally, it was Alexandria who was the first one up at the crack of dawn. But this morning she was still lying in bed.
Alexandria rubbed her sleepy brown eyes and smiled back. “Morning, Mommy.”
“How're you feeling this morning?”
“Good. Can I have pancakes for breakfast with a smiley face on them like yesterday?” she asked.
Victoria smoothed the wild strands of hair from around her daughter's face. “Sure, sweetie. But first I want to talk to you about last night,” she said, trying to couch her words. “Remember when you said you were talking with your granny Carolyn?”
“Uh-huh,” Alexandria said and nodded.
“Did you have a pretend conversation with her, like you do when you're playing with your dolls?”
“Kind of.”
Victoria knotted her brow. “Sweetie, what do you mean, âkind of '?”
“Aunt Lilly told me that Granny Carolyn was sleeping until she can be with Jesus.” Alexandria smiled, nodding her head.
“Okay.”
“So I talked to her to keep her company, so she won't be lonely till Jesus gets there,” Alexandria answered as she sat up in bed.
Victoria marveled at the pure innocence and goodness that she saw in her child. She didn't have the heart to tell her daughter what was truly on her mind, that in her opinion Jesus wasn't going to be anywhere near Carolyn's final resting place.
“I want to see Granny Carolyn again so she won't be lonely.”
“That's so thoughtful, sweetie.”
Alexandria grinned. “I want to talk to her when she wakes up again.”
Victoria cleared her throat. “She's not going to wake up again. She's asleep forever, remember?”
“But Aunt Lilly said that Granny Carolyn's gonna wake up when Jesus comes to get her. So I can talk with her again when she wakes up a little later, like she did last night.” Alexandria looked at her mother, as if to say, “Don't you get it?”
“Sweetie, she wasn't awake last night. She was asleep ... forever.”
Alexandria shook her head. “Uh-uh. I talked to her. Just like Aunt Lilly said I could.”
Victoria had feared this would happen. She knew that Lilly hadn't meant any harm, but now Alexandria was completely confused. She was the kind of child who took things to heart, and Victoria knew that if the wake had confused her, the funeral would throw her for a complete loop.
“After we get cleaned up and eat breakfast, I'm going to take you to the park again and then to the movies. Won't that be fun?”
Alexandria shook her head. “No, Mommy. We have to go see Granny Carolyn today.”
“Listen, sweetie. Your granny Carolyn isn't going to wake up again. She's at eternal rest. That means she's asleep forever, and Jesus won't be coming to get her for a very, very long time... .”
If at all
. She let the last part pass through her mind but not her lips.
“But I wanna see Granny Carolyn,” Alexandria insisted, poking out her bottom lip.
Victoria looked into her daughter's bright eyes. “Alexandria, we're not going to the funeral today, okay?”
“Mommy, I have to go,” Alexandria squealed. “I wanna see Granny Carolyn when she wakes up.”
“Sweetie, we're not going.”
Suddenly, Alexandria burst into tears, leaping into Victoria's arms. “No, Mommy, no!” she cried. “I wanna go. I wanna go!”
By this time Ted had entered the room. “What's the matter, princess?” he asked with worry as he approached the bed, looking at Victoria for answers. They both stared at each other with the same shocked expression they had shared at the wake, when Alexandria had walked up to Carolyn's casket. She wasn't a child prone to throwing fits or becoming emotional, so her behavior left them baffled and feeling unsure about what to do.
“I wanna go,” Alexandria repeated through loud sobs.
“Go where?” Ted asked.
Victoria tried to calm Alexandria as she explained the conversation they'd just had. “I don't think she should go to the funeral,” she whispered to Ted, rocking Alexandria in her arms. “She's all shaken up.”
“Mommy, please let me go see Granny Carolyn,” Alexandria pleaded. Then she turned to Ted. “Daddy, please,
pretty please
let me go... .”
At that moment the empathy Victoria felt for her daughter nearly flew out the window. She rolled her eyes and pursed her lips at Alexandria's sly manipulation. A “Daddy, pretty please” could get Ted every time. Despite the fact that her daughter looked like her clone, Alexandria had inherited her father's character to a tee. She knew how to keep her wits about her, even in the midst of a mini meltdown. Her “pretty please” was her ace in the hole, and she often pulled it out to get what she wanted.
Victoria could see that Ted was on edge. In a few hours he'd have to bury his mother, and he wasn't in the frame of mind to deal with a five-year-old's temper tantrum, even if it was his own daughter.Victoria looked into his eyes, and for the first time she saw indecision. He stared back at her, as if asking what they should do. Finally he spoke up. “I think we should let her go.”
Victoria wanted to disagree, especially since last night he had said he would go along with whatever she thought was best. She had a bad feeling about what might take place at the funeral and didn't think their daughter should go. Things had already started off with mysterious secrets and hidden lies, and she was very apprehensive about what might erupt before the day's end. But under the heavy weight of Ted's grief and circumstances, she acquiesced and adjusted her position. “Okay, sweetie, you can go,” she said, calming Alexandria's hard sobs.
She and Ted sat there, looking at their daughter, hoping they'd made the right decision.
After Victoria got Alexandria dressed, she led her out to the living room area of their suite, armed with her dolls and two containers of Play-Doh. They had exactly two hours before the funeral was to begin. She and Ted quietly discussed Alexandria's behavior as they began getting themselves ready for what would no doubt be a stressful day.
“I hope Alexandria will be able to handle the funeral. She's acting so strangely, and she never throws temper tantrums. This is all too much for her,” Victoria said.
“I think she'll be okay as long as we keep an eye on her.”
“But I've never seen her behave like this. It's almost as though she's a completely different child, and that concerns me,” Victoria replied, helping Ted slip his sterling silver cuff links into the French cuffs of his crisp white shirt. “If she starts crying or having a hard time during the service, I'm bringing her back here to the hotel.”
Ted nodded in agreement. “Absolutely. Hell, you might have to bring me back, too.”
Victoria couldn't determine if he'd just made a bad joke or if he was really serious. Death had an uncanny way of making even the strongest people weak. Her husband and child were both acting like two people she didn't know, and she wondered what the long-term effects would be.
Why, Why, Why ... ?
Victoria knew that Carolyn Thornton's funeral would be one for the history books just by virtue of the way the day had begun. Her ordeal with Alexandria early that morning served to prepare her for the puzzling events that would unfold before her mother-in-law was laid to rest.
When they drove past the gate of the Thorntons' large estate, the funeral home limousines were already lined up and waiting to transport the family to the church. After settling inside, Ted and Victoria stayed close together, keeping a watchful eye on Alexandria. Lilly, her husband, and their three children were there, along with uncles, aunts, and cousins from their father's side of the family. But there was no sign of Charlie or his wife and kids.
“Damn son of a bitch,” one of Ted's uncles said. “Serves him right that Carolyn left him out of the will. Charlie's always been a rotten apple.”
Charlie had quickly spread the news about his mother's last wishes, hoping to gain sympathy from other family members. “I deserve what's rightfully mine,” he'd told several cousins. He thought that if he was able to get the support of his relatives, it might help his case when he went before a judge to challenge the will. But his plan backfired. No one was willing to step forward and take his side, and now he was angrier than ever.
Victoria prayed that the funeral service would end as quickly as the wake had the night before. The sooner they could leave, the better. She planned to watch Alexandria closely during the service and to keep an eye on Ted as well.
When they arrived at the church, Charlie was already thereâalone. He was standing off to the side of the sanctuary. Ted looked around for his brother's current wife, number three, and for any signs of his children, who numbered five in total. But none of them were there. Charlie was so angry that he'd instructed his wife and children to stay away from the service. None of them had ever been particularly close to Carolyn, so their presence wouldn't really be missed.
Ted had a feeling that Charlie was going to pull a ridiculous stunt. Before they'd left his mother's house, the funeral director approached him and Lilly, informing them that although Charlie planned to attend the service, he had requested to be seated on a separate pew up front, and only after the rest of the family had taken their designated places.
“This is absurd,” Lilly had said in a weary voice. “Why must he cause such headaches and strife today of all days?”
“Don't worry about him,” Ted had responded in an even tone. “We'll get through this.”
As the ceremony started, the organist played a beautiful selection composed of some of Carolyn's favorite songs. After the immediate family had been seated, Charlie slowly strode to the front of the large church and took his lone seat on a pew behind the last of his cousins. No sooner had the minister stood up in the pulpit to begin the service than Charlie broke into tears. “Why, why, why?” he cried out.
Everyone in the subdued sanctuary looked Charlie's way. Those who really knew him wondered if he was questioning his mother's death or her decision to leave him out of her will. Either way, frustration was plastered on their faces, and on Ted's more than anyone else's.
Victoria held Ted's hand and could feel him squeezing hers so tightly she had to nudge him. “Stay calm,” she whispered into his ear.
Ted was seething. He turned around and glared in the direction of Charlie, three pews behind him, giving him a look that could stop a rattlesnake in its tracks. He was pissed, but not surprised by his brother's antics, so he tried his best to maintain his composure. The day before, when they'd all gathered in Abe's office, Charlie had flown into a rage, yelling about how he'd always been misunderstood and mistreated by the rest of the family. Ted had warned him that he had better calm down, and that if he didn't, there would be trouble. He told his brother to respect their mother's last wishes. “For once in your life, act like a responsible adult,” he'd said.
Looking at his brother now, Ted could see that his words had fallen on deaf ears.
While Ted tried to ignore Charlie, Victoria kept a close watch on Alexandria. She was sitting beside her like a stoic little woman. Her serious demeanor was unsettling, and it made Victoria wish she had followed her maternal instincts and stayed at the hotel, no matter how much Alexandria had pleaded.
“Are you all right, sweetie?” Victoria whispered.
Alexandria looked at her mother, smiled, and gave her a simple nod. It temporarily tamed Victoria's concerns, but she still kept an eye on her daughter just the same.
After just a few minutes into the service,Victoria felt fatigued. Between her lack of sleep and dealing with her daughter's and husband's emotional states, which seemed to be more fragile than she had originally thought, all she wanted to do was take a week's sabbatical from life. And then there were her own troubling burdens still floating in her head. She tried to push her internal struggle to the back of her mind in order to be present for her family, and she thought she was doing a pretty good job considering she'd thought about Parker only once all day.
After an hour of songs, words of praise for the life Carolyn had led, heartfelt condolences for the family she'd left behind, and occasional and inappropriate outbursts of grief from Charlie, the ceremony was over. All that was left to do was walk by Carolyn's open casket to view the body one last time before heading to the grave site.
Victoria was extremely skeptical about this part of the service. Ted walked in front, while she held Alexandria's hand as they approached the flower-laden altar.
When they came to within a few feet of Carolyn,Victoria slowed her pace. She wanted to give Ted a moment with his mother, because it would be the last time he laid eyes on her in this lifetime. She looked at the grief that gripped his body and the sadness in his eyes as he gazed down upon the woman who'd raised him. Victoria held back her own tears, knowing how hard it must be for her husband. Then, thinking about her child, she picked up Alexandria and held her close, shielding her daughter's line of vision from the casket as they walked by.
“I want to see Granny Carolyn, Mommy,” Alexandria said in a bright, clear voice.
Victoria didn't know what to do as Alexandria wiggled her body and turned to face her grandmother's casket. Ted was still frozen in place in front of his mother's body, his head bent, his hand outstretched sideways, waiting for Victoria to walk up and take it. He was waiting for her to give him strength.
Victoria said a quick prayer, hoping the next few moments would pass without incident. She reached for Ted with her left hand, still holding Alexandria tightly in her right arm.
There they were. All three of them standing in front of Carolyn Thornton's lifeless body. Although Victoria wanted to move on and begin their recessional to leave the sanctuary, she didn't make a move, because she couldn't believe her eyes. She'd been to many funerals, but she had never seen anyone as beautifully preserved as Carolyn. The woman didn't look dead at all!
Carolyn's silk designer dress was a beautiful shade of pale blue, and her ears, neck, and hands were adorned with stylish, understated jewelry. Her salt-and-pepper hair was perfectly coiffed, and her dainty lips bore her signature red lipstick, which had always put the stamp of approval on her trademark beauty. She looked as though she was simply taking a nap and was going to awaken any minute and ask what all the fuss was about. She was a far cry from the worn-down shell that Ted had described visiting on her deathbed.
Victoria was amazed by her mother-in-law's appearance: she seemed so full of life, yet she was as dead as any corpse in a morgue. She wanted to reach out and touch Carolyn to make sure she was really gone. But a mixture of common sense and fear stopped her hand from moving forward. She looked over at Ted and saw his sadness, then focused on Alexandria and saw that she was nodding her head, looking intently at her grandmother.
“Okay, I will. Bye, Granny Carolyn,” Alexandria said, barely above a whisper, as she waved her small hand.
Victoria felt a shiver go through her bones. She looked from her daughter to her husband, who was still standing in a motionless state. Even though Alexandria seemed to be in better shape than Ted, she knew that they were both experiencing a similar trauma.
“It's okay, honey,” Victoria whispered to Ted, rubbing his hand. They stood for a few more moments, suspended in time, before he pulled himself away.
Slowly, the three of them moved on, allowing the rest of the family to come up behind them to mourn. As they reached the vestibule,Victoria let out a sigh of relief. They were halfway through the sad day, and she couldn't wait for the rest of it to pass. As they prepared to step outside and into the waiting limousine, they heard a bloodcurdling howl from Charlie. “Why, Mother? Why? Oh, God, why?” he cried out.
Up until that moment, Alexandria hadn't been phased by her uncle's outbursts when they were in church, but now she looked visibly shaken as she clung tight in Victoria's arms.
“Let's get out of here,” Ted nearly shouted as he gathered Victoria and Alexandria by his side, leading them toward the open doors of the waiting limousine. He was glad that Lilly and her family were already situated in the first car in the procession, ready to make the last leg of their mother's eternal journey.
They sat in the back of the car and were silent and somber as they arrived at the grave site.Victoria's and Ted's hands were locked tightly together, while Alexandria rested in her mother's lap, drifting off to sleep.
“She's worn out,” Victoria said, rubbing Alexandria's back in a soothing motion. “I'm going to stay in the car with her and let her sleep this one out. She doesn't need to witness the burial.... It's just too much.”
Ted nodded. “I'm worried about her ... about both of you,” he whispered. “She's been sleeping like a log, and you've been up all night.” He'd been clearly shaken at the church, but now he was putting his own grief aside out of concern for his family.
Victoria leaned over and gave him a light kiss on his cheek, then wiped away the small imprint of plum berry that her lipstick had left in the spot. She felt foolish about her lustful delusions about Parker.
I have a wonderful husband who loves me and our child. That's all I need,
she reminded herself.
Ted hugged Victoria one last time before the driver opened his passenger door. He stepped out of the car with a clearer head and purpose because he knew what he had to do. He walked toward the grave site with his sister and her family as the gathering mourners cleared a path to let them through. He reined in his grief and innermost thoughts, knowing he was about to put his mother and her secret in the ground, but not to rest.