“I know you didn’t leave out this house dressed like that,” Nana says in that sharp, angry voice of hers. I only been in the apartment, like, three seconds and that’s the first thing she has to say to me.
I look down at my clothes like I don’t know what she’s talking about.
“What? It’s jeans and a blouse.” But even as I’m saying it, I can’t believe I forgot to take a jacket to school with me, so I could cover myself up before I came home.
Nana’s standing in the hall right in front of me, practically blocking me from moving. She’s holding a dinner tray with a plate of spaghetti, and she’s staring at me hard. “I don’t know why you think it’s okay to dress like
that girl
upstairs.”
“I
don’t
think that.”
“And don’t think I don’t know about them thongs you got in your dresser, and who got you to buy them.”
“I never even wore them,” I say. “And why are you going through my stuff?”
“Don’t try to change the subject, because that shit don’t work with me, pardon my French. If you think I’m going to watch
that girl
change you into some kind of—”
“That girl has a name, you know.” I roll my eyes before I can stop myself.
“Look, you keep on dressing like her and talking back to me, you’re really going to have me thinking you’re up to something. I’m
this close
to taking you to the doctor and—”
“I know, I know. You’re gonna have me checked, right?” I shrug. “Well, go ahead.”
“Girl, don’t get fresh with me today.” She’s still looking at me like she
knows
I did something wrong. “Don’t forget your place.”
“Sorry,” I say, looking down at the floor.
“And I don’t understand how that school expects you kids to pass your classes when they got you out to all hours. On a school night, too. This shit don’t make no kind of sense to me, pardon my French. Like y’all don’t got nothing better to do but work like slaves all night.”
She heads into the living room, still mumbling to herself. She can have a whole conversation like that. Actually, I’m convinced another person would only get in her way. I stand there near the front door, watching her set the tray on the coffee table and settle into her favorite spot on the couch, right across from the TV. And all I feel is stupid for letting Adonna talk me into wearing this top. Like Nana wasn’t gonna find out about it. I mean, it’s easy for Adonna to come up with these ideas, but she don’t have to be here when Nana’s going off on me all the time. It’s just not worth it.
The phone rings and I run into the kitchen to get it, since
Nana’s too busy flipping channels now. Like she’s not just gonna end up watching one of her stupid
women’s
movies. I pick up the phone and say hello, hoping it’s Renée. And it is.
“Hey, Babe,” she says. “Tell Nana I made it here in one piece.”
“Okay, I will.”
“And tell her—drum roll, please—I was offered the position at City College and I accepted!”
I laugh. “Congratulations!”
“Thanks. It’s so weird. Me, a real college professor.”
“What are the students gonna call you, Professor Williamson?”
“No way!” She’s laughing, too. “They’re gonna have to call me
Doctor
Williamson. You know how hard I had to work for that title?”
“I know,” I say, because, even though I don’t really know how hard it was, I
do
know how long it took. She been away practically my whole life. I barely even remember anything before she went away to school.
“Babe, I have to do this faculty development thing at City next week if I want to start teaching this summer, which I need to do. So I’m coming home on Sunday.”
“Oh, that’s good,” I say, “because Sunday’s the last show. It’s at five and the tickets are seven dollars. You can buy one at the door, so don’t worry about that.”
“Okay.”
“Good,” I say, and try to think of something else to talk to her about.
But by now Nana’s in the kitchen, right by my side. “That Renée?” she asks, reaching for the phone.
I try not to get an attitude with her again, but it’s kinda hard because I don’t know why she can’t let me talk to Renée without interrupting us. Still, Renée is coming back home and that’s all I care about right now. So I tell Renée to hold on, that Nana wants to talk to her.
“I’ll see you Sunday, then,” she says.
“Okay, bye.” I hand the phone to Nana. “Here.”
I stand there and listen to their conversation for a while, but all I’m hearing is, “Yeah…well, finally…that’s a good salary…uh-huh, yeah…’bout time you’re going to be making some money.”
My mind isn’t really on what they’re talking about, though. All I’m thinking is that Renée is coming home and this time it’s for good. I mean, moving to Boston could have been good, to start somewhere new and all that. But there’s nothing better than staying right here with Kenny and Adonna and, yeah, even Nana.
Because I know everything is gonna get better once Renée gets back.
Easier
. Like Renée can be the one to tell me what I can wear to school and who I can talk to and what time I have to be home. Nana won’t have to do all that. And then maybe, hopefully, things between me and Nana won’t have to be so bad anymore.
“You’re in a good mood today,” Adonna tells me the next morning on the bus. Then under her breath she adds, “About time.”
I just smile a little bit, but I’m not gonna tell her anything about Renée coming back on Sunday. She’ll find out for herself in a couple of days.
Me and her are squished together in the only two seats that were free, on the long row in the back. The lady next to me got hips for days, and she’s taking up her seat and at least half of mine, probably more. And she’s wearing this perfume that wouldn’t smell bad if she had on a normal amount, but it’s like she washed her clothes in it or something. I have to breathe through my mouth just to keep from choking.
“Well, what’s up?” Adonna asks me. “Darnell ask you out or what?”
“Not everybody needs a man to feel good,” I say. “I’m just happy about the showcase. That’s all.”
“I can’t wait, either.” Adonna shakes her head, smiling. “It’s gonna be so funny seeing Tanya up there crying.”
“Well, we
all
been waiting for that. But she says she can do it, so keep your fingers crossed.”
“Oh, I
know
she can do it,” Adonna says, and leans in close to me with her eyes kinda lit up, the way she does when she got something good to tell me. “You should have been there last year, because she was going out with these two guys, right? One at school and one from her building. Stupid, I know. Anyway, one day she got busted by the home boyfriend, coming outta the school,
holding hands
with the other guy. And you should have seen the acting she was doing. Man, she was good, crying and telling both of them she was sorry and wrong and confused and all that. And telling both of them she needed time to think and make a decision and all that kinda bullshit. Her crying looked real, too. And I, like, came over and took her away from the whole scene, and all the way down the street she was still crying like a fucking baby ’til we turned the corner and then, like, in a split second, she was smiling, acting all, like, it wasn’t a big deal what just happened. I couldn’t believe it.” Adonna starts laughing. “Then the next day, she was back with both guys, telling both of them that
he
was the one she picked. It was hilarious!”
Adonna really
does
have the best stories.
The bus makes one of those big, lopsided turns and the big-hipped woman practically lands in my lap. And it hurts. A lot. “Sorry,” she says over and over, but she can’t really get off me ’til the bus finishes making the turn, and by then my leg is just about numb.
Now not only am I gonna be sore, I’m probably gonna be
smelling
like her all day, too.
After a while, when the bus stops at a red light and I’m not
being crushed anymore, Adonna asks me who else I invited to the show tonight.
“Just you guys,” I say.
“I still can’t believe you got me, my mother, and Kenny sitting together.”
“I bought all the tickets at the same time. I didn’t know you wanted to sit by yourself.”
Adonna rolls her eyes at me, but I can tell she’s just being stupid. “Well, I’m gonna act like I don’t know them,” she says. “Especially Kenny.”
I ignore what she’s saying. “I’m just glad I have someone coming every day. You guys today, Nana tomorrow, and Sunday—” I cut myself off and close my eyes for a second, thinking about how dumb I can be sometimes.
When I open my eyes, Adonna is staring at me, so I look away, outta the window as the bus passes the bank, the Jamaican patty shop, and the sneaker store that just opened up. I know she’s gonna start something, but I really don’t want me and her to end up in a fight today.
“Don’t tell me
Renée
’s coming in to see the show,” she says with that attitude of hers.
I shrug. “Maybe.”
“She moving back to the Bronx?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“What does she think, that sitting through your show is gonna make up for missing the last ten years of your life?”
I don’t know why, but when she says stuff like that, I feel this weird pain in my chest. I wanna tell Adonna to shut up and mind her business, but I don’t. Of course.
I just go back to looking out the window, like none of it bothers me.
The showcase starts at seven that night, and by then Adonna is the last person I’m thinking about. Everything is just happening too fast. All of us on the crew are working hard and staying focused, and we don’t have time to think about anything except trying not to screw up. Even the guys are doing what they’re supposed to, not joking around like they used to do at rehearsals.
Before I know it, it’s all over and all five of us are backstage sitting on the floor drinking water, trying to catch our breath. Darnell is sitting right next to me, both of us leaning up against the wall. We’re close, but not that close, and I still can’t tell if he likes me or not because he’s not really doing anything. I mean, yeah, he did sit next to me when he could have sat anywhere, but I’m not sure if it means anything. So I try not to think about it.
On the stage, Mr. Melendez is on the microphone, calling the actors out for their curtain call, and they’re getting a lot of applause. It’s like it’s never gonna end. Then I hear him say, “The freshman/sophomore showcase is also an opportunity for our design students to show off their talents. And don’t you agree, this set is truly remarkable.”
More applause. Which feels good for, like, a second.
’Til I hear him say, “So let me introduce our set designers, who have been doing double duty as the stage crew.”
“Oh, no,” I mumble under my breath.
Mara’s eyes open wider, too. “He doesn’t want us to—”
I nod and slowly stand up as Mr. Melendez says, “So come on out, set designers!”
As he reads off our names, we go out onto the stage as a group and take a bow. I’m practically shaking because this is definitely
not
where I wanted to be. The whole theater is packed and all those people are staring at us, and I don’t know how the actors do it because I’m definitely more comfortable behind the scenes. I mean, I can’t get off that stage fast enough!
After everything is over, and we’re done cleaning up backstage and putting everything away, I meet up with Grandma, Kenny, and Adonna in the lobby, which is still pretty crowded with people hanging around. It’s so good to see Grandma outta Bronxwood because ever since she had hip replacement last year, it’s like she hardly ever leaves her apartment, much less the building. Well, except to go to her doctors’ appointments and that kinda thing. I mean, I know walking around is hard for her now, but still, it’s kinda sad that she’s just home all the time. So I’m real glad she came out just to see my set.
“You did good, Babe,” she says, giving me a half hug with one thick arm around me and the other holding her cane. “That was one of the best shows I ever seen, and that set was something else.”
Over her shoulder I see Adonna roll her eyes up to the ceiling. “I’ll be back,” she says, and heads over to where Tanya is standing with her mom and little brothers.
When Grandma finally lets go of me, Kenny is the next one to give me a hug. “You got talent,” he says. “I knew it. Just remember who bought you your first coloring book. Me.”
I laugh. “I’ll remember that when I’m rich and famous!”
“You better,” he says.
I get to go back to Adonna’s apartment after the play because that morning Nana told me she had something to do after work. So I actually have to eat the dinner Grandma made. Not that’s it’s bad. It’s just that Grandma don’t understand how to put together a normal meal. Not really. Like, she made lasagna, fried fish, and no kinda vegetable or anything. If Nana was here, she would say eating like this is why Grandma is so fat, which is really, really mean, but probably true.
I
feel
fat after dinner. Me and Adonna practically stumble down the hall to her room, and when we get there, we plop down on her bed like two rocks. We lay next to each other on our backs, giggling about how much we ate.
“I love your room,” I say, even though I tell her the same thing every time I’m here.
“Me, too,” she says. And she really does, because when I look over at her, she’s looking around and smiling like she’s seeing everything for the first time.
A couple of months ago, she got a whole new bedroom set, and everything is shiny wood, a full-size bed, a desk, and a big dresser with a gigantic mirror, which Adonna just loves.
But what she
really
loves about her new bedroom set is the fact that her father’s the one that bought it for her.
I turn on my side to face her. “Did you talk to him?”
“Yeah,” she says. “I talked to him Wednesday and he said he was gonna try and make it here tomorrow, if he had the time. But then he called my mom yesterday and told her to tell me he couldn’t make it.” She sighs. “I mean, you would think he would wanna see the way my room looks
now, you know, after all the money he spent, but—” She shrugs.
“Is he busy with work or something?”
“That’s what he says, that he has to work on the weekends. But that don’t really explain why he can’t come around during the week, like after school. He only lives, what, an hour away? An hour and a half, at the most.” She shakes her head. I don’t get him.”
Most of the time Adonna don’t let anybody see this side of her. Nobody except me. Because she can get hurt just as easy as me, but she’s just better at hiding it when she needs to. “He’ll come by,” I say, even though he hasn’t been around for almost a year already. “Or maybe you can visit him over the summer,
if
you’re not stuck in summer school.”
She turns over toward me and pinches me real hard on my arm. “Don’t even say that!”
“Ow!” I say, starting to laugh. “You’re torturing me!” But I’m too full to get away from her.
But at least she’s laughing now, too. “Take it back!” she yells.
“Ow! Okay, okay! I take it back!” Because, really, it
does
hurt, what she’s doing to me. “You’re not going to summer school! Definitely not!”
She lets me go and we go back to laying there, me rubbing my arm. I mean, the things I have to go through just to cheer her up. The suffering!
But the truth is, sometimes I feel guilty when it comes to her father. I mean, yeah, her father bought her this whole new bedroom set and I know mine could never afford to do that
for me, not anytime soon. But at least I get to
see
Kenny all the time.
I can’t say the same thing about Renée, though.
A little while later, Adonna changes the subject, which is probably a good thing because she needs to get her mind off her father, and I need to get mine off Renée. “When does Nana want you to come home?” she asks.
“She said to stay here ’til she comes for me.”
Adonna’s eyes get that look in them. “For real? Are you serious? You know what this means, right?” Before I can even think to open my mouth, she answers her own question. “It means, she’s probably downstairs with that dude right now and she don’t want you walking in on them, you know, doing the nasty!”
“I
ll
!” I cover my mouth with my hands. “Don’t even say that!”
“How much you wanna bet?”
“No, not Nana. No.” I’m shaking my head. “Both of them are, like,
old
!” But it does kinda make sense. I have to admit that.
And that’s when Adonna comes up with her plan, to sneak downstairs to my apartment to see if anything’s going on in there.
“And what are we supposed to say if she catches us?” I ask.
Adonna gets off the bed and pulls me up by the arm. “We’ll tell her you came down here to get that book I lent you.”
“But I’m still reading it.”
“Who cares?” she says, dragging me outta the room with her.
While Adonna heads for the door, I go into the living room to get the key outta my book bag. In the kitchen I hear Kenny say to Grandma, “All I need is a hundred, just ’til next week. C’mon, Ma.”
I try not to react, which is hard considering how much Kenny sounds like a little kid. And he’s borrowing money from a woman that’s living on disability checks, which is hardly any money at all. I shake my head, grab my key, and leave. I’m not gonna think about any of that now, not when me and Adonna are on a mission.
All the way downstairs in the elevator, we’re giggling and excited about what we’re about to find out. I’m just hoping, if they are there doing it, they’re not in the living room, because I don’t wanna have to open the door and actually
see
them or anything.
When we get to the door we have to get quiet, which takes awhile for us. Finally, I stick the key in the lock, look over at Adonna one last time, and open the door real slow and silent. We tiptoe inside and I don’t see them in the living room or the kitchen. Thank God.
“Maybe they’re in the bedroom,” Adonna says. She don’t even notice my disgusted face. “C’mon.”
We go down the hall without making a sound. But Nana’s bedroom door is open and the room is empty.
“Shit,” Adonna says, disappointed.
“I know,” I say. “I thought we were gonna see
something
.” I shrug. “Oh, well.”
We walk back toward the front door, and I’m feeling like our spy mission was a big waste of time. But as we pass the kitchen and take a closer look, I see something. Evidence.
There are two mugs in the sink and a jar of instant coffee on the counter.
“You were right,” I tell Adonna. “Clyde was here.”
Adonna giggles. “They probably went back to his place for a little
something something
!”
I head straight for the front door, covering my ears with my hands. “I’m not listening to you,” I tell her, then start humming to drown out any other nasty thing she might wanna say.
But, yeah, at the same time I know she’s right. I mean,
coffee
? Things are probably getting serious between Nana and Clyde.
He got Nana to turn her back on Oprah
.