“I thought I was sleeping here. I guess now I'm not. I can go back to town and get a hotel room.”
Metaxas placed a hand on Hatch's shoulder. “Sleep here in the barn. I'll fix you up a stall. We used to sleep in a stall until Nealy let us have a cottage. Still do occasionally. Trust me, you'll love it. We get up at four. We work till seven, and then it's breakfast. So, do you want to stay or not?”
“Sure.”
“Well, it's bedtime as soon as Ruby gets back.”
“It's only nine o'clock,” Hatch said.
“Yeah, I know.”
“I think I'll go up and sit on the front porch for a while. Show me which stall is mine.”
“This one,” Metaxas said, pointing to a stall three doors down from the one he and Ruby used every once in a while. “There's a bathroom and shower at the end of the breezeway. There's a ton of beer in the fridge in the kitchen. Help yourself.”
Upstairs in Nealy's bedroom, Ruby struggled with a sleepy, limp Nealy. “So, how did it go, Nealy?”
“Pretty good I think. I did everything you and Smitty said to do. I really was nervous, though. Did Hatch say anything?”
“Just that you were nervous. Did you start to twitch or something?”
“I don't know what gave it away. I was trying to be so careful. He said he knew I was nervous because he's Indian and he could tell. I think that's bullshit. I didn't swear. I don't think I did anyway. Can I go to sleep now, Ruby?”
“Sure, honey. I'll see you in the morning.”
“Night, Ruby. Thanks for all the advice. He's a nice man. Maybe he'll come back sometime when I'm not so nervous.”
“Sleep tight, honey,” Ruby said, turning off the bedroom light.
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Nealy woke with a start. She knew instantly where she was and what time it was. Her head pounded as she rolled from side to side. She knew she had to get up to take some aspirin, and she also knew there would be no more sleep for her on this night so she might as well make some coffee and sit on the front porch and wait for the sun to come up. Should she shower or not? Maybe the steam would help clear her head. She walked down the kitchen stairway, plugged in the coffeepot Matilda had gotten ready before bed. She hiked back upstairs to wash down four aspirin and showered.
Feeling almost human, she pulled on some of her new Victoria's Secret underwear and her old ratty chenille robe. She'd timed her descent into the kitchen just as the coffee finished brewing. She poured a mugful and carried it out to the front porch.
“Hatch! What are you doing out here?” she asked in surprise.
“I don't know. I wasn't sleepy. I didn't feel right going upstairs and picking out a room. Metaxas fixed a stall for me in the barn, but I had a few beers out here and dozed off. My sleeping habits aren't the best. The big question is, what are you doing up at this hour?”
“I just woke up. I'm only up an hour ahead of schedule. Four o'clock is my normal time for waking up. I have a terrible headache, so that has to mean I had too much to drink. Normally I don't drink. Tonight I was . . .”
“Nervous. I was, too. You were my first date since . . .”
“Maybe that's where we went wrong. You know, thinking it was a date. Maybe if we had thought of it as just two friends going out to dinner, some of the anxiety would have been alleviated. At least for me.”
“You're absolutely right. The stars are beautiful, aren't they? When I was a kid on the reservation I gave them all names.”
“I used to do the same thing. I always looked forward to that one peek out the window before I went to bed. Sometimes, if I'm not too tired, I still do it. I had a mean, bitter childhood. Anything make-believe, naming stars, wishing on stars made the days and nights a little lighter if you know what I mean.
“There was this one time I named three stars because on a really clear night it looked like they were hugging each other. I called them Diamond, Ruby, and Emerald. I didn't even know what those gems looked like. I just used my imagination. I think I named Emmie for the Emerald star. Then Maud Diamond came into my life. Then Ruby. So, maybe wishing and naming stars wasn't such a waste of time for a little girl.”
“I don't even remember what I named mine,” Hatch said. “Medusa, the woman who runs my office, tells me that when you pass over, a star forms in the sky. I hope that's true because it would please me no end to know Sela and my son are up there winking down on me. All those who have gone before us are up there. Do you believe that, Nealy?”
“I think so. Thinking about it like that gives one a measure of security. They're gone, but they aren't gone.”
“Do you miss the place where you grew up? Sometimes I miss the reservation and I have to go back and walk around.”
“Sometimes. Sometimes months go by and I don't think about it at all. Sometimes I positively dwell on it. I'm so glad that my brothers and I have reconciled. I always wanted them to be these big, tough guys, and they aren't like that. They could never be like that. They're warm and shy and caring in their own way. To other people they probably seem cold and aloof. We were never around people much growing up. Yes, we went to school, but that doesn't mean we were around people. We had to get up early, do our chores, get on the bus, go to class, get back on the bus, and go home to more chores and schoolwork. By eight o'clock I was dead on my feet, and all I wanted to do was go to bed. I'm afraid I did just enough to get by. I let that attitude carry over into my life here. Let's not go down that road, okay?”
“Okay. You love this farm, don't you?”
Nealy sighed. “God, yes. Love, though, is too tame a word. I don't know what the right word is. It's part of me; it's in my blood. I guess I'm trying to say it's my life. To the exclusion of all else. I know, I know, that's not good. It's the way it is. Maybe someday things will change. Maybe someday Emmie will come back and want to raise her daughter here the way I raised her. I've accepted the fact that Nick won't come back.”
“If that were to happen, Nealy, what would you do?”
“That's just it, I don't know. I guess I could travel, read books, go to the movies, shop. Maybe plant a garden and watch it grow. Take up flower arranging. I might take some cooking lessons, but I don't know if I would be happy doing those things.”
“Are you happy now, Nealy?” Hatch asked quietly.
“Yes and no. I would be a lot happier if my kids were here. Let's just say I'm content. What does it feel like to be really happy? Do you know, Hatch?”
“God Almighty, yes, I know. It's a wild, euphoric feeling. Like if you flapped your arms you could fly, that kind of feeling. You're ecstatic, you're invincible and giddy all at the same time. Nothing or no one can rain on your parade. You want to hold on to the feeling forever and ever.
“I never knew, never expected anyone to love me the way Sela and my son loved me. Take a good look at me and tell me women would stand in line to date a big ugly Indian like me. There were no lines. The day I met her I knew. She said she knew, too. That was the magic of it.
“I had that feeling twice and held on for dear life, but it got away from me. That short time in my life was so wonderful, so cherished by me that I thought I was like God. As quick as it came, that's how quick it was taken away.”
Nealy reached for his arm. “I'd stand in line for you. You're a nice man, Hatch Littletree.” She withdrew her hand and clasped it around her empty coffee cup.
Hatch smiled in the darkness. “I suspect you're a rather nice lady yourself. Life is to be lived. It should never be a duty or all black or all white. Life is the whole spectrum, bright colors, laughing faces, work, happiness, sadness. It's just life. I think I'm trying to tell you I like you.”
Nealy could feel her neck grow warm. Obviously, he was expecting her to make a comment.
“I like you, too. I'm not very good away from here as you probably noticed this evening. Last night actually. I . . . If I tell you something, will you promise not to laugh?”
“I would never laugh at anything you said, Nealy, unless it was a joke.”
“I feel inferior around people. I feel like they're all looking at me and talking about me. That's why I never go to the Derby Balls. I make an appearance and then leave. Smitty said I had to start doing good deeds so we came up with this idea to have
our own
Derby Ball and sell tickets with the monies going to different charities. We raised, these past few years, almost ten million dollars. Everyone came. I was so stunned. I stayed the whole night because I was the hostess. I even had a good time.
“Smitty said I would have had a good time at the other balls if I had given them a chance. Back then in the beginning, I did give them a chance, and they all thumbed their noses at me. You only have to do that to me once, and then you go on my short list.
“Then when I won the Derby and the Triple Crown, things changed. For them. That's when they all wanted to get to know me, to have their pictures taken with me, to buy stud from me. If I wasn't good enough for them in the beginning, I didn't want them in my life after I became famous. The ball Smitty arranges is for charity. It's a big dinner with a lot of speeches and then the actual ball itself. I soak them what I think they're willing to pay just to come to one of my balls. I pay for the affair out of my own pocket, but I give the proceeds away. I don't know what that makes me in your eyes, but it's what I do.”
“Does it work for you, Nealy?”
“Yes, it does.”
“Then the way I see it is that's all that is important. If you're wondering if I'm judging you, I'm not. I understand exactly how you feel. I went through the same sort of thing to a lesser degree when I went off to college. I was this big, dumb Indian. It hurt. Sometimes it still hurts.” He reached for her hand and squeezed it tight. This time she didn't let go.
Nealy looked up at the stars, trying to find Diamond, Ruby and Emerald. “I wonder if Emmie and Nick ever named the stars. If they did, I don't know about it. I asked Smitty to search out the best detective agency in the country to try and find Willow, Nick's wife. She literally fell off the face of the earth. In hindsight, maybe I shouldn't have told her I was cutting off Nick's access to the trust fund I set up for him with Hunt's insurance money. I don't know if it was my imagination or not, but her eyes were so cold and hard. I don't care what anyone says, she wasn't the right choice for Nick. And, yes, I know, it was none of my business. He made a mistake, Hatch, and I know he's never going to forgive me for that.”
“In time he will. Willow left Nick of her own free will. She had choices, go or stay with him. She didn't give it a chance. She cut and ran. I have a little trouble with that part of it myself. Don't blame yourself entirely for her departure. Most women, and I'm the first to admit I know nothing about women, would have insisted Nick call you to tell you they were married. A brand-new daughter-in-law wants to start off right. She had a strike going in by getting married without telling you. She could have made it right. Medusa told me that, as did Bode's wife, Brie. Just don't be too hard on yourself where she's concerned.”
“Okay. But I'm still going to try and find her. The night is so velvety, so serene, so peaceful. It's like the world and life take a little break when it gets dark. It's kind of secretive if you know what I mean.”
“I agree.”
“Hatch, I admire your philanthropic work. I think it's wonderful what you do. I should have done the same thing a long time ago. Life got in my way. I'm trying now. Smitty is helping. Hunt always said you were generous to a fault. He admired you so much.”
“I hope I lived up to his expectations. Tell me what it's like to train for the Derby.”
Nealy laughed. Where to begin? “I have to eat right and exercise to get myself in top physical form. And at the same time, I have to get the horse, in this case, Shufly, in top physical form, too. Then, there's the racing side. I'm not running him in any prep races because I want to keep his ability secret. So, I run him here, on our track against some of our own stock.” She could go on and on but remembered Ruby's words about how boring she was. “Let's just say it's a lot of physical and mental work, a lot of dedication and a whole lot of sacrifice. But I wouldn't have it any other way. If it came too easy, it wouldn't be worthwhile.”
“I don't know if I could do that. You said you were boring. You're not boring, Nealy. You're interesting as all get-out,” Hatch said in awe.
“I'm not?” Nealy's eyes widened in surprise. “Horses and kids . . . they're all I've ever known. They're my life.”
“So, what's wrong with that?”
“Well, most people do more, see more of the world. They're worldly. That means they have interesting things to talk about. Take tonight. I felt uncomfortable. Inferior. Take me away from this farm, and I'm out of my element. I wish I could be like Smitty and Ruby. The two of them have been all over the world. They're worldly people. I can never be like them. Tonight I tried because they wanted me to. I guess I was a bit of a mess, huh?”