Killing Casanova (11 page)

Jake twisted his upper body around to squint into the blaring sunset behind the vehicles. “Not since dinner,” he said, now scanning the water’s edge for movement. The aspen groves lay in breezeless silence, and Jake stood, picking up his plate and stalking to the end of the dock. “Are the horses still tied to the fence?” he asked throwing his trash into a barrel at the ramps edge.

“No.” Miriam said with a frown. “Cassie told Chris that she was taking Jackpot into the lower meadow to graze, but I thought she would be back by now.”

Jake pulled his T-shirt over his head again and bent to put his shoes on. “Did she say if she was going to the meadow she and Heidi were in this afternoon? The wild horses come to the lower meadows in the evenings. Without their winter coats, they prefer the lower lands at night.”

Miriam shook her head, looking around. “I’ve got to get the kids loaded and back to The Rocking J before sunset, so Jana and I are leaving. Chris said he would stay if she and Heidi don’t get back in time, but I’m getting worried.”

Jake nodded, his eyes still perusing the area for movement. Turning for the road Jake caught sight of the swish of Applesauce’s tail in the trailer, and his mind grasped an idea. “I’ll take Applesauce,” he shouted over his shoulder to Miriam, “I’ll see if I can get them back here before you leave.”

Miriam smiled warmly at him as he pulled the gray mare from the trailer and bridled the animal.

“I appreciate you letting us come today, Jake. You were great with Kyle, and … except for that mishap with the frog can, he is impressed with you, too.”

Jake blushed deeply, seeing those few minutes in his mind outlined like Cassie in his memory.

“I … he …” Jake gulped and coiled the bridle in his hand as he shifted on the gravel. “Tell him I’m sorry about that.” He stammered, unsure why a lost bait can seem so important. Miriam smiled again and squeezed his arm tenderly.

“It’s fine, Jake, you weren’t dangerously distracted, just … a man.”

Jake’s blue eyes flashed briefly as he realized Miriam had clearly seen the reason for his lost focus, and he grimaced guiltily until she laughed at his discomfort.

“Give it a shot, Jake,” she said quietly gesturing with her head toward the meadows. “They don’t all turn out like Melinda.”

Jake tightened his jaw and took a shaky breath, “I’ll be right back,” he promised, vaulting bareback onto Applesauce and prodding the old horse down the winding dirt road.

• • •

Jake cursed under his breath. The methodical plod of the tired horse wove memories of Melinda through his head; her dark hair tangling in the wind, riding bareback through knee-high grass, the fullness of her fleshy pink lips. The hollow place inside his heart throbbed as thoughts of Cassie overshadowed memories of Melinda. It was almost painful to see her … here. The picture he had carried in his mind for so long was of another dark-haired beauty who would never visit this place, never spend an afternoon in the reservoir, and never ride the high aspens with him ever again.

Coming to the edge of the meadow, he saw the woman whose presence now claimed his thoughts. Jake slid from Applesauce’s back and walked toward Cassie. Heidi and Jackpot were with her. The mare was Cassie’s specially trained horse. According to some of the girls at The Rocking J, Cassie had worked in Albuquerque with a group of Natchez Indians who had taught her and the horse special signals for communicating.

Heidi was standing in the long, green-yellow grass watching as Jackpot grazed and Cassie showed her how to stroke the neck of the animal, but Heidi would do nothing more than look apprehensively at the horse. As Heidi looked up to see him approach through the meadow, Jackpot’s ears twitched and perked. Cassie immediately stood facing the blaze of western sky and listened for some indication of who moved toward them in the grasses.

“It’s Jake,” he called out knowing both Cassie and Heidi would not be able to tell who was moving toward them in the setting sun.

“Yake,” Heidi called out with a frown. “Where have you been?”

Jake stopped short of where they stood, dropping Applesauce’s reins into the grass and letting the horse graze contentedly. “I told you, Heidi, I made promises to someone else, and what kind of a big brother would I be if I didn’t keep my promises to everyone, not just you?”

Jake smiled as he looked at Cassie, silent beside his sister. Her face remained blank, and the brief smiles he had seen earlier were still holding their position behind her brilliant blue eyes. He felt stupid; what was he thinking, smiling at Cassie? He didn’t even want to charm her, not to mention waste a perfect smile on a woman who couldn’t even appreciate it.

“Miriam is packing up to go. She has to get the kids back before sunset.”

Cassie lifted her chin slightly and focused into the disappearing light. “Wow!” she exclaimed, clicking her tongue against her teeth as Jackpot raised her head and nudged Cassie’s shoulder with her nose. “I lost track of time out here. It feels like it’s nearly seven.” Jake looked over his shoulder at the onyx mountain and the lengthening shadows, turning back to both her and Heidi.

“It’s actually only six. The sun sets earlier on the mountain, so it feels later.”

A knowing expression crossed Cassie’s face, and he could almost see her make mental calculations in her head for the higher hills. Jake reached out to take Heidi by the hand and began pulling her toward Applesauce, hearing Cassie and Jackpot follow closely behind.

“It’s a long way, Heidi. And it’s steep back to the reservoir. If I ride with you, will you let Applesauce take us back up to the truck?” Jake felt Heidi stiffen and plant her feet beside him, but he continued to hold her hand and walk to take the horses reins, dangling in the grass. “Come on, sweetie. I’ll ride with you, all you have to do is sit in front of me and hold on. I’ll do the rest.”

Heidi’s eyes were wide and wild, and she looked back over her shoulder at Cassie. “I … no. I … can’t, Yake.”

Cassie reached out and took Heidi’s other hand, squeezing it tightly. “He couldn’t come help before because he was keeping a promise Heidi. He’s making you one now, and you have seen that he keeps his promises.”

Heidi nodded, biting her bottom lip and looking up into Jake’s eyes. “If I ride with you, Yake,” she said hesitantly, “you have to promise me that no matter if you have to go, you will always come back. If I ride this horse, you can’t decide that it means you don’t have to come home anymore. I can’t go to Wyoming, Yake. Even if I could ride.”

Jake dropped his sister’s hand and turned to face her. Grabbing her shoulder, he shook her a little and looked into her frightened eyes. “Listen, Heidi, I don’t come home to help you with Applesauce. I don’t come back because I like the mustangs better than you, and I don’t come back because I have to, even though I like Wyoming. I come back because this is home.” Tears rolled down Heidi’s cheeks now as she leaned against his chest, wetting his shirt with her fears.

“You only came back for Melinda, and then the mustangs. You say lots of things to pretty girls that you don’t mean, and you always go Yake, always.”

Jake heaved a sigh and put both arms around his little sister. “You’re right.” He breathed into her hair. “I do say lots of things to pretty girls, and I do have to go sometimes, but, Heidi, I never make them promises I don’t keep, and I promise you, I will always come back. Always.”

Heidi nodded against him, drying her cheeks and taking deep breaths, “Okay, Yake, I’ll ride with you.”

Jake mounted the gray mare and pulled Heidi up to sit in front of him as Cassie handed him the reins. He was struck by the soft curve of her mouth as she offered a tender, approving smile. She mounted her horse, and they began plodding out of the meadow. As Applesauce moved beneath him and Heidi, Jake felt the girl stiffen at the swaying motion. He wrapped one arm firmly around her waist, gripped the reins tightly, and told her to hold the horse’s mane as well.

Cassie and Jackpot walked quietly beside them, encouraging Heidi to feel the movements of the horse instead of bracing herself against them. As the horses climbed, Heidi relaxed, allowing the trip to proceed without complaint. Quietly they walked onto the road and then north into the tall trees. The horse’s hooves were only interrupted by the birds and their own deep breathing as they meandered.

Jake watched Cassie as she rode. Her horse was unsaddled as well, and Jake admired the line of her lean body pressed into the flanks of the horse’s flesh. She moved with the animal, occasionally whispering quietly and stroking her mane with deft hands, asking the horse to drop behind or in front of Applesauce. Her eyes glowed with the depth of the apparent trusting relationship she shared with this horse. She pressed her face against Jackpot’s neck and smiled fondly.

“How long have you been blind?” Jake suddenly asked as Cassie raised her head from the horse’s mane.

“Most of my life, since I was four years old.”

“What happened?”

“When I was about two and a half, my parents noticed that I was running into things more and more. My mom would find me with my ears pressed against the door listening to the outside world, but I wouldn’t go into it. My dad said I liked the feel of the refrigerator vibrating beneath my palms. Before I would walk to another room, I would find the vibrations in the floorboards until I located a wall. I would follow the surface with my fingers into other rooms. My parents were concerned when I wouldn’t look at books, or watch TV, so they took me to an optometrist and then an ophthalmologist, who eventually sent me to an oncologist.”

Jackpot snorted and shook his head, just as Jake was going to warn Cassie about a low hanging branch protruding across the road. Instead, Cassie dropped her face back to lean against the mare’s neck as the branch passed overhead.

“An oncologist?” Jake asked as she raised her head. “Cancer?”

Cassie nodded her head and then shrugged. “I had tumors growing all along my optic nerves, and they were interfering with the transference of images to my brain. They did everything they could, — operations and chemotherapy, — but eventually in order to ensure that the cancer didn’t spread to my brain, my parents opted to have my optic nerves removed.”

Jake couldn’t hold back a slight gasp, and Cassie grimaced at the sound. “I don’t know if that’s exactly what happened, or if that’s just how they explained it to me. The point is my eyes work, there’s just no connection to my brain.”

“They took out your optic nerves? That seems kind of extreme.”

Cassie tossed her hair back from her face and shrugged. “Maybe,” she said, “but if you came to me and told me the person I loved had a time bomb ticking behind their eyes, I would have no problem trading their sight for their life.”

“It wasn’t just your sight though, Cassie,” he insisted. “Haven’t you ever wondered what dreams you might have chased if you could see? You are pretty amazing with these horses and the therapy, but you have to admit, you are never going to be an airline pilot or a race car driver.”

Cassie laughed, a sound like bells through the trees surrounding them. “I think I’m all right with that, Jake. I don’t think those ever would have been my dreams anyway.”

Jake frowned as Heidi elbowed him in the ribs and asked to get off the horse. “I want to walk in front of her,” Heidi grumbled. “My butt hurts.”

Jake grinned at Heidi, but then pulled Applesauce to a stop and helped Heidi slide awkwardly to the ground. Slipping from the horse’s back, Jake could hear the sound of Miriam’s voice ahead and Cassie’s thighs rubbing against Jackpot’s hide as she also dismounted. They walked in the direction of the trailer, close enough for their hands to graze each other’s once or twice.

“Aren’t you angry, though, someone else stole your dreams and now you have to clean up the aftermath?”

“I’ve had dreams, Jake, like everyone else. Dreams that are just that … dreams. Not all of them can come true.”

“That’s not fair. Other people make choices and you have to live with a broken dream?”

Cassie sighed and reached out to squeeze his hand beside her own. “No, Jake,” she said firmly. “You dream a better dream.”

“Jake?” Cassie asked over her shoulder, as she handed the horses off to Troy for stabling. “You want to talk about Jake?”

When Debra Caswell had arrived that afternoon, Heidi was riding bareback on Applesauce. Even though Cassie still needed to accompany her on the horse, Heidi’s progress since the ride with Jake was remarkable. Heidi was fascinated with the animal; the unalterable patience of the horse was providing Heidi more confidence every day.

“Jake and I are not that close, Mrs. Caswell. I’m not sure I could tell you anything.”

“I am actually interested in your professional opinion, Cassie, and please, call me Debra.”

Cassie attempted an untroubled smile, but she could feel that it had come across more anxious than she intended.

“Okay … Debra, I’ll do my best.”

Cassie located her white cane, unfolded it, and began moving along the fence line, unclear as to whether or not Debra was following. Heidi went up ahead, and Cassie heard the sound of her voice mingled with Troy’s as Debra and Cassie approached.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed,” Debra began nervously, “but Jake is becoming withdrawn and distant. He is isolating himself from the other parts of his life, and I see something in his eyes I haven’t seen for a while.”

“Something? What do you see?”

“He’s … tortured, haunted almost. I hear him at night, trying not to cough, or make a fuss, but I know he’s not sleeping. He hasn’t been to Mcgoo’s or out with any of his friends since the fire, and I think it may have triggered an old memory.”

“What kind of memory? You said you saw this … . something in him a while ago. How long ago?”

Debra stopped, and Cassie felt her hand reach out and slow Cassie’s progress too.

“This is not the first fiery tragedy Jake has survived. The other one was much worse, but is it possible he is traumatized just the same as he was then?”

“Without knowing much about Jake’s history, I can’t really say. Post-traumatic stress occurs after experiences like a fire, to one degree or another, but I don’t know about this other one. What happened?”