Authors: L J Dee
It
took us an age to recover, holding on to one another as he whispered to me how
beautiful, how precious, how special I was, over and over again. He had used
the word, but I knew he was letting me know that it was a sexual game, not
abusive like it had been with Gregg. I appreciated the affectionate gesture as
I lay in his arms, trying to come down from an incredible high which had left
me stunned, physically and emotionally. “I can’t believe you talked me into an
orgasm” I smiled up at him and he was grinning broadly as he bent to kiss my
head. “It can be done Baby, but to be honest it usually takes years of
practice” he chuckled proudly as I snuggled against him, showering his chest
with kisses. I was new to this and it felt good to know he had done something
with me that he hadn’t done with his subs at the parties.
Something
unique, something different, something that was ours.
“I
don’t know what it is Charlotte but I have this urge to push your limits
quickly, too quickly probably. I had no intention of bringing your trigger word
into play for a long time” he smiled gently. “Well I’m glad you did” I giggled,
looking up at him and feeling that same electrical current running between us,
holding his gaze until I heard the phone ringing in his jacket and I sighed
deeply. Who the hell would be calling him at midnight?
Chapter
15
My
heart sank as he answered it, and I just knew from the look on his face
who
it was. I’d fallen into a temporary false sense of
security. I had been with King for the last few nights and he hadn’t run to
her, but I wasn’t sure I could take it this time. Not tonight, not after what
had just happened. Once had been bad, twice was heart wrenching, three times
was just a fucking liberty. I gazed at the floor as he left the room to
continue his clandestine conversation and braced myself for the confrontation.
I refused to be fucked and abandoned
again,
I had too much respect for myself to allow that to
happen. He sighed deeply, returning to the room after a short absence. “She
needs me and I have to go”. “I need you. Have you slept with her Jason?” “Jesus
Christ Charlotte, not this again” and he had shut down. I didn’t know what
their relationship was, but I was finding it harder and harder to deal with.
Every time I brought it up it was the same, no discussion no excuses, nothing.
“No, not this again” I muttered sarcastically. “I mean have you slept with her
ever?” It was something I’d never dared ask before. “Yes” he said simply and
the word hit me like a punch in the gut, leaving me reeling.
“How
many times?”
I demanded, forgetting my position and unable to control
the anger in my voice. “Several” he answered honesty, as a wave of sickness
rolled through me. I knew King wouldn’t be the type to respond to ultimatums,
but emotionally I was at my limit. I could only imagine how he’d feel if the
boot were on the other foot. He told me we were exclusive but it certainly
didn’t feel that way at this moment. He had a decision to make and I was fairly
certain, I knew which way things would go, but this was my heart, and
ultimately I was responsible for it.
If
you go Jason, we’re done”. It was the last thing I wanted, but there was only
so much I could take. He turned to look at me, shock soon turning to anger.
“Don’t do this Charlotte” he said firmly. I wasn’t his girlfriend, I was just
his lover and at the moment, even that was hanging by a thread. I’d said I
didn’t want to date him once but we’d moved a long way past that and despite
every cell in my body pleading with me to back down, I knew I deserved better.
I stood my ground. “No King I mean it. You won’t tell me what’s going on with
you and the supermodel, and you’re quite happy to fuck me, spank me and have me
suck your cock at will, but she clicks her fingers and you leave me to run to
her. I deserve better than this.” He held my gaze, seeming to mull my words
over and as he walked back and planted a soft kiss on my forehead, I thought
I’d won my pitch. He was looking at me so
intently,
it
knocked the breath from my lungs. “Yes Charlotte you do” he said quietly and
turned to walk away.
“Please
Sir” I pleaded, desperate to have him stay, as I dropped to my knees on my
living room carpet, instinctively and without thought. I had demanded he make
the choice but wasn’t sure I could cope with the one he had made, and my heart
was physically aching. He froze instantly, turning to gaze down at me,
submissive and silently pleading, and his face was contorted in absolute pain.
I used the only thing I had left. “Mercedes” I whispered. It was my safe word,
designed to protect me, to make him stop whatever he was doing and it was all
the control I had. He stared at me intently for a few moments, looking as lost
as I did, before turning around, leaving my house and closing the front door
behind him.
I
should have been angry, wished I had Sasha’s boots to trample all over his
fucking shoulder blades, digging the heels in like she did to her barrister,
trash his house, smash his car, anything, but there was no anger, no tears,
nothing. It was like the whole world had stopped spinning and I was simply
numb, as if my brain was refusing to comprehend what had just happened, or resigned
itself all too quickly to the facts. It was what I’d expected, but a huge part
of me had hoped he would cave. That he would show me a fraction of the
submission I had shown him. I had given everything willingly and loved it, but
he could give nothing. Even when he had made his decision I still wanted him, I
craved him, but something inside me told me to hold back, a small part of my
inner logic that was left in the midst of the devastation, telling me that I
couldn’t completely give my heart to someone who didn’t put me first. It was
self preservation, I supposed, a human survival instinct. I had reached my
emotional limits and that was that, however hard it would be. No more King.
I
ran a bath and soaked for a long time until the water cooled and my skin
wrinkled, wishing above all else I didn’t have the memory of him here. I lay
awake for hours, wondering if this was how grief felt before reality dawned. It
was like a strange calm before an emotional storm. I knew how hard I’d fallen
for him, but right now, I was simply consumed by an emptiness I had never
experienced before. Fuck him and his supermodel I thought again and again
before a restless night’s sleep and waking to an alarm call that came far too
soon. I can’t remember even getting to work, it was as if an internal auto
pilot had taken over and as I stared at my computer, the emotional void
persisted. There was only one thing for it, as I pulled up the two outlook
diaries on screen and typed my request.
Emergency sub-committee meeting.
Cafe.
Now.
“The
fucking prick did what?” Katie screamed over her coffee as I recalled the
events of the night, giving her a warning glare to quieten down. The place was
full of patrons, all of whom turned to stare at us. I nodded, resigned. I
hadn’t cried, I hadn’t done anything, I was just numb. It hurt like hell but I
knew I deserved better. He’d even agreed. I’d put myself sexually at his mercy
but I was damned if I’d do so emotionally. Yes he was
gorgeous,
yes he was awesome in bed and had shown me what I’d been missing. He made me
laugh and I respected him enormously. It didn’t change the facts. I was not
about to lose my head over a man who didn’t respect me, although with every
overwhelming wave of emptiness that consumed me, I knew I had already lost my
heart.
Sasha
was thankfully much quieter and an influence for calm around the little table.
“What will you do?” she said kindly as I sighed deeply. “I don’t know Sash, I
really don’t. Keep a low profile, front it out on Saturday and then probably
soak myself in gin until I forget about him” I tried to smile as she hugged me.
“Yeah and I can imagine that’s going to be easier said than done
Lotty
” she sighed, squeezing me tightly. I laughed gently.
“Oh Sweetheart you have no idea”. Katie gasped as she saw him walk past the
window. I looked
up,
turning away quickly as she ran
outside to confront him and there was no stopping her. I wondered silently why
he couldn’t have just done that the first time, carrying on walking. If he had,
I certainly wouldn’t be in this mess now, I sighed to myself as Sasha took my
hand. “You’re a fucking arsehole King” I heard the scream filter in from the
street, deciding to abandon our little post at the cafe and leave before we
were permanently barred. Thankfully Katie and Jason were nowhere to be seen, as
Sash and I walked out into the crisp morning air and returned quietly to our
respective offices. It was a long time before Katie returned.
“What
did he say?” I asked quietly as she sighed deeply, shrugging her shoulders. “He
said nothing was going on with
Tamsin
but he couldn’t
change the situation. I told him she wasn’t a patch on you and she’s an out and
out bitch. It’s true, everyone hates her,
Robbie’s
told me.” “And what did he say to that?” I quizzed, looking up at her
hopefully, still unable to believe there was nothing going on, he had already
admitted to fucking her ‘several’ times so there was clearly an attraction
there. “He said I was right” she smiled simply, which only added to my growing
confusion. “Why were you so long Katie?” “He took me to his office saying a
scene on the street was not his style. He practically fucking dragged me
there”. I noticed the small smile playing around her mouth. “And how did you
take that?” I smiled as she flushed. “Sorry
Lotty
,
the whole thing actually made me pretty horny” she laughed and I couldn’t help
but grin back. I knew the feeling well. “He was asking how you were mostly” she
smiled, the words bringing small comfort as I slumped back in my chair. “What
did you tell him?”
“The truth.
I told him you were
absolutely heartbroken”. I sighed at the revelation. Even if I didn’t want to
admit it to myself, she was right and it was etched in every feature of my
face.
Chapter
16
I
knew instinctively where he was in the room, avoiding him and determined not to
look in his direction. I still hadn’t cried and there was no way I wanted to
tonight, not in front of all my peers from the industry. It had taken me three
strong brandies to get through my front door and if it hadn’t have been for the
wonderful Katie helping me to get ready, I would probably just have come in my
pyjamas. Thursday and Friday I had been like a zombie, not eating, barely
sleeping and in such a state of numbed shock I couldn’t focus or concentrate on
anything at all. She had borrowed a fabulous floor length black Armani dress
from the treasure trove for me and a killer high pair of Jimmy
Choo’s
. She’d styled my hair and perfected my make-up and
she’d done a good job as I sat there and silently let her.
I only had a few more minutes in the
champagne reception before we’d be called through for the awards and dinner.
Once we were seated, it would be easier to avoid him, and as soon as the
announcement came, I was the first person to the table, keeping my head down,
deliberately avoiding eye contact with any of the other execs and creative’s
filing into the room, just in case. I was trying to focus on whether
me
and my team of merry helpers had succeeded in our goal,
but despite my efforts of the last few weeks, even that was failing to lift my
spirits. Katie slid up next to me. “He hasn’t got a clue has he?” she grinned,
looking at Anderson who was lording it around smugly as usual and it was the
first time I had raised a smile in days, secretly hoping we had done enough.
The
room looked incredible, decked in blacks and gold’s, floating candles providing
twinkling centrepieces on each table while a giant screen dominated the stage,
a small podium resting in the centre, where the host would deliver our fate.
Following a three course meal of soup, steak and cheesecake, none of which I
touched, much to the bemusement of Alison, it was time for the awards. They
came and went in a flurry of activity as I fought desperately with myself not
to look for Jason. I was on my feet twice when our creative team won the best
international magazine campaign and multi-media award. I wasn’t on my feet for
best breakthrough campaign and neither was Ian Anderson, seething and glowering
at the King Marketing table as they had beat his new airline commercials with
their chocolate cereal ads. Eventually, it was time for the ‘campaign of the
year’ announcement. Jason’s team had won numerous times already, and as the
nominations were called and I heard my name, I couldn’t resist looking over at
their table, piled high with victorious gold plaques. My stomach flipped when I
saw that their beautiful and powerful CEO was looking directly back at me. His
face looked pained as we stared each other out and I couldn’t pull my eyes
away, drowning in the sight of the sad sapphire eyes that touched me, piercing
my soul so deeply, and brutally reminding me of everything we’d shared in our
short time together.
My heart was pounding, my stomach churning as
they read out the winner, “Jason King for Audi”. He didn’t move. I could feel
the heavy stares of my colleagues at the table. It was as if he hadn’t heard
and he just continued to gaze at
me,
and me at him. I
knew instinctively that everyone at both tables were watching us now, puzzled
and confused, until the host spoke again and he finally stood, making his way
to the stage looking utterly glorious and breathtakingly beautiful, and my
fragile heart shattered completely.