For the second time in a week, I woke to the sound of Ryland’s knock echoing through my tiny apartment. I fought the urge to yell when I looked at the clock, 5:15 a.m. My alarm wasn’t set to go off for another forty-five minutes. I rolled out of bed and landed hard on the floor.
“I’m coming,” I said loud enough for him to hear me.
“About time,” I heard his happy voice yell back. Great, he’s wide awake.
I crawled toward the door, grabbing a sweater I had discarded last night and threw it on to cover the light-weight cami I wore. I continued to crawl until I reached the front door where I pulled myself upright and threw the door open.
“It’s five in the morning, Ry,” I yawned, my hair falling around my face.
“Yeah, sorry about that.” He ran his big hand through his dark curls, looking away from me. “I was just worried about you.”
“You were worried about me?” My voice sounded more hostile than I had meant it to.
“Yes, Jos.” He looked down, his eyes smoldering and I felt my heart sputter. “Why aren’t you wearing my necklace?” He reached out and trailed the tip of his finger against my neck, his touch leaving a shivering trail behind it.
I grasped toward my collar bone, shocked to find the fine silver chain missing. “It must have fallen off while I slept.” I looked back toward my room, as if just expecting to see it sitting on the fold of my comforter.
“Why don’t you go get it? I’ll get breakfast ready.” He smiled and held up a bag full of greasy doughnuts. I couldn’t help but smile at the look on his face; he was so adorable. I let him in before turning to retrieve the necklace from within the mass of pillows and blankets that was my bed. The necklace lay warm in my hand, as if I had been lying on it all night.
“See, not lost.” I walked up behind Ryland as he searched for plates in the kitchen.
“Good.” He took the necklace from my hands and went to put it around my neck again. I moved my hair for him, so as not to reveal my mark. For a split second, I almost didn’t. I almost wanted him to see it, to see what he would do. That risk was too much for me, though, so I kept it hidden.
“Please don’t take it off, okay?” he pleaded, his deep blue eyes boring into me.
“You act like I’m going to go hock it and buy a car.” I laughed at the thought, but he didn’t. My laughter died off as I sat the milk and some glasses on the table.
“Relax, Ryland, it’s not like I could, even if I tried.”
Ryland looked at me menacingly from beneath his long lashes.
“I couldn’t, could I?”
He chuckled at me.
“I could?”
“More than likely, but please don’t, Joclyn,” he pleaded, coming to kneel in front of me and gathering my hands in his. His hands were warm and soft; the warmth radiated up my arms and through my body in a comforting way that enveloped me.
“Please don’t, Jos. Don’t take it off, don’t sell it, don’t lose it, don’t give it away. Think of it as a piece of me,” he said and looked down at our interlocked hands. “You know I am leaving the country soon, and it may be a while until I see you again. I may… I may never see you again. Please keep it close. That way I will always know you are safe.”
He lifted his head to look at me, and I was shocked to see his eyes brimming with threatening tears. He lifted our hands together and placed them over the necklace, right next to my heart.
“Promise me, Joclyn, please.”
I didn’t know how to react. Was this goodbye? I didn’t think I could handle anymore. It had been a week, one week since my birthday, and everything had flipped upside down. Ryland’s thumb began to caress the back of my hand that he held against my chest, waiting for an answer. The action sent my heart and stomach tangoing through my body in pure pleasure.
“I promise,” I exhaled, hoping that this wasn’t goodbye. Not already. It couldn’t be; there were still four weeks until graduation.
Almost as soon as the words left my lips, my mom’s bedroom door creaked open and Ryland left my side, sitting back in his own chair before my mom could even exit her room.
“Why, Ryland,” her voice was laced with parental venom, “was that your knock I heard at such an ungodly hour this morning?” She wrapped her robe around her as she made her way to the kitchen in search of a coffee mug.
“Sorry, Mrs. D.” Ryland slipped right into his normal voice, as if nothing had happened over the past few minutes. “I wanted to provide breakfast for my two favorite ladies.” He winked at my mom as he shook the doughnut bag, causing me to almost choke on the maple bar I had just bit into. My mom looked between us in some sort of amused frustration. I wished she would just laugh; it would make everything go a lot smoother.
“Joclyn, I have given some thought to what we talked about in the car on Tuesday night.”
I sat up straighter, swallowing my doughnut. I couldn’t believe she was going to do this in front of Ryland, but, oh well. I chanced a glance at him to see that he was just as attentive as I was.
“I will let you two have your movie night on one condition.”
I sat forward more; she had my full attention—this had to be good.
“No hoodies for the rest of the week.”
Not good.
“What?” I shrieked. I looked over at Ryland. He was smiling ear to ear.
“Thursday, Friday, Saturday. No hoodie.” She was firm.
I was doomed.
“Good one! I knew you’d get her out of those hoodies somehow!”
I rounded on Ryland; my face must have been terrifying because he flinched away from me.
“Please tell me you had nothing to do with this, Ryland.” My voice was a growl.
“Not a bit.” He winked at me and I felt my resolve lessen. Stupid hormones!
“Mom!” I pleaded with her like a child. This was not a compromise; this was torture.
“Take it or leave it, Joclyn.”
“Mom, this is so not fair! I can’t go to school without a hoodie. Do you know what will happen?” Yes, I was begging. I didn’t care. I couldn’t lose Saturday night, but this was unacceptable.
“People will see what a beautiful young lady you are. Oooh! Maybe you’ll get asked out on a date!” she said triumphantly.
I felt Ry tense behind me. I just wanted to melt into the kitchen floor.
“Whatever, Mom.”
“Joclyn, if you want to go with Ryland Saturday night, you need to do this for me.”
I felt the last of my resolve slip away. How many times was I going to get guilt-tripped this morning?
“Fine.” I think I sounded like a beaten kitten. “I’ll see you later, Ry.” I waved to him as I tromped off to my room. If I had to put some thought into my clothes, this was going to take a while.
“Actually,” Ryland began, stopping me in my tracks, “I am going to take you to school today. That’s what I came over to tell you.”
I swear my heart just shot right down to my toes. I was not sure if my mother laughed or gasped; either way, the sound that came from the kitchen was not very good.
Ryland looked at me with this heroic glee, like he had just won the best prize in the world.
“Fine!” I snapped and ran to my room, slamming the door behind me. I put some mindless music on a little louder than normal in an attempt to drown out the voices from the kitchen, and set to work.
I pulled out a pair of darker jeans that would fit snug, but still had enough room in them that I wouldn’t look like I was trying too hard. That left shirts. Okay, so brand new red shirt was out—I had to save that for Saturday. So that left a gray one with ruffles I never wore and a green one with fabric roses near the hem. Seeing as they would both get a turn, I grabbed blindly, draping the green shirt over the jeans. Grabbing the rest of the stuff I needed, I ran across the hall to the bathroom and took the world’s quickest shower.
Without the hood to help keep my hair in place, I had to do something to it to guarantee that ugly mark didn’t peek out. I brushed my hair before lifting the hair up above my right ear. There it was, the dragon, peeking out from beneath my ear to look at me. I dropped my hair and pulled it to the side into a sleek side braid, guaranteeing that no one would see it.
I shoved my clothes on, not bothering to look at myself in the mirror. I didn’t want to see myself and lose the forced confidence I had tried to rattle to the surface. I sprinted across the hall to my room, slamming my door behind me. Even my music couldn’t drown out my mother’s joyous laughter.
It was like my birthday all over again. I liked the way I looked; I just wished I felt more comfortable. I dabbed on some concealer and lip gloss before turning to the door, my hand freezing on the knob. It wasn’t just my mom out there; it was Ryland, too. Beyond that, what was I going to do when I got to school? My false confidence morphed into a full-blown panic attack and I found myself hyperventilating behind the bedroom door. The skin on my chest grew hot, as if my panic had ignited the necklace that was hiding underneath my shirt.
The knob twisted under my fingers and was jerked out of my hand as the door flung open in front of me. Ryland grabbed me around the waist and pulled me to him, burying his face in my hair. He cradled me against his strong chest, his hand wrapped around my waist as the other smoothed my hair. As his hand moved its way up and down my back, I found my breath slowing, the panic melting away.
“Shhhhh… it’s okay, Jos. Just breathe. I’m here.” I wrapped my arms around him as I came back to myself.
He moved me away from him; his hands never left my shoulders as his thumbs moved over the skin on my arms. I looked up at him in nervous anticipation, but his eyes didn’t leave mine. He didn’t look at what I wore. He didn’t appraise my uncovered body. He just stared straight into my eyes with a passion I had never seen before.
“You’re beautiful.” His hands trailed down my arms, their warmth leaving a trail of goosebumps behind them. He intertwined his fingers with mine for a brief second before leaning down, his lips brushing against my hair. “Your eyes, they are just like diamonds.”
I shivered at his whisper, his voice lingering in my ear. He squeezed my hand before dragging me off to the kitchen where my mom sat, still in her robe. At the sight of me, she dropped her doughnut. Her face screamed pure joy; it almost felt like she was sending me off to my first day of kindergarten.
“Oh, Joclyn, it’s beautiful.” She cupped my face with her rough kitchen hands. She was crying, and I felt like crying, too. I had given her what she wanted, her dream. If only for three days, I was giving her that beautiful, little girl she had always wanted. Deep down inside, I knew I wanted to be that, too.
I didn’t want to get out of the car. Who would? It was nice and warm, and the leather of the seats, soft and cozy. Ryland had turned the radio down low and he had his hand on my knee, thumb caressing me in a comfortable way. I scowled at the large red school in front of us.
“Maybe I didn’t think this through enough,” I said.
“What do you think they will do; more than just notice you, I mean?”
I turned to glare at him. I wasn’t in the mood to go over my fight with Cynthia just yet. His hand moved from my knee to trail up the pale skin of my arms, leaving another row of goosebumps behind.
“That would be enough to ruin my day.” I tried to laugh, but it didn’t come out right; my panic made it sound more maniacal than I had intended.
“Honestly, Jos, did you think I would feed you to the wolves?” His eyes sparkled as he reached behind my seat for a large wad of fabric.
I recognized the fabric as a hoodie, and I couldn’t help the smile that spread over my face. I untangled the mass of fabric to reveal a bright blue jacket with a small stamp of Whittier Prep’s crest on the chest.
Ryland shifted in his seat and began to help me pull the sweat shirt over my head, careful not to let it run against my sleek braid. As it moved over me, I caught the strong, pleasurable smell that was so Ryland; grass from endless hours on the Rugby field and some sort of heavy smoke, not like the smoke of a drug user, but that heavy wooden smell like a million bonfires or fireworks.
“Thanks, Ry.” I looked up at him and gave him my biggest, goofiest grin; all the while chanting in my head.
Only friends, only friends…
“Anything for you, sweetheart.”
Only friends, only friends…
His hand moved up to cup my face, his thumb trailing along my jaw and I froze, my mind went blank. It was only when he began to move closer that my brain went into overdrive.
“I’ve got to go.” It took all my strength to pull my face away from his touch and move out of the warm comforting interior of his Lotus. My heart screamed at me as I pried myself away, desperate to get back to him. I closed the door behind me and leaned against it longer than would have been natural until I heard his dark chuckle from inside the car. I jumped at the sound and moved away, speed-walking toward the school.
“Hey, Jos.”
I turned to his voice, his body leaning over the passenger seat and out the window so he could talk to me.
“Ryland.” That came out a bit stiff.
“I’ll be here to pick you up right after school.”
I nodded at him and began walking again. I only made it about two steps before he stopped me again.
“And, Joclyn, the sweater’s a gift, another piece of me, okay?” He winked at me, his blue eyes flashing. My eyes were glued to his for a minute before he tore away, speeding off in his car.
I continued toward the school, my head buzzing in an odd swarm of happy mosquitoes. Nothing made sense; Ryland had sat at my kitchen table less than a week ago explaining that the necklace didn’t mean anything, but since then, he has been trying to kiss me. Then there were all the gifts, like he was saying good-bye.
My heart thudded as I crossed the street, making a beeline to Wyn who was in a heated conversation with someone tall who stood with their back to me. I was determined to get over the weirdness so we could keep working on our friendship; after all, I would need her after Ryland left.
Wyn’s voice rose a bit, the frantic tone increasing as I moved closer to her. She was so engrossed in her conversation that she didn’t even see me step right up next to her.
“I’m not going to do that! Can you imagine how that would ruin everything? You would be making me start all over again.” I ignored her comment and looked toward the man standing across from her.
My heart seized in an uncomfortable fear. The man who had been following me around campus stood right there, his bright blue eyes burning into mine. Now that I was close to him, I couldn’t help but notice how familiar his eyes were, like I had seen them somewhere before. My mouth just hung open in a sterilized panic I couldn’t quite bat away.
“You know him?” I rounded on Wyn after my brain clicked back into place. She knew him. I mean, she stood here talking to him.
“Who?” Was she joking? He stood right here.
“Him! My Stalker.” I motioned toward him, my heart falling into my stomach to see him staring at me with an amused smile on his face.
“Hello, Joclyn.” He spoke smoothly, his voice laced with some deep, throaty accent I couldn’t place. His deep rumble vibrated through me, sending a shiver up my spine.
“Oh, great! You could have at least told me she saw you. I told her you were a janitor!” Wyn’s voice sounded almost hysterical as she shrieked out. The tall man turned toward Wyn, staring down at her. Wyn bowed her head, her lips moving in some form of apology I couldn’t understand before lowering in an unmistakable curtsy. That wasn’t normal.
“Will someone please explain to me what’s going on?”
“Joclyn, Ilyan. Ilyan, Joclyn,” Wyn introduced. “Ilyan is my brother, Jos. And, apparently a big jerk. Sorry; if I knew it was him you kept seeing, I would have told you.”
Ilyan turned on her again, but this time, Wyn stood her ground. They stared daggers at each other for a minute as if engaged in some form of silent conversation. Definitely brother and sister.
“I’m so sorry if I scared you,” Ilyan began, his accent rolling his vowels in odd ways. “I am working on my thesis concerning high school peer groups and how they affect the grades and future outcomes of children and adolescents. I have been conducting my research here.”
“Ummm.” I didn’t really understand all that just came out of his mouth. “So, not a member of a cult then?” I spoke my thoughts aloud without thinking, and my hand flew to my mouth in embarrassment.
Wyn and Ilyan only burst out laughing.
“No, no cult,” he lilted with a curious half-smile.
I let out a big sigh of relief. Good, maybe my dad hadn’t acted on his craziness yet. I couldn’t stop looking at his eyes; they were just so familiar. I kept staring, expecting their mystery to jump out at me. I guess I had been staring for far too long as Wyn cleared her throat beside me.
“So, what are you named after? Ilyan isn’t a very common name.” I spoke the first thing on my mind, hoping to end the rather awkward silence. “Are you named after a king or something; I know Wyn is named after a queen.”
“I guess you could say that,” Ilyan laughed with a rich, happy sound that seeped through me. Even Wyn joined into the joke. I must be missing something.
“What?” I asked, looking between them. They shook their heads in unison; the joke, one they didn’t want to share. I looked away in irritation to see the school grounds devoid of inhabitants.
“Oh, gosh! We are going to be late!” I whisked Wyn away from her brother without even bothering to say good-bye.
We parted ways at Wyn’s locker and I kept running, thankful that it was an A-day and to have gym, instead of French with Madame Armel, who would notice my tardy. Hopefully, I would have time to dress down before class began.
I ran into the locker room, my heart plunging to see it empty. Even if I dressed and went in, the teacher would make me run the mile. No, thank you. I sat down on one of the many metal benches. I was not having a very good track record—first, two classes yesterday and then, gym today. My mom was going to kill me.
I leaned against the locker, intending to sleep through the hour long block. For some reason, sitting still caused the smell from Ryland’s jacket to increase. I didn’t move, letting the delicious scent waft around me. What was I going to do about him, or even about me, for that matter?
Without any warning, a vision of our bodies intertwined together filled my mind. His heavy muscular form pushing against me as he wrapped his arms around me in a passionate… what was I doing? I shook my head in frustration, emptying the fantasy from my mind. It was obvious he wanted to kiss me, and I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I wanted to kiss him. My mom was right; we were both hormone-driven teenagers. What harm could one kiss do, though? He was leaving after all; I might as well make the most of it.
I slammed my head into a locker. Even with all my rationalization I still had made my mother a promise. As much as my heart broke, and as many times as I would have to repeatedly convince myself of it, I had to keep that promise. Until Heaven and Hell broke loose and we could somehow be together, no matter what, I would keep the promise.
My mind jerked out of its heart-breaking reverie as my phone buzzed in my pocket.
How’s the jacket?
I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face.
Large, warm, and very hideable. Thanks.
I tucked the phone in the pocket of the hoodie and leaned my head back again. He must be ditching class, too, because the next message came right away.
Hideable?
It’s a word
!
I knew it wasn’t, but it should be.
Uh huh… I guess it’s good you are a junior, because you obviously still have some leprosy to deal with. ;)
Leprosy
?
My loud laugh echoed around the walls of the locker room. I covered my mouth, scared I would get caught ditching gym.
Spell check! I meant learning.
Right; and I’mthe one who needs extra ‘learning’
?
It took a long time for him to reply, and by the time he did, students were already making their way back into the locker room, so I stood and made my way out of the room before I was discovered.
Be warned, we are doing pie tonight.
Pie.
We hadn’t done pie for months. Although it wasn’t as cool as it sounded, “pie” simply involved taking a chocolate crème pie—my favorite—up the canyon and hanging out at the fire pit. Normally I would be excited for pie, but right now, it just seemed like a bad situation that would end in forbidden kissing. My heart sputtered and my stomach swooped. I would keep my promise to my mom. I had to.
I can’t, there is no way my mom will let me
.
I typed as I slid into my desk in my next class.
I’ll take care of your mom. She will let you; don’t worry.
It had taken quite a bit of compromise to get permission for the movie on Saturday; I doubted it would happen. Then again, she had already gotten me into a regular, old t-shirt.
I can’t. I have lots of homework
.
I lied, knowing he would see right through it.
Why are you avoiding me, Jos?
I stared at the screen, knowing that class had already started and I wasn’t paying even a scrap of attention. What could I say to him? It wasn’t like I was doing it on purpose. There was just so much I couldn’t tell him, no matter how much I wanted to. There were so many times I wanted to kiss him, to let him kiss me, but I couldn’t. Just being his friend was going to be harder than I thought.
Fine. We’ll do pie.
I put my phone away and attempted to focus on class, ignoring the continual buzzing from my pocket. My next classes passed in quick succession, and I worked hard to finish as much of my homework as possible.
My phone finally stopped buzzing as I slipped into my normal spot in the cafeteria, content to disappear for the rest of the day.
“I am so sorry about my brother,” Wyn said as she dropped into the seat opposite me, her tray laden with enough food to feed a group of girls. “He’s an idiot,” she continued without waiting for me to respond. “If I had known it was him you thought was following you, I would have told you. He’s an idiot,” she repeated and then bit into a French fry.
“Hey, I’m just glad to know I’m not going crazy anymore.”
“Nope, not crazy. He is, though.” She rolled her eyes. “Speaking of crazy, what’s with that cult comment?” Wyn raised her eyebrows at me, but I just waved her off.
“Just something my dad said once.” She kept waiting for me to elaborate, but I kept staring at my food, hoping she wouldn’t pry.
“Well, anyway,” Wyn began in an odd attempt to break the silence, “can you come over tonight? We never got to watch our movie from Monday, and Ilyan will be home so you can see how non-freaky he is.”
“I can’t. I’m doing pie with Ry,” I said. I was sad I couldn’t go. As much as I was looking forward to the evening with Ryland, I was still terrified at what might happen.
“Pie? Is that code for something dirty?”
My voice rang out in noxious laughter at Wyn’s comment. I was so happy we were in the middle of the lunch room where no one would notice the noise.
“No!” I said through giggling. “It’s just pie.”
Wyn stared at me in confusion.
“You know,” I prompted, “we get together, we eat pie, and we talk.”
Wyn sighed as if that was the stupidest thing she had ever heard.
“We have done it for as long as I can remember. When we were little, it was just a way for him to get away from his dad, and we would hide in the bushes behind the pool.”
“How romantic,” she grumbled.