Kiss of Ice (St. James Family) (21 page)

“
Goddamnit Annie,” he said, feeling like his head was going to explode. “Tell me to go.” His voice was failing. “Tell me to go.”

But she said nothing. Lust clouded his judgement. He dropped his hands to her waist and, true to his word, hiked her up on the countertop, pushing himself between her legs. He shoved her nightgown up her thighs, until it bunched at her waist. She gasped when her bare ass hit the cold marble. “Christy!” she whispered. He closed his mouth over hers greedily. He'd waited for this so long, and dreamt every night of holding her in his arms again. He fumbled with his belt as he slipped his tongue against hers. A moan vibrated up her throat. She raked her hands through his hair, nipping at his lip in between kisses. Fuck. He was so hard he thought he was going to die if he didn't get inside her right then.

Finally he was free from his pants and he shoved her legs open wide. He guided himself to her opening. He didn't even think to get the condom from his wallet. His head breached her, and she stilled. She broke the kiss and glanced down between them. He dropped his eyes as well, and they both watched as he slid deep inside her. They moaned in unison. Bliss enveloped him. For a split second, he wondered if he was dreaming. Then she squeezed him deep inside and he didn't care whether it was reality or not.

Annie tightened her grip on his hair, pulling his head back. She trailed red-hot kisses down his exposed throat. The pleasure sent sparks of electricity through his body, and he bucked against her. She let out a strangled cry against his throat. The sound made something snap inside of him. He clapped a hand over her mouth, and then plunged inside her again and again, harder and harder. His hand muffled her cries as she clung to him.

“Will you miss me?” he whispered into her ear. “When you're alone in your bed tonight, will you miss me?” He thrust inside her, achingly slow this time. He dropped his hand and covered her mouth with his. He ran his tongue across hers, just as slowly. “Will you miss me when I'm gone?” he repeated when he broke the kiss. Her eyes were closed, her swollen lips slightly parted. She nodded, as if in a trance. He cupped her left breast in his hand and ran his thumb over her hard nipple. She purred from deep in her throat.

He eased her back against the cold countertop. He dropped his head and flicked his tongue against her nipple through the fabric. She arched her back, her brow furrowed as if she was in pain. But he knew better. He knew that she loved it. He drew her nipple deep into his mouth, sucking and and licking at her. He covered her mouth again with his free hand and lightly bit her nipple. She cried out, into his hand. Then he thrust deeply and hard again. She cried out again. He wasn't going to let her get off easy. He wanted her to remember him. Late at night, alone in bed, she would think about how he had fucked her in her kitchen. Every morning, when she did something as mundane as making coffee, she would remember this moment. The thought made him jerk inside of her.

She drew his finger into her mouth and sucked as he fucked her. He nearly came undone when he saw her. He gritted his teeth to keep from making a sound loud enough for her sister to hear. He hooked his arm under her knee and opened her up as far as he could. Dropping his weight on top of her, pinning her to the marble, he pumped in and out, again and again. He felt the tension pulling his muscles tight, and he knew he was close. But he'd be damned if he was going to come before her. And he wanted something from her. If he was honest with himself, he could admit this might be the last time he ever held her. He couldn't handle not knowing.

“
Tell me you love me,” he whispered. He lifted her knee, thrusting as deep as he could. She rolled her head against the counter, biting her lip. She still couldn't say it. After all this time. The realization cut him to the core. Bracing himself against the counter with his free hand, he pulled out of her completely. His whole body screamed in dissent. His dick pulsated, resting in between her thighs. She jerked against him, her body not wanting to let him go. “Goddammit. Look at me,” he whispered. She lifted those golden-brown eyes and caught his. “Do you love me?” he asked, realizing that desperation was creeping into his voice.

Then the doorbell rang. He slammed his palm against the countertop, frustration boiling over. Hell no. No, he wasn't leaving yet. She writhed against him,  trying to get up but he wouldn't let her. “Christy,” she whispered. “The car service.”

He shook his head. Fuck that. He guided himself back to her opening and thrust deep. She arched her back, the tendons in her neck straining as he fucked her hard. The ringing of the doorbell became more insistent, but it faded into the background as he bucked against her like a wild animal. Her fingernails raked down his back. He dropped his head and sucked on her lower lip before drawing her into a kiss. “It doesn't matter,” he whispered in between kisses. “It doesn't matter.” At that moment, it didn't. All that mattered was he was with Annie. At least she knew how he felt about her.

A voice cut through the reverie. He realized after a moment that it was Antoinette. He and Annie both froze. “Nat? Nat? Are you down there?” Her voice echoed. “Who's at the door now?” Christophe levered himself off of Annie and helped her off the counter. She pulled her robe closed as he rearranged himself in and carefully zipped his pants.

“It's just the car service, Toni.” Annie's voice sounded husky, and she coughed to clear the lust from her throat.

“
Do you want me to get it?” Antoinette sounded unsure.

“
No. I'm getting it right now.” Annie's eyes were frantic as they caught Christophe's. Then she turned and hurried toward the door. Christophe felt his heartbeat racing. He rubbed his face, trying to get the sex out of his system. He took the coffee and drained the mug. Not exactly hard liquor, but the caffeine would give him a jolt and wake him up. Then he fastened his belt and went to meet Annie at the door. She was apologizing to the driver. He glanced up the stairs and Toni stood there, watching them. She looked at him like she could see right through him. Averting his eyes, he got out of there as fast as he could before he dropped to his knees and begged Annie to let him stay.

***

“Do you love me?” His question had made her stomach drop. Annata was totally at his mercy. He fucked her fast, then slow, then fast again, slowly driving her mad. She let her mind go and just let herself feel. She felt her brain turn to mush as he drove himself into her. She wanted him so much. The lust in his eyes was making her crazy. The way he fucked her made her feel like the sexiest, most desirable woman in the world. And then he asked her if she loved him. Suddenly, the world was absolutely clear again. He was staring at her, his eyes dark as a pit.

Her mouth wouldn't move. What would it matter if she told him she was in love with him? There was nothing to be gained from opening herself up in that way. She and Christy were over. They would never be together. She had come to terms with it. Then the doorbell rang and she felt a hysterical panic rising within her. She wanted to cling to him and never let him go. And for awhile, she did. But, as always, the world had risen up and smacked her in the face. And now here she was, standing at the door, watching him walk away from her as he followed the driver to the black Lincoln town car.

Christy glanced back at her as he opened the car door. Annata took a deep breath. Her body still tingled everywhere he'd touched her. She hoped that some day it would hurt less when she saw him, and when she DIDN'T see him. She realized, as she watched him get in the car, that every time she wasn't with him she hurt. It took him showing up at her door in the middle of the night for her to realize what she was feeling day in and day out was pain. The longer she went without seeing him, the pain would lessen to a dull roar. So dull that she could almost ignore it. But tonight it had reared up the moment she saw him, so powerful that it had almost taken her breath away.

Annata stepped out onto the stoop and watched the car drive away. She told herself that sending Christy home was the right thing to do. She didn't want him to have any false hope that things would work out between them. She told herself that she wanted him to move on and be happy. But her heart clenched in her chest when she thought about him being happy with someone else. When the taillights faded from view, she went inside and locked the door.

Annata glanced up and noticed that Toni was gone from the top of the stairs. The house creaked somewhere. Then there was nothing but silence. With a sigh, she went back into the kitchen. Christy's empty mug was on the counter where he left it. She chuckled to herself when she noticed that he had, in fact, drunk every last drop. Her smile faded.  She stared at it for a moment, but couldn't bring herself to move the mug. Instead of asking herself why, she decided she was exhausted and would clean up in the morning. She flicked off the coffeemaker and the light and went back upstairs.

“
Nat?” Toni called out from her room. Annata went down the hallway and poked her head in her sister's room. Toni was back in bed, her ankle propped up on a pillow.

“
Yes, dear?” Annata leaned against the jamb of the door, feeling very tired all of a sudden.

“
I hope you didn't send him home on account of me. It's your house. If you want to hump someone, it's none of my business.” Toni said, matter-of-factly. Annata burst out laughing at her sister's words.

“
If I want to hump someone?!” She laughed. She rubbed her eyes, shaking her head. “Oh my God. Go to sleep.”

“
I'm serious.” Toni sat up on her elbows. “I'm not an idiot, you know. You like him. And he definitely likes you.”

“
I don't like him,” Annata said.

“
Whatever.” Toni rolled her eyes. “You make everything so difficult.”

“
What do you know about it?” Annata said. As far as she knew, her younger sister hadn't had a serious relationship since she moved to New York. The sisters were similar in that way. They didn't let romantic entanglements get in the way of their professional goals.

“
If you meet someone, someone who you feel a pull toward, like you can't look away from them, or be away from them without feeling like they're taking some of you with them...” Toni trailed off, looking like she was far away. Annata wondered what—or who—her sister was thinking about. Then Toni flinched, as if in pain, and adjusted her ankle. Back to earth, she continued. “If you find someone like that, you shouldn't take it lightly. Out of all the people on Earth, how many do you think will make you feel as good?”

“
I didn't realize you were such a romantic,” Annata said, keeping her tone light.

“
I'm just lonely, sometimes,” Toni said, settling back down on the pillows. “Especially now that I can't dance.” Annata fought the urge to go to her sister and give her a hug. She didn't want to baby her, but her heart broke a little at those words.

“
The cast will be off soon. Then you can go back to work,” Annata said.

“
I know,” Toni nodded. She turned her head to Annata. “What's wrong with Christophe?”

Annata blinked. “Nothing is wrong with him.”

“It's not because he's white, is it?” Toni rolled her eyes. “Because all that doesn't matter. Despite what Granny says. A man like that could be purple for all I'd care.”

“
No. It's not about that.” Annata shook her head.

“
Good. At your age, you should take whatever you can get,” Toni said, smiling.

“
I know of a certain little sister that's going to be living on the streets tomorrow,” Annata said as she closed the door behind her.

Chapter 24

1 Month Later

Annata woke from a dreamless sleep an hour before her alarm was programmed to go off. Her bedroom was a hazy blue, the sun beckoning from the east. She rolled over, closing her eyes again. She snuggled into the warmth of her blankets, even though the city was in the midst of a slight warmup outside. The past week had been in the 60s, despite it being a few days before Halloween. Everyone knew it was global warming, but it still was hard to not enjoy the weather. She'd been going out for long walks all week at lunch, which was very unlike her. She had felt the need to roam lately, the restlessness growing inside her like a virus. Her position as the head of Mirabelle cosmetics was a dream job,
and at work she was on point. But... still. It was a Tuesday morning and she was awake at the crack of dawn, restlessness itching up her legs and into her brain.

Annata sat up, throwing the thick peacock-blue duvet off of her legs. She went over to the dresser and dug around for her sports bra. A run would be good for mind and body, she decided. She wasn't much of a jogger; she usually preferred the controlled environment of the gym to the outdoors. But she lived close enough to several parks now, and at this time of day, they would be relatively deserted, except for the hardcore runners. She pulled on her workout clothes, tied her hair up in a ponytail and was out the door in minutes.

The fresh morning air was heavy with moisture, and smelled lightly of spicy, damp leaves and buttery pastries, from the cafe on the corner. A smile curved over her face. It was a perfect late fall morning, and her mood instantly brightened. For some reason, her feet headed toward Central Park, as opposed to Riverside park, which was closer. She went with her body's inclination, her mind wonderfully occupied by the exertion. Her feet pounded the pavement, forcing the air out of her lungs. She focused on her breathing. Breathe in, breathe out, she repeated over and over in her mind.

By the time Annata reached the entrance to Central Park, her calf muscles were burning. Her lungs tingled. She smiled. She was just getting warmed up. She continued to the reservoir at the center of the upper half of the park, beginning the loop. She steadied her pace, not wanting to tire herself out too early. More experienced runners passed her by, but she continued at her slower pace. The trees rustled with a light breeze. Birds chirped. Water lapped against the sides of the reservoir. A few ducks remained in the water, not yet having migrated south because of the unseasonable weather. She felt her mind finally relaxing as the beautiful scenery took effect.

Annata heard heavy footfalls behind her, and she moved to the side to let the fellow runner pass. But they didn't pass. Not at first. She felt the runner slow down beside her, and she felt a pang of fear in her heart. Who the fuck was next to her? This was why she warned Toni to never go out jogging alone. Annata turned her head, giving the jogger the side-eye. Then the he sped up, quickly outpacing her. He was tall, in all black, his hair blond. No. It couldn't be. He was ahead of her a good quarter of a mile now, and she felt her legs pumping faster and faster, trying to catch up to the mysterious man.

The runner made a slight turn off of the path around the reservoir and into the woods beyond. She followed him, knowing it was probably a very bad idea. But she couldn't stop herself. Her lungs were on fire, but she ran faster and faster. He still outpaced her, but she was getting closer. He picked up his pace as she gained on him, and she felt herself falling behind. She pushed harder, pumping her arms. She wanted so bad to catch him. To beat him.

She was finally nearing him, and he turned his face to look at her. She saw him make a decision. His eyes narrowed and he clenched his jaw. His long legs covered more ground and he sped ahead. Every inch she gained, he made up for in a matter of seconds, outpacing her again. Damn him. He was in better shape than her. He would win no matter what. Her body was failing her, and she knew it. Finally, she admitted defeat. She slowed, dropping her hands to her knees as she came to a stop. Hard breaths wracked her frame. “You couldn't let me win could you?!” She got out, angry.

“
No!” he called out as he slowed to a stop, up on the path. She lifted her head and saw him on his way back to her. Anger and adrenaline coursed through her veins, making her heart beat even faster. It felt like it was going to beat right out of her chest.

“
Annata St. James,” Christophe said, his voice tight, stopping a short distance away. Annata felt her stomach clench and a wave of nausea crash into her.

“
Christophe Van der Kind,” she replied, her breathing choppy.  “What are you doing here?” she demanded, forcing herself to speak.

“
Running, obviously,” he said, glancing up at the sky. “Today must be my lucky day. I passed out at The Old Man's last night, which I thought was really pathetic.  Rock bottom. But then I woke up and decided to go for a run. And look who I find.” Annata felt her heart skip a beat, but she stomped out the spark in her mind before it started a fire. “I didn't realize I was trespassing.”

“
You are,” she said, forcing herself to focus on her breathing. “North of the park.”

“
You didn't have to follow me,” he said.

“
Did you think I wouldn't know it was you?” She pushed herself up, finally feeling like she could breath again.

“
I don't know.” He shrugged. He scrubbed his hands down his face. She noticed that he had more than a day's worth of stubble over his cheeks and chin. He looked...rugged, she decided. He jammed his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. “Annie.”

“
What?” she asked, her stomach twisting in knots.

“
I don't know.” He looked around, as if hoping words would drop out of the sky. “How's Mirabelle?”

“
That's what you want to talk about?” she said. “Really?”

“
Give me a fucking break!” he called out. “I'm trying.” Annata crossed her arms, wanting to leave but her legs wouldn't move.

“
Mirabelle is a great company. I really love it,” she said, putting on her society voice.

“
Good. I'm glad.”

“
How're things at International?” she asked, not really wanting to hear the answer.

“
Great.” He ran his hand through his hair. “Never better.” He looked so beautiful in the morning sun just then. His jaw was set in a tense way, as if he was trying to hold himself back from saying too much.

“
Fantastic.” She adjusted her ponytail.

“
I'm happy Mirabelle is working out for you.”

“
Okay.” Annata turned back toward the reservoir. “I'm going now.”

“
What the fuck, Annie?” Christophe growled, his sudden anger surprising her. “What do you want from me?” Annata stared at him, silent. “You keep acting like you want nothing to do with me. Why did you follow me? Why won't you let me go?”

“
I
won't let you go?
!” she screamed. “You're the one who's everywhere. You're everywhere!” She lunged forward again to shove him in his chest. He steeled himself against her, and it felt like she was slamming into a brick wall. He grabbed her by the hips, his fingers digging into her.

“
I'm going to pretend that you didn't just hit me,” he said, his voice dangerously low. She stared at the zipper on his hoodie, not wanting to look him in the eye.

“
I hate you,” she said, unable to stop herself from leaning into him. He smelled like sweat and man and coffee. And a hint of peppermint.

“
Good,” he said, taking a step back. She swayed a bit, suddenly feeling very cold. “I am sorry about that night. It was a mistake.”

“
Stop apologizing,” Annata said.

“
Fine. Tell me what you want, and I'll do it,” he said, finally letting his hands drop at his sides.

“
Stay below the park,” she said, decisively, like that would solve all her problems.

“
What about Midtown, if I should cross your path on the street?”

“
Just keep going.”

“
So you don't want to talk to me ever again?”

“
No,” she said, studying his zipper.

“
That settles it then.” He took another step back. “Goodbye, Annie.”

“
Don't say it like that,” she shook her head.

“
Don't say it like what? Like I mean it?” he said. Annata looked up and down the path, as if she would find the answer there. Words were failing her.  Now that the end was looking her in the face, she felt a tide of panic rising in her chest. Her hands shook, and she pressed them against her thighs.

“
Mmm,” Annata tried to speak, but her mouth wouldn't work. Her whole body felt numb.

“
I'm done embarrassing myself,” he said, watching her. He was almost daring her to stop him. Daring her to make him stay. But she couldn't. She swallowed hard, nausea rolling in her stomach. “I'm done,” he said, hammering his point home. She felt herself nodding. Fine, fine, everything was fine.

“
Go,” she finally got out. He blinked, and she saw the hurt pass over his face. But then he clenched his jaw and hardened.

“
You win, Annie.” He turned and walked away from her. She watched him go, her body frozen in place. Several long minutes later, when he was gone, she felt her knees buckle and she bent over, clutching her stomach. Dry heaves wracked her body, but her empty stomach wouldn't allow her to vomit. Eventually, her breathing returned to normal. She stood on shaky legs, and started back toward the reservoir.

***

It was over. Christophe could finally admit it now without feeling like he was having a heart-attack. A numbness settled over him as he showered for work.  She'd shown herself to be the cold, unyielding woman that he had always feared she would be. She could be warm, funny, luminous...when she let her guard down. And soft and lovely...he banged his forehead against the glass shower door. Pain rocketed through his body. He would rather feel the external pain than the inner pain that was flaring up. If he had a choice, he would prefer to be completely numb. He forced himself to focus on the throbbing of his head and not not think about HER as he lathered up. He scraped at his skin with the wash cloth, wanting to wash off the stink of that morning. Eventually, the warm, penetrating water of the shower relaxed the pain away. He let his mind go blank.

Christophe dressed, humming a nameless tune to himself. He picked out the navy suit and a black tie on auto-pilot. On his way to the office, he read reports and caught up on business that had been festering for days. He answered calls and conducted business  like a champ. At the office, he breezed through, greeting his co-workers and plastering a smile on his face. He flirted with the pretty intern, and had lunch with The Old Man, who kept the conversation going with business talk.

Days passed. Weeks passed. He barely registered the passing time. After a particularly long day, he watched the sun go down from his desk chair. Eventually, the phones stopped ringing, and the office fell silent. He poured himself a drink and sat in the dark until he heard a small knock on his door. He flipped on the desk light. “Come in.” Christophe called out. The pretty intern stuck her head inside, then stepped all the way in as she opened the door. He searched his brain for her name. Linda? Luisa?

“
Sorry to interrupt,” she said, unsure.

“
I'm not busy,” he said, flashing a smile in return. Her face relaxed and she stepped further into the room.

“
I have the final list for the Christmas party. I was told you needed to approve the  guests.” She lifted a red binder. He waved her into the room and held out his hand. She strode forward. He noticed she had long legs and a tight skirt on. One of those kind of skirts Annie wore. He remembered shoving the tight wool skirt up Annie's thighs when he'd had her up on the desk. The intern wore a white blouse, not tight, but he could still make out the sway of her breasts beneath the fabric. She was pretty, maybe even beautiful. He thought how easy it would be to make a move on her, to be an unscrupulous asshole. Seven years ago, he would have done it. Shit, one year ago, he would have done it. No questions asked. He would have seduced her and had a good time while it lasted.

Christophe felt the binder in his hand and then she was walking away from him and closing the door. He turned off the desk lamp again and turned his chair back to the window. More time passed, he wasn't sure how much. He had a drink or two or three. Finally he turned back on the desk light. The red binder stared him the face, and he flipped through a few pages. No surprises. He could just approve it, without going further. But he kept reading, not wanting to admit what he was looking for.  Curiosity urged him on, and he ran his finger down the pages, actively searching. And there she was. Ms. Annata St. James +1.  He threw the binder across the room, the crash as it hit the floor oddly satisfying.