Kiss & Sell (3 page)

“You think I’ll just be a ‘fine’ kisser?” I asked, putting my hands on my hips. “Not a ‘great’ kisser, or an ‘awesome’ kisser, but a ‘fine’ kisser?”

“I just don’t want to put too much pressure on you by saying you’re going to be the ‘best kisser ever,’ before you’ve actually ever done it,” Phin said.

“Oh,” I said. “Well, maybe I could just kiss
you
and get it over with and then we’ll see who’s a ‘fine’ kisser.” I faked like I was leaning in for a sloppy smooch, pushing out my lips and batting my eyes at Phin enticingly.

“No way, Red,” Phin said, covering his mouth with his hand. “It would be like kissing my sister or something. I’m
so
not going there with you. No offense, of course.”

“I was just teasing you. Jeez, tell me how you really feel,” I said and plopped back onto my bed. “And for the last time, stop calling me Red!”

Ever since I’d met Phin back in third grade, he’d insisted on calling me Red every once in a while just to annoy me.

“Fine. A-r-i-e-l-l-e,” he said slowly, spacing out my name like he was sounding it out.

“So, are we going to do this or not?” McCartney asked, before I could lunge at Phin for being a major pain in my backside.

“Let’s do it,” I said, turning back to the computer screen. “I’m ready to be kissed.”

And without hesitating, I clicked on the “Sell Item Now” box, and watched as my first kiss went to the highest bidder.

I’D HAD THIS
reoccurring dream ever since I was a kid, where I was at school and everyone around me was pointing and laughing. I had no idea what was so funny and couldn’t remember how I’d gotten there in the first place. The room would start to spin as I turned around and around, looking into unfamiliar eyes that all seemed to be mocking me. The spinning always got faster, until I was so dizzy that I fell down. And that was usually when I woke up.

I was having that same feeling right now, only I wasn’t asleep, and I wasn’t going to wake up in a cold sweat in my bed. Because I actually
Was
at school.

“Are people looking at me weird?” I asked, lowering my eyes to stare at the ground as McCartney, Phin and I walked down the hallway the next day.

“No,” Phin said. “But if you keep looking at the floor you’ll probably run into someone and
then
everyone will be staring at you for-sure.”

I glanced up from my feet long enough to shoot an icy glare at him.

“Chill out, Arielle. We aren’t even sure anyone knows about it yet,” McCartney said with a frown. “Come on, we’ve got a few minutes before class. Let’s go and check it out.”

I fought to keep up with them as they sped to the nearest computer lab, which wasn’t exactly easy to do with my eyes still downcast. It’s also not something I’d recommend, even if you
are
in stealth mode.

Once we were safely in the nearly empty room, McCartney sat down in front of a computer and I waited silently as she pulled up my eBay account.

“Nobody’s even looked at it yet,” McCartney muttered after a minute, frustrated.

“Told you no one would want to bid on a kiss from me,” I said, looking around to make sure no one was listening.

“Dude, you’ve got to turn that frown upside down,” Phin said. “It’s all about attitude. If you think something long enough, eventually you’ll feel like It’s true. So, just start thinking you’re worth kissing and the kisses will come.”

“I guess,” I said, surprised to hear this come out of his mouth. “Since when are you all smart and stuff?”

“Gee, thanks,” Phin answered sarcastically.

“I just mean that, well, that was sort of profound.”

“I’m sneaky like that,” Phin said winking at me. “You two don’t know
everything
about me. I’ve got plenty of surprises up my sleeves.”

I was about to ask him exactly what he’d been keeping from us, when we were interrupted by a voice behind us.

“Wow! you’re seriously selling a kiss on the internet?” a girl said loudly enough for anyone within earshot to hear. I recognized her from fifth period geometry, but for the life of me, I couldn’t remember her name. Not that I felt all that bad…it
Was
only the second day of school after all. And I’d never really had a great memory.

“Uh, yeah, sort of,” I said slowly.

“Huh. That’s funny. Never would have pegged you to be the type,” she said.

Wait, I’d only talked to this girl for about five seconds, and she already knew what “Type” I was? I guess first impressions really
Were
important. Did my plaid skirt and pink tank really scream, “I wouldn’t sell my kiss on eBay?”

Before I had a chance to ask her this, McCartney had already jumped to my defense. “What does
that
mean?” she challenged.

The blond flinched as if McCartney had just hissed at her like a pissed off cat. I appreciated that McCartney had my back, but the girl needed to retract the claws just a little. I placed my hand lightly on her arm, and tried to smile at the new girl, whose own grin had faded away fast.

“Nothing. Just, you know, it’s a pretty bold move,” she answered, obviously intimidated by McCartney. “Don’t get me wrong, I think It’s cool. Er, let me know how it goes.”

Then we watched as the girl practically ran out of the room.

“Well, that wasn’t awkward at all,” I said, turning to McCartney. “And if you’re there to threaten everyone who brings up the subject, then I won’t have anything to worry about.”

McCartney ignored me as she turned back to the computer screen. “Forget her,” she said, typing away at the keys furiously. “We’ve seriously got to do something about this whole ‘no one knowing about your auction’ thing.”

“What are you gonna do, McCartney?” I asked nervously.

She hit a few more buttons, then announced triumphantly, “There! All done. People are
definitely
going to know about it now, which means you’re that much closer to getting that kiss.”

I looked at her, a sinking feeling growing in my stomach.

“I just sent the link to everyone in school,” McCartney said nonchalantly, and got up to leave.

Frozen in place and now staring at a blank computer screen, I tried to process what she’d said. When I finally snapped out of it, I had to run to catch up to them.

“But,” I sputtered. “The
entire
school? Was that really necessary? I mean, you could’ve just sent it to all the guys, because as you know, my first kiss isn’t going to be with a girl…you didn’t have to send it to everyone.”

“Yeah, but some of those
girls
have other
guy
friends, or brothers or whatever,” said Phin. “It’s like networking.”

“But now everyone’s going to be all up in my business,” I said, fidgeting uncomfortably.

“That’s what you want,” McCartney said. “The more people who know about it, the better chance you have of finding a totally kissable bidder!”

If I’d been worried about people staring at me before, I had a feeling I was about to be in for a strange couple of weeks.

By lunchtime pretty much everyone knew about my eBay posting. Walking down the hall to the caf was excruciating. I tried to pretend that I didn’t notice the whispers and giggles as I walked up to the table we’d designated as ours. Collapsing into an open chair, I set my bag down on the table and then lay my head on my arms.

“You guys, I think this may have been a major mistake,” I said, my head still down. “People are
laughing
at me. It’s humiliating.”

“Are you kidding? This is awesome!” Phin said, chomping on his double-stacked hamburger. “The more people who know, the more people will bid.”

“He’s right,” McCartney said. “Now that we’ve gotten the ball rolling, the bids are sure to come in. And then, that kiss will be yours!”

I looked up at them stubbornly. “You guys would be feeling differently if it was
you
everyone was staring at. And judging ruthlessly,” I said and then took a bite out of my banana.

Before either of them could respond, I heard a snicker coming from behind me. I turned to see one of the populars, Kristi Fern, standing there, sipping on her diet soda.

I blinked my eyes in surprise to see the Queen B herself, standing in our section of the cafeteria. As a general rule, the popular kids usually stuck to their own kind and rarely chanced being seen with civilians, so you could understand my confusion. Kristi shook her platinum blond hair off her shoulders and then placed her hand on her hip, leaning over to one side as if she were posing for a dozen hidden paparazzi cameras. The girl was like a walking shampoo commercial, and it totally made me want to barf.

Her two lackeys, June and Deb, trailed behind their leader, trying to copy her saunter but failing miserably. They each managed to slap on the same fake smiles, though, which was a feat unto itself.

“So,
Arielle
,” Kristi purred. “It’s really just
so
sad that you have to sell yourself to get a kiss! I mean, aren’t you a little embarrassed that no one’s wanted to go there, yet?”

I sat there stunned at Kristi’s bluntness and felt my face begin to heat up. Suddenly it dawned on me what the “B” in Queen B stood for.

“Why don’t you just shut it, Kristi?” McCartney shot back, giving her the famous McCartney stink eye. “I mean, if you had a penny for every kiss you gave, you’d be able to afford better highlights.”

People around us had stopped talking as soon as Kristi had started to speak, and now they whispered as they watched the confrontation. You could tell they were all silently hoping for a catfight. And considering what Kristi had just said, I was almost willing to give her one.

“At least someone’s going to
pay
to kiss me,” I said boldly, before I could think of the consequences. Like ultimate social suicide. “You have to give yours away.”

Kristi just smirked at me, unimpressed. “We’ll just see about that,” she said as she and her cronies walked away. “Really, who’s going to want to kiss such a loser?”

“Whoa, Kujo, relax,” Phin said as he pulled McCartney back into the chair she’d just jumped up from.

She glared at Phin. “Did you hear what she just said about Arielle?”

“Yeah. But it’s
Kristi
. She’s been evil since we were in middle school. Who cares what she thinks anyway?” Phin said, stuffing a few French fries in his mouth. “Besides, if Kristi’s being a witch, it’s just because she’s mad that all the attention isn’t focused on her. And that’s because it’s all on Arielle instead. That’s revenge enough, isn’t it?”

I looked around the room and saw that nearly every head was turned in our direction. Phin was right. The attention was definitely on us. Or more accurately, on me.

Before I could decide whether that was a good or bad thing, the bell rang and we started to pack up.

“You okay?” McCartney asked falling into step beside me.

“Actually, I feel great,” I said and realized it was true. “Telling Kristi off actually made me realize that this crazy plan of yours might just work.”

“That’s my girl,” Phin said smiling as he waited for a high five. Denied yet again, he stomped off to his next class.

McCartney and I walked into history, still talking about Kristi and her clones. We sat down next to each other and took out our books.

“Arielle?” Mrs. Beckett called out from the front of the room.

I looked over at the teacher surprised she already knew my name. Then I began to panic, because, well, why did she know my name?

“I have a note here that says Principal Howard would like to see you,” she said, holding up a piece of paper for the whole class to see.

Around the room, people erupted into “Ooooh’s” like I was in trouble, and I stood up nervously, worried they were right. Looking at McCartney questioningly, I headed up to retrieve the note.

“Did he say what it was about?” I asked her quietly.

“Sorry, but no,” she answered, already having lost interest in the situation.

“Okay. Uh, well, I guess I’ll go then?” I said uncomfortably.

I grabbed my things and left the class, starting my walk of shame down the hallway. As I went, I racked my brain for reasons why Principal Howard might want to see me. Was it because of the argument with Kristi? Nah. I shook my head. Kristi caused scenes all the time. Whatever it was, my mom would kill me if I managed to land myself in trouble on the second day of school.