Knowing Me Knowing You (11 page)

‘
Even the Love Dove?
’
Joel
asked
.

‘
Especially the Love Dove, although he was infinitely more skilled than the presenter with much better hair, well feathers, well, you know,
’
Kate remarked.

‘
Kate! Joel! Come on, we need to be quick, you’ll have to jog,
’
Becky shouted from the exit to the stage.

‘
Jog?
Is she kidding?
In
these
shoes?
’
Kate asked, picking up another abandoned drink and beginning to drink it.

‘
Come on. Let’s see it through,
’
Joel suggested and he took the glass out of her hand and replaced it on the bar.

‘
I’ve never liked limelight and I’m not warming to it,
’
Kate responded reluctantly following him towards the door.

‘
Do it for Frank, it looked like he was having a ball out in the audience and his wife
is
ill,
’
Joel reminded.

‘
It’s an ingrown toenail not a life-threatening disease.
’

They arrived backstage and stood next to Hayley and
Anthony. They were a tangerine-
tanned couple, who looked like they had spent the last ten years of their lives on a sun bed. They were dressed all in white making them look all the more orange and both of them had an abundance of curly hair. Anthony’s made him look like Graeme
Souness
and Hayley’s was more like Barbra Streisand.

‘
Right, now in a second Larry will announce you and you’ll be back on stage for the final surprise!
’
Becky said, doing a mini-jump on the spot.

‘
Surprise?
Oh what is it? Oh Anthony, what do you think it is?
’
Hayley began to gabble in an Australian accent, her curly hair bobbing up and down.

‘
I don’t know Sweetheart but it sounds exciting,
’
he
responded in an equally thick drawl.

They sounded like they had just stepped off the tarmac of
Ramsay Street
.

‘
You won’t be disappointed but I can’t say any more, it’s
just
seconds away!
’
Becky said her eyes wide.

‘
I can hardly contain myself,
’
Kate muttered
.

H
er head
was
beginning to pound with both the stress and the alcohol she had consumed in such a short space of time.

‘
Ladies and g
entlemen, we have our two winning couples; please welcome back to the stage, Hayley and Anthony and Kate and Joel!
’
Larry’s voice boomed through the PA system.

Joel took hold of Kate’s hand and they followed the Australian couple onto the stage to again be blinded by the lights and Larry’s silver suit.

From the audience Miranda let out a loud shriek of almost genuine appreciation, Colin started bellowing and thumping his chest like an aroused baboon and Frank Peterson was clapping and yelling ‘
b
ravo’ at every opportunity. Kate screwed up her eyes and tried to scrutinise Miranda’s hair as she flicked it around in
Colin’s face, but the lights in the room were too bright and trying to stare over them was hurting her eyes.

The Love Dove came up behind Kate and tickled her side with its wing. She
span
around and glared at it. The bird feigned chuckling, its wing over its beak and moved along the stage to Larry where it collected two glittering envelopes.

‘
Couples, as our winners tonight, not only have you won yourselves passes through to the regional finals next month, you have also won the contents of one of these envelopes that
Lovey
is carrying. Both contain super prizes but one is a little bit extra special. So
Lovey
, do your little dance, spin yourself around and then we will give our winners Hayley and Anthony first choice,
’
Larry spoke.

Loud dance music began and the dove jigged up and down, shook its tail feathers and crossed and uncrossed its legs. It was all a bit pointless as the envelopes it was carrying under each wing never altered. Now really feeling the effects of all the alcohol she had consumed during the evening Kate let out a laugh at the desperation of the whole event.

‘
So Hayley and Anthony, which wing?
’
Larry questioned in a serious voice, turning to the curly
-
haired duo.

‘
Oh Anthony, what do you think? Left has always been lucky for you and we live on the left-hand side of the street don’t we? What do you think?
’
Hayley questioned her partner seriously.

Kate couldn’t help herself, she was overcome
.
S
he burst out laughing at the woman’s stupidity and had to grab hold of Joel for support as she rocked on her high-heeled shoes.

‘
Are you OK?
’
he questioned, holding onto her hand.

‘
Is she insane?
Left-hand side of the street?!
’
Kate said out loud, holding her sides as she laughed hysterically.

Hayley and Anthony gave Kate a short look of bemusement and then went back to concentrating their efforts on the Love Dove who was flapping his wings in a frenzied fashion.

‘
Do you want to sit down?
’
Joel whispered
.

‘
No I wan
t to see what’s in the envelope.
H
urry up and choose will you!
’
Kate ordered the other couple.

‘
We’ll have the envelope under the left wing,
’
Anthony decided finally.

‘
Left wing
Lovey
, bring it here, lovely, thank you. OK, drum roll please
-
Ha
yley and Anthony, you have won -
a voucher valid for
twelve
months for food from the
Highbridge
branch of Chunky Chicken
.
Y
es, nuggets, strips, wings, chips and sides will all be yours on presentation of your voucher. Meals are limited to two main meals or one mega deal per week, other terms and conditions apply. Congratulations!
’
Larry exclaimed, passing the envelope to the Australians.

Hayley squealed excitedly and wrapped her arms around her partner, almost knocking him over.

‘
Give me the other envelope, what have we won?
twelve
month voucher for the off-licence would be good, no limitations,
’
Kate spoke loudly.

‘
Lovey
, pass me the envelope under your right wing and let’s see what Kate and Joel have won. Drum roll please,
’
Larry ordered as the lights dimmed.

Kate’s mouth felt dry as she almost eagerly watched the host rip open the envelope and pull out what was inside.

‘
Kate and Joel, you have won
-
a weekend in the romance lodge when we take the competition to the next stage in
Bournemouth
. Yes, you will spend a weekend of luxury in your own log cabin complete with sauna and hot tub when we take over the
Waterfield
Country
Park
next
month. This includes full use of all the facilities including pool, steam room, gymnasium, horse riding,
archery
, to name but a few. Relax in comfort and style courtesy of
Waterfield
Country
Park
and our sponsors Peterson Finance,
’
Larry announced to the room as everyone began applauding.

Larry handed the envelope to Kate and immediately she began to laugh hysterically, unable to hold herself together any longer. She threw her arms around Joel and then felt the urge to be sick overwhelm her.

‘
I don’t feel very well,
’
she admitted as her face drained of colour.

‘
Come on, let’s get you home
,
’
Joel said, holding her up and helping her to the side of the stage.

‘
I think there was something wrong with your w
ater, I shouldn’t have drunk it.
W
ater on its own doesn’t agree with me,
’
Kate informed him as they walked.

‘
I’m sure that must have been it,
’
Joel agreed.

It was midday on Saturday before Kate made it to Hermione’s. She didn’t remember getting home the night before. The last thing she remembered was being poked by a giant bird, whilst she stood on a stage being stared at by her boss and one of her wealthiest clie
nts. She had found the one hundred pounds
and golden voucher when she had gone to make a cup of much needed coffee. A weekend in a romance lodge, suddenly the whole sorry evening had come back to her.
Knowing Me Knowing You
-
what had that all been about? She had drunk too much and she had probably made an arse of herself.

Hermione opened the door to her, fresh faced and full of life as usual. There was nothing worse than having competent, sober, happy-go-lucky people in your face when you felt like crap.

Hermione was wearing a flour spattered apron and Kate immediately smelt the scent of freshly baked bread. It made her feel queasy.

‘
Hello Mrs TV game show star!
’
Hermione announced far too loudly.

‘
What?
’
Kate replied, stepping into the house.

‘
I saw you last night on the
tele
! You kept that quiet Sweetie,
’
Hermione continued.

‘
I don’t believe you saw it! It was on a satellite channel so far down the list no one should have seen it, apart from maybe a tiny Asian village in the middle nowhere,
’
Kate exclaimed in horror.

‘
I like alternative television
.
S
o
,
why didn’t you tell me?
’
she repeated.

‘
Because I didn’t k
now!
The Lady Dragon set me up and it
was awful,
’
Kate said as she led the way into the kitchen.

‘
I don’t see how spending an evening with that hunk of a man could ever be awful. He looked amazing! That photo you had did not do him justice, he is to die for!
’
Hermione exclaimed.

‘
God it was the worst night ever. Right before dinner the Lady Dragon announces I’ve got to take part in this ridiculous quiz. Then the wine seemed to dry up, but
then again,
even that could never have been plentiful enough to drown the dreadfulness of everything,
’
Kate spoke, sitting down at the table.

‘
And Joel?
I can’t believe he was dreadful too,
’
Hermione said as she put the kettle on to boil.

‘
He was OK, nice enough
I guess
, he did his job. Not sure the Lady Dragon believed we were a couple but then I told you that would happen the minute I saw his picture, he was too good looking. I should have gone for someone less handsome, but it was late notice I guess and I couldn’t have taken the one that looked like Dale Winton,
’
Kate replied with a heavy sigh.

‘
But you won!
W
ell
,
you were
second,
you
got one hundred pounds
and a weekend in a romance lodge.
’

‘
Hmm,
’
Kate answered.

‘
Well don’t sound
too
excited! I wouldn’t mind having a weekend in a romance lodge with him I can tell you,
’
Hermione responded.