Authors: Wendy Vella
“Has anyone hurt you?”
Someone broke my heart!
she wanted to cry but instead she shook her head.
“Please just let me go.” The plea in her words reached them.
“It’s my belief that there is a viscount involved here; however, I know you will not tell me. If you want to leave, I will not stop you. However, you will take Luke and Moses and two maids. You will spend one night at the home of Lord and Lady Lucas, and then on the second day you should reach Twoaks. I shall send a note to them stating you will arrive tomorrow.”
Phoebe nodded but said nothing further. She was so tired and wanted only the quiet that her room offered.
“The return trip will be in two weeks from this day and I will inform Lord and Lady Lucas to expect you then also.”
“Oh but—”
“You have a business and responsibilities now, Phoebe. Two weeks is long enough to be gone.”
“Of course. Yes, you are right.”
It had all seemed so simple, Phoebe thought the following morning as Will’s carriage carried her out of London. So easy to run away from Finn and his anger. She wasn’t a coward; she just needed time to collect herself because she knew now that she loved him deeply, with everything that she had at her disposal. She also knew that she would always love him. However, this time away from him would make her stronger, build her defenses so that when she returned she could face him once more, perhaps even dance at his wedding.
“Are you alright, Miss Langley?”
Phoebe nodded to Sally and wiped the tears aside with her hand. She would weep for him and then she would stop. When she returned to London, she would once again be the outspoken Phoebe Langley. No one would know that inside she was broken.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Finn locked himself in his office and drank steadily all day and night. He woke the following morning face first on the carpet in front of the now cold fire. Lifting his head, he looked at the two bottles beside him and groaned. Rolling onto his back, he looked up at the ceiling and wondered if was going to live or if the small orchestra tuning their instruments inside his head would see him into his grave.
“Finn!”
Wincing as Alex’s roar reached him through the wood paneling, he rolled onto his side and took a deep breath. Then making it to all fours, he pushed himself up to his feet.
“Mother of God,” he moaned as his skull tightened. Waiting until he felt steady, he made his way across the room. He saw his coat and necktie, his boots and several books lying spine up which made him flinch.
“Bloody hell, Finn, open this door!” This time it was Ben’s voice.
“Shut up,” Finn whispered, which of course no one heard, but he could speak no louder as it hurt too much. Stumbling to the door, he unlocked it and stepped back as his brothers came barreling in.
“What the bloody hell did you think you were playing at, locking yourself in here?”
Finn made it to the chair and fell into it as Alex spoke. They both now stood in front of him, glaring down at him, and he wondered if this was what he looked like when he was lecturing them.
“I knocked and banged. We even tried to find the spare key but Narrow refused to hand it over, saying that you were obviously in need of some privacy and we would allow you to have it.”
Finn must remember to give the old bugger a raise if he could ever form a rational thought again without it causing pain.
“Did you know he was a partner in Madame Alexander’s?” Finn said suddenly as he looked at Ben.
“Yes.”
“You trust him but not me?” Alex winced as he swung his gaze back to him.
“If your eyes are half as bad to look out of as they are to look at, they must hurt like the devil, Finn.”
“Why did you not tell me?” Finn heard the pain in his words.
“I was going to at the breakfast table when you summoned me but it all went a bit pear-shaped when you started speaking badly of Phoebe, so I stormed out.”
Phoebe. God, even the mention of her name hurt his chest. Rubbing it again, Finn wondered if he would ever be able to mold himself back into the controlled man he had once been, because right now he felt raw, as if his heart was bleeding and he did not have a bandage big enough to bind it.
“The thing is, Finn, I know you want only the best for us, but fashion is something I understand and am good at. Not the designing so much, that’s Phoebe’s thing, although the sleeves on her dress at the Hathaway ball were designed by me.”
Finn saw Phoebe in that dress and her slender arms beneath the little sleeves.
“You designed those?”
Alex nodded, looking wary. Finn had done that to him, made him wary, just as he had foolishly judged Phoebe and found her wanting.
“I’m not a molly, Finn, I just have a flair for something other than machinery.”
Closing his eyes, Finn lowered his head into his hands. When he’d finally reached his house after his confrontation with Alex and Phoebe, Finn had stormed into this room and locked the door. He’d sat and drank and during that time the one thing that had haunted him was how neither Phoebe nor Alex, two of the people he love most in this world, had trusted him enough to tell him what they were doing. He’d realized, as he sat there staring at the fire getting slowly inebriated, that by living with his rules and control, when something challenged him he couldn’t cope, hadn’t coped.
“I’ve been a fool, Alex. I would ask you to forgive me?”
“Accepted. Now what are you going to do about Phoebe?”
Lifting his head, he opened one eye and looked at Alex.
“How can you forgive me so quickly? I was an idiot to ever suspect you of gambling or having feelings for Phoebe. It was very wrong of me.”
“Phoebe made me promise her that I would forgive you before she left.”
“Christ, she’s been a better person than me all along, hasn’t she?” Finn shook his head and then instantly regretted it as pain shot through his skull.
“Not better, exactly. Just perhaps a little less uptight and more forward thinking,” Alex said.
“Although seeing you now,” Ben added, “no one would believe you are the formidable viscount who strikes fear in those who do not come to heel.”
They were quiet for a few seconds and Finn closed his eyes again as he rested his head against the back of the chair.
“She’s gone, you know.”
Alex’s words were subdued.
“Where?” Finn rasped.
“Twoaks I believe. She told us some story about escorting Bella there but neither Hannah nor I believe it. She was running from you, Finn, or more importantly from the fact that she loves you. I’m sure of it.”
“What?” Finn struggled upright. Ben steadied him as he wobbled.
“Oh, she loves you alright, big brother, just as you love her.” Alex looked somber and Finn felt his eyes begin to itch. He never cried, couldn’t actually remember the last time, but he felt the first ones slide down his cheek.
“It’s alright, brother.” Alex pulled him close and held him tight. Ben laid a hand on his shoulder and they stayed that way until Finn had himself under control once more.
“I love you both so much and am proud of the men you have become. I shall try and let you make decisions for yourself, but can’t promise to follow through with this all the time. It-it’s just in my nature to want to protect you both.”
“As you have always done,” Ben added. “But now let us care for you, Finn, because I think you have a trip to take.”
“I love her,” Finn rasped, letting them lead him from the room.
“We know, and she will forgive you because she loves you, too.”
Lord, he hoped so because he was doomed otherwise. She was his life. To not see her smile each day and hold her in his arms would be torture.
Forgive me, my love.
Finn arrived at Will’s place two hours later. He had bathed while Alex and Ben had forced coffee and food down his throat. He’d gagged but managed to keep it all down. Alex had tied his necktie and, looking down, Finn marveled at the creation, his brother really did have a flair for fashion. Ben had ordered his bags packed and summoned his carriage and then they had bundled him inside and waved him on his way.
Alex had forgiven him, but he doubted Phoebe would be as easy to conquer. He had hurt her badly by continually finding her lacking, and it would take a great deal on his part to get her to forgive him. He would have to tell her everything that was in his heart and hope she understood why he had done and said the things he had. Finn wasn’t good at opening up to people and sharing his emotions, yet he knew nothing less with Phoebe would do. But before he went to her he had to start with Will and Olivia. They deserved to know his intentions and what he had done.
He was shown into Will’s office, and his friend sat behind his desk reading over some report or other as he constantly did.
“Good morning, Finn. You look like hell.”
“I feel like it.”
“Sit and I shall order coffee.”
Finn shuddered. “Tea, please.” He could stomach no more coffee.
“Is Livvy at home, Will? What I have to say I want her to hear also.”
Will rose without saying anything further and headed for the door. Minutes later he returned with his wife.
“Hello, Finn.”
Livvy sat in the chair Will brought forward for her.
“Yesterday I followed my brother when he left the house to Madame Alexander’s. I walked in to find Phoebe, Miss Wooller and Alex inside having a discussion.”
“I’m glad that was a moment I was able to avoid,” Will drawled.
“I was understandably shocked and, yes, hurt,” he added, deciding on honesty.
“Strangely, my sister-in- law, looked just as you do, yesterday, before she ran to the country.” Will took Livvy’s hand in his and patted it. He did not look overly upset.
“What did you say to my sister, Finn?”
“It is not what I said, Olivia, but that I have continually judged Phoebe and found her lacking.” Finn cleared his throat before continuing. It was easier to stand in the House of Lords and give a speech than to bear his soul in front of these two. “I’m afraid I have not been myself since I met Phoebe.”
“Why were you not yourself, Finn?”
Taking a deep breath, Finn looked at Olivia and then Will.
“I love Phoebe very much, yet did not recognize that love for what it was until it was too late. She is kind and gentle and genuine to those around her, unlike so many who walk amongst us, and there is no doubt in my mind that she is the better person of the two of us. I have never known anyone like her and it is because of that, I believe, that I never quite found my footing around her.”
“Oh my,” Livvy sighed.
“It’s about bloody time!” Will snapped. “I’ve waited weeks for you to wake up, Levermarch, and when you do it’s to find her gone. Well, I wish you well, my friend, as you try to extract your large foot from your mouth, because believe me Phoebe will not make it easy on you.”
“I want to marry her, of course, if she will have me.” Finn felt light-headed; all this unburdening was taxing on a person who had previously kept all his emotions locked neatly inside.
“You better bloody marry her!”
“Will, stop speaking that way. Can you not see Finn is upset.”
Finn found his first smile as Olivia spoke.
“He’s the one who was horrid to your sister not I, wife. Tell him off.” Will looked affronted; Finn, however, made himself sigh and look beaten.
“No one is going to fall for that act, Levermarch, so drop it.”
“Thank God that witch Croxley showed you her true colors before it was too late,” Will added. “Her father is sending her to the country for pushing Phoebe down those stairs if I promise to go no further with the incident. He has assured me that she will be settled there and married off to a local nobleman, and no longer show her face in London during the season.”
“Does Phoebe know it was her?” Finn questioned.
“I have yet to tell her, so perhaps if you see her first you can,” Will added with a knowing smile.
“Finn, I would like to tell you something of our past now and if after hearing this you wish to go to Phoebe, then of course you have our blessing.”
Surprise showed on Will’s face as Livvy spoke.
“Are you sure, love?”