Authors: Wendy Vella
“If he loves her as he says he does, he will understand.”
“And if he doesn’t, I will pummel him until he does.”
Finn’s eyes didn’t leave Livvy’s as she took a delicate sip of her tea. She frowned briefly and he saw Phoebe in her then.
“The carriage accident that killed our mother and injured Bella also damaged my father. He could not cope with the pain and so he killed himself.”
Surprise must have shown on his face.
“That’s actually not the part that will surprise you, Levermarch. I suggest you brace yourself for this,” Will added.
Livvy swallowed and then licked her lips.
“When my father died, everything he owned went to our cousin who had no wish to support us; therefore, suddenly we were penniless and with debts we could not pay. Drastic measures were needed for us to survive and hold our heads high in the village we had always lived in, so Phoebe and I became highwaymen, or in our case, women.”
The clatter of a carriage passing was the only sound in the room for seconds as Finn grappled to understand what Olivia had just told him.
“We did not steal jewelry, or anything but money and we robbed a total of three carriages.”
“This is the part where she justifies her actions.” Will laughed as Livvy thumped him on the arm.
“The first was Will who was returning from India.” Olivia looked him squarely in the eye and Finn realized that this was where Phoebe got her strength from.
“Quite a welcome home, as you can imagine.”
Finn shot his friend a quick look before returning to Olivia.
“The second was a man who lived in Twoaks, who was universally loathed by everyone and the third two old ladies who seemed to enjoy the experience so much they wanted us to take their jewels.”
“I’m not sure I should admire you both for your actions, Livvy, but I find myself doing so.” Finn saw the relief in her as he spoke. Her shoulders lowered and the hand she had clenched on Will’s arm softened.
Will snorted. “You’re far more forgiving than I, Finn. Livvy still bears the scar in her shoulder from Luke’s knife, where he tried to stop her from fleeing with my money. I nearly killed her with my bare hands when I finally dragged the truth out of her.”
Finn climbed to his feet and shook Will’s hand and then returned Olivia’s hug. “Thank you for telling me, Olivia, and know your secret is safe with me. What
you have told me allows me to understand Phoebe a bit more. I just pray now that she will forgive me.”
Leaving the house he then made three other stops, before heading his carriage out of London for Twoaks.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Her night with Lord and Lady Lucas had passed swiftly. The elderly couple did not go into society anymore so Phoebe had filled them in on all the gossip and then they had all retired early. Rising early, she had said her goodbyes with the promise of seeing them on her return trip and now she was approaching Twoaks.
Looking out the windows, she studied the familiar scenery, remembering a time when she and Livvy had ridden these roads late at night on horseback with masks covering their faces.
The carriage rolled through the village and she waved to anyone she could see; all waved back. The Langley’s had been part of this village for generations. She felt the carriage cross the bridge and knew that soon they would pull up outside Willow Hall, her family home. Looking out the window as it neared, she could see no change since she was last here. All the change was in her. She’d left wide-eyed and excited to finally be having her first season and returned broken-hearted. She no longer wondered what it felt like to have a man hold her or have him feature in her every thought. She knew now, and with all her heart Phoebe wished she didn’t.
As the carriage stopped, the front door was opened and out stepped Jenny and Freddy Blake, her family’s housekeeper and Will’s man of affairs. They had met and fallen in love and now they lived at Willow Hall.
“Miss Phoebe!”
Picking up her skirts, Phoebe ran into the waiting arms.
“Why are you here? What’s amiss?
“Let’s go inside and we can discuss this in comfort. I’m sure Miss Phoebe must be parched,” Freddy said, patting her shoulder.
Jenny fussed over Luke and then ordered Phoebe’s bags to be taken up to her room by Freddy.
“You’ll take tea, Luke?”
“I have to see the family first, Jenny, so I’ll call by tomorrow. Will you be alright, Miss Phoebe?”
“Of course.” Phoebe looked into his kind eyes and smiled. “Thank you for bringing me home.”
“Twas an honor to do so.” He bowed and then was gone.
Phoebe took off her outer clothing and then curled into her favorite chair. She was home; it was safe here. No more Finn to torment and judge her. Here, she could start to heal.
They talked as she’d known they would. Jenny had been more than a housekeeper to the Langley family when they’d needed her most. She told them of her business and Livvy’s baby and that Bella was excited about her visit to Scotland. They did not question her, yet she saw them share looks which communicated what words did not. They knew she had a secret but did not press her for an answer.
“And now I want to go for a walk before the sun lowers.”
“Of course, and Freddy and I must pop out for a brief visit to old Mr. Hagley, as he has been poorly and we promised him, but we shall not be overlong. I’ll have Jane set your supper aside for you and we shall hurry back.”
“Please take as long as you like. I shall return from my walk, eat my supper then fall onto my bed, Jenny. I am exhausted and an early night will be wonderful after so many late ones in London.
“If you’re sure?”
“Of course I’m sure, and there is plenty of time tomorrow to catch up.”
Giving Jenny and Freddy a hug, she then left the house through the kitchens. She had walked these paths too many times to count. Letting herself through the gate at the bottom of the garden, she made her way through the woods and then started the climb up to the cemetery above. Walking along the rows of headstones to where her parents were buried, Phoebe then knelt between them and placed a hand on each.
“Livvy is to have a child, your grandchild,” she said softly. “And I opened a boutique. Bella is soon to go to Scotland.”
She talked until she had nothing left to say, telling them everything that was happening in their lives, and then speaking of Finn and the pain she felt. Only then did she place a kiss on each headstone before rising. Her heart may ache, yet being here was giving her a measure of peace. Perhaps she should stay here, not return to London. Surely if she never had to see him again then the pain would eventually go away.
“Rest easy,” she whispered, rising to make her way back along the rows to the raised area where Will’s parents lay. She told them about the baby and all her news too, as their families were now entwined, before rising once more and heading for the bench that looked down over the village.
Finn saw Phoebe as he walked into the cemetery. Placing the parcel he carried beside a headstone, he moved closer. The maid who had answered the door to Willow Cottage had said she left nearly two hours ago and he wondered if she had been sitting there the entire time. Her back was to him and she sat very still, almost as if she was not breathing. She wore no bonnet or coat and her hair had come down. The wind picked up several locks and whipped them around her face but she made no move to brush them aside.
He walked around to the side and then started to climb to where she sat, so she could see him coming. He saw the moment she did, as her head started to shake and then she jumped from the seat.
“Why are you here? Go back to London, Lord Levermarch. We have nothing further to say to each other.”
Lifting her skirts she then stalked away from him.
“Phoebe, wait!”
She didn’t, of course, as he’d known she wouldn’t, so he ran after her, his long strides catching her before she reached the gate.
“Stop, Phoebe. Please just listen to what I have to say.”
He held her arm but she wouldn’t look at him; instead, her eyes were on the woods below them.
“There is nothing you can say to me that I would want to hear, Lord Levermarch. Therefore, please release me at once and return to London and to Lady Croxley.”
Her words were cold and flat. There was none of the wonderful emotion that was usually so much a part of his beautiful girl. He’d done this to her, hurt her so badly she had shut herself away from him. Finn felt panic grip him. How was he to make her understand why he had done what he had?
“I’m asking you to listen to me, Phoebe, please. Just give me this one audience and then if after you have heard me out you wish me to leave, I will do so.”
His voice sounded raw as he felt the desperation claw at his throat.
“Speak then.”
“I want you to sit on the bench and look at me while I talk.”
She shook his hand free and then walked around him and back up the hill, where she seated herself on the edge of the seat, her feet touching the ground in case she needed to flee.
Finn moved to stand before her and finally saw her face. She’d been crying; he could see it in her eyes. She was pale and tired and he wanted to hold her so badly he had to fist his hands to stop from reaching for her. She was hurting and vulnerable and he had done that to her, too.
“When I first met you, I felt as if someone had punched me hard in the stomach. I told myself that if you were as beautiful on the inside as the outside I would offer for you that very day.”
She didn’t show any emotion, her eyes staring off to the village below.
“Then I realized you were outspoken and that marrying you would not be comfortable. You were everything I had always believed my wife should never be. You were right; I had made a list, and you were also right in stating that none of your character traits were on it.”
“I believe this is old news, my lord.”
God, she was cold.
“I couldn’t get you out of my head. I used every excuse I could find for this and most of them were lies. I couldn’t get you out of my head because you had found your way into my heart, Phoebe. Too late I realized you were everything those other insipid women were not: full of life, outspoken, kind and generous. It is I who is lacking not you. It is I who can never hope to become the man you deserve, but the selfish man inside me wants to try.”
She gripped her fingers together now, and Finn was pleased to see the gesture; it showed him she was not as unaffected as she appeared to be.
“I’m not rational with you, Phoebe. Seeing you with Alex broke me and then finding you in Madame Alexander’s with him, and knowing you had both kept it a secret, hurt so much it made me become irrational. I thought he was gambling again, and my fears did not make me rational.”
She still said nothing.
“You’ve changed me, Phoebe, you’ve made me feel and I don’t want to be that other man anymore. I love you.” She remained motionless, her eyes still on the village below.
“Damn you, talk to me!” he bellowed, surprising her with his words. Finn did not bellow, and especially not at a lady.
“No one has ever hurt me the way you did, Finn. You constantly saw the worst in me.”
He took a step towards her but didn’t touch her, although he desperately wanted to.
“I know, sweetheart, and I may hurt you again, but I will never mean it. Phoebe, please say you forgive me. Please give me another chance.”
Finn watched her stand slowly and close the distance between them. She lifted a hand and her fingers softly traced the planes of his face, finishing with his lips. Her eyes were deep brown wells of emotion and he dared to hope.
“If you ever hurt me like that again, I will make your life hell.”
“Understood,” he said, holding his breath.
“I did not want to love a man such as you, just as you did not want to love a woman such as me.”
Finn captured her hand and held it to his lips where he kissed each of her fingers. Her eyes fluttered closed at his touch.
“But I do love you, Finn, so much that I fear to live without you would destroy me.”
He pulled her into the shelter of his body, kissing her softly and then harder when she pulled his hair. He then lifted her and sat on the bench, placing her in his lap. She rested her head on his chest with a sigh and he placed his chin on top. He felt the knot of pain inside him slowly begin to unravel now he had her in his arms.